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How to Get Over Your Ex-Girlfriend Sleeping with Someone Else

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A very common issue which guys must face after a relationship ends, is the thought of their ex-girlfriend having sex with someone else (either in imagination or reality). The fact that you spent so much time with this girl and grew to have such a deep connection makes it feel really terrible when she is sharing that type of intimacy with another guy. Seeing your ex in this type of relationship so soon can have devastating effects on your psychological state and emotions. How does one accept this as it is and move on?

 

Jealousy and Ego

 

It is interesting as to when we become emotional and/or jealous about a girl having sex. A lot of times when we meet a new girl and begin a relationship with her, she isn’t a virgin (maybe she was in your case) BUT we don’t have the same type of emotional negativity towards the fact that she was with other guys before you. If you do feel that way about guys in the past, then you have a deep seeded attachment to your ego and the self-image you have built for yourself. However, for most guys it really isn’t a big deal because we figure, “She’s with me now.”

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

Once she moves on from you and starts to sleep with other guys, why does it bother you more? Her having sex, in no way diminishes you as a man nor does it diminish your past relationship. That relationship has already occurred in the past and run its course. Really, why should it bother you? You do not have to feel threatened by another man or jealous of him. This type of competition or comparison is the breeding ground of envy, which will only serve to drag you down further. Making you more angry, sad, depressed, etc.

One major factor is the sense of ownership that people get when they are in a relationship. It’s this idea of ‘she’s mine’, which is ultimately an illusion. No girl is ever ‘yours’, she is her own person and while a strong bond and attachment can form, it doesn’t mean that this is going to stay the same forever. After all, there was a time in the past where you probably didn’t know her, she was with another guy, you were seeing other women…there is no difference now, things back then changed, and then things changed again. Acknowledge this fact and begin to let it go.

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Reduce It to Its Base



One way to cope with and begin to transcend the jealousy and other emotions that you feel when you think about your ex-girlfriend having sex with another man is to break down the act to it’s core. Think about this reductionist exercise in very clinical terms. What is actually happening? A man sticks his penis inside a vagina, where is skin comes into contact with her. Friction occurs from thrusting in and out until finally there is an intense spasming and some goo shoots out. That’s it. That’s what we get so upset about, when there’s actually no use crying over spilled goo.

Once reduced to it’s more clinical and technical base, do the same thing with your feelings. What actual harm is this causing me? Does this erase the fact that I’ve already had a sexual relationship with this woman? Does him having sex with her negate my masculinity? Does this preclude me from ever having another woman? Will I even give a damn about her having sex with someone else in 10 years? 5 Years? Hell, 5 months?

This short-lived upset is born out of your attachment towards the narrative in your head you keep telling yourself about your masculinity and your failed relationship. Thoughts and memories betray us, as they constantly loop inside our mind, and more and more images get added to them. This makes these scenes and memories more vivid and emotional for us, which creates greater attachment, especially when we begin to interpret them and buy into this story that we’ve created.
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Why Getting Used to This Helps in the Future

 

Think about the ways women can actually hurt or manipulate you. Either by using sex or emotion. If she wants to entice you to do something, she may use sex as a reward. If she wants to punish you, she withdraws sex. If she wants to really hurt you, she may give sex to another man (known as cheating) in order to make you jealous and feel pain. It’s the same way with emotional manipulation and guys fall for it almost every single time.

What if you became centered emotionally and took full control of your sexuality and sexual desire? What if you got to the point where it didn’t bother you if you thought about another guy having sex with a girl you were once with? Without any ego attachment to the act of sex, how would your ex honestly hurt you emotionally? Not just your ex but women you date in the future.

It’s very possible to get to a state where you don’t care about such frivolous things and let go of any girl who goes away with another guy or tries to break the confines of your relationship. Many guys in polyamorous relationships, let their girlfriend or wife, have sex with other guys and it doesn’t bother them. I’m not saying that you have to pursue that type of relationship, but they do have some useful concepts on jealousy and sex. What if you decide to have sex on your own terms and not go chasing it like some rabid dog? Her seductive charms begin to have no effect on you and you can make clear and rational decision about what you want from your sexual life.

 

What this Boils Down to

The key is not to just grit it out or cope with these feelings. The key is to become aware of them as they bubble up and not let them take control of yourself. Recognize the anger or other feeling when it arises. Observe it. Are you that anger? Do you have to let it ‘become’ who you are? Can you observe this feeling, recognize where it is coming from, feel it, and then let it go? Don’t become a victim in your own mind, even if it’s justified, as it will only serve to create another story in your head which will loop continuously and drag you down with it. It is easier to get angry or depressed about these things but letting them go is a much more effective way to deal with them.

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Exploring the world of dating and so-called Pick-up Artistry, through the lens of the mind. Game without Games, from attractyourdevelopment.com, eschews traditional pickup advice and gets down to the core concepts of self including: fear, truth, connection, and desire. Taken from the author’s own personal experience in approaching, attracting, and dating women from age eighteen through his twenties, this book strips away all of the tips and tactics of the PUA community. Instead, this book focuses on personal development and cultivating what the ancient Stoic philosophers referred to as the internal.

With a greater inner strength and by focusing on developing one’s life in totality, attraction occurs naturally by becoming a ‘desirable man’. Game then is about expressing of oneself and exploring who she is, instead of trying to remember lame pick-up lines or tricks and tactics to get laid. Things become natural and flow from the relaxed and confident state of the man. He has control of his mental faculties and thus can accept life and social interactions on his own terms. Not chasing women or putting up with disrespect or other nonsense.

If you want to learn how to talk to girls, in a step by step format…go elsewhere. However, if you want to explore the mental side of game and the letting go of pickup dogma, Game without Game might be the book for you.

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How to Attract Your Ex-Girlfriend Again

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Okay, so this post is a bit different in some ways from the usual of trying to restart a broken relationship with your ex-girlfriend. In some cases, the relationship may have ended due to fighting, cheating, or something else and the girl is still attracted to and in love with the guy. Those situations aren’t necessarily easy to fix but they do have different circumstances to deal with. On the flip side of the coin, there are relationships that end because the ex-girlfriend is no longer attracted to the guy she was dating, and these types of situations can be tricky to deal with and even a longer term process to win her back. So, lets explore attraction and reigniting that flame.

 

Take a Step Back and Analyze the Field

 

I have found myself in this situation on several occasions, post-breakup, where I had an intense desire to get my ex-girlfriend back and indeed make her wildly attracted to me again. You must understand that this desire is more about you than it is about her. Meaning, in the emotional turmoil after a breakup, we will tend to want our exes back under any circumstance because we think it’ll make the pain and loneliness go away. It isn’t that she is the most incredible person on the planet (sorry, it’s quite doubtful she is), it is just that emotions are running so hot, that we get hung up on this one person in an unhealthy way.

Listen, following The No Contact Rule, is often about just giving yourself some time to cool off and have your rational side make a comeback appearance after the time spent wallowing, crying, pleading, begging, and every other emotionally induced behavior on the books. Take a step back and analyze whether you truly want her back or if it is simply that your ego has been bruised and getting her back will help quell the storm that has been raging inside of your mind.

Oftentimes, when you take the time to gain clarity you will see that even if she was a good fit for you, she wasn’t the right fit for you and that the thought of moving on is just scary to you. The future has yet to be determined and we tend to cling to the past when we haven’t figured out the next step we want to take is.

Getting one’s ex-girlfriend back isn’t always an easy process either. You have to determine if it is something that you really want to undertake or are you just chasing a shadow. Would she even be open to a reunion? Has she moved on? Does she hate you? If your ex-girlfriend isn’t even attracted to you anymore, then it is a safe assumption that it’s going to be a tough road to haul.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

Let’s Get Real About the Situation

 

So, there is the somewhat unspoken fact that people actually do indeed date people they aren’t that physically attracted to. This is especially true for women who can be greatly attracted by personality, status, intelligence, wealth, etc., while this stuff has less of an effect on men. We tend to want to date the hottest girl available to us in the short-term and her other qualities can hook us in for the longer term. Why do I bring this up? If a girl who wasn’t all that attracted to you physically in the first place, falls out of love with you for whatever reason, you can be up shit’s creek trying to win her back. She actually may not find you sexy anymore and as a man you need to accept that fact and remind yourself that it’s okay. Just because one girl isn’t attracted to you anymore doesn’t mean all girls will feel the same. It might be time for you to forget about it and move on.

Other guys reading this may be in an entirely different circumstance, where the girl is still physically attracted to you, she just hates the rest of you. In either case, what is required is an overhaul of her perception of you.

Boiled down to its base, what is attraction? A positive perception of another person.

For instance, imagine a guy who goes to a nightclub on two separate nights. On the first night, he goes alone and stands by himself. On the second night, he goes to the club with friends and is surrounded by women chatting and flirting with him. Which one is more attractive to the other women in the bar?

The guy who is socializing of course. He is displaying more attractive traits on the second night, even though, he is the same exact person! The only thing that changed was the women in the club’s perception of him.

Perception is involved in every aspect of attraction. If you’re a guy who has ever undergone a significant physical transformation, you probably noticed extra female attention when you got yourself into really good physical shape. Why? Your perceived value was higher. This is what makes it so difficult to get back an ex when they are no longer attracted to you, as you now have to alter how they think of you, convince them to come back, and make the changes necessary to keep the relationship going long-term….that’s a tall order for anyone.

 

Oh! What to do?!

 

There are too many variables to address every guy’s specific circumstances and what to focus on to try to re-attract his ex. The first step that I would focus on is going no contact in order to let things cool off, on both person’s end. Let me just say, that begging and pestering a girl with texts is not attractive. Nobody likes a pushover and women want to date a man and not a lapdog. The emotional pleading is more likely to make her less attracted to you, as she will now be more apt to compare you with other men. Those men will probably act confident, not needy, and highly attractive to her eyes. If you take the opposite tact, good luck buddy…

Then, figure out what it is that she isn’t attracted to anymore and work on altering those perceptions. This could range from physical appearance, to being a jerk, to being selfish, to social standing, lack of passion, lack of drive in life or any other of the many possibilities. You are now on the outside looking in and since you already have a history with her you are not starting on the same level as a guy who she has never met before. They get fertile soil from which to impress upon her who they are, while you’re dealing with scorched earth.

There is something or many things about you currently, that is not meeting her needs as a woman. These needs could be sexual, emotional, social, or even based in trust or lack thereof. Consider her needs and where you are not up to par. Now, this won’t necessarily get her back but it is a part in the attempt to do so. Figure out where things in your former relationship were failing and that will give you the best shot at a reconciliation.

What’s the first move?

Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.

Think about it:

  • They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
  • That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
  • You can craft the right message to them.
  • It’s a private and personal way of communication.

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:

Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.

Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:

“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.

“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! :D Thank you Michael !!!

“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul

If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee:

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Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back if She’s Over You?

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Trying to rekindle a broken relationship isn’t about blind desperation to try and make things as it once was. No, it cannot be like it once was because things have changed to the point where a breakup has occurred. For some fallen relationships, there are measures that can be taken and improvements which can be made in order to help start fresh again. However, for many other guys, it may be time to accept the fact that she isn’t going to come back and move on with your life.

 

What camp do you fall into?

