There are many different circumstances, one could find themselves in, following the demise of a relationship. Sometimes, your ex-girlfriend is still single for a long period of time after the break up. Maybe, she has gone through a series of rebounds, that weren’t very serious. Other times, a serious relationship may follow another, to simply divest themselves emotionally from the previous one and want to move on with their lives. There are a lot of ways people ‘move on’ from a break up either alone or with other people. But how does one get an old girlfriend back, when she has decided to go forward with her life?
Assessing the Situation
Different folks have different levels of commitment to their decisions in life. For some, deciding that they’re done with a relationship is a finality. They make up their minds and it’s over completely. For others, their mind wavers, they can’t seem to let go of the past or questioning whether or not they’re making a poor decision.
It is because of these varying personalities and levels of commitment, that a wide variety of potential outcomes exist when trying to get together with an ex-girlfriend.
Also, there is the variable of whether or not she is single, in a relationship currently, or dating multiple guys casually. All of which presents its own set of problems and limitations.
In the situation where she is currently in a relationship, it can be extremely difficult to try to get back together with an ex, and most of the time simply not even worth trying to do. I mean, you have to both hope that her relationship ends, and that she’d even want to get back with you. Both variables are outside of your control.
When she moves on, it can be a definite thing, and once she’s confident in her decision, there is very little that you can say or do to help to change her mind. The reality of the situation is that she may indeed be gone for good, and if it has gotten to this point, that it is very likely that she is.
It is important that you start to see things how they really are. Stop the notions in your head that everything will all be fixed, if you just do one or two things, to make the relationship happen again. If you’re relationship has ended, then it definitely had problems, simple as that.
Thinking that things will be the same if you were to get back together is a form of delusion on your part. Even if you were to get back together with her, things wouldn’t be the same, the relationship would have to evolve into a new form in order to have a chance of succeeding.
Things change and people do too. If she has changed enough to move on from the relationship, then that is a good sign that you should probably do the same. At least enough to learn how to live on your own again, before trying to jump start the failed relationship.
Moving on, for your part, means learning to accept things as they are now and to learn to be happy on your own. Learn to cope with the loneliness and figure out ways to grow as a person, so that you can make a sound decision about what route you want to follow, either moving on completely or actually trying to make things work with her.
These addictive feelings you may have for her are not healthy, and are not a valid reason, to try and get back together. They are simply a form of dependency.
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How to Pursue a Reconciliation
There is a great deal of fear and uncertainty following a break up. This can be especially true, if you see your ex-girlfriend moving on, while you are still pining for her everyday. It feels like you haven’t really done anything with your life since she left.
There may be a fear that if you do not get her back that you will end up alone. That doesn’t have to be the case, there are plenty of other girls out there who are available, but you also need to be strong enough to learn how to be happy on your own.
Learn not to be stuck in the past, or chasing after your ex, who may no longer be interested in you.
Acceptance of the Outcome
Whether or not she ever gets back together with you, there needs to be an acceptance to move on with your own life, regardless of the outcome. If she comes back, cool. If not, also fine. Life can’t stop moving forward, just because one person, no longer wants the same relationship that they did before.
This is the first step towards getting past any break up. Plus, any reconciliation that takes place is basically a new relationship, and the old baggage needs to be left behind.
No Contact and Focus on The Self
In order to get back together with someone, you have to be able to re-attract them. This can be super hard to do and doesn’t always work…which is why we need to accept the outcome. However, one is definitely not going to appear attractive to another person, by constantly calling, texting, and begging for them back.
For this reason, a period of No Contact must be applied before trying to get back with someone. Now, you may already be in this stage, fine. Though, for guys who are still trying to convince their ex to come back, you should take a break. Desperation isn’t attractive.
People don’t like to be told what to do directly. They want to be able to come to a decision on their own, without negative influence. So, if she’s currently single, trying to convince her to get back together with you is going to be an uphill battle. She needs good reasons, that she arrives at on her own, not a daily sales pitch from you.
Time apart is necessary for healing to begin. If the relationship ended poorly, then, there’s going to need to be some time during which both parties can be on their own and get themselves in a better mental state.
Take the time during No Contact to focus on improving yourself. Focus on your faults that caused relationship friction. Get your life figured out and what you want from it. What are your goals as an individual, independent from her or any other woman you may meet?
Letting Go of Negative Thoughts if She’s Seeing Someone
Your ex may now be seeing another guy and you want to win her over to you because you have some fear that he may be a better man than you. A lot of this kind of stuff is simply ego. It comes with not being able to accept life and the changes that come along with it, you can’t stand losing because you perceive that your value as a man is lowered.
Basically equating getting your ex-girlfriend back with proving your self worth. This is a very unhealthy way to look at things and can lead you to do things such as meddling in her current relationship or trying to drive a wedge between them. Stop being desperate. Learn to be on your own and be happy on your own before deciding if you should try to spark things anew with her.
One question you definitely need to answer before deciding if you want to get back together with an ex is, what has really changed? If you and her were to get back together today, why would it work out this time? What has been resolved in the underlying issues of the relationship?
If the answer is not much in the way of positive changes, then you’re chasing a false dream. Going back to a girl simply because you now miss her, because she is seeing someone else, or your options are limited; is pretty damn lazy and a waste of time. The two of you may be on completely divergent paths now and going back simply is not an option for you. Most relationships don’t work out for the rest of your life, but each one is helpful in learning from and applying those lessons to future relationships with women.
If You Really Still Want Her Back…
If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee:
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