There seems to be a definite abundance of cases in which guys still want their ex-girlfriends back…even when she is now with another guy. I mean, she has a new boyfriend, has seemingly move on with this relationship, and you still want her back? Hmmm, that’s a hard one to pull off and one in all honesty, may not be worth the price of admission, so to speak. The name of this website is exbackormoveon.com and the real question that people need to seriously ask themselves is built into the title, should you try to get your ex back or should you just simply move on with your life?
Let’s Consider the Moving On First
Honestly, the best answer for your future and well-being, is probably the one you don’t want to hear in the moment. The fact of the matter is, if your ex-girl is now in a relationship with another guy, you should be making preparations to move on with your own dating life. Whether or not, you ever do get back together, you should mentally prepare yourself to push forward with your own life independent from her.
Forgetting about someone is definitely tough and the loneliness is downright awful at times. However, it is simply in the nature of things that new relationships occur, mature, and indeed ultimately perish. There is no good reason that you should be wasting your years hoping for someone that might be gone for good…not to say that it can’t happen again with them. Only that, now isn’t that time, and that you should be building a quality life for yourself regardless if they come back to you or not.
Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.
What Not To Do and What To Do whether Moving On or Not
What is certain about such a situation is that chasing after the girl, obsessing, and making bold declarations of love is not the path to take. It only serves to make a man look desperate (which is inherently unattractive) and will most likely repel them further away from you.
Taking the opposite tact and focusing on improving your own life and allowing new girls to flow into it is the best course of action to take? Why? Well, not only will it help you cope and move on without her, it will also raise your perceived value. So, on the off chance in the future your ex-girlfriend wants you back she will see that you can indeed survive and thrive without her.
Stagnation and obsession are not attractive qualities. In order to get any woman, even one who already knows you, she has to believe that you’re her best option for getting what she wants. If that’s a successful relationship, she’s probably not going to want to run back to a failed one, when absolutely nothing has changed and feelings have soured toward one another.
Also, you cannot give a damn about the other guy. Her new boyfriend IS her boyfriend now, not you, so talking shit about him or sweating their relationship isn’t going to make her be a big fan of yours. He is her preferred choice, at the moment, and if you try to force her hand (to break up with him), she’s going to stay with him (and probably be that much more committed).
A lot of this is outside of your control, as you’re dealing with two external variables (your ex and the new man), but what you have control over is you. You can control what smart things you do and what things you shouldn’t do to further mess up any potential chance at reconciliation.
Understand, that it can often take a long time for an ex-girl to even want to come back to you and at that point, it might be you who wants nothing to do with them. I’ve had exes contact me 4-5 years after the fact. As if, time had stood still for me, and that I would even be interested in rehashing such an old relationship.
Sure, her current relationship with another guy could be one that isn’t very serious and if it doesn’t work out she could come back and start sniffing around to rekindle your relationship…but you can’t bank on that, so it makes sense to prep for the more likely scenario.
How to Handle the Thoughts of Her Sleeping with a New Guy?
This is where a lot of men mess up, I think. They can handle not being desperate or texting her all of the time or whatever, in normal circumstances. However, once the thoughts of her having sex with the new boyfriend start creeping in his mind, that’s when everything comes off of the rails and he’s back to acting desperate.
I’ve written a whole post, How to Handle an Ex-Girlfriend Sleeping with Other Men, so I won’t rehash everything here. Suffice to say, the road to acceptance, if a huge part of being able to have any sort of future with this girl. Even if she comes back, you cannot have these thoughts derailing you, when trying to start a new relationship together.
More importantly now, these type of negative thought patterns can stir up anger and other emotions, that aren’t going to be a help to what you want to accomplish. You have to be able to keep your cool, through this process, and accept whatever outcome results.
Taking Time Away
In this situation, there is already an established time apart from one another, that was put in place by her. She has a new boyfriend and therefore cannot be talking to her ex, constantly. From the other side of things, you need to follow that lead, and do a period of No Contact with her. It’s pretty easy to enforce, just stop badgering her.
But won’t she forget about me? Won’t that push her to the other guy more? Again, we can only control our variables, and not what she is doing. If we try to interfere with her decisions, she’ll likely just get pushed further from wanting anything to do with you. There is also no guarantee that she’ll feel closer to that guy in a month or two. He might actually suck. Though, maybe he’s an awesome match for her.
That’s another thing outside of our control, but there are plenty of times, when people get into relationships with people who turn out to be less than expected. A quick period of being super into them, and then experiencing what they’re actually like, which can create disillusionment.
She might dump him or he might dump her. We don’t have any clear insight into their intentions, so biding time, is the best strategy.
Anyhow, the time apart is important. It’ll give you clarity about your future, the intense emotions calm down, and you can make yourself a better man. All of which is a prerequisite for starting a second relationship, with an ex-girlfriend, because the original one is done for good no matter what.
With more information becoming available to us over time, we can then make much better decisions about how to proceed. We are coming at it from the point of view of what is more attractive to a woman: Her annoying ex-boyfriend who calls or texts constantly and is super jealous OR her ex-boyfriend who isn’t bothering her, seems cool with her decision, and is improving his own life?
What to Do During No Contact
What would any potential attractive situation for her getting back together with you entail? What were the downsides to the relationship? Did you have anger issues? Lack of commitment? What was it?
One needs to be honest with themselves, about what they need to improve upon, or else you’re going to get the same results…again and again.
Begin to work on your own faults, during this time apart. Not only that, but improve upon aspects of your life that YOU want to focus on, regardless of her.
This can include:
- improving yourself physically. It’s the basic way of sparking attraction, after all.
- Working on any emotional problems, negativity, listening skills, empathy, etc. I had some anger issues when I was younger, like real quick to get pissed off, and that was one of the first things that I changed about myself when self-improving. People I hadn’t seen in a while, would always comment how mellow and happier, I seemed. These changes can be a huge part of how people perceive you. Including, those who’ve known you for a long time.
- Financial and/or career. Money and the path you’re taking in life, can have a big impact on your relationships. Not only that, but also for you as an individual. Take the time to assess what you want and if you’re even on the right path.
So, after 30-60 days or no contact, the picture will become clearer and it may be time to try and re-establish a connection with the ex-girlfriend. If she was just in a rebound relationship, it very well may have already run its course, and she might be looking to jump ship. Heck, it might have ended already after 1-2 months.
Probably the easiest way to begin to establish contact once again, is through text messaging. After all, it is non-intrusive, and doesn’t require very much to get her to respond. The easiest way to get her to talk, is usually the best way, set the bar really low.
Where does one begin? Well, there are all sorts of variable that can come into play. Knowing where to start is a process of learning. Fortunately, relationship expert Michael Fiore, has a program for getting back in touch with and winning over an ex, called: Text Your Ex Back.
This has been used by thousands of people to re-kindle their broken relationships. Hopefully, you had a chance to download the free guy, linked towards the top of the page about what not to text to an ex-girlfriend. Michael’s program will show you, what you SHOULD text them, and is risk free to try for 60 days. Click the picture below, to watch a video on the process.
Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are "affiliate links." This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."