The first thing that one must do is to figure out the likelihood of a reconciliation occurring. What is going on in your own unique situation which makes you think that she will come back to you (not just that you’re soooo awesome, of course). Analyze things….is she still communicating with you? Is she seeing someone else? How long has it been? Look for some signs that your ex may want to get back together.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

 

If, on the other hand, you are getting no signs and she does things like ignore your texts, calls, tells you to leave her alone, etc…then you seriously need to back off. Even if you want her back AND it is actually a possibility, pressing her at this particular juncture is going to push her further away and become more spiteful towards you. She needs space to live her life, figure things out, and explore new things without you. The same is true for you. You need to work on getting over her and starting new things in your life. The reason for this is that, after a breakup it is a tumultuous and emotional time, and decisions on getting back together in the midst of all that, usually aren’t good ones based on rational thought.

 

If You’re Getting No Positive Signs

If you think that there is no shot that she’ll get back together with you, then, you’re probably right. It can be brutal to have to face the truth, however, it is a necessary thing to get on with your life. It’s really sad to see guys just give up hope because one girl (no matter how great you think she is) no longer desires a relationship with them. There are guys who for years, in a completely sad state all because of a breakup. Listen, the girl was there to help enhance your life NOT to make your life or make you happy….that must come from within.

Constant arguments, anger, bad attitude, not wanting to see you, not wanting to communicate with you, is seeing other guys, indifference towards you or working things out with one another, making big changes in her life…the list goes on and on. However, these are things that are tell-tale indicators that she doesn’t want to get back together, and if all of them are present in your situation…all signs point to the end of this relationship.

I think that deep down, every guy knows this on some level. It is just that in the immediate aftermath, the emotions and the change that has taken place is just too great to handle at times. You probably didn’t plan on losing her and thought that things would keep going on as they had before. Obviously, loneliness becomes a factor and you can often times just want her back simply so you don’t have to feel this way anymore.

 

It is a really bad time to have to get through, when you come to the realization that she in all likelihood doesn’t want you back in her life in the same capacity. That isn’t to say it won’t or can’t happen, but, when the odds are looking long it can be a great idea to start moving in a new direction. This all should start to become clearer after a period of no contact and time spent reflecting on what you truly want for your life moving forward.

 

Does she want you?? Maybe. Do you want her? If yes, why?

Another way to look at your situation and determine what the best actions to take are to flip the question on its head and ask why YOU WANT HER BACK. This is legitimate question which needs to be answered because if it’s not the right one, then you need to move on.

  • Feeling lonely is not a good reason.
  • Thinking that you will be forever alone or that you currently have no other female options is not a good reason.
  • Her being ‘good enough’ instead of the right one. You don’t have to settle.
  • You don’t have a clear path for your future, that’s okay but don’t cling to your past, just because it’s familiar.
  • You think that she will solve your personal issues or at least mask them.

Find good reasons that you would even want her back. If you cannot, then let her go. If you can, then understand that she might not want to be back together with you…which is fine, there are billions of women on this planet, so you’ll be fine eventually.Maybe it is a situation in which you’re at fault and even though she wanted to stay with you, she simply could not because of your transgressions. That is a rough reality to face but one in which you’ll have to accept things, improve yourself, and try again with another woman. It’s just a time in your life where you’re have to take a loss and deal with the fact that it is most likely over for good.

The bottom line with all of this, is that, if your girlfriend is clearly displaying signs of not wanting anything to do with you then it is time to start moving on. Obsessing or wallowing about things for a long time is counterproductive towards the possibility of getting your ex-girlfriend back anyways. Start getting on with your life, improving yourself, dating other girls, and if you still think there is a shot, then you can try reopening the lines of communication and exploring the possibility of reconciliation. If she isn’t open to this, then she really doesn’t want to get back in a relationship with you.

 

 

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How to Forget About Your Ex: Getting Over it and Moving On

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Many of the feelings that come with the ending of a long-term relationship are negative, in part, because there is a fear of one’s old way of life collapsing and that things will never be the same again. It seems like a really scary thing, that life will no longer carry on as it has before, and that uncertainty will rule the day. The thing about it is, life is always changing. and people will come in and out of your life. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just the way the life of a human being is. If your an older reader of this website, I’m sure you can remember dating someone in high school or college and how when the two of you broke up it seemed like a really big deal. Nowadays, you probably don’t ever think about them and if you do it surely isn’t as emotional as it once was for you.

