Time is supposed to heal all wounds. If one lets it do its job, and also makes changes to their lives, it will indeed heal. However, just because time heals wounds doesn’t mean it fixes broken relationships.
So, it’s been a year or more apart from one another and you want another shot with her? Is it possible to get an ex-girlfriend to come back to you after that long of a period?
Yes, it certainly is possible. There have been plenty of relationships throughout time in which there was a long break up followed by a reconciliation.
Does that make it a good idea to try to make that love connection happen once again? Well, that’s tougher to say. Let’s use this post to explore this long gap in between breakup and potential of getting back together and what’s involved.
First Things First
Before I even get into this post, I want to make it abundantly clear that if it has been over a year since a break up and no reconciliation has happened, it is very unlikely that it will.
As I wrote above, it can happen but that doesn’t mean that the odds are good that it will happen. So much changes in that span of time, that in many ways, her life may be in a completely different space than when the two of you were dating.
Meaning, she’s not really the same person and may want completely different things than you can offer her. I know that sucks to hear but such is life.
Because this is the case, it can be quite a long shot, to hope to fix things. Now, sometimes it works out, because both parties recognize that their current lives and futures, are better spent together than apart. It’s just that this can be a huge hurdle to get over.
Why Do You Want Her Back?
I usually like to pose this question from the outset before even suggesting ways that people can get their ex back.
I do this because, often times, when you get down to the real core of your life and your desires; you will find that what you think you want is really just a symptom of lack.
This desire for the ex can often stem from dissatisfaction with one’s life or how it currently stands. When we find ourselves in this sort of head space, we can begin to clamor for anything that makes us feel better. We feel like our old relationship or some other outside force. will solve our deeper issues.
These solutions can take the form of drugs, escapism, working too much, and indeed chasing relationships.
It is a really good idea to do a full assessment of your life and relationship situation first to see if getting back together with this girl is truly what you want.
Conversely, if you are simply running after a past life, that you have fond memories of.
I say this because most people will be over their exes within a year. It can be very unhealthy to have this Jay Gatsby like obsession for a person you haven’t been together with in a long time.
This doesn’t mean that all circumstances are like that but if you’re holding on to the past this much, it’s time to let go and move forward.
Dig deep, down to the roots of what you want with your life or what you think you want from your life and analyze it.
- Does she actually offer you something that you cannot get anywhere else?
- Are you struggling to meet other women and are falling into the trap of the past?
- Were things in your relationship that great to begin with?
- Were the issues between the two of you even fixable?
Keep prodding yourself with these types of questions because the truth of the matter will start to reveal itself and make this an easy choice of, “No, I really don’t want her back. I just need to focus on myself and get my life in order.”
That’s not a bad outcome to this issue at all and even though it hurts to let someone go, it can be the best thing that ever happened to you and prevent you from making the mistake of restarting a doomed relationship.
Regardless of the ultimate outcome of this questioning, it is still a great idea to do it. It will really help to gain clarity about what you want moving forward or if you’re even on the right path at all.
I’ve done this myself after a breakup. Even though I felt like, I wanted my girlfriend back, I honestly couldn’t come up with a truly good reason why.
- Why should I want her back?
- Would the new relationship be anything other than mediocre?
- Was a future with here really better than one, which I could carve out for myself?
After a long and serious meditation on this, I decided that the clear answer was no, to trying to get her back. The immediate relief it would give to my emotional turmoil, wasn’t worth the long-term costs of being in an ultimately broken relationship. It just wasn’t worth salvaging.
But…but…I Still Want Her Back, What are My Chances?
OK, so once you’ve gone through the whole process of truly figuring out what you want for you life and whether you want to try to make this girl apart of your plans, then you can analyze the barriers to making this a reality.
Yes, I know, more work…but this is what’s involved in making an attempt to reconcile such long broken relationships.
First off, what is your ex’s current relationship status? Does she have a boyfriend? If yes, then your odds are even worse at getting her back then they just were.
