Alright, so, you’ve been through the ringer of the post-breakup period and now want to make your ex-girlfriend to want you back again. Not only do you want her back, you want her to do the ‘chasing’ in the process. Well, that’s a fine wish, but how do you go about getting her to miss you enough to want to come after you and rekindle things? In this post, I’m going to break down some considerations before embarking on such a quest and spell out exactly what it takes to make a girl chase a man.
Is This What You Really Want?
Before we get started in the hows and whys of getting a girl to pursue you, I want to write a bit of a caution about making this a goal. If we are focusing on trying to alter the behavior of one girl, we aren’t particularly focused on ourselves and what is directly within our control. There is no guarantee that you can ever get a girl back and most of the time, it frankly isn’t worth bothering. Secondly, it kind of puts our ego’s in control, where we are trying to prove how awesome we are to ourselves, that we can get a woman to chase after us. I mean, it’s a different experience from the norm but isn’t necessarily a worthwhile pursuit or use of our time.
Thirdly, part of this process involves getting other women attracted to us. As such, our interest will naturally be diffused, and by the end of it you probably won’t even want your ex-girlfriend around. It can take us men awhile to fall in love, but once we do, we are locked in on this one girl. Especially, if she becomes your only real option as a female companion. However, when we have multiple chicks around, we don’t really get the ‘your my one and only’ feelings and tend to just sit back and accumulate more women.
OK, that is my brief pitch against bothering to attempt this. Now, let’s get into it.
Why Would She Chase You?
The current status quo of the relationship has made her the object of desire and not you. In order to get a girl to chase, you must be the prize, you must be the desirable man. We allow this to happen by our obsession on the physical appearance and our sexual thirstiness…we tend to have no control over our sexual desire as men. When you lose control of your desire, the power of the relationship is shifted to her, as sex is her weapon of control.
Think about it:
- She’s had you already
- You still want her
- Other guys want her
- Few girls (maybe) want you
What exactly are you offering in this situation, that she cannot easily obtain whenever she wants?
This state of affairs is considered normal because that’s most of the relationships that we see around us. It’s almost a spectacle to us men, when we see a guy who has a bunch of women around him, and gives zero fucks about losing them. I wrote a whole book on this subject, of my own personal shift and how to cultivate becoming the desirable man, after many years of going through the same type of thing with girls. Getting girls attention, dating them, and then ultimately losing them because I didn’t have the requisite skill/lifestyle to keep them coming back for more and more.
Understand that, she already liked you, but after dating you she’s now tired of your whole vibe. You currently aren’t in a position to be chased because there isn’t anything inherently appealing about such a proposition for her. She has been deemed the desirable one in the current arrangement by your actions, this includes: texting her too much, trying too hard to get back with her, acting jealous, making her the most important thing in your life (still…after a breakup), and all the other desperate guy seeking behavior.
If you want the situation to be flipped, you cannot continue the same pattern of behavior, this is the first step in getting a girl to chase.
Perception of Value
Human interaction is based solely on our perceptions. In terms of the interactions between male and female, her response towards you, is based on how she perceives you in any given moment. Things are always different from moment to moment, it is just that our perception of time and the changes that occur down to a microscopic level are limited. This causes us to view ourselves as static beings most of the time. We get narratives in our heads from our own thoughts or external influences which tell us that we are shy, nerdy, not good enough, etc. None of these are static conditions of life but our thought patterns make them seem to be. The more we identify with these conditioned thoughts, the more they become our perceived reality.
A man’s perceived value at any given time is malleable to some extent, with the greater amount of time, having the most profound effects on it. This is why, you can get rejected by a hot girl in high school, and a few years later have her thinking you are extremely hot…due to whatever positive alterations you made to effect external perceptions about you. It could be the way you walk, talk, look, or whatever. Value, is a very fluid thing for men. We can boost our perceived value because it is based more on a totality of who we are as a man versus women who are greatly confined by their physical attractiveness.
This perception of value is why some guys have multiple women at all times while others are forever alone.
As an example, let’s imagine that there are two guys, Guy #1 and Guy #2. Four women have both of these men as their dating options…let’s see what these guys are all about.
Guy #1: Good looking, successful, educated, carries himself with confidence, social, socially connected, has many options to date.
Guy #2: Not great looking, out of shape, lives with his mom, has zero social skills, and dates his left hand (and occasionally switches to righty)
Each woman gets to choose one of the two men independently of the decisions made by the other women. Which guy will they all choose (outside of one having a fetish for scrubs)? Obviously, Guy #1, as his perceived value is much higher. Not only that, these women will prefer to share that first guy over Guy #2, because of this value gap.
Some kind of acceptance is made by the women, who intuitively know that Guy #1 has other women around, BUT since they have no interaction with the other women they are willing to date him also. It’s sort of an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ phenomenon, where since the girls don’t directly know about one another, they will gladly share him. Now, this arrangement might not be tenable for the long run, but even when the women leave Guy #1, Guy #2 will still be home alone.
That’s the level that many guys can find themselves at…chicks would rather be the side piece for an ‘attractive man’ versus being the steady girlfriend/wife of the guy with seemingly few redeeming qualities.
Now, in order to get an ex-girlfriend to be interested in you enough to chase, your perceived value needs to be raised in her eyes. This usually requires that your value be raised in the eyes of lots of other women too. Raising your value, so to speak, can be a long-term process for lots of guys…which is why it’s mostly a good idea to just move on from your ex. However, some guys, already have the social skills to make things happen and in that case it makes sense to back off from communication with your ex-girlfriend and go full on into creating a bad ass lifestyle, that would perhaps make her reconsider.
Let’s explore some ways to alter the perception the external world has of you (your ex-girlfriend in particular) and how this flips the script to make you seem really desirable.
Downgrade Her Credit Rating with You
I’m taking a financial concept and applying it here. As your girlfriend, she was AAA rated…meaning, she had complete access to you and your life whenever she wanted, on very good terms. That is the benefit of being your girlfriend. Now, that the two of you are no longer together, her credit rating gets docked significantly. She gets treated like every other girl and the full access is over with.
What this means in practical terms is that you pay very little attention to her and you aren’t in communication with her, unless she reaches out to you first. Even then, keep it as bare bones as possible. Don’t be mean or bring up old relationship baggage but be cordial and non-needy.
The reason why this is such a crucial element to getting a girl to chase you, is that, both trying to bombard her with texts and being always available is chasing behavior. You cannot be chased if you are the one chasing.
If the relationship is over, you no longer have the responsibility to treat her as your girlfriend. She doesn’t get the special treatment because the verbal agreement of ‘being together’ is now null and void. She has to get in line for your time, just like anyone else would.
Bring in the New Recruits
There is this weird concept of ‘winning’ a breakup that is going around and women especially seem to really buy into this notion. It’s basically the idea that one side is doing better than the other in the aftermath of a doomed relationship, making it into some kind of competition, instead of just remembering the good times together and moving forward. You shouldn’t give a flying fuck about ‘winning’ a break up but you should recognize that women will always compare who comes after them and tend to notice when their ex-boyfriends have a ton of options.
So, this is one of the reasons I’m hesitant to suggest that guys attempt to make their ex’s start to chase them. Many guys simply don’t have the necessary skills at this point in their development to bring in new women quickly when they have a break up. It kind of makes it hard to get someone to really want you, if nobody else seems all that interested. It’s supply and demand in action. Always know that there is no guarantee a girl will come back to you. However, you should still take your new found freedom, as an opportunity to improve your life in every facet.
The absolutely quickest way to meet lots of women in a short amount of time is through an app like Tinder. You can also leverage the new Tinder Social feature to hang out with groups of people and seriously ramp up the amount of contacts, friends, and ladies you have available. If you’re decent at utilizing this app, you can turn it into two dates per week easily. The two best dates, that I have found, are either inviting the girl along when you’re already going out with your friends to a bar (even better if she brings friends too) or having a designated bar close to where you live in which you go meet her for drinks. The first option is great because it builds comfort and she gets to see you interacting with others. The second is great because it takes less of your time, you already know what to order to save money, and since you’re close by your house it is easy to get her to come over afterwards.
Now, I’m not going to get into a step by step breakdown of how to pick up girls or how to have a successful date, as it is beyond the scope of this post. However, in order to have any girl chase you, there must be other girls who want to chase you as well. Having lots of women around acts as sort of a multiplier effect, which brings even more women, and things just grow from there. Exes always notice who it is you’re dating after them and if you suddenly have lots of girls buzzing around, the idea that she may have made a mistake could take hold (again, this is why I don’t like trying to make an ex chase, it’s way too involvement to waste on one girl).
Beyond just having more girls around, building an active social life is also important. Most girls don’t want to be with a complete loner and having lots of options socially at the very least creates the illusion of having a lot going for you. You can join groups, play sports, and do whatever else it takes to meet and hang out with new people. Think about it, if your ex girlfriend suddenly saw a bunch of social photos or commitments of you on her Facebook timeline, would she realize that perhaps you aren’t wallowing and spending your time thinking about her? If others want to spend so much time with you, doesn’t that make you inherently more attractive?
The easiest change to make in one’s life is a change to the body. Getting in shape is like improving your resume with women, it may not always get you the job, but it will usually get you an interview opportunity. Some guys may not need this aspect, however, if you could drop 20-30 in the next 4-6 months and get into fantastic shape, it can make an immense difference to how all girls respond towards you (including an ex). This was a huge part of my own life, putting on muscle and dropping fat, got me soooo many more girls than I had before. Add that, to good social skills and a cool life, and you’ve got an attractive recipe.
Get Your Life Together
OK, beyond just getting girls, friends, and getting into shape…get your life together! Your ex-girl probably had long-term plans for you at one point in time, right? Meaning, she possibly could have seen herself marrying you or something along those lines. Why would any woman, go for a guy who doesn’t have much going on for himself? This includes education, career opportunities, starting your own business, or just following through on all the dreams/promises that you made to yourself or her. Even if she never comes back, do yourself the favor off getting things on track to where YOU want to go with your life.
Putting this All Together
A girl will only chase you if you and your life situation are appealing to her. An ex will only chase you, if she is returning to something that is different and much better than when she left. It has to be a better deal than the previous relationship, that was obviously broken. What this means for a man is that your entire life situation must be improved upon to the degree that it’s obvious to any woman that she is entering a good situation for herself. She won’t chase you if everything is the same…that relationship is a known quantity to her and it wouldn’t make sense to just go back to it. However, this can take a long while to transform one’s life on such a scale and by the time it happens you may not even want her back.
What’s the first move?
Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.
Think about it:
- They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
- That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
- You can craft the right message to them.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.
Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:
“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.
“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! Thank you Michael !!!
“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul
If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee:
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