Okay, so this post is a bit different in some ways from the usual of trying to restart a broken relationship with your ex-girlfriend. In some cases, the relationship may have ended due to fighting, cheating, or something else and the girl is still attracted to and in love with the guy. Those situations aren’t necessarily easy to fix but they do have different circumstances to deal with. On the flip side of the coin, there are relationships that end because the ex-girlfriend is no longer attracted to the guy she was dating, and these types of situations can be tricky to deal with and even a longer term process to win her back. So, lets explore attraction and reigniting that flame.
Take a Step Back and Analyze the Field
I have found myself in this situation on several occasions, post-breakup, where I had an intense desire to get my ex-girlfriend back and indeed make her wildly attracted to me again.
You must understand that this desire is more about you than it is about her. Meaning, in the emotional turmoil after a breakup, we will tend to want our exes back under any circumstance because we think it’ll make the pain and loneliness go away.
It isn’t that she is the most incredible person on the planet (sorry, it’s quite doubtful she is), it is just that emotions are running so hot, that we get hung up on this one person in an unhealthy way.
Listen, following The No Contact Rule, is often about just giving yourself some time to cool off. To have your rational side make a comeback appearance after the time spent wallowing, crying, pleading, begging, and every other emotionally induced behavior on the books.
Take a step back and analyze whether you truly want her back or if it is simply that your ego has been bruised and getting her back will help quell the storm that has been raging inside of your mind.
Oftentimes, when you take the time to gain clarity you will see that even if she was a good fit for you, she wasn’t the right fit for you and that the thought of moving on is just scary to you. The future has yet to be determined, and we tend to cling to the past, when we haven’t figured out the next step we want to take is.
Getting one’s ex-girlfriend back isn’t always an easy process either. You have to determine if it is something that you really want to undertake or are you just chasing a shadow.
Would she even be open to a reunion? Has she moved on? Does she hate you? If your ex-girlfriend isn’t even attracted to you anymore, then it is a safe assumption that it’s going to be a tough road to haul.
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What is her current dating situation? If she is seeing other guys or especially, if she is with one man exclusively, these are pretty high barriers. Not impossible to overcome, but things that need to be considered, when trying to re-spark a broken relationship.
I write this section not to discourage you or get you down about the odds, but just so you’re aware that there are many difficulties. You might be surprised, as to how many folks get delusional, about how simply they can get another person to come back. Yes, it can be done, but it takes work, and is not guaranteed.
Let’s Get Real About the Situation
So, there is the somewhat unspoken fact that people actually do indeed date people they aren’t that physically attracted to.
This is especially true for women who can be greatly attracted by personality, status, intelligence, wealth, etc., while this stuff has less of an effect on men. We tend to want to date the hottest girl available to us in the short-term and her other qualities can hook us in for the longer term.
Why do I bring this up? If a girl who wasn’t all that attracted to you physically in the first place, falls out of love with you for whatever reason, you can be up shit’s creek trying to win her back.
She actually may not find you sexy anymore, and as a man, you need to accept that fact and remind yourself that it’s okay. Just because one girl isn’t attracted to you anymore doesn’t mean all girls will feel the same. It might be time for you to forget about it and move on.
Other guys reading this may be in an entirely different circumstance, where the girl is still physically attracted to you, she just hates the rest of you.
In either case, what is required is an overhaul of her perception of you.
Boiled down to its base, what is attraction? A positive perception of another person.
For instance, imagine a guy who goes to a nightclub on two separate nights. On the first night, he goes alone and stands by himself. On the second night, he goes to the club with friends and is surrounded by women chatting and flirting with him. Which one is more attractive to the other women in the bar?
The guy who is socializing of course. He is displaying more attractive traits on the second night, even though, he is the same exact person! The only thing that changed was the women in the club’s perception of him.
Perception is involved in every aspect of attraction. (Side note: I wrote an entire Kindle ebook about shifting perceptions for attraction: Game without Games).
If you’re a guy who has ever undergone a significant physical transformation, you probably noticed extra female attention when you got yourself into really good physical shape.
Why? Your perceived value was higher. This is what makes it so difficult to get back an ex when they are no longer attracted to you, as you now have to alter how they think of you, convince them to come back, and make the changes necessary to keep the relationship going long-term….that’s a tall order for anyone.
However, depending on the variables involved in one’s own situation, the shift needed to re-attract the ex; may not be all that much. If her feelings toward you are still particularly strong (she still wants you, but there are certain things about you or the relationship causing her to be hesitant), then the shift in perception may involve only one or two things.
For other guys, it’s like trying to rebuild a house that’s burnt to the ground, everything needs to be replaced.
Oh! What to do?!
There are too many variables at play to address every guy’s specific circumstances, and what to focus on, to try to re-attract his ex.
The first step that I would focus on, is going no contact in order to let things cool off, on both person’s end. If she contacts you, be cordial and pleasant, but don’t be whiny and emotional about ‘our relationship’.
Let me just say, that begging and pestering a girl with texts is not attractive. Nobody likes a pushover and women want to date a man, not a lapdog.
The emotional pleading is more likely to make her less attracted to you, as she will now be more apt to compare you with other men. Those men will probably act confident, not needy, and highly attractive to her eyes. If you take the opposite tact, good luck buddy…
We all tend to compare the person(s) we’re currently dating with those we have in the past. It’s natural. This is especially true, when the break up was recent. So, if your ex is dating or sleeping with other guys, that comparison will happen.
Don’t give her mind any more reasons, to reinforce negative thoughts about you. Things need to begin to shift to at least neutral and right on up to highly positive.
Then during No Contact, figure out what it is that she isn’t attracted to anymore, and work on altering those perceptions. You might already know for sure, you might have a hunch, or be able to deduce some things.
That’s good, actually put in the effort to learn what you can improve upon, and then do it. We all have areas that we need to grown in, so, don’t take it as some offense to ‘who you are’ Who you are changes constantly, you just don’t notice, which is why 12 year old you is different from 25 year old you.
These changes could range from physical appearance, to being a jerk, to being selfish, to social standing, lack of passion, lack of drive in life or any other of the many possibilities.
You are now on the outside looking in. Since you already have a history with her, you are not starting on the same level as a guy, who she has never met before. They get fertile soil from which to impress upon her who they are, while you’re dealing with scorched earth.
There is something or many things about you currently, that is not meeting her needs as a woman. These needs could be sexual, emotional, social, or even based in trust or lack thereof. Consider her needs and where you are not up to par.
Now, this won’t necessarily get her back but it is a part in the attempt to do so. Figure out where things in your former relationship were failing and that will give you the best shot at a reconciliation.
Obviously, the failed relationship isn’t all your fault. It takes two, to make it work, and she has plenty of faults I’m sure. However, her faults are outside of your control, while you can improve upon yourself. Whether the improvements work for fixing this relationship or not, you get to carry them forward, into future dealings with women…which makes attraction much easier.
What’s the first move?
Once a period of No Contact has been established and worked through, it can then be time to open up a channel of communication with an ex-girlfriend.
To become re-attracted, she is going to need to see both you and the changes, first hand. Now, how we get to that point is easier said than done. After all, contact after a break up is tricky, and it can be tough to get things back on track.
Luckily, technology actually can help, in this regard. Texting is a medium that doesn’t really require the other person to have to do much and can be tailored to send them the right message.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
I linked to a two free reports about what not to text an ex, up near the top of the post. Hopefully, you took the time to grab your copies of them. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.
Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:
“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.
“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! Thank you Michael !!!
“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul
If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee: