There are plenty of end of the relationship scenarios in which, the lady who broke up with the guy, has time to think on what they’ve done and decides that dumping that man was a bad choice. This can happen for a multitude of reasons. In some cases, they acted on pure emotion in the moment of the break up, and later panicked when the logical part of their brain came back online. Other women, go out into the dating world, and have a rough time finding a man who will commit to them or guys that are even decent people. For whatever the cause, the man who got broken up with in the first place, now has to decide whether they even want this woman back in a relationship. Is it even a good idea to take you ex-girlfriend back after she dumped you? The answer is of course, going to depend wholly only your unique circumstances but let us look toward some things to consider.
Why Did the Break Up Happen in the First Place?
The first consideration and issue to identify is, why did your ex break up with you in the first place? What were her stated reasons and also can you identify any other reasons that she never mentioned BUT you have a feeling was a problem?
Take a good look at the reasoning behind the break up. Were they frivolous? Or were they made in haste? If a girl would break up with you over almost nonsensical issues, is she actually a good long-term fit or does she have a big immature streak? What kind of actual commitment are you going to get from someone who is so flippant with their reasons for leaving?
Another potential issue is whether or not she broke up with you to date another guy or to play the field. If she left to go explore a dating life outside of the one she had with you, how serious can she possibly be? She didn’t like being tied down before and now she’s ready to jump into a committed relationship again? Hmmm…that would make me think for a while.
I’m not saying that a girl coming back, doesn’t truly want to be together with you. However, you also have an obligation to yourself to do your due diligence and question, why now? If the situation was so bad in the past, that she had to leave, what would make it suddenly better? Did she have some kind of revelation or did she learn how tough the dating world can be and ended up feeling lonely?
You cannot just be under the assumption that she is ready to really be together with you. She might be emotionally all over the place, confused about what she truly wants, and sees you as a situation that is familiar to her.
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Is Anything Actually Different this Time Around?
Now, that you have narrowed in on the reasons that the breakup took place and potentially why she wants back in, ask yourself…what has actually changed? How is the failed relationship going to succeed on the second go round? Since there were a set of problems that doomed the relationship, there must be answers to solve those issues. If not, things will eventually collapse again, usually after a ‘honeymoon’ period where things are all good.
Were most of the problems of the relationship caused by you or by her? Are the negatives that you brought to the table, things that you are willing or able to fix? What about her, what will she do to make things work better this time?
Change is a very difficult thing for most people to truly do. They can make surface level changes easily but digging deep down and actually altering their fundamental being or lifestyle habits is hard.
Don’t chase what went well in the past because any new situation is basically a new relationship, as the old one could not be maintained for the long haul. Can you actually see the changes that need to take place happening? This should factor into whether or not to take an ex-girlfriend back.
What Do You Want in Your Life?
The post-breakup situation causes life to shift, often in dramatic ways. After going through the whole time period of being alone, what is it that you want from life now? Does she even fit in your plans any more? Do you honestly want to go down the path of reconciliation or are you just dealing with the pull that strong emotions can have after a relationship ends?
There is a tendency to begin thinking about all of the good times spent with one another. However, the negatives cannot be glossed over or overlooked because they will arise once again in any new version of the relationship. Don’t get stuck in the mindset of believing that everything was rosy, when there were fundamental problems with the situation, between you and your ex-girlfriend.
If there is still a great deal of uncertainty, try not to rush back into things with her. You can still consider it but don’t let strong emotions overpower your judgment. This can especially be the case if you’re in transition with the other areas of your life such as career, where you’re living, education, or even just wanting to start fresh on your own. Rushing back into a dysfunctional relationship can alter your other life plans and then that reconciliation will eventually fail too…which can waste both of yours time and effort.
Really take the time to properly consider everything about the relationship, her, and what you want for your life. With time, a clearer understanding will come to light. If after a thorough investigation into whether or not to get back together, you’re still unsure, then the best answer is probably a firm no. You cannot be unsure about this, because the problems will simply come up again in the future.