There are many different circumstances, one could find themselves in, following the demise of a relationship. Sometimes, your ex-girlfriend is still single for a long period of time after the break up. Maybe, she has gone through a series of rebounds, that weren’t very serious. Other times, a serious relationship may follow another, to simply divest themselves emotionally from the previous one and want to move on with their lives. There are a lot of ways people ‘move on’ from a break up either alone or with other people. But how does one get an old girlfriend back, when she has decided to go forward with her life?
She’s Moved On with Someone Else?
Assessing the Situation
Different folks have different levels of commitment to their decisions in life. For some, deciding that they’re done with a relationship is a finality. They make up their minds and it’s over completely. For others, their mind wavers, they can’t seem to let go of the past or questioning whether or not they’re making a poor decision.
It is because of these varying personalities and levels of commitment, that a wide variety of potential outcomes exist when trying to get together with an ex-girlfriend.
Also, there is the variable of whether or not she is single, in a relationship currently, or dating multiple guys casually. All of which presents its own set of problems and limitations.
In the situation where she is currently in a relationship, it can be extremely difficult to try to get back together with an ex, and most of the time simply not even worth trying to do. I mean, you have to both hope that her relationship ends, and that she’d even want to get back with you. Both variables are outside of your control.
When she moves on, it can be a definite thing, and once she’s confident in her decision, there is very little that you can say or do to help to change her mind. The reality of the situation is that she may indeed be gone for good, and if it has gotten to this point, that it is very likely that she is.
It is important that you start to see things how they really are. Stop the notions in your head that everything will all be fixed, if you just do one or two things, to make the relationship happen again. If you’re relationship has ended, then it definitely had problems, simple as that.
Thinking that things will be the same if you were to get back together is a form of delusion on your part. Even if you were to get back together with her, things wouldn’t be the same, the relationship would have to evolve into a new form in order to have a chance of succeeding.
Things change and people do too. If she has changed enough to move on from the relationship, then that is a good sign that you should probably do the same. At least enough to learn how to live on your own again, before trying to jump start the failed relationship.
Moving on, for your part, means learning to accept things as they are now and to learn to be happy on your own. Learn to cope with the loneliness and figure out ways to grow as a person, so that you can make a sound decision about what route you want to follow, either moving on completely or actually trying to make things work with her.
These addictive feelings you may have for her are not healthy, and are not a valid reason, to try and get back together. They are simply a form of dependency.
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Avoiding Mistakes that Make the Situation Worse, in the Meantime
When taking the time to decide what path to pursue, it is important that we don’t make any further mistakes, that can make reconciliation even less likely.
There’s no sense in doing something stupid, that makes the task of getting a girl back, unnecessarily more difficult. A break up has already happened and she’s with another guy, the odds are already high enough against us.
First, it’s a really good idea to not talk with her about the new guy. Don’t interfere in their relationship, as it’ll only serve to push them closer together.
It doesn’t matter really what you have to say about him. Hell, you may be completely correct in your appraisal, but she won’t care. It’ll just come across as you, trying to mess things up, for her.
Next, No Contact is a part of the process, but beyond just not talking about her current boyfriend…all of the other stuff needs to be cut out, as well. What other stuff?
Texting and calling constantly. Begging and pleading. Getting mad and yelling at her. Passive aggressiveness. Just generally being an ass.
Also, being totally ‘buddy buddy’ with her. The two of you are broken up. The back and forth shouldn’t be going on constantly, unless you want to get stuck in the friend zone.
She’s not going to come back to someone who acts like a lap dog or her good pal. Being overzealous or super emotional, isn’t going to help, over text or the phone. Cut it out.
Don’t Try to Talk Her Into Getting Back Together
If all it took to get someone back, was a well-reasoned presentation, people would have no problems. This would be easy as hell.
However, we know that to be untrue. There are many variables at play, people want different things, and cannot be convinced in one long text or phone conversation.
Eventually, things can get to the point, where there is one final choice made to reconcile the relationship. That’s not the time, we’re at here. It’s going to take more effort, and still might not workout, despite showing patience.
It’s not just a rational conversation to be had. She has emotions, her own desires, and plans for her life. We cannot simply impose ourselves or change all of that with a drawn out argument.
We cannot force things to happen the way we want, in one fell swoop. Let go of trying to control everything, take the right course of action, and accept the outcome whatever it may be.
We are even at a different stage, than a regular break up, as she’s now involved with another guy. So, it’s even less likely that the begging route is going to work out well.
It’s kind of too late to prove that you’ll change and magically fix things, in a fairly quick manner. Yes, it is possible to get a girl back, when she’s dating someone else but we cannot approach the problem in the same way.
Don’t Compare Yourself to the New Boyfriend
We don’t need to compare ourselves to some other guy. Especially, overtly to the ex-girlfriend.
However, the thoughts we have about this, can also drag us down and make us behave emotionally and irrationally. That’s really not ideal, in this scenario.
For one thing, you probably don’t know how ‘serious’ the new relationship is. He might just be a temporary fix. A rebound relationship, that will fall apart in a short amount of time.
Secondly, she probably likes him for entirely different reasons, than she did with you. Don’t try to outcompete someone by being like him. You’re you, yes, we should improve on what we are…but don’t try to mimic someone else’s success.
