The post-breakup period can already be a really confusing time. This becomes especially true, when you’re dealing with an ex-girlfriend who is seemingly ready to get back with you one minute, and then acting as cold as ice the next.
After a few times of experiencing this, we being to notice the behavioral pattern, and ask ourselves…am I being strung along here? What the hell does she actually want? Why would she be doing this to me?This hot and cold behavior has got to stop! As aggravating as this experience can be, it can be dealt with, let’s explore what’s going on.
Why String Someone Along?
Women are always going to have their own individual reasons for doing this, but there are some old reliable reasons in this scenario.
First, she might be doing this because she really doesn’t know what she wants. If you know your ex-girlfriend is emotionally immature or indecisive, would this really be such a shocker?
Of course not. Her lack of clarity doesn’t have to mean that you have to buy into it as well.
If you can step back and detach yourself from her behavioral patterns, it kind of just looks silly. Heck, one can enjoy the times where she’s ‘hot’ towards you, and just anticipate the cold front that follows. Just sort of laugh at the whole game.
She might be trying to feel things out with you and doesn’t want to fully invest in pursuing a reconciliation, just yet. Sometimes, she’s wanting to go that route, and other times not.
Another reason could be that she’s trying to keep her options open for as long as possible.
She could very well have other men that she’s seeing or collecting dates like trading cards. In this case, she wants to wait for her best option, which may or may not be you.
Third, she’s being really spiteful. She wants to do the hot and cold routine in order to get hopes up of getting back together, only to pull the rug from underneath you, once you’ve invested.
If this last one is suspected, that’s when it’s really handy not to react or get attached to these hot/cold swings. Her acting this way out of spite, really only works if you follow along emotionally.
If one stays detached, the woman can’t derive any pleasure from trying to emotionally manipulate you. It completely ruins their twisted sense of fun.
As you can see, there are some legitimate reasons that bode well for a future together. But there are also reasons to be cautious, as there is a possibility that a woman can be using her ex for her own benefit.
How to Stop an Ex-Girlfriend from Stringing You Along?
My approach has always been that of not playing the game. Meaning, that if I’m being strung along, I cut the damn string.
The hot and cold game or stringing someone along, takes two people. You have to participate in order for her to continue this behavioral pattern.
If you just stop seeing her until she gives you clarity, or if you just detach yourself from caring, she is going to have to figure out a way forward. In the case, where she doesn’t really want you, she’ll get bored and leave you in peace.
My baseline approach: I’m not going to be playing her game, whether it be out of her own confusion, or genuine manipulation.
I don’t particularly care about the reasoning, only the end result. The end result, is me having to put up with someone stringing me along, and generating confusion in my life.
I do this by making myself scarcely available. Since she is no longer my girlfriend, she has no reasonable expectation of my time and energy.
If she wants my time and energy, then, we should have never broken up and she should attempt to reconcile without all of the confusion.
If I decide to give it to her once, there’s no guarantee, she’ll see me the next time. She’s lost her ‘preferred status’ with me, that she once had, as my girlfriend.
If she is just trying to manipulate me, it becomes extremely difficult for her to do so, without my constant need to give in to seeing and spending time with her.
It’s basically an attitude of: ‘shit or get off of the pot’. Stop playing games with me and give me clarity about our situation. In the past, I have just straight up asked them, what they wanted and basically refused any real interaction until it was all laid out.
I’ll also add, that if any of these girls were seeing other guys (that I knew for sure of), it was basically a non-starter with me. I’m not being option 1B or 2 or 3 or whatever.
Don’t accept nonsense, just to be in a relationship or make those post-breakup feelings, not hurt as much. Be willing to walk away.
After all, the relationship ended, and the obligation really is no longer there. If you’re not getting what you want and feel manipulated, why continue to pursue her at all? There are billions of other options on the planet.