Younger readers, probably don’t have the same experience in dealing with break ups of relationships. This experience and flood of emotion is a new thing for you. I know how tough it can be the first time something like this happens in your life. However, billions of other people throughout time have successfully gotten through it, so you can indeed get through it also.

What Can One Do?

As I have moved my way through life and experience my own heartbreak, I have come to learn how to get over my feelings for my ex-girlfriends and keep pushing myself forward. It isn’t always an easy or even a pleasant process to have to get through but I always feel that at the end, it is a rewarding one. After all, nothing worth having, isn’t a difficult thing to attain. The highs of love wouldn’t be as high if they weren’t accompanied by the lowest of lows after a relationship has ended.

I have found out over the years that a lot of the addictive qualities of my past relationships were spurred on my a sort of co-dependency with that girl. Meaning, I was always searching for that next ‘high’ and expecting her to validate my feelings and self-worth, just as I had done for her. I have found out the hard way that if I am not happy with myself first, that, I can never be happy because of her. She CANNOT make me happy, a relationship is there to simply enhance my life experience and perhaps to grow along with one another. Searching for happiness through relationship after relationship is ultimately a pointless endeavor.

Another thing that I always like to do for some period of time following a relationship is applying the No Contact Rule. I do this, to simply give myself some breathing room without their influence over my emotions. The more I am away from them after a break up the faster I can return to my rational state of mind. No Contact forces me to be on my own and learn how to function in my life without my ex-girlfriend. I wrote about this process in detail, here.

Time is a very important factor after a break up. A break up is a loss, emotionally. It definitely takes the wind out of your sails for quite a while. What I always allow myself to do after a break up is to essentially grieve its loss for some time. I allow myself to feel these emotions and not try to cover them up or ignore it. I pull myself together in order to get through the work day or whatever else I might have going on but when I get home I can be by myself and truly let myself feel the loss. This process doesn’t go on forever, but, it is important to get emotions out in a healthy way.

How I transition out of those negative feelings, is by slowly adding more and more positive activities into my life. Exercising, reading, meditation, or whatever else that lets me have positive emotions, I will use to replace me moping around the house or crying about the break up. This reinforces good behavioral patterns and allows me to feel positive feelings so that I am not just stuck in some dark place for an extended period of time.

I also use this time post-breakup, to alter my feeling towards my now ex-girlfriend. I stop myself from idealizing the relationship and only focusing on what I thought were the good times between us. I adopt a realism, that our relationship had enough problems that it needed to end when it did and even if we were to re-kindle things, it would have to grow into a different relationship or fail again. I will eventually remind myself that, there are indeed other girls worth pursuing, and eventually start dating again in due time.

I know that I have to accept the fact that the way I may feel is not the way she might feel. Meaning, if I still want a relationship with her, I must accept the fact that she might simply just want to move on with her life without me. She may still love me but not want to be with me. I must accept that things have indeed changed to the extent that the same relationship together is no longer possible. Significant changes would have to be made for us to even think about being together in the future.

The best way to move on from an ex after a relationship is to focus on yourself and your life. Growth is an important aspect of moving on because you can’t get past your emotions if you’re constantly revisiting the past. Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions, find ways to experience positive emotions, find new ways to grow and experience life, and accept that things are no longer the same and your paths may not cross again. Here are some other helpful posts:

Stop Being Needy Post-Break Up

How to Cope with Loneliness

Ex Back or Move on Homepage

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Stop Being Needy Post-Breakup

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Here is an interesting and helpful video presentation for guys to deal with their neediness before dating.  After a break up, it can seem like you just cannot get your confidence back or deal with loneliness. In order to successfully move on or even just learn to live without your ex before deciding whether or not to get back together with them, it is important to learn how to date other women.