The way I’ve always treated it, when some woman I wanted, had a different guy was to almost be indifferent to him. I don’t need to try and tear him down, she’s the only one I need to have warm up to me. He’s almost completely irrelevant to the equation, in my mind. Nothing to bother with, even if she ends up with him, after everything.
Also consider, this guy might not have any serious long-term plans. He might dump her, within a few months. Maybe, he figures out it was a mistake to get involved with her. Maybe, he decides he wants to just sleep with a bunch of other women.
People can fly in and out of these short-term relationships, quite often. Most short-term flings, don’t work out well, when they turn into something ‘more serious’. Who knows, what the outcome will be?
How to Pursue a Reconciliation
There is a great deal of fear and uncertainty following a break up. This can be especially true, if you see your ex-girlfriend moving on, while you are still pining for her everyday. It feels like you haven’t really done anything with your life since she left.
There may be a fear that if you do not get her back that you will end up alone. That doesn’t have to be the case, there are plenty of other girls out there who are available, but you also need to be strong enough to learn how to be happy on your own.
Learn not to be stuck in the past, or chasing after your ex, who may no longer be interested in you.
Acceptance of the Outcome
Whether or not she ever gets back together with you, there needs to be an acceptance to move on with your own life, regardless of the outcome. If she comes back, cool. If not, also fine. Life can’t stop moving forward, just because one person, no longer wants the same relationship that they did before.
This is the first step towards getting past any break up. Plus, any reconciliation that takes place is basically a new relationship, and the old baggage needs to be left behind.
No Contact and Focus on The Self
In order to get back together with someone, you have to be able to re-attract them. This can be super hard to do and doesn’t always work…which is why we need to accept the outcome.
However, one is definitely not going to appear attractive to another person, by constantly calling, texting, and begging for them back.
For this reason, a period of No Contact must be applied before trying to get back with someone. Now, you may already be in this stage, fine. Though, for guys who are still trying to convince their ex to come back, you should take a break. Desperation isn’t attractive.
People don’t like to be told what to do directly. They want to be able to come to a decision on their own, without negative influence.
So, if she’s currently single, trying to convince her to get back together with you is going to be an uphill battle. She needs good reasons, that she arrives at on her own, not a daily sales pitch from you.
Time apart is necessary for healing to begin. If the relationship ended poorly, then, there’s going to need to be some time during which both parties can be on their own and get themselves in a better mental state.
Take the time during No Contact to focus on improving yourself. Focus on your faults that caused relationship friction. Get your life figured out and what you want from it. What are your goals as an individual, independent from her or any other woman you may meet?
This period of time, really does help bring about clarity in your mind. You don’t need to rush and make mistakes, as we’ve discussed. Plus, it gives us more time to assess what type of relationships, she’s in. It could become clearer, that it is a short-term thing.
Guys worry about being forgotten or not taking action, during this time, but this time apart is necessary. There are situations in life, in which, taking some action is the wrong move. Making a move, just to make one, accomplishes nothing. At worst, it can totally screw up your overall aim, that you thought the action would accomplish.
Letting Go of Negative Thoughts if She’s Seeing Someone
Your ex may now be seeing another guy and you want to win her over to you because you have some fear that he may be a better man than you. A lot of this kind of stuff is simply ego. It comes with not being able to accept life and the changes that come along with it, you can’t stand losing because you perceive that your value as a man is lowered.
Basically equating getting your ex-girlfriend back with proving your self worth. This is a very unhealthy way to look at things and can lead you to do things such as meddling in her current relationship or trying to drive a wedge between them. Stop being desperate. Learn to be on your own and be happy on your own before deciding if you should try to spark things anew with her.
One question you definitely need to answer before deciding if you want to get back together with an ex is, what has really changed? If you and her were to get back together today, why would it work out this time? What has been resolved in the underlying issues of the relationship?
If the answer is not much in the way of positive changes, then you’re chasing a false dream. Going back to a girl simply because you now miss her, because she is seeing someone else, or your options are limited; is pretty damn lazy and a waste of time.
The two of you may be on completely divergent paths now and going back simply is not an option for you. Most relationships don’t work out for the rest of your life, but each one is helpful in learning from and applying those lessons to future relationships with women.
If You Really Still Want Her Back…
When the time comes to try and actually make a move to get an ex-girlfriend back, it is important that one has the right strategy.
For most of us today, text messaging, has become an ideal communication strategy. I mean, it’s way less invasive than a phone call, which is good when you are trying to re-establish a good relationship with someone.
It gives them time to consider, whether to reply or not. When a message is received, it could trigger a negative emotional reaction from an ex. But, if she has time to cool off, she might reconsider and be willing to talk.
Secondly, if gives one the ability to craft the correct message. Not have to think on our feet and just blurt out whatever comes to mind. Again, another important aspect of trying to re-establish things.
For our purposes, relationship expert Michael Fiore, has designed a program which specializes in texting: Text Your Ex Back
Text Your Ex Back is a full program, that is set up to walk you through step by step, how to get an ex-back through messaging. Michael has helped thousands of people reconcile, seemingly broken relationships, and this is one of his most popular methods.