Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Is it Ever Too Late to Get My Ex-Girlfriend Back?

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A common issue in the post-breakup time period for men, is the question of whether or not it is too late to get a ex back in the fold of a relationship. After all, once several months or even year(s) have passed by, the paths of people’s lives have often diverged enough to in a sense make them completely different.

They have different hopes, dreams, relationship needs, or feelings towards how things used to be in the past. In effect, they aren’t the same person, as when the relationship began.

This can be a problem when one person has moved on from a broken relationship and the other person is still hoping that things are salvageable. But when is it too late to get back together with an ex-girlfriend? Is it ever?

Is It Ever Too Late?

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In one sense, no it isn’t ever ‘too late’ to get back with an ex, at least in some circumstances.

There are examples of people divorcing and then getting back together years later…so it is possible. The question of whether it is probable or even desirable is another issue.

One must understand that once a relationship has finished, that iteration of the relationship is gone for good. Meaning that, any reconciliation that may spring from its ashes is essentially a new relationship or at least a new version.

They’re trying to recapture the past, when the underlying fundamentals of their lives, have changed. Of course it’s going to end poorly, if that’s the route a potential couple takes.

Often times what will happen is that, people will get back together without really solving any of the underlying issues of the relationship, and try to make things exactly how they ‘used to be’.

Sorry, time moves forward and people change, and it won’t be the ‘same’. It is possible that it might be better, BUT it won’t be the same relationship.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

These second or third chance relationships are indeed possible. So in a temporal sense, the amount of time isn’t necessarily a hindrance on getting back together with an ex-girlfriend.

However, time does serve to change people and so a long separation can make getting back together extremely unlikely.

For example, in my own personal life, I could not even fathom getting back together with girls I dated 5-10 years ago…it would be insane to me since my relationship needs have changed so much.

It simply wouldn’t work, even if I was still physically attracted to them. Other folks, may have been apart for a long time, but have such similarities that they took a similar path in their lives since the breakup. Thus, it’s almost like they’ve still grown together, in a weird way.

Ask Yourself Why?

Why do you really want to get back with an ex-girlfriend? Yep, this is a serious question, and many folks never even consider it.

Is it really about the relationship or an inability to let go of the past? What has changed? Why will it work out this time? What is happening or not happening in your life that makes you want to consider chasing after a broken relationship?

As men, sometimes we get hung up on going after things will really don’t want deep down, but we still make an attempt anyways.

We don’t like to lose. We don’t like to see girls we’ve dated with other guys. Sometimes we don’t have a direction in our life and so we try to cling to things that were once familiar and felt good (relationships).

However, even with all of our mental justifications, there are a lot of times where we just need to let go and accept the fact that things have changed.

In fact, there are plenty of times where it isn’t even in our best interest to try and patch things up with an ex-girlfriend. For instance, we remember them as a better person, than they actually are.

The longing to get back with her might just be a symptom of something else in your life that you either want or our not taking care of. As of now, it could be lingering in your subconscious, but with some digging you can figure out what exactly it is that you want for yourself.

When Should Giving Up on Reconciliation be Considered?

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The first thing I’d say, is related to what I wrote above. When you’ve had an honest search within yourself and have begun to question this inability to move on.

Is it really about her and the relationship or if it’s just about your and some dissatisfaction with life?

If it’s seeming more and more to be about dissatisfaction with some aspect of your life, then the search should probably turn towards figuring out YOU and not trying to get back together with her.

Next, I would say if you’ve been trying different ways to re-spark things with your ex and she’s not really responding or doesn’t seem to have any interest…then it is probably a good time to begin to move forward.

It doesn’t mean things cannot ever be salvaged, it just might not be possible at this time.

Don’t forget that she also has to do what’s best for her and sometimes that won’t include you. It hurts but that’s part of life, we cannot control other people and their wants and needs. Accept that to be the case and try to be happy for her, even if it feels like shit.

Another reason to consider giving up, is if this whole thing about getting back together is becoming and obsession that is hurting your life. Your life has to be about you.

You cannot ruin it on account of the fact, that you’re no longer dating someone. There are billions of women on this planet and thus statistically there are indeed others available for you. Yes, even better options, if you simply let go of the past attachments.

Secondly, one cannot let the narrative of ‘loneliness’ or ‘happy memories of the past’ dictate how one lives.

The past is gone and we cannot see the future. Let go of the hurt, and explore positive things in life, that you’d like to focus on instead.

Don’t allow yourself to become some pathetic Jay Gatsby character, who still chases after some woman years later, and convinces himself that she’s the greatest thing ever.

The more and more we focus on the past, the less real it becomes. Eventually, we’ve convinced ourselves to how great it was, while ignoring all of the bad or undesirable things that came with it.

We in effect, make up a story and an idealized one at that, in which our ex-girlfriend was a ‘perfect angel’…while an object analysis would prove the opposite.

To sum things up, no it’s not always too late, to get back with an ex. Though, it can indeed be. Different circumstances will come into play based on the individual relationship in question. However, there are definitely times when one is best served by throwing in the towel on trying to revive the relationship and just moving on with one’s life.

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My Ex-Boyfriend Told Me to Move On

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All righty, there are certain times after a break up happens that an ex-boyfriend will tell you point blank, “You should move on from me”. For whatever reason, he is either tired of dealing with the relationship as a whole or is seeing another woman or some other factor.

Nonetheless, as the woman, you may still have feelings for him and want him back even after being told to get going with your own life without him. This of course, hurts like hell, but what is a girl supposed to do in this situation?

Well, for my money, the best course of action is to prepare for the most likely outcome but to not necessarily give up on the outcome that you’d like the most.

However, this has to come with the understanding that getting back together (no matter how much you want it to happen) is not always the best outcome in specific circumstances.

Get Specific About Your Broken Relationship

When he told you to move on, did he really mean it? I mean, really who knows what he was specifically thinking as an individual, but as a baseline rule…take his words as the truth.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that he cannot change his mind (or that you can’t change yours about reconciling the relationship), but that as of now the relationship has officially ended and any new one that will form out of its ashes, isn’t likely to occur.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

The odds of getting back together are of course wholly dependent on the variables of your own unique situation.

Naturally, there are some universal factors that lowers the odds of fixing things for everyone, like if you cheated on him or he is seeing other women or he is moving away or whatever else.

If multiple issues are involved as a part of the breakup then their effect is compounded and the odds of getting back together are much lower.

If he told you to move on, then the most likely scenario, is that he dumped you. Of course, some reading this may be in the opposite situation but I’ll assume the former is what happened.

If the break up was unexpected on your end and you don’t exactly know the reasons why he broke up with you, then this might be a sign that he wants to move forward in his life without the baggage of the former relationship.

Again, the situation isn’t necessarily bleak, just that it isn’t always an easy fix.

When did he tell you to move on with your life? The length of time after a break up happened can also be a factor in how much weight can be put into a statement.

If it was really soon after, within a few weeks, then there is still a chance that he was being emotional and may not have been 100% sold on that as a path forward. If it has been months and then he said to move forward, you should take that as gospel, and prepare to move on without him.

If it is the latter, why can you not move on after many months, or even over a year? What is the lack in your life, which is preventing you from finding new experiences or relationships? Sometimes, things have simply run their course, and we need to face up and change with the times.

Also, it is important to recognize the context in which he told you to forget about getting back together. Was it after a bout of you begging?

Be honest, were you bothering him with too many text or calls? Was it damn near harassment? Or was it said in some other context?

Read the Tea Leaves

If he is constantly ignoring your texts or calls or other overtures of trying to communicate with him about getting back together…then you should respect his wishes and back off from pursuing for the time being.

Especially, if he is verbally telling you to leave him alone and that you need to move on. Continuing to chase is just going to make an ex-boyfriend’s opinion of you sour even more than it already has.

He needs his space to live his life and you need yours to heal emotionally and figure out what the right course will be for your future.

Plus, that sort of constant bombardment of messaging and pleading, is going to do nothing but push him further away. At least, if he has space, he might eventually change his mind. But how can he do that with a constant reminder, of reasons why he broke up with you?

If after taking stock of your own situation, it seems highly unlikely that a reconciliation is going to take place, there needs to be an acceptance of the facts.

I know that it is difficult to do and that emotions can be running high but reality always needs to be faced. Can a new relationship be formed at some point?

Sure, it’s just that it probably won’t happen in the near term. As such, one should begin to move forward with their lives as if it isn’t going to happen, and welcome the new opportunities that life presents.

Yes, it isn’t easy to deal with all of the time, but it is a necessary part of life. Experiencing the lows, makes the highs of love and relationships that much better.

Plus, often after a break up once perspective on the past is achieved, it becomes clear that it really wasn’t the best situation for you to be in.

Ultimately, the responsibility for being ‘happy’ or ‘content’ with one’s life falls on the individual. You cannot outsource your happiness and self-worth to someone else and expect things to last.

If you rely on someone else to make you ‘feel happy’, it will always end in disappointment. As soon as they change their mind, your happy feelings go down the drain.

Remember, that whether it is this guy or any other guy in the future, he is supposed to enhance your life NOT make it. That inner strength and contentment is the first goal to achieve. Only from that can you begin to have truly healthy and satisfying relationships.

Otherwise, you just end up with really co-dependent messes. So, in the process of moving on, focus on yourself. Not only how to make the external life better, but especially how to find a stable inner peace, instead of an up and down emotional roller coaster.

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Would You Want Him Back?

OK, aside from all of the emotional turmoil and feelings of loneliness, that are happening right now…would you honestly want to get back together?

Was the relationship really going that well or have so few problems that it was worth salvaging? A relationship cannot be one-sided and succeed, so even if you wanted him back and he was questioning it or indifferent, it would be doomed to fail once again.

The most recent break up is usually the worst but have you had other ones in the past? Honestly, how much time do you spend thinking about guys you may have dated, when you were younger?

Because the wounds are fresh from the recent break up, it tends to make it seem like you really do want him back when in fact, your emotions are masking what would be the best move for you.

So, honestly, would you actually want him back? If he isn’t the right one for the type of relationship that you want in your life, then the answer should be a clear no.

You don’t have to settle or grasp at straws because you have a fear of being alone. Take the time to go No Contact and figure out exactly what you want for your life.

But also accept that you have no control on the other person’s actions and what they want for themselves. Sometimes, things just don’t align and the only course of action is moving on.

Simply feeling lonely, isn’t a valid reason for trying to be in a relationship.

Or not knowing what is coming next in your life. So, you instead try to cling to the past. Face it and figure things out, the more time you have under your belt doing this, the clearer things become.

A relationship is also not a way to try to hide some personal problem, that you don’t want to face.

Any of these reasons, and an assortment of others, are not good reasons for trying to be in an already broken relationship. There needs to be some point in time, in which you come to terms with the responsibility of having to carve your own path, with or without them.

If you dig deep and find that you are trying to get back together with him, for any of the wrong reasons, it’s best to just heed his advice and move on.

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How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back After a Year or Longer

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Time is supposed to heal all wounds. If one lets it do its job, and also makes changes to their lives, it will indeed heal. However, just because time heals wounds doesn’t mean it fixes broken relationships. So, it’s been a year or more apart from one another and you want another shot with her? Is it possible to get an ex-girlfriend to come back to you after that long of a period?

Yes, it certainly is possible. There have been plenty of relationships throughout time in which there was a long break up followed by a reconciliation. Does that make it a good idea to try to make that love connection happen once again? Well, that’s tougher to say. Let’s use this post to explore this long gap in between breakup and potential of getting back together and what’s involved.

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A Soviet Calendar for some reason

First Things First

Before I even get into this post, I want to make it abundantly clear that if it has been over a year since a break up and no reconciliation has happened, it is very unlikely that it will.

As I wrote above, it can happen but that doesn’t mean that the odds are good that it will happen. So much changes in that span of time, that in many ways, her life may be in a completely different space than when the two of you were dating.

Meaning, she’s not really the same person and may want completely different things than you can offer her. I know that sucks to hear but such is life.

Because this is the case, it can be quite a long shot, to hope to fix things. Now, sometimes it works out, because both parties recognize that their current lives and futures, are better spent together than apart. It’s just that this can be a huge hurdle to get over.

Why Do You Want Her Back?

I usually like to pose this question from the outset before even suggesting ways that people can get their ex back.

I do this because, often times, when you get down to the real core of your life and your desires; you will find that what you think you want is really just a symptom of lack.

This desire for the ex can often stem from dissatisfaction with one’s life or how it currently stands. When we find ourselves in this sort of head space, we can begin to clamor for anything that makes us feel better. We feel like our old relationship or some other outside force. will solve our deeper issues.

These solutions can take the form of drugs, escapism, working too much, and indeed chasing relationships.

It is a really good idea to do a full assessment of your life and relationship situation first to see if getting back together with this girl is truly what you want.

Conversely, if you are simply running after a past life, that you have fond memories of.

I say this because most people will be over their exes within a year. It can be very unhealthy to have this Jay Gatsby like obsession for a person you haven’t been together with in a long time.

This doesn’t mean that all circumstances are like that but if you’re holding on to the past this much, it’s time to let go and move forward.

Dig deep, down to the roots of what you want with your life or what you think you want from your life and analyze it. Does she actually offer you something that you cannot get anywhere else?

Are you struggling to meet other women and are falling into the trap of the past? Were things in your relationship that great to begin with? Were the issues between the two of you even fixable?

Keep prodding yourself with these types of questions because the truth of the matter will start to reveal itself and make this an easy choice of, “No, I really don’t want her back. I just need to focus on myself and get my life in order.”

That’s not a bad outcome to this issue at all and even though it hurts to let someone go, it can be the best thing that ever happened to you and prevent you from making the mistake of restarting a doomed relationship.

Regardless of the ultimate outcome of this questioning, it is still a great idea to do it. It will really help to gain clarity about what you want moving forward or if you’re even on the right path at all.

I’ve done this myself after a breakup. Even though I felt like, I wanted my girlfriend back, I honestly couldn’t come up with a truly good reason why. Why should I want her back? Would the new relationship be anything other than mediocre? Was a future with here really better than one, which I could carve out for myself?

After a long and serious meditation on this, I decided that the clear answer was no, to trying to get her back. The immediate relief it would give to my emotional turmoil, wasn’t worth the long-term costs of being in an ultimately broken relationship. It just wasn’t worth salvaging.

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But…but…I Still Want Her Back, What are My Chances?

OK, so once you’ve gone through the whole process of truly figuring out what you want for you life and whether you want to try to make this girl apart of your plans, then you can analyze the barriers to making this a reality.

Yes, I know, more work…but this is what’s involved in making an attempt to reconcile such long broken relationships.

First off, what is your ex’s current relationship status? Does she have a boyfriend? If yes, then your odds are even worse at getting her back then they just were.

Depending on the seriousness of that relationship, she may be gone for good or there might be a chance she could return.

If it’s serious, I would generally recommend just leaving it alone and moving on with your life. I mean, think about it from her current boyfriend’s perspective (just humor me), would you want your girl’s ex sniffing around and trying to mess up things between the two of you? Hell no! So why are you going to be that guy?

So, let’s say that she isn’t seeing anyone or that her dating life is not what you could term as ‘serious’. Congrats! You now have a slightly less shitty chance at getting your ex-girlfriend back.

The odds will obviously depend on other factors such as the cause of the breakup (if you cheated on her and this led to the breakup…you’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell), how your life or her life has changed, and how intact the lines of communication still are.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

Also, take stock of what has occurred in the past year or more. Has she made any overtures about getting back together? Has she texted or called you, when she didn’t have a clear reason to? Have the two of you hooked-up within the last six months?

On the flip side, has she started a new job or made some other big change in her life? People will often do this sort of thing for a ‘fresh start’, meaning they are trying to move on.

Really give a consideration to things from her end. Has there been any sort of signaling, that she would be open to getting back into a relationship with you? If it’s just been straight radio silence, this is going to be really difficult to pull off.

Whose Idea was This, Anyways?

Another key factor to consider is which one of you initiated the break up. If it was her idea, she probably had a valid reason at the time, however, this reason could become murky after so much time has passed.

This plays to your advantage. Think about it, if she thought that she could do better than you (and failed to find someone) or thought that you weren’t quite up to snuff (and you’ve improved your life, health, status, etc.). Then, she would be much more willing to reconsider things than she perhaps otherwise would.

People always get this idea in their head about how great things are going to be. But often, they don’t make any of the changes needed to make that a reality. Also, when they try, the find out that things really aren’t better. They previously had a good thing and let it falter.

Now, this can of course be detrimental to your cause if she went out into the dating world, and found another guy(s). A guy who she felt was superior to you, in terms of her happiness and comfort.

That’s not a very high percentage of scenarios, as finding a really good partner is difficult, especially within a year.

If you were the one who dumped her, you could be in better standing then if you were the one who got dumped. She might be more willing to reconcile or  be more open to your communications than she would be in another circumstance.

Again, this all depends on certain variables such as the state of her love life and how much of a candle she still holds for you. She may be angry with you still or be entirely open to trying to fix things.

Change? I guess Change is Good for Any of Us…

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Hopefully, in the time that the two of you have been separated, you have made improvements in your life and these improvements are noticeable. The good thing about long times spent apart is that you can drastically alter who you are and who she sees you to be.

Sometimes, these major changes (such as the physical or getting your metaphorical shit together) are enough to shock and get an ex to start thinking about you again.

Plus, why would she want to get back together with you, if all she is going to get is more of the same? The two of you are in different places psychologically and within your lives then when you were together (at least, I hope you are).

This means that you cannot restart the same relationship you had before, as you are different people now! Any relationship that may come about has to be built from the ground up and altered so that the problems of the past don’t come back and haunt you.

You need to make sure that you have addressed any negative issues you may have had or be seriously willing to change them.

For instance, if you had a problem with anger during the relationship and that was a friction causing issue, then it should be corrected before you even consider trying to win her back. On the flip side of that, if she was a source of major frustration for you that is one more red flag that a reconciliation might not be a good idea.

What’s the first move?

Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex.

With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.

It has so many advantages over calling and/or trying to arrange a face to face meeting, right away. You have time to perfect an initial message and strategy. She has a long time to respond and consider talking to you again.

Plus, it’s such a passive way to send out feelers, to see how she currently feels about you communicating again.

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:

Hopefully you took the time to download the two free reports, about What Not to Text Your Ex, earlier in the post. They were written by Mr. Fiore, as a part of his ‘Text Your Ex Back Program’.

This is a program which you can download immediately and has helped thousands of people, pursue reconciliation with an ex.

If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee:

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breakup

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My Ex-Boyfriend Moved On So Fast

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There are occasions in which a break up happens and one party is quickly onto someone else while the person they were formerly dating is blindsided and still stuck in a confused state. How did this happen? How can my ex-boyfriend move on so quickly to another woman? Well, there are multiple variations of what your ex can be involved in of course…the rebound relationship (short or long-term), hook-ups with random girls, or something that more resembles a fling with one lady in particular.

Naturally, regardless of the type of relationship that he is engaged in, it can still feel awful seeing someone you were up until recently so close with, off with someone else.  How could your ex-boyfriend get together with someone so fast? How is he moving past the breakup with such rapidity, while you may still be hurting? What does it mean?

Understanding Timing

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

There is a common strategy for men to get over their ex-girlfriend and it involves seeing other women. Now, this could be multiple short-term hookups in order to help forget the void in their lives, left by the end of the relationship. On the other hand, a man can also at times make a lateral move right into another long-term relationship.

In the first case, it usually isn’t serious nor is it something they will probably be pursuing for very long. Sure, having multiple women may be fun for a while, but it can get old really fast. It’s much less about anything those women actually offer and more about helping to heal the void felt. Essentially, trying to move on from commitment by indulging in a complete lack of it.

In this latter case, there is a high chance that he already knew and had already explored making this move into being with this other girl. She might have been someone he had met and liked while the relationship was still in tact, but kept around in case things went south.

In some cases, it might have been a woman he met around the time that he was considering a break up, and she just made the transition that much easier for him to deal with.

So while it seems like a quick move after a breakup, it might have been building for months, and so when the break does happen…it’s easy to slide right over to the other person. I do think that this scenario is more common with women, as they can attract men much easier, than the reverse; but it still does happen.

Sometimes, this type of relationship is serious, and sometimes the other woman acts sort of like an aid to help stave off feelings of lonelinessThere is almost always a great void left behind in the aftermath of a breakup and different people will find different ways to try to cope with that.

It may be in the arms of someone else or going out and trying to hookup with a bunch of women to take the focus off of the one that was just lost. It can often have much less to do with you, than them just trying to get their head straightened out.

Consider Moving On

In the immediate aftermath of a breakup and seeing an ex move on to someone else, the shock and emotional pain, can have us solely focusing on him.

However, it is during this period of time, when we need to shift the attention solely to ourselves, and our well-being.

Begin to think about what you would honestly want to change about this situation. If you could snap your fingers and have him back, would you even want to?

I mean, would it actually be something desirable or just a temporary fix for the emotional tumult you currently feel? Obviously, the relationship had problems, what would be fixed? How serious would things be long-term, if he moved on with someone else, this quickly?

While break ups hurt, they aren’t necessarily a bad thing at all. They can help us move forward from one stage of our lives to another. One person can be a great fit at one time, but a few years later, and it just no longer works. We grow apart, people end up wanting different things from life, etc.

These transitions aren’t pleasant, but once we work on letting go of the past and gain clarity about what we do want, we can realize a blessing in disguise.

I’ve had this very scenario happen to me once when I was younger. A girl that I was seeing, almost immediately got together with another guy, and it turned out to be a serious long-term relationship.

Now, at the time, this made me feel miserable. However, once the months had started to pass, I gained more clarity about things. Once the years, had passed, it no longer effected me. Heck, I was glad that it happened, because the relationship had a bunch of issues, which I had ignored.

Had we stayed together, it would’ve been a disaster, at some point. I would have been even more unhappy and be in a completely different space in my life. Probably, a worse one. For these sorts of reasons, we have to make sure to take care of ourselves in the short-term during this emotional storm, until it passes and we know things worked out.

Is It Serious?

Perhaps but then again, the rebound relationship might not be serious at all. It could just be a temporary ‘fix’ to help cope with a major change in one’s life.

If he is seeing multiple women, then of course he isn’t serious about any one girl. However, he might be ‘serious’ about making that his new lifestyle, having multiple women around at any given time. Most of the time, it will be a short-lived phase, but some guys go all in on this type of thing.

In that case, he might want to explore that route for a while and not even be open to anything serious with any other girl. He is in no rush to be in a committed relationship and so will resist any overtures towards that.

If he is involved with one girl, it can be serious. It depends on many factors, such as how long that they have been together and how long your relationship with him was.

However, being together with one girl only isn’t necessarily an indicator of seriousness either. He might not have any other options to date or he might not like being with multiple women at once. Again, it varies from person to person but taking a wait and see approach can help you to figure out what the deal is exactly.

On your end, the key is to not let this ‘moving on’ by the other person, take hold of your life. Learn to cope, grow, and deal with the breakup in a healthy manner. Don’t get dragged down or become despondent just because he is seeing other people. Here is an article to help with that: How to Move on From an Ex 

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How to Stop Thinking About My Ex-Girlfriend?

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Thinking can be a great tool to have. Sometimes, it gets out of tight spots, gives us tremendous insights, and can even change the course of our lives for the better. Other times, this useful tool, begins to control our every waking hour. It replays past events like a movie on a constant loop and not even a good movie…one that can haunt us or just make us feel terrible about ourselves.

This can be especially true for us men after we break up with a woman. So many scenarios run through our minds about what could’ve been, what we could’ve done differently or how we can still, maybe, get our ex-girlfriend back.

It’s only natural for this to occur after a breakup, but at some point we need it to stop and be able to move on with our lives (even if we eventually get back together with our ex). The question then begs, how do you stop thinking about her once the relationship ends? What about if she’s sleeping with someone else? Or you’re in another relationship?

Well, boys, let us dig deeper and see if we can’t present some ways to solve this issue.

To The Roots of Thinking

The first thing to recognize is the powerful illusions that thoughts create. Even when we remember events fairly clearly, they are still only our subjective interpretations of what happened, and flawed ones at that.

It gets lonely sometimes

As I said before, memories and thoughts are sort of like films, and films that are highly edited and colored by our emotions and the limited ability of our senses to pick up the data of our surrounding environment.

No matter how rational or certain you take your memories for, they are still always inherently flawed. When interacting with another person (your ex for example), your memory is even more limited. This is because you don’t quite know what she was thinking, feeling, or what she would remember about any given situation.

Add to the fact, that our brains can often conflate two separate events and turn them into one single memory…and you’ve got yourself one highly misleading narrative.

That’s the thing about it, it’s not just having the memories or thoughts pop into our heads, it’s also our interpretation and analysis.

What if this happened instead? What if I’d said this? Oh! Maybe I should call her and say that now…I’m sure she’ll take me back. The narrative story that we create about memories are often the most insidious part of them. We’re natural problem solvers and when we have a major change like a break up happen in our lives, we want to solve the emotional tumult. Thus, it repeats again and again.

The narrative isn’t just limited to trying to resolve problems the relationship faced. There is also the story we tell ourselves about just how damn great she was and how you’ll never meet someone like her again, etc., etc.

Is any of that really true? I’m sure she had some great things about her, however, was it all sunshine and happiness?

No issues? No behavioral problems? No selfishness? Being annoying? Are there not billions of females on the planet? No one is better looking? Nicer? A better partner? You aren’t capable of landing someone else?

Just what is really true about all of these thoughts and memories that are being stirred up?

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

Desperation Stinks

Another issue with thoughts is how often they can lead to actions which don’t serve our best interests. Your brain will concoct all sorts of solutions and fail-proof schemes in order to get your ex to come back, and these ideas can have the effect of pushing them further away.

There is nothing less attractive to a woman than a desperate man.

He has no self respect. He treats her as if she is somehow above him, like he is her personal servant. Now, normally men wouldn’t act like this of course, but when our thoughts and emotions are consumed with this idealized vision of our ex-girlfriends…we get into some silly situations.

If your thoughts translate into desperate, clingy, annoying, or hurtful behavior towards your ex-girlfriend, any attraction she may have had left will evaporate really quickly.

It becomes a situation in which to resist what is (the end of the relationship for the time being) is to further impair the odds of it ever being repaired. In essence, you have to be willing to move on completely with your life, whether or not she ever comes back.

Do not let these thoughts and emotions cloud your judgments and force you to make short-sighted moves. You aren’t going to ‘fix’ a broken relationship just like that.

In fact, if reconciliation did take place, it would effectively be a new relationship in order to solve all of the issues the old one had…so accept the fact that the old one is gone either way.

As such, there is no real advantage to begging or trying to go for a quick fix, without really changing anything.

How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex-Girlfriend

OK, so now that we have a brief overview of overthinking and how it can hinder things post-breakup, we can begin to move on to ways to reduce thinking about her.

All of these suggestions are things that I have done in the past to help me stop thinking about ex-girlfriends or even move on from tough life experiences. In fact, I incorporate some of the techniques into my daily life, to help my performance and mental clarity.

Changing reality, at this time (getting the ex to come back and have everything be great again), may not be possible. So, instead of changing reality, we change the way we perceive and think about it. Thus, lessening the strong attachments, we currently feel.

Letting Go

Letting go of thoughts, desires, or relationships can take place either in the here and now or in the long-term. The short-term effect is to interrupt the thought patterns, which sort of retrains the brain to not go down that same road again and again.

Letting go allows for a level of clarity to take hold and an elevation of one’s mood. When I let go in the moment, I no longer need to chase my thoughts, as I am content with what is.

This is the best short video of a technique to let go. I watched this almost everyday for a month or so before meditation sessions and found that it helped immensely. The actual breathing technique is like 5 minutes, so you can fast forward to the six minute mark of the video, if you don’t want the entire explanation:

The great thing about this breathing technique is that it can be done anywhere, once you’ve learned it. I’ve incorporated while at museums, bars, before dates, etc. It’s a fantastic way to start calming oneself down and helping to make the thought patterns more sporadic.

Interrupting thought patterns is a way to set up sort of a beach head and begin to unwind the lock that these persistent thoughts and memories can have on one’s mind.

The above technique is just a warm up for me, I like to do meditation on an almost daily basis, to really get in the habit of ‘no thought’ and disrupting thoughts that have become addictive to my brain.

Any easy way to begin, is to do the breathing technique demonstrated in the video above, and then follow that with a guided meditation video.

Guided meditation will talk you through the basics of meditation until you can progress enough with your ability to clear your mind and do a meditation on your own accord. Here is an excellent video to start with:

The following books may also aid you in being able to clear your head of excess thinking. Each one has helped me immensely along my journey of personal transformation.


Interrupting Routine

Part of being able to stop thinking about someone is to stop dwelling on the past itself. The meditation techniques and book recommendation above are probably enough to help cut off the thinking of an ex-girlfriend entirely.

However, I wanted to incorporate some other things that can help over time as well. Our routines in daily life can become stagnant and seem to bog us down, especially when there’s a major shift in one aspect (relationship).

Things can become stale, we feel like we’ve stopped growing or have any real goals to shoot for.

Since we have to accept the possibility that our ex might not ever get back together with us, we should then follow the post-breakup plan that I have put forth in the past.

It is a mixture of removing as much interaction with your ex-girlfriend as possible, self-development, and dating other women.

The No Contact aspect of this trifecta, helps with the overthinking, with the help of the old adage ‘out of sight, out of mind’.

The less you have to see or speak with her, the less her image will appear in your thoughts. Now, it is obviously a gradual process but I have found that once I’d started meditating and disrupting those thought patterns, it became much easier and less painful to let go of the women I’d been dating.

Self-improvement gives you something else to focus your energy on. If you don’t have jack shit going on in your life, then of course a break up is going to linger for a long while, your brain is sitting idle.

Physical, mental, emotional, social…all of them. Pick something to move towards, with your eyes forward, it becomes hard to focus on the past.

I like to start dating other women almost right away, nowadays. Granted I’ve gotten myself to a really good place psychologically and am able to deal with things in a much healthier and non-self destructive way, so maybe I can get away with moving forward faster than other guys can.

However, I’ve found that dating other girls helps to really get rid of the total focus on one person, who I’m no longer together with.

Right after a break up, I might even be a little less picky because even the bad dates have a positive impact on me. In the sense that they make me say, “Thank God I’m single and not together with her”.

Meanwhile, the good dates are a reminder that I still have value as a man and there are other attractive women out there.

In closing, to forget about an ex, I:

Cut off the constant stimulus of seeing/speaking to her

Interupt thought patterns with meditation and letting go techniques

Give myself other things to focus on with a massive self-development plan

Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back After Begging

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You may have found yourself in a sort of post-breakup no man’s land. There was a period of emotional turmoil and weakness and you begged for an ex-girlfriend to come back into the fold of a relationship. Judging by the fact that you’re searching online for answers, it must not have worked out in your favor.

That’s okay, I think all of us have been in this same situation before. One of the major issues with using this sort of gambit is that it does nothing to address what the problems of the relationship was, it just goes straight to ‘let’s get back together now!’.

Also, it puts one in a position of chasing, desperation, and lowering of value in the girl’s eyes. With that in mind, is it still a possibility of winning her back after begging and getting turned down?

Yes, there is still hope but that doesn’t always mean that this outcome is probably. Let us take a closer look at the act of begging an ex-girlfriend and how to proceed and recover after employing this tactic.

Understanding Things After Begging Her

A major dynamic of relationships is based on value perception. So, when you first start dating someone, they tend to think the world of you…you have a high level of perceived value in their eyes.

After the relationship ends, this value is lower than what’s necessary to make the relationship work. This can be due to various factors that were at the root cause of the break up such as lying, cheating, or any other host of issues.

If she was the one who decided to dump the relationship, this value perception has shifted even more toward her favor. If she was the only one who felt that the relationship needed to end and is no longer needed in her life, then she has the power of choice.

Meaning, she gets to negotiate from a position of strength or simply gets to move on.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

So, after the break up, the power dynamics and how she perceives you has changed.

With this being the case, when a guy goes begging to get his ex-girlfriend back and she has an already lowered perceived value of him, is pleading for her back going to help him succeed in actually getting her back?

Nope. She will either consciously or unconsciously have a lowered perception of value of the guy after he begs. The woman can prepare herself to move forward with her life and feel secure in knowing that she can get the man back whenever she wants. She gets to have her cake and eat it too.

It gets lonely sometimes

It gets lonely sometimes

Why is this a bad thing? Humans have a tendency to place a high value on things that are rare and not easily obtained, such as certain gems, that have no real practical value beyond decoration.

It isn’t a turn no for women to have a guy they already know well, who doesn’t have the mysterious excitement of something new, get down on his knees and beg. Some of them might get a bit of thrill from the sense of power that comes with being begged for but it certainly isn’t an attractive turn on.

Think of some other traits, such as being too available or needy. Having wild emotional/mood swings. Not being able to let go and move on with one’s life. Being obsessed and chasing something that used to exist.

Are any of these attractive qualities? No, so why would a girl want to come back to a guy who is displaying these sorts of qualities to her?

Desperation is fundamentally unattractive to both women and men. This is true whether approaching a new woman at a bar or with a girl you’ve dated for years, it always puts people off.

Does this Relationship Need to Be Recovered?

Not all breakups are created equal. Not all relationships need to be restarted after they’ve been broken. This is the next question that needs to be posited, should a reconciliation even be attempted?

The vast majority of relationships that we have in life, aren’t going to work out. They may be really close to ideal but still have something that just doesn’t quite fit.

The problem is, people tend to lose objectivity, and their decisions get clouded by strong emotions. They either try or actually do get back together with someone who isn’t quite ‘right’ for them, solely because they don’t like feeling lonely.

I take the same tact at the end of every relationship, I allow myself some time to feel bad, get myself together, and think about whether or not I need to try to get back together with the girl or not.

Also, each time I prepare myself to be ready for the relationship to end for good. Even if I’m attempting to get back together with an ex, I still make preparations, that things are really done completely with her.

As individuals, we must accurately assess the reality of the situation and be able to come to the conclusion that best fits our circumstances. Is it worth trying to fix this broken relationship? Are we currently just too emotional or feeling like we have no direction in life?

There still remains all of the issues that the broken relationship had, that don’t just go away because an agreement to get back together happens. Are these issues actually fixable?

Are there changes that you’re willing to make to accommodate the relationship? Is she willing to do the same? Deep down, is getting back together even actually what you truly desire?

Just because a relationship is good, doesn’t mean that it’ll ever be great or worth keeping around. If there is a lot of doubt and confusion about what to do after taking the time to think about it, the best bet may be to move on.

Honestly assessing things, is a great way to help discover, whether we just have attachments that we don’t want to get over or if it something worth saving.

Take time out, with as few emotions involved as possible, to ask yourself these questions and any others that are relevant. Doing so, may save you a ton of time in chasing, something that you don’t actually want.

Can She Be Gotten Back After Begging?

Sure it’s definitely possible in some cases to get a girl to come back to you, after she’s lost attraction post-begging.  Now, is it probable?

That depends on a number of variables that is going to be unique to your own situation. Also, it could be a long-term process and with enough time spent apart, you may come to realize that you don’t even want to be back together with her.

You may still have feelings for her but find that it is best to not be with her for whatever reason(s).

The likelihood of her coming back is going to depend on how much damage was done in the post-breakup period or during the end of the relationship itself.

For instance, if you were cheating, then it’s going to be a hard sell to get her to want to come back. For some guys reading this, there are circumstances that are a pretty easy fix. For others, it’s a dim chance.

As always in relationships, it’s not always just about you. The woman has her own life, desires, worries, and plans for the future. These may or may not include you. So, even if you do everything correctly, she may decide that she want no part of it.

This is another reason why we work on accepting whatever outcome may come from the process. As, we cannot control all of the variables, outside of ourselves.

Raising Your Value

OK, so damage has been done to your level of attractiveness in her eyes, and how much of a ‘catch’ you appear to be. In order to reverse the trend, some changes are obviously going to need to be made.

These changes come in the form of how you interact with her (or don’t), your physical attractiveness, your lifestyle improvements, and your social/dating growth. I wrote about all of that in this post: How to Make Your Ex-Girlfriend Chase You

The specific improvements needed, will depend on the guy. For some of you, there are emotional issues to work through. Other guys, need to control their anger, or learn to trust other people.

For many guys, this can come in the form of getting better in terms of physical appearance, lifestyle, job or social status. A lot of relationships can end, because the woman feels like the guy hasn’t reached his potential in some way. Things started off promising and later became stagnant.

If a woman has no reason to find a man attractive, she is not going to pursue him, nor will she be excited about being pursued. It’ll be more of an annoyance, of someone she used to date trying to ‘fix’ things.

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The self-improvement kick, should last well into the actual process of trying to get back together with the ex-girlfriend But, plenty of work should be done during a period of no contact.

Taking a month or two from trying to pursue her, after you’ve begged, is probably a good idea. Yes, begging can hurt chances in the short-term, but in the long term it matters much less than what you can offer the other person.

I mean, if you someone who getting back together with will greatly improve her life, would she not take the opportunity because you once begged? Of course not. The key is righting the ship and recovering as a better version of yourself.

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My Ex Girlfriend Moved On So Fast

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So your breakup happened and then in what seems like a really rapid amount of time, your ex-girlfriend is involved with another guy. Now, this ‘relationship’ may be serious, it may be a rebound, or it could simply be a fling. Nevertheless, seeing someone who your were just with and loved or cared deeply for move on with another guy can hurt bad. How did she find someone else this quickly, while you’re still aching from the end of the relationship? In this post, I want to explore how girls get past a break up (at least externally) this fast, whether it’s weeks or months.

She Moved on So Quickly…Time Ain’t Always What It Seems

On the surface, you had a break up with your girlfriend and then a few days, weeks, or a month later…she’s already with someone or multiple someone else’s.

The truth of the matter is that, if she broke up with you, then she probably had it planned out well in advance. Not only that, unless she went out or met guys off of Tinder, she probably had an exit strategy that involved other guy(s).

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

You have to understand that women often have plenty of options available to them, even when they are involved in a relationship.

They may flirt a bit and keep these guys around as ‘just friends’ until that break up finally happens and they can quickly set up plans to see these dudes.

These guys can be thought of as orbiters or satellites. They move around in her orbit, until she selects them to do something with, after her relationship fails.

It can be a short-term fling or a swinging to a ‘new branch’, when she thinks a new guy presents a better option for her life. As such, we can never even see it coming when they have a new guy line up, in short order after a break up.

As men, we will many times, either have no other options or cut off all of the other women in our lives that could serve this same role.

So, when a relationship ends we don’t have the same network (or even ability) to quickly replace the one we just lost. One could even theorize, that if we did have even the threat of back up options to move on with, it would change the behavior of many women.

This is because, they may fear another woman having their man even more, versus just him being single and alone…oh yeah, human interactions can be pretty screwed up.

I’ve heard this type of behavior referred to as ‘branch-swinging’. Much like a monkey swinging from branch to branch, she has a hold of another option before letting go of her previous boyfriend.

Again, this isn’t always the case, sometimes she goes out with her friends and finds a guy at the bar or club or the aforementioned dating apps. A new guy, may be completely random after a break up, she may have other guys already, or some combination of both.

Women who are even semi-decent looking, can get as many guys as they want. Maybe not always the ‘exact guy’ they desire, but in terms of volume, it’s on a whole different level than what we can attract as men.

When she has so many potential options at her disposal, if she only tries or has her friends pull in guys for her, it is no wonder that women often get to move on quicker than men.

The new guy or guys can be used as a way to divert attention from the breakup, as well. If she has other guys to focus on, it can make her feel less lonely than she otherwise would in such a scenario.

It’s kind of like kicking a drug habit by weaning yourself of it with a less powerful drug. But, this strategy may also fail completely. Why? Because it just masks any emotional turmoil that may be boiling underneath the surface…which makes you ‘feel’ fine, until it doesn’t.

This is especially true if her relationship with you was a serious and long-term one. After a breakup, there is a void in people’s lives, in which the old relationship used to stand.

One expects to see their ex everyday, but it doesn’t happen, and then they feel empty about it. This can be excruciating to get through and for some people they turn to finding new partners, in order to cope with the loss.

As such, rebound relationships are born.

Whether it works out in the long-term or not is almost completely random for many women. Why? Because most people, don’t ever address their true underlying feelings or wants, and just try to paper over anything negative in their lives. This leads to quick fix ‘relationships’ that can fail faster than the one with the guy, she broke up with (you in this scenario).

Is the Rebound Relationship Serious?

Maybe. Then again, he might just be a temporary placeholder to make her feel better before she moves on with her life.

f she’s taken the opposite tact and has multiple guys she’s seeing, then of course it’s not serious BUT she might be in that mode of dating for a while. This means it’s doubtful she’ll want to get involved in another serious and exclusive relationship.

If she’s now together with one guy and it’s exclusive. Then the seriousness is dependent on a few factors such as how long they’ve been together and how long it would take her to get over the relationship that she had with you.

If you were together for only a few months and she’s been together with him for a few months…it’s probably pretty serious.

There are some scenarios in which an ex-girlfriend will be together with someone almost immediately following the breakup.

In that case, it was almost always planned out in advance of the breakup with her ex. The relationship she moves into may not be serious but there was at least enough attraction to get her to fully commit to getting out of her previous one.

Don’t ever beat yourself up over this situation. It has probably happened to just about every guy out there, who has had a relationship. Society and culture has changed to the extent, that it has become pretty damn difficult, to avoid scenarios such as this one.

What To Do Now?

Things will be all right. It’ll just hurt like a bitch for a while. Here are some of my posts about moving on from relationships and dealing with it:

Keep in mind that women in general, have a greater ability than we do to move on with someone else after a break up. It’s simply one of our disadvantages.

It doesn’t mean that the relationship is definitely over forever but it’s not a great sign and one should always prepare for the most likely scenario. Plus, once we get past this initial hurt, it is easier to come to realize that we came out ahead and didn’t actually lose as much as we thought we did.

Man, when I think about the women who dumped me 10 years ago or so, I am extremely grateful that it happened that way. I’d hate to be in a miserable relationship, just to have saved myself a few months of emotional pain.

Like, I couldn’t even imagine being with any of them right now. They could all ask me to get back together with them and I would probably laugh in their faces…it’d be absolutely stupid. Oh, and I know for a fact, some of them are still single.

View this as an opportunity to shake things up in your life. Focus on self-improvement, health, mental happiness, travel, start new career, or hobbies.

Break ups hurt but aren’t the end of the world. There is so much that one can do and experience in the world, when he is single. I mean, I think most men are at their absolute best in terms of accomplishments, when they don’t have anyone holding them back.

Not only does self-improvement make one’s life better and more fulfilling. It also has the effect of attracting more women in the future, so, if one relationship doesn’t work out…there will always be other options coming down the pike.

I wrote a Kindle ebook about this very topic of self-improvement and becoming the desirable man to women. Check it out and read the first bit of it for free in the preview below.

Either way, you cannot live your life by focusing on what an ex-girlfriend is doing. This attachment and anger, needs to be let go of.

You had your run with her, you both have changed enough that the relationship is no longer valid, now grow from the experience and make your life better.

When you take the time to focus on you and what you want from your life moving forward, she becomes irrelevant. If you’ve had other women in the past, do you still care what they’re doing? Honestly, how many times do they still cross your mind?

At some point, this current woman you’re upset about, will just be another of your past girlfriends. In the future, it may not even feel real in your memory, that you ever dated her or even tripped about her moving on to another guy. This is the way of life, just don’t let the short-term, drag you down for a long count.

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My Ex-Girlfriend Told Me to Move On

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OK, so, the break up happened and now your ex is practically shouting at you to move on with your life. “Just forget about me” she says or she is dating someone else and wants you to stop clamoring for how things used to be. What is a guy to do when he finds himself in such a situation?

Well, there is the old adage, hope for the best but prepare for the worst and that is always an attitude you should take into any post-breakup scenario. The caveat being that, what you currently think is best (getting her back) isn’t always the case, and one needs to explore the possibilities of his own life moving forward.

What’s Your Situation? Does She Mean It?

She’s already said to forget about her and move on with your life. As such, you should take that at face value, that the relationship has now concluded and will not be reconciled. Is that always the case?

No, sometimes, women will have a change of heart but at this point in a break up it is usually a low percentage shot of that happening.

Now the specific situation depends on a number of variables such as if she is with another guy or if you did something especially egregious such as cheating with another woman, which has generated a lot of hate towards you.

The more factors such as these that are in play, the lower the odds of getting back together are, it’s just the way it goes.

However, even if the breakup seemed to come out of the blue and you can’t pinpoint a specific fault on your own end, the relationship might be doomed anyways.

Women generally don’t make these types of decisions on a whim and usually have an exit plan well in advance of actual separation.

Also, you need to factor in the length of time it has been since she dumped you. For instance, if she tells you to move on almost immediately after a breakup, there is a greater chance that she is acting on pure emotion and the statement might not be a concrete truth (although, it might).

However, if it’s been many weeks, months, or even years…then you really do need to get on with your life.

In any scenario, I still tend to just take what she says at face value, and reconsider that if I’m get overt signals from her that she didn’t actually mean it.

The best course of action has always seemed to me, to always to prepare myself for the total end of a relationship, even when it doesn’t come to pass. If I have an opportunity at reconciliation later, and that’s what I still want, then I can pursue that. Plus, I’ll be in a better position in my life, to do so.

Here’s Your Sign to Leave Her Alone

If you are getting no signs of a possible reconciliation and she does things like ignore your texts, calls, tells you to leave her alone, etc…then you seriously need to back off.

Even if you want her back AND it is actually a possibility, pressing her at this particular juncture, is going to push her further away. Thus, she becomes more spiteful towards you.

She needs space to live her life, figure things out, and explore new things without you. The same is true for you. You need to work on getting over her and starting new things in your life.

The reason for this is that, after a breakup it is a tumultuous and emotional time, and decisions on getting back together in the midst of all that, usually aren’t good ones based on rational thought.

If you’ve evaluated your personal situation and the chances of getting back together are looking slim to none, then that means they usually are.

This is a very hard truth to face and some guys just refuse to ever comes to terms with this new change in their lives. It is not the end of the world, it is simply a new phase in your life.

There are like 4 billion females on the planet, so the odds are definitely in all of our favor, that we can literally find dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of better options than our ex-girlfriends depending on how much effort we are willing to put forth.

There was a time in your life before you knew her and dated her and there will be a time after…and YES, this time can be even better…I’ve been dumped multiple times and while it hurts, I always come back stronger.

Heck, I wrote a whole Kindle book about coming out of that turmoil, becoming stronger, better, and having many more women as a result:

Remember, girls can’t make you happy. They can enhance your life and create a feeling of dependence but they can never make you happy, only you can.

Constant arguments, anger, bad attitude, not wanting to see you, not wanting to communicate with you, is seeing other guys, indifference towards you or working things out with one another, making big changes in her life…the list goes on and on.

However, these are things that are tell-tale indicators that she doesn’t want to get back together, and if all of them are present in your situation…all signs point to the end of this relationship. Thus, we must work to move forward without her.

Do You Actually Want Her Back? Or, Taking Her Advice, and Moving On without Her.

Try to set your emotion and ego aside for a minute. What do you honestly miss about her? Get down to the roots of your attachment to this chick and ask yourself some questions.

What does she specifically provide that you could not get from any other girl? The pull of emotions is quite strong after a breakup and the clarity that comes with time passed and positive changes can have us feeling quite different about things.

For example, if you’re a guy who’s had several breakups in the past, do you still miss some girl you dated in high school? College?

These old girls rarely if ever cross my mind and I know that I’ll probably have at least a few more of these types of breakups at some point in my life. Am I going to let my life go to shit each time a woman has a change in heart? Hell no!

This is legitimate question which needs to be answered because if it’s not the right one, then you need to move on.

  • Feeling lonely is not a good reason.
  • Thinking that you will be forever alone or that you currently have no other female options is not a good reason.
  • Her being ‘good enough’ instead of the right one. You don’t have to settle.
  • You don’t have a clear path for your future, that’s okay but don’t cling to your past, just because it’s familiar and feels safe.
  • You think that she will solve your personal issues or at least mask them.
  • You don’t have a ready alternative available
  • Your ego is making it hard to let go

If you find yourself in a place in which your ex specifically tells you to move on with your life, you should definitely heed her words, and you’ll probably be thankful later that you did.

Sometimes, a breakup is the surest way to avoid a train wreck later, go read some divorce horror stories online if you don’t believe me. Yes, it’s going to suck getting through the emotional turmoil and loneliness but that’s part of being human…but it gets better.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

So, after taking time by abiding by her wishes and leaving her be, assess the situation. What do you actually want?

Is she the right fit or merely a good one? Is there any real chance of getting back together? After all, both parties will have to buy into any new relationship. And it would be a new relationship, because the old one failed.

What would change? What would be better in any potentially new relationship? What are the problems that she brings to the relationship? What about yours?

What do you honestly want to be doing with your life in 5 years? Would she even fit into those plans? Or would things be okay for a while, before another break up took place?

Take time and honestly think about those questions.

In the mean time, during the period of No Contact, make serious efforts to work on your life, emotional, and physical well-being.  During these highly emotional times, one must be active in ensuring, that you get better, and not get dragged down into a dark place mentally.

Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Get My Ex-Girlfriend Back If She’s Ignoring Me

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The time after a break up can be a confusing and harrowing experience to get through with your emotions in tact. At some point, in the ensuing weeks or months following the end of the relationship, your now ex-girlfriend can cut off contact with and flat out ignore you. This move can blindside a lot of guys because they’re not expecting it, as the girl that they were once super close with, now won’t even acknowledge that they exist. Why the hell isn’t she talking to me? What’s the deal with her ignoring my texts and phone calls? There are many potential reasons and variables associated with individual relationships but in this post I want to cover some of the common reasons that a woman will ignore you and some potential remedies for dealing with this situation.

With all of that in mind, let’s get into some potential reasons why an ex-girlfriend may all of the sudden no longer be paying you… any mind.

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Why Is My Ex-Girlfriend Ignoring Me?

Moving On Has Begun

Let me be clear, this doesn’t necessarily mean that she has moved on entirely, or that she is gone for good. Things aren’t always that cut and dry.

However, ignoring you could be a sign that she is preparing herself to move forward without you or is currently seeing other guys, to help get through the post break up period.

Don’t freak out or anything, this isn’t always the case; but cutting off contact like this can be apart of the healing process for anybody after a relationship ends.

One can only begin to cope with emotions of loss and the void of loneliness once the constant stimulus is cut off of having to see and communicate with an ex. That constant reminder of someone, can be rough, as you know.

It’s really difficult to get one’s mind right when you have to constantly see someone who you’ve broken it off with. This is a potential reason why she is ignoring you when you try to communicate.

Moving on with another guy or multiple guys doesn’t mean that it’s a serious thing. Different people cope with the end of a relationship in different ways.

A lot of this behavior can be traced to not wanting to feel alone or wanting to get away from the constant stream of negative emotions. It can also at times be a signal that a new direction in life is going to be taken.

This moving on also doesn’t have to involve anyone else. She may very well decide that she’s going to take a break from dating period, at least for a while. As such, she not only isn’t going to talk to any new guys, but she also may have decided to cut off contact from you too.

Finally, there is the possibility that she is trying to move on with her life, without the relationship. At which point, a man needs to respect that and do the same.

Things change, time passes, and people enter or exit one another’s lives. It happens. This is probably the least likely reason because so many people have trouble moving past anything emotionally, but some folks do just cut ties and get on with living.

It gets lonely sometimes

It gets lonely sometimes

She’s Irritated with You

This is more common when you are the one who got dumped. In the aftermath, you may still be really wanting to get back together and she’s not really having it. As such, we as men don’t take failure all that well at times, and so we begin to chase.

We may start calling and texting her way too much in order to try and convince her to come back, which only serves to push her further away.  At some point, she’ll have had enough and just cut off all contact as a way to stop being bothered by the constant attention.

Yes, it can be tough to deal with and our brain’s will tell us to keep pursuing, but we also need to know when we should back the hell off and give her space. Keep in mind that being subservient and constantly available is already an unattractive trait, even more so once a relationship has dissolved and you are very familiar to her.

The constant chatter and behaving like a lap dog that is available at her beck and call makes her feel less attraction. So, stop doing it. Nobody likes it when someone is always buzzing in their ears.

It can be difficult and there is this tendency to want to try and fix everything but you can’t really, at this point in time, so take a break and go No Contact if necessary.

So many people think they can just do some elaborate convincing and fix a broken relationship. That’s a pretty low percentage shot. In reality, it takes time, and effort.

Some of that time, has to be spent apart from one another, in order to gain clarity about how each person wants to proceed from the breakup.

If you think that you may be texting her too much, you probably are.

She’s Going No Contact

Yep, your ex-girlfriend might be using the same Jedi mind trick on you. This is more likely, in the event that you broke up with her, and less likely if you were the one who got dumped.

No Contact doesn’t always mean that someone is trying to get back together with their ex, though it could. It can also be an effective tool for getting over someone or just trying to get themselves into a solid mental state without the heavy emotions constantly weighing on them.

No Contact Rule is a ‘rule’ for a reason, lots of people use it, and it is effective. It is a multi-purpose strategy, used to gain control of your life and emotional state, after such a dramatic change. Also, if they want to get back together, at some point. It’s like buying time, to see which way the wind is blowing, for or against a reconciliation.

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Anger

Of course, there’s the old standby reason, she’s really mad. This can be the case when cheating was involved or some bad argument took place between the two of you. The more upset she is, obviously the less likely that she is going to want to talk or text for a while.

Anger can go both ways, sometimes its a temporary phase, and eventually cooler heads prevail. However, if the anger and resentment is strong enough, it can be a complete end to the relationship with no reconciliation.

Cheating as a break up cause, can often be a no win position to start from. Honestly, I wouldn’t take a girl back who cheated on me, so I expect that plenty of ladies out there also share the same principle.

In order to gauge this, you need to think about the specifics of your own relationship, and how things fell apart. This one is a very common reason, if the two of you have been arguing a lot.

Obviously, if you said or did some foul things, and all of the sudden she stopped replying to your texts…there’s you answer as to why.

What’s the Response?

When being ignored, you can’t just go and start chasing. That tends to push them further away. The best prescription is to go, No Contact on your end, and give her space for a spell of time.

A period of no contact can last a month or two. During that time period things can become much clearer as to what path you should take.

That can mean that you eventually pursue a reconciliation or decide to move forward with your own life. Thus leaving this relationship on the heap of the past.

You can’t always make a bold move in order to get someone back, this kind of thing requires a certain amount of patience, and sometimes the best move is to do nothing…for now, at least.

As men, we always tend to want to take action to fix a situation. But many times, the act of pursuit or trying to fix things, just makes it worse.  The more we chase, the more they run away.

Eventually, if you are still interested in pursuing a reconciliation, then you can try texting her and opening the lines of communication.

This is of course, a much easier task, if you haven’t completely pissed her off or cheated on her or were particularly terrible during/after the relationship.

It also is way easier when she isn’t thoroughly sick of being pestered and chased by you, when she’s trying ignore you. Patience is a virtue.

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Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Is My Ex-Girlfriend Happy Without Me?

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At some point in time after a break up takes place, you may run into an ex or see pictures of her on social media, and she looks super into how her life currently is. You know, the one that no longer really involves you. The thought will then cross a man’s mind, “Is my ex-girlfriend really happy without me?”

It can be quite a blow to our ego/self-esteem, to realize that, there indeed may be a bright future for someone that we cared about; and no longer has anything to do with us.

In this post, I want to explore this phenomenon a bit, and how to deal with the realization that an ex-girlfriend may be happier afterward…and why it ultimately shouldn’t matter.

What is happiness?

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

So, before I directly delve into whether or not an ex-girlfriend is actually happier without you and/or with her new rebound boyfriend. I want to try to gain an understanding of happiness.

Despite its common usage, ‘happiness’, is actually kind of a nebulous term. It can really be difficult to pin down what it means and if someone is in that state.

What is happiness? Is it that warm positive emotion or is it some kind of internal sense of satisfaction? Is it something that is continuous or is it a fleeting moment of everything seeming to be ‘right’ in one’s life?

One thing that us human beings are really good at is making ourselves the center of attention in our own minds.

We say or think things like, “Why is everyone else happy BUT me!” The real question should be, “Are any of those people you’re thinking about really happy?” And if so, what does happiness mean to them?

It gets lonely sometimes

There are plenty of folks who outwardly seem happy and have plenty of photos on Facebook and Instagram to prove it to you. Like a duck on water, everything is seemingly calm on the surface, while their legs are churning like crazy below just to keep afloat.

There are a ton of people just like that, outwardly it seems like everything is all good, but inwardly…they’re falling apart.

The question of whether or not an ex is ‘happier’ without you, really comes down to the definition of what one means by happiness. Is it the feeling? Is it some contentment? Or does she feel better off without you in her life?

Now, her ‘happiness’ may also be a massive front, that she is putting on. Maybe she wants to make you think that she is happy, just to make you feel bad about it.

Hell, a lot of people actually buy into their own lies. Meaning, they front so hard acting like they’re in a great place, but any sort of challenge to that facade…and the house of cards collapses.

Another scenario, may be that she is actually just content being alone right now. If she has a man, maybe he really does make her feel wonderful.

That’s not a knock against you, he’s just a better fit for her, at this time. Just as if you met some amazing girl, who overshadowed your ex. It really doesn’t diminish your time together, as that is already in the past, and done with.

My Ex-Girlfriend Seems Happier Is She?

Perhaps. That doesn’t make it a bad thing for you, though. The fact of the matter is, the vast majority of relationships will fail eventually.

It’s just a part of the game. Things can grow stale, people grow apart, or that particular relationship no longer provides the same benefits that it once did.

For instance, there are girls that I dated around the age of 21, who I liked a whole lot at that point in time. Our time together was great.

However, fast forward to the age of 30, and if we tried to date one another; it would be an utter disaster. We aren’t in the same place in our lives anymore, for it to be a good fit.

You can be perfectly content to be involved with someone else, and then a few months later, the situation no longer fits you.

In this sense, a person may indeed be happier without their ex in their lives, but it’s really just being in a different mindset and/or wanting to go in a new direction.

I mean, think about how many women you have liked/been attracted to, in your life. Was it always this one girl? What happened to the other one’s that you had a crush on or a full blown relationship with? When did they suddenly feel less special in your own mind?

Times change and people change and this may exactly be what happened with your ex. Now is she happier without you? She might not even know the answer to that question.

Besides, is it the fact that she feels happy, that is bothering you? Before the break up, you’d been happy that she is happy. So, is it the fact that you’re not the source of those feelings anymore? Or is it the image of seeing her, get along fine without you?

You can get along fine without her, too. You both win, in this scenario.

What does it matter?

Let’s just for sake of argument assume that your ex-girlfriend is indeed happier without you and possibly with someone else. What of it?

Again, the two of you may no longer (or never were) a great fit, even if you still think that you are. Hell, it might still theoretically be a good relationship, if it worked out.

However, a successful relationship cannot be had while one person isn’t completely into it (her), even if the other person is (possibly you).

Secondly, if she is happy shouldn’t you be glad that she’s doing well (if you care for her still)? At the very least, if you don’t care about her or she screwed you over, isn’t it best to be indifferent towards what she does now?

The danger in the post-breakup period is to get into this comparison competition of who is doing ‘better’ after the split. What nonsense. You do not need to compete with her, any new guy she’s dating, or anything of the sort.

The focus should be on you and what you want with your life, while letting go of the relationship that played such a large role. Yes, it can take time, but getting over a breakup cannot happen when you are in constant comparison and competition.

Unless a reconciliation is in the cards, the relationship is done, and the natural growing apart is going to take place.

Getting stuck in the past on how things used to be, is just going to lead to very unhappy results for you, regardless of whether or not she is actually happy. It’s ultimately irrelevant.

None of this is to say of course, that you shouldn’t take any lessons from the relationship ending.

If she is happier without you, was there any thing that you can actually change about yourself to improve in the future? Or were the issues not things you can change  about yourself (which just means that two people aren’t fully compatible).

In the end, it is never truly about her and her happiness or lack thereof…it is all about you and how you react to the situation.

It’s basically ego, “Why is she happy without me? Am I not good enough?” “What’s so great about her new boyfriend? I’m better than him.”

The only way to get past this sort of self-centered thinking is to let go of it all and realize that her life is not about you.

Let go of worrying about what she’s doing, and focus on, what’s best for your life. These kinds of thoughts will weigh you down, in the long run.

Secondly, outside of the lessons that you can learn for future reference from them, these thoughts aren’t helpful.

Her happiness should not effect how you feel. If she feels bad, you shouldn’t feel happy, and vice versa. Things are as they are currently. Accept this and begin the process of moving forward. What are your goals outside of women? What do you want to do? Her happiness doesn’t need to create misery, so, don’t let it anymore.