In the course of some relationships, cheating and infidelity can happen. Sometimes, you are on the receiving end of it, while other times you are the one who cheated. If you find yourself in the latter situation, it can be quite a difficult place to start again from. This violation of trust can quickly put an end to even the longest term relationships and can destroy any chances of reconciliation even when both parties still love one another a lot. In this post, I want to explore a bit on the possibilities or techniques for getting back together with your ex-boyfriend when you were the one who cheated.
Forgive Before Seeking Forgiveness
So, you’ve cheated and your boyfriend dumped you as a result. The first step before even considering your chances to get back together with him is to fully accept the mistake you made and forgive yourself. I know that in this situation, you can really feel bad about what you did and continue to carry around guilt about it. However, if you are going to move forward with your life, either with or without your ex-boyfriend, you need to come to terms with it internally.
This is easier said than done, obviously, but it is possible when you let go of the past and the emotions which have arisen from it. You cannot alter the past, just as you cannot alter the future and guarantee that your ex is going to take you back and absolve you of your relationship sins. Work out the emotional guilt. Figure out why you really cheated. Was it a fit of passion? Did it stem from a lack of fulfillment with your ex-boyfriend? Even if the two of you got back together would it be a good relationship or would you still be unsatisfied? Would he hang the fact that you cheated over your head, even after taking you back? These are the types of things you need to come to terms with before deciding if it is a good idea or not to try to reconcile.
Time Apart is Time to Heal
Following the No Contact Rule post-breakup is a good idea because it gives both people a time to breathe and learn to live again without that other person impeding on their emotions. If you cheated, then there is a good chance that your ex isn’t speaking to you at all anyways. Don’t lose it over this fact, just respect their wishes at this time and don’t continually pester them with text and phone messages begging for forgiveness. This period will usually last 30-60 days and is necessary to let things cool off and for those strong emotions to calm down a bit. During this time apart, realize that no matter what one does, sometimes getting back together with an ex isn’t an option and prepare yourself to move forward in life, as a wiser person.
Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.
Understand that, your ex is probably furious with you, so even with your apologetic and good intentions…they probably don’t want to hear from you at all at the moment. Begging can sometimes be flattering (very rarely) but it is mostly a turn off to people. At some point, it becomes kind of pathetic and it’s really unattractive to have someone lowering themselves and trying to suck up to you. Think about guys in the past, who have tried to get with you…were you all that attracted to the obsessive types who damn near worshiped you? Probably not. You were probably drawn to the mentally stronger and more confident men, it’s the same principle at work here.
What Needs to Change?
Okay, so you’ve screwed up royally and cheated on your ex. Now what are you going to do different in the future? In order for your ex-boyfriend to want to get back together with you, he must know that you have changed as a person and that he is going to be able to rebuild a level of trust with you. That same unquestioning level of trust may indeed be gone for good, however, a very high level of trust can be rebuilt but it has to be earned and it takes time. The first step is to accept the blame for what you did, come to terms, and assure that it isn’t going to happen again.
Again, this goes back to what triggered the cheating? If you just hooked up with some guy you thought was hot because you had a momentary weakness, how are you going to make sure that this isn’t going to happen ever again? Are you satisfied with your ex-boyfriend physically and sexually? If the answer isn’t a definitive and unwavering yes, then you should probably just move on with your life. Apologize to your ex if you want, but it isn’t fair to get back into a relationship with someone you don’t have those kinds of feelings for at a high level. It’s okay to want something else in life, even if it is difficult to get past the attachment and emotions that stem from this broken relationship, but it is necessary for both parties to be happy in the long term.
Did you cheat because of something that he did or didn’t do (not enough attention, etc.)? If this is the case, then is he going to change if the two of you were to get back with one another? Or is it something about you that is just being unreasonable or needy? What can you work on about yourself to eliminate the urge to cheat? Was it alcohol or substance related? Are you out partying too much and that opened the door for you to have an opportunity to give in to temptation?
Figure out why you cheated, the things/situations that enabled you to cheat, and demonstrate that you have changed. Also, this clearly means ending whatever type of relationship you had with the person you cheated on your ex-boyfriend with. You cannot have a relationship with that person moving forward if you want your ex-boyfriend back in your life. As such, you have to make a decision to cut them out of your life in order to reconcile.
Figure Out What You Want With Him
So, you have to ask yourself, what you want long term with your ex-boyfriend? If the two of you were to get back together, where is it ultimately heading? If it’s a complete certainty that you are in it for the long haul and he’s the one you want to be with (marriage or other long-term arrangement wise), then it makes sense to at least try to work things out.
If on the other hand, you’re unclear about what you want with him or you’re just feeling really lonely right now or you’re still feeling like you might want to be with other guys…then it is time to prep to move on with your life.
If you fall in the former camp, you have to realize that the relationship as it once was it effectively over. A reconciled relationship is a new relationship and it will take lots of work and alterations in order to get things right the second time around. Now, you of course can’t always get the other person to agree to want to come back. Who can blame them? They are probably devastated by what took place and may no longer have the room or the desire in their hearts to want to see you again. That’s a possibility which must be accepted.
What’s the first move?
Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.
Think about it:
- They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
- That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
- You can craft the right message to them.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.
Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:
“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.
“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! Thank you Michael !!!
“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul
If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee: