Time apart is necessary for the process of healing oneself after a breakup and figuring out what direction to take one’s life in. The healing process is one which is internal, however, just because time apart can heal sadness doesn’t mean that it will cure what ails a broken relationship. Now, it’s been a year or longer since your break up and you want to give it another go with your ex-boyfriend? Can you even get an ex to come back into a relationship after that long of time apart? The answer is yes, it is possible…not probable but possible. People have sometimes gotten divorced and then remarried years later. While others dated as teenagers and the reconciled as adults. These things do happen but it just isn’t a likely event. Perhaps, an even better question to ask than the likelihood of this happening is whether or not it is a good idea to try and get back together or to simply move on?
Why Do You Want Him Back?
This is the question that I ask myself after breakups with my girlfriends and that creeping feeling of loneliness and desire sets in. It is important to not blindly trust your feelings but to analyze exactly why it is you feel a certain way. This longing feeling can stem from symptoms of dissatisfaction with your own life, that, when you take a closer look you realize that it doesn’t really involve your ex-boyfriend. We tend to clamor for what we think will make us feel better in the short-term, even if it is a bad decision for our overall well-being. This can of course take its shape in the form of junk food, drugs, etc. However, it can also manifest itself in chasing some idealized past relationship which ignores all of its flaws.
It can be a really great plan to do a complete assessment of what you want for you life and future to see if getting back together with your ex-boyfriend is actually what you want. Perhaps, you are just chasing after your memories because you feel like getting back into a relationship with this person will act as a cure-all of sorts for your life. Some people do have an unhealthy level of longing for their ex, that really isn’t going to provide them any benefit if they actually succeed in rekindling the broken relationship. Many times, the best course of action is to finally let go and move forward with your own life.
Take your time and strongly consider every possible angle of pursuing a new found relationship with your ex. Is he really all that great? Does he actually offer something you couldn’t get with any other man? Do you simply currently not have many other dating options due to work, school, shyness, etc and are now idealizing this past relationship due to loneliness? Did the problems you have in your past relationship magically disappear? Are these problems even fixable?
This type of introspection questioning is extremely beneficial because it allows you to challenge your preconceptions and not get suckered in by emotions that are potentially pointing you in the wrong way. Digging deep into your own thoughts and true feelings can help you to prevent making the mistake of wasting your time chasing someone who isn’t good for you or even worse, restarting a bad relationship that has no chance of succeeding.
OK fair enough…but…I Still Want Him Back, What are My Chances?
So, after you have gone through the long process of questioning what you want for your life and whether or not pursuing a relationship with your ex is even a good idea, you can then start to thing about what problems are preventing you from making a reconciliation happen. Again, this is another process of thinking and analysis but it is totally necessary.
Understand that, after a year or more apart your ex-boyfriend is not the same person mentally/emotionally and probably hasn’t stayed stagnant in other ways either. Consider his current relationship status. Does he have a new girlfriend? Multiple friends with benefits? Is he completely single and alone? Depending on which category he falls into, your chances of getting back together will change. If he has a girlfriend and it seems to be serious, I would honestly recommend that you leave it alone and just move on. It’s not fair to him or his current girlfriend to have his ex (who he may not have any interest in any longer) to be butting their nose into his personal life.
OK, let’s say that he doesn’t currently have a girlfriend or any really ‘serious’ prospects at the moment. The good news is that you have a slightly better chance to renew a relationship with him than you otherwise would. The odds become more or less favorable depending on the causes of the breakup, the problems of the relationship, who dumped who, how each of you have changed, and what type of communication the two of you currently have.
Whose Idea was the Breakup, Anyways?
Sometimes a break up is mutually agreed upon while other times it is the result of one person’s desire and the other partner has no idea what hit them. If it was his idea to break up with you, then, he probably had his reasons at the time. However, with time feelings tend to die down and you can kind of forget what the reasons were in the first place. This can be a benefit or a detriment towards getting back your ex-boyfriend. If he thought he could find a better fit than you and found out it was a mistake through first hand experience, then it can be a boon for your cause. However, the opposite effect may have taken place and while meeting new women, he found out that maybe he was justified in the breakup.
If on the other hand, you were the one who dumped him, you might have a better shot at reconciliation. In some instances, he might still be very open to having a open dialogue about getting back together with you, since he might not have wanted to break up in the first place. This can of course depend on certain circumstances such as the severity of the break up, whether cheating was involved, and how his romantic and personal life has changed since then.
Many times a reconciliation will only take place if the people have changed enough to get past their differences. Hopefully, you have recognized your flaws and faults and taken the necessary steps to improve them. Otherwise, you’re just setting yourself up for a repeat performance of the relationship dissolving and it probably won’t be as functional of a relationship while it lasts either. Think about it from their perspective, would they really want to get back together with you if all they were going to get is more of the same? The relationship has to start from a new place, as the two of you are now different people at different places in their lives then when you first got together. You not only have to address your own flaws but also those of your partner. Has he changed for the better? Is he even willing to address any issues you may have had with him? If not, it is going to be a waste of time for all involved.
What’s the first move?
Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again. Think about it:
- They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
- That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
- You can craft the right message to them.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”. Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance. Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program: “Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R. “My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! Thank you Michael !!!
“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul