OK, so, the break up happened and now your ex is practically shouting at you to move on with your life. “Just forget about me” she says or she is dating someone else and wants you to stop clamoring for how things used to be. What is a guy to do when he finds himself in such a situation?
Well, there is the old adage, hope for the best but prepare for the worst and that is always an attitude you should take into any post-breakup scenario. The caveat being that, what you currently think is best (getting her back) isn’t always the case, and one needs to explore the possibilities of his own life moving forward.
What’s Your Situation? Does She Mean It?
She’s already said to forget about her and move on with your life. As such, you should take that at face value, that the relationship has now concluded and will not be reconciled. Is that always the case?
No, sometimes, women will have a change of heart but at this point in a break up it is usually a low percentage shot of that happening.
Now the specific situation depends on a number of variables such as if she is with another guy or if you did something especially egregious such as cheating with another woman, which has generated a lot of hate towards you.
The more factors such as these that are in play, the lower the odds of getting back together are, it’s just the way it goes.
However, even if the breakup seemed to come out of the blue and you can’t pinpoint a specific fault on your own end, the relationship might be doomed anyways.
Women generally don’t make these types of decisions on a whim and usually have an exit plan well in advance of actual separation.
Also, you need to factor in the length of time it has been since she dumped you. For instance, if she tells you to move on almost immediately after a breakup, there is a greater chance that she is acting on pure emotion and the statement might not be a concrete truth (although, it might).
However, if it’s been many weeks, months, or even years…then you really do need to get on with your life.
In any scenario, I still tend to just take what she says at face value, and reconsider that if I’m get overt signals from her that she didn’t actually mean it.
The best course of action has always seemed to me, to always to prepare myself for the total end of a relationship, even when it doesn’t come to pass. If I have an opportunity at reconciliation later, and that’s what I still want, then I can pursue that. Plus, I’ll be in a better position in my life, to do so.
Here’s Your Sign to Leave Her Alone
If you are getting no signs of a possible reconciliation and she does things like ignore your texts, calls, tells you to leave her alone, etc…then you seriously need to back off.
Even if you want her back AND it is actually a possibility, pressing her at this particular juncture, is going to push her further away. Thus, she becomes more spiteful towards you.
She needs space to live her life, figure things out, and explore new things without you. The same is true for you. You need to work on getting over her and starting new things in your life.
The reason for this is that, after a breakup it is a tumultuous and emotional time, and decisions on getting back together in the midst of all that, usually aren’t good ones based on rational thought.
If you’ve evaluated your personal situation and the chances of getting back together are looking slim to none, then that means they usually are.
This is a very hard truth to face and some guys just refuse to ever comes to terms with this new change in their lives. It is not the end of the world, it is simply a new phase in your life.
There are like 4 billion females on the planet, so the odds are definitely in all of our favor, that we can literally find dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of better options than our ex-girlfriends depending on how much effort we are willing to put forth.
There was a time in your life before you knew her and dated her and there will be a time after…and YES, this time can be even better…I’ve been dumped multiple times and while it hurts, I always come back stronger.
Heck, I wrote a whole Kindle book about coming out of that turmoil, becoming stronger, better, and having many more women as a result:
Remember, girls can’t make you happy. They can enhance your life and create a feeling of dependence but they can never make you happy, only you can.
Constant arguments, anger, bad attitude, not wanting to see you, not wanting to communicate with you, is seeing other guys, indifference towards you or working things out with one another, making big changes in her life…the list goes on and on.
However, these are things that are tell-tale indicators that she doesn’t want to get back together, and if all of them are present in your situation…all signs point to the end of this relationship. Thus, we must work to move forward without her.
Do You Actually Want Her Back? Or, Taking Her Advice, and Moving On without Her.
Try to set your emotion and ego aside for a minute. What do you honestly miss about her? Get down to the roots of your attachment to this chick and ask yourself some questions.
What does she specifically provide that you could not get from any other girl? The pull of emotions is quite strong after a breakup and the clarity that comes with time passed and positive changes can have us feeling quite different about things.
For example, if you’re a guy who’s had several breakups in the past, do you still miss some girl you dated in high school? College?
These old girls rarely if ever cross my mind and I know that I’ll probably have at least a few more of these types of breakups at some point in my life. Am I going to let my life go to shit each time a woman has a change in heart? Hell no!
This is legitimate question which needs to be answered because if it’s not the right one, then you need to move on.
- Feeling lonely is not a good reason.
- Thinking that you will be forever alone or that you currently have no other female options is not a good reason.
- Her being ‘good enough’ instead of the right one. You don’t have to settle.
- You don’t have a clear path for your future, that’s okay but don’t cling to your past, just because it’s familiar and feels safe.
- You think that she will solve your personal issues or at least mask them.
- You don’t have a ready alternative available
- Your ego is making it hard to let go
If you find yourself in a place in which your ex specifically tells you to move on with your life, you should definitely heed her words, and you’ll probably be thankful later that you did.
Sometimes, a breakup is the surest way to avoid a train wreck later, go read some divorce horror stories online if you don’t believe me. Yes, it’s going to suck getting through the emotional turmoil and loneliness but that’s part of being human…but it gets better.
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So, after taking time by abiding by her wishes and leaving her be, assess the situation. What do you actually want?
Is she the right fit or merely a good one? Is there any real chance of getting back together? After all, both parties will have to buy into any new relationship. And it would be a new relationship, because the old one failed.
What would change? What would be better in any potentially new relationship? What are the problems that she brings to the relationship? What about yours?
What do you honestly want to be doing with your life in 5 years? Would she even fit into those plans? Or would things be okay for a while, before another break up took place?
Take time and honestly think about those questions.
In the mean time, during the period of No Contact, make serious efforts to work on your life, emotional, and physical well-being. During these highly emotional times, one must be active in ensuring, that you get better, and not get dragged down into a dark place mentally.