Depending on the seriousness of that relationship, she may be gone for good or there might be a chance she could return.
If it’s serious, I would generally recommend just leaving it alone and moving on with your life. I mean, think about it from her current boyfriend’s perspective (just humor me), would you want your girl’s ex sniffing around and trying to mess up things between the two of you?
Hell no! So why are you going to be that guy?
So, let’s say that she isn’t seeing anyone or that her dating life is not what you could term as ‘serious’. Congrats! You now have a slightly less shitty chance at getting your ex-girlfriend back.
The odds will obviously depend on other factors such as the cause of the breakup (if you cheated on her and this led to the breakup…you’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell), how your life or her life has changed, and how intact the lines of communication still are.
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Also, take stock of what has occurred in the past year or more.
- Has she made any overtures about getting back together?
- Has she texted or called you, when she didn’t have a clear reason to?
- Have the two of you hooked-up within the last six months?
- On the flip side, has she started a new job or made some other big change in her life?
People will often do this sort of thing for a ‘fresh start’, meaning they are trying to move on.
Really give a consideration to things from her end. Has there been any sort of signaling, that she would be open to getting back into a relationship with you? If it’s just been straight radio silence, this is going to be really difficult to pull off.
Whose Idea was This, Anyways?
Another key factor to consider is which one of you initiated the break up. If it was her idea, she probably had a valid reason at the time, however, this reason could become murky after so much time has passed.
This plays to your advantage. Think about it, if she thought that she could do better than you (and failed to find someone) or thought that you weren’t quite up to snuff (and you’ve improved your life, health, status, etc.).
Then, she would be much more willing to reconsider things than she perhaps otherwise would.
People always get this idea in their head about how great things are going to be. But often, they don’t make any of the changes needed to make that a reality. Also, when they try, the find out that things really aren’t better. They previously had a good thing and let it falter.
Now, this can of course be detrimental to your cause if she went out into the dating world, and found another guy(s). A guy who she felt was superior to you, in terms of her happiness and comfort.
That’s not a very high percentage of scenarios, as finding a really good partner is difficult, especially within a year.
If you were the one who dumped her, you could be in better standing then if you were the one who got dumped. She might be more willing to reconcile or be more open to your communications than she would be in another circumstance.
Again, this all depends on certain variables such as the state of her love life and how much of a candle she still holds for you. She may be angry with you still or be entirely open to trying to fix things.
Change? I guess Change is Good for Any of Us…
Hopefully, in the time that the two of you have been separated, you have made improvements in your life and these improvements are noticeable. The good thing about long times spent apart is that you can drastically alter who you are and who she sees you to be.
Sometimes, these major changes (such as the physical or getting your metaphorical shit together) are enough to shock and get an ex to start thinking about you again.
Plus, why would she want to get back together with you, if all she is going to get is more of the same? The two of you are in different places psychologically and within your lives then when you were together (at least, I hope you are).
This means that you cannot restart the same relationship you had before, as you are different people now! Any relationship that may come about has to be built from the ground up and altered so that the problems of the past don’t come back and haunt you.
You need to make sure that you have addressed any negative issues you may have had or be seriously willing to change them.
For instance, if you had a problem with anger during the relationship and that was a friction causing issue, then it should be corrected before you even consider trying to win her back.
On the flip side of that, if she was a source of major frustration for you that is one more red flag that a reconciliation might not be a good idea.
What’s the first move?
Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex.
With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.
It has so many advantages over calling and/or trying to arrange a face to face meeting, right away. You have time to perfect an initial message and strategy. She has a long time to respond and consider talking to you again.
Plus, it’s such a passive way to send out feelers, to see how she currently feels about you communicating again.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully you took the time to download the two free reports, about What Not to Text Your Ex, earlier in the post. They were written by Mr. Fiore, as a part of his ‘Text Your Ex Back Program’.
This is a program which you can download immediately and has helped thousands of people, pursue reconciliation with an ex.
If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee: