Sometimes, it’s over because you cheated or he cheated. Other times, it’s more of a clean break, but there is still the lingering feeling of wanting to reconcile. Yet still, there are times when he has moved on or is just stubborn, and you’re wanting to know how you can win your ex-boyfriend back quickly?
Following a breakup, it is a common thing for ladies to want to get back with their now, ex-boyfriend. It is a very anxious and emotional time after a split. As you now, have to deal with such a major change in your life, and must figure a way to move forward with or without this guy.
Whatever took place in your personal situation, these kinds of erratic feelings can take their toll on a person and make someone desperate to want to fix a relationship as it had been previously. What one needs to recognize about a break up is that the relationship itself will never be the ‘same’. It can be started anew and repaired but it will always have to be created as a newer and more functional relationship in order to persist into the future.
It is usually much more than one simple thing that causes a breakup. That means if you would only go back and change one thing, the relationship was still probably doomed. The first big decision one has to make before attempting to rekindle things with their ex-boyfriend, is if that getting back together fast, is really what you want or is this decision being based on a poor emotional state.
Before getting into steps to take to try to restart things with your ex, I am going to cover some reasons why you may want to reconsider at this point in time. Having a clear mind will allow you to have a better vantage point to decide what your next steps should be.
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Steps to Win an Ex-Boyfriend Back?
1. See Clearly Again Before Trying to Get Back Together
It is a very good idea to try and see the truth about your failed relationship. No BS, no lies, no idealizing.
We tend to only think about the good aspects of the relationship after a breakup, because we start to have doubts and feel great loneliness at times.
What were really the problems fundamentally? Be brutally honest in your assessment. Was it cheating? Was it a lack of communication? Did you two start to go down separate paths in life? Did you want different things out of the relationship?
Are these problems fixable in a short period or time or are they going to take more work? Heck, are they fixable at all?
What’s going to change about the two of you as a couple and how you get along, even if you get him to come back soon? Are the issues going to creep back up and make the relationship fall apart in short order, once again?
If he initiated the breakup, why did he do so? One doesn’t need to tear themselves down or belittle their self-worth, but you should try to be honest about what the causes of him wanting out were.
Sometimes, these are fixable, and other times they will point to things being over for good. Nonetheless, it is critical for any new relationship that will emerge, to be one that will ultimately prove solid.
There’s no point in doing all that work to reconcile, only to have it all spectacularly fall apart, a few months down the line.
Figure out exactly what the problems were and if these core issues are a deal breaker or something that can be repaired with a little bit of work.
There are plenty of couples who will be great for each other in one moment of time, then, no longer be correct for one another as life moves forward. People grow and grow apart.
Gaining clarity in this way, can help you to make a choice to move on or to potentially try and get him back.
2. Get Out From Under Dependency
Happiness does not come from a relationship or another person, happiness comes from within.
If one’s internal well-being or sense of self comes from an external source, then, as soon as it goes away (like a breakup) then the happiness (or whatever word you want to use) will disappear.
Too few people understand this and as a result, get walloped emotionally when their significant other leaves.
It is easy to become addicted to someone who makes you feel good about yourself, however, it can dredge up all types of negative emotions in their absence.
This is why it is a good idea to go no contact for a period of time post-relationship in order to let yourself heal and get some perspective on your life. Otherwise, one can fall into their own mental traps and become especially needy towards that other person.
This emotional dependency and expectation of the other person always being around, takes time to get past. Wallowing in the constant negative emotions for too long, helps to reinforce them.
This is why after a breakup, I always give myself a set period of time each day to just feel bad about it.
Then, I purposefully, add things into my schedule that induces positive emotions.
This can be simple things like meditation, listening to motivational speeches, watching comedy movies/shows…any simple thing to get me in a more upbeat mood. It’s kept basic to help ween me off of those intense negative emotions and not allowing them to become a permanent fixture.
In a very real way, it is like breaking a bad habit or addiction. Negative emotions can be so intense, that it becomes a habit to just sit in them and let it fester.
That’s a bad long-term proposition. So, one must consciously move forward, by allowing positive emotions to be experience. It’s like re-learning how to feel good.
3. Let Time Do Work
Time is important because it can be very difficult to figure things out after a relationship ends, as emotions are not stable.
Making bad decisions when you’re in this sort of state of mind can have negative consequences and push you to make irrational judgments when you otherwise would not have acted in a specific way.
You can’t allow yourself to be one of those people who pines after and wallows about their exes for years after the fact, instead of moving on with your life. Time apart and time to heal lets you get things in your life together and make good decisions about where you would like to go.
We can crave being with the other person whether we actually want to get back together with them or not. Familiarity is comfortable and a breakup throws our comfortable lives into complete upheaval. Thus, we feel like we want things to go back to the way they used to be.
However, the passage of time bring about lots of change in our lives. This is why people we dated a long time ago, don’t have the same pull that they once did, if we even think about them at all.
The time period immediately following a split, is highly volatile, and within this emotional tumult poor decisions can be made. Decisions made not of sound reasoning, rather, insanely powerful emotions that may disregard what it best for us in the long-term.
Not learning to heal and mend after things go bad, is what brings about the obsessiveness in the future. This is why some people continually pine for their exes, years after they dated them. Whether or not the reconciliation actually takes place, it is very important to get oneself in a solid and healthy mental state. This comes about with time and a steady work towards mental clarity.
4. Using the No Contact Rule During this Time of Healing
The first step to getting ready to try to get an ex boyfriend back, is doing the full assessment of the situation, and deciding if that’s actually what you want. Next, comes the time apart to get your emotional house in order, it is during this time that we apply the No Contact Rule.
No Contact is exactly what the name suggests, taking a certain period of time (about 30-45 days), and not talking to or texting the ex. It is important to stick to this as best as possible, as you both need time to cool off, and experience the separation for a while.
Use this time to improve your daily moods and emotional state. Also, figure out what direction you want to take things, if the reconciliation doesn’t occur. This can be personal development or life goals of a positive nature. Not wallowing about the broken relationship.
5. Don’t Get Desperate
Lots of people have the impulse after a break up to plead, beg, and generally act desperate towards their ex-boyfriend.
If that had a high success rate of working to reconcile people, then, just about every break up in history would have been mended.
There needs to be time apart. An ex needs to figure things out, just as much as you do. Plus, nobody finds desperation to be attractive. In fact, it’s at best an annoyance, and at worst a distinct turn off.
Keep the random outbursts of anger, pleading, and the like off of your game plan.
6. What’s Next? Restart Communication or Move On
Remember when I wrote about the importance of letting time pass? Here is where that takes on another layer of importance. With time, the bad things about your relationship tend to fade in your ex-boyfriend’s memory.
This doesn’t mean that all of the problems are gone. But what it does mean is that if they truly do miss you on some level, they can start thinking about the positive aspects, of what once was.
If you have played things correctly up until this point, the two of you have spent significant time apart from one another, and you have both grown up and improved yourself as a person.
You have had time to reflect on whether or not getting back together is a good choice to make or not. While they, have also had time to consider what their life is like without you.
From experience, the girls who wanted to come back always made the first move in contacting me. I would always get a text or online message saying something like, “Hey, I was just thinking about you and wanted to see how you are doing.” Or something like, “I was driving over by (insert place) and it reminded me of (some time spent together).”
If they do not contact you first, after a month or more apart from each other with no contact and you working on yourself, then it may be time to consider opening a dialogue with them.
When you get to this point, however, you must be absolutely certain that you do indeed want them back. You are also accepting of the fact, that there is no guarantee, that they will get back together with you.
You need to have better reasons to get back together with someone, other than simply, missing them or being hurt without them. That’s just missing an addiction and not the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Do the pros of being together with this person really outweigh the cons enough to invest that kind of time and energy into trying to make it work?
There are plenty of people out there who are good fits for each other but those who are truly great fits are few and far between. Be honest with yourself about what you want and who this person truly is.
What’s the first move in Communicating?
Reestablishing contact with an ex can be a tricky proposition. This was especially true in the days before cell phones were common and you actually had to try to call their house or see them in person.
Luckily, text messaging, has made things much simpler for opening lines of communication with an ex-boyfriend.
Think about it:
- They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
- That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance of them answering.
- You can craft the right message to them. Thus, again increasing the odds that they’ll bite on the message.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication. Texting isn’t invasive and with the right strategy, an ex won’t feel like you’re constantly pestering them to talk. It’s much more casual and there’s less pressure on them.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Check them out, if not. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.
In this program, he breaks down the strategy of getting the lines of communication back open with the other person, and how to move things along towards a potential reconciliation.
Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:
“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.
“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! Thank you Michael !!!