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A very common issue which guys must face after a relationship ends, is the thought of their ex-girlfriend having sex with someone else (either in imagination or reality). The fact that you spent so much time with this woman and grew to have such a deep connection makes it feel really terrible when she is sharing that type of intimacy with another guy.

Seeing your ex in this type of relationship so soon can have devastating effects on your psychological state and emotions. How does one accept this as it is and move on?

Jealousy and Ego

It is interesting as to when we become emotional and/or jealous about a woman having sex. A lot of times when we meet a new woman and begin a relationship with her, she isn’t a virgin (maybe she was in your case)

BUT we don’t have the same type of emotional negativity towards the fact that she was with other guys before you.

(If you do feel that way about guys in the past, then you have a deep seeded attachment to your ego and the self-image you have built for yourself.)

However, for most guys it really isn’t a big deal because we figure, “She’s with me now.”

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

Once she moves on from you and starts to sleep with other guys, why does it bother you more? Her having sex, in no way diminishes you as a man nor does it diminish your past relationship.

That relationship has already occurred in the past and run its course.

Really, why should it bother you? 

You do not have to feel threatened by another man or jealous of him. This type of competition or comparison is the breeding ground of envy, which will only serve to drag you down further. Making you more angry, sad, depressed, etc.

One major factor is the sense of ownership that people get when they are in a relationship. It’s this idea of ‘she’s mine’, which is ultimately an illusion.

No woman is ever ‘yours’. She is her own person and while a strong bond and attachment can form, it doesn’t mean that this is going to stay the same forever.

After all, there was a time in the past where you probably didn’t know her, she was with another guy, you were seeing other women…there is no difference now, things back then changed, and then things changed again. Acknowledge this fact and begin to let it go.

There also can exist a level of embarrassment about being cheated on. It feels like our status as a man has been diminished or like we will suffer socially for it.

Yes, it can cause great upheaval in your day to day life (depending on the seriousness of the relationship). Yet, that is all temporary too. It takes time to rebuild aspects of your life and move into a new direction.

But, that time will pass regardless and the issues will work themselves out, if you don’t get sucked into a negative emotional and behavioral spiral.

Reduce It to Its Base

One way to cope with and begin to transcend the jealousy and other emotions that you feel when you think about your ex-girlfriend having sex with another man is to break down the act to it’s core.

Think about this reductionist exercise, in very clinical terms.

What is actually happening? A man sticks his penis inside a vagina, where is skin comes into contact with her. Friction occurs from thrusting in and out until finally there is an intense spasming and some goo shoots out.

That’s it. That’s what we get so upset about, when there’s actually no use crying over spilled goo.

Reducing Emotional Attachment

Once reduced to it’s more clinical and technical base, do the same thing with your feelings.

• What actual harm is this causing me?
• Does this erase the fact that I’ve already had a sexual relationship with this woman?
• Does him having sex with her negate my masculinity?
• Does this stop me from ever having another woman date me?
• Will I even give a damn about her having sex with someone else in 10 years? 5 Years? Hell, 5 months?

This short-lived upset is born out of your attachment towards the narrative in your head. You keep telling yourself, again and again, about your masculinity and your failed relationship.

Thoughts and memories betray us, as they constantly loop inside our mind, and more and more images get added to them.

This makes these scenes and memories more vivid and emotional for us, which creates greater attachment, especially when we begin to interpret them and buy into this story that we’ve created.

Our brains love stories. Love getting attached to the same stories, even when it is actively harmful to our daily existence. Just like a favorite movie or TV show, we love get the same emotions activated again and again. Especially, when those emotions are negative.

Why Getting Used to This Helps in the Future

Think about the ways women can actually hurt or manipulate you. Either by using sex or emotion. If she wants to entice you to do something, she may use sex as a reward. If she wants to punish you, she withdraws sex.

If she wants to really hurt you, she may give sex to another man (known as cheating) in order to make you jealous and feel pain. Sometimes, it may just be a case of lust, and not much thought was put into it. It was just sex.

It’s the same way with emotional manipulation, and guys fall for it, almost every single time.

• What if you became centered emotionally and took full control of your sexuality and sexual desire
• What if you got to the point where it didn’t bother you if you thought about another guy having sex with a woman you were once with?
• Without any ego attachment to the act of sex, how would your ex honestly hurt you emotionally?

Not just your ex, but women you date in the future.

It’s very possible to get to a state where you don’t care about such frivolous things, and let go of any girl, who goes away with another guy or tries to break the confines of your relationship.

What if you decide to have sex on your own terms and not go chasing it like some rabid dog?

Her seductive charms begin to have no effect on you. Then, you can make clear and rational decision about what you want from your sexual life.

She can probably get sex whenever she wants, but can she get a solid loving relationship whenever? Nope.

It’s funny because that can often be the last laugh that men get in these break up scenarios. She goes out and has sex with different guys. Her ex-boyfriend is devastated. She thinks she’s won, but ultimately none of those guys care about her. The ex-boyfriend moves on into a better relationship. She is all alone, stuck with guys who only want her for sex.

She Slept with Another Guy and Now Wants Me Back…Wat Do?

Alright, let’s say the scenario is that, she slept with another guy after the break up but now wants to get back together with you. How does one handle that situation?

For me, it would depend highly on the specific circumstances. Admittedly, I would lean heavily towards moving on from that relationship, and firing up the old online dating apps to find new women to go out with.

However, I would consider the circumstances, as to whether it was just some random guy or a guy she knew.

Do I know how much time elapsed from break up to her having sex with someone else?

If it was essentially right after we split and she knew the guy (if I could ascertain that info), then I would say, “No thanks” to her reconciliation offer.

To my mind, he was a back up guy, that she could try to grab onto if things went south with our relationship. It would also be possible that she cheated on me before with him and just made things a bit more official this time around.

Either way, I don’t like it, and would move on from her.

If it had been a few months and she had sex with a guy she’d met in the interim period, I’d probably be more forgiving of that. However, it’s still a heavy lean towards ‘no’ for me.

You have to analyze your own situation and what you can handle. Let go of all the negative thought patterns, clear your mind, but really figure out how much this might bother you in the future or what impact it might have on a potential reconciliation.

What this Boils Down to

The key is not to just grit it out or cope with these feelings. The key is to become aware of them as they bubble up and not let them take control of yourself.

Recognize the anger or other feeling when it arises.

Observe it. Are you that anger? Do you have to let it ‘become’ who you are? Can you observe this feeling, recognize where it is coming from, feel it, and then let it go?

Don’t become a victim in your own mind, even if it’s justified, as it will only serve to create another story in your head which will loop continuously and drag you down with it.

It is easier to get angry or depressed about these things but letting them go is a much more effective way to deal with them.

How to Get Your Ex Back Fast Homepage

The No Contact Rule is a staple of the post-break up period. It is utilized in order to both give yourself and your now, ex-boyfriend a break from one another. The thinking is that time can bring clarity and absence makes the heart grow fonder. The big question is, does doing a 30+ No Contact period, actually work to get someone back?

Can you get a guy to return by avoiding communications and letting him be on his own for a spell of time? How does this have a high success rate? Shouldn’t pursuing an ex, with all your effort, be the way to go?

Does Going No Contact Work?

I think that it is pretty important to get down to specifics, of what is meant by ‘working’. Some folks, seem to be under the impression, that something needs to work 100% of the time in order to be effective.

I hate to break it, but nothing is 100% effective. You are dealing with human emotions, and someone outside yourself, who has his own goals and plans.

However, if we are speaking as to whether or not it is an effective tactic, versus the alternative (endless texting and begging). Then the answer is, yes, No Contact certainly does work.

In this context, it does absolutely work. As it goes counter to what most women do, when trying to get their man to come back. Very rarely do they even have a coherent plan. The beg one day, curse him the next, and leave drunk voicemails just days later.

Their emotions have them all over the map. As such, the ex-boyfriend, can be either just confused or really turned off to the prospect of ever reconciling things.

No Contact allows for consistency in messaging (or lack there of). It prevents desperation and neediness from seeping through. It allows you the time, to get your emotions under control, and creates enough space to chart a course forward.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

The No Contact Rule doesn’t give someone a perfect chance or guarantee of re-attracting a man. But, it gives one the opportunity of a higher percentage chance, versus a totally out of control emotional roller coaster.

Does No Contact work? Yep. There are situations where it doesn’t. However, it usually gives one the best odds of making the correct moves towards getting an ex-boyfriend back.

Of course, there are cases where no matter what you do, the relationship is over for good. Some guys, just reach their breaking point, or want to go in a new direction with their lives

Why do No Contact?

No Contact can be a critical part of the process, because of the healing nature of time. Having time apart is necessary for a broken up couple, as it can give both parties the clarity that they need, to figure out what to do next.

Whether that is moving on or getting back together.

It allows you to get a better picture about your life moving forward without his influence. You can feel like getting back with someone, simply because you feel bad in the moment. However, it might not be the best long-term solution, and actually be a bad move.

Going through a period of No Contact can allow you to sort that all out. He’s no longer around, so, you can get in depth with your wants without the constant communications and whatnot.

There are also underlying reasons why the two of you broke up. These are still unresolved. Taking time apart, allows you to evaluate, if they are actually fixable or if things are doomed for another break up.

It Gives Him Space

Beyond just your needs, it also give the ex-boyfriend time to get an idea about what he wants. Yes, even if he dumped you, he can still be going through an emotionally challenging time. Giving him time apart, can make him realize that he made a mistake, or that he truly does want something else.

Do You Really Want Him Back?

What can often happen, with time apart, people come to realize that they really don’t want to get back with an ex. The emotions of the post-breakup period were just so intense, that it felt like what they wanted.

However, time and separation, can give us a better view of our lives and futures. It allows us to see that, while the relationship had its positives, it ultimately wasn’t what was best for us.

Going No Contact gives us time and clarity, so that we don’t just rush head first, back into a broken relationship. We can see things that aren’t fixable or not something that we actively desire for ourselves moving forward.

What To Do During No Contact?

No Contact isn’t just about not communicating with an ex (except when legitimately necessary). It is also very useful as a time of growth and getting one’s own life back up and running. Getting ourselves in a good spot, without that emotional turmoil hanging over us.

Positive growth can come in the form of education, health, breaking bad habits, etc. They don’t need to be rash or completely life altering decisions. In fact, it’s probably best to avoid making those rash decisions, in an emotional state.

This is a very useful time, to get better as a person, and to really pursue things which make you happy/excited about the future. If you do end up getting back with the ex-boyfriend, he will be getting a improved version of you.

What Comes After No Contact?

I hope that you took the opportunity, to download the two free reports from earlier in the post, about what not to text an ex.

Those reports are from a program called, “Text Your Ex Back” by relationship expert, Michael Fiore. Along with what not to text the ex, you also get to see a basic road map of the Text Your Ex Back process.

This is a full ebook and mp3 program, which has helped thousands of people reconnect with their ex-boyfriends or girlfriends. It lays out: when to text, what to say, and how to turn text messages into meetups. Hopefully, those meetups then turn into dates, and reconciliation.

If you want more help with trying to get an ex back, give “Text Your Ex Back” a try. It comes with a full 60 day money back guarantee. Please click the link below, to watch a full video presentation by Mr. Fiore, explaining his process.

Okay, so this post is a bit different in some ways from the usual of trying to restart a broken relationship with your ex-girlfriend. In some cases, the relationship may have ended due to fighting, cheating, or something else and the girl is still attracted to and in love with the guy. Those situations aren’t necessarily easy to fix but they do have different circumstances to deal with. On the flip side of the coin, there are relationships that end because the ex-girlfriend is no longer attracted to the guy she was dating, and these types of situations can be tricky to deal with and even a longer term process to win her back. So, lets explore attraction and reigniting that flame.

Take a Step Back and Analyze the Field

I have found myself in this situation on several occasions, post-breakup, where I had an intense desire to get my ex-girlfriend back and indeed make her wildly attracted to me again.

You must understand that this desire is more about you than it is about her. Meaning, in the emotional turmoil after a breakup, we will tend to want our exes back under any circumstance because we think it’ll make the pain and loneliness go away.

It isn’t that she is the most incredible person on the planet (sorry, it’s quite doubtful she is), it is just that emotions are running so hot, that we get hung up on this one person in an unhealthy way.

Listen, following The No Contact Rule, is often about just giving yourself some time to cool off. To have your rational side make a comeback appearance after the time spent wallowing, crying, pleading, begging, and every other emotionally induced behavior on the books.

Take a step back and analyze whether you truly want her back or if it is simply that your ego has been bruised and getting her back will help quell the storm that has been raging inside of your mind.

Oftentimes, when you take the time to gain clarity you will see that even if she was a good fit for you, she wasn’t the right fit for you and that the thought of moving on is just scary to you. The future has yet to be determined, and we tend to cling to the past, when we haven’t figured out the next step we want to take is.

Getting one’s ex-girlfriend back isn’t always an easy process either. You have to determine if it is something that you really want to undertake or are you just chasing a shadow.

Would she even be open to a reunion? Has she moved on? Does she hate you? If your ex-girlfriend isn’t even attracted to you anymore, then it is a safe assumption that it’s going to be a tough road to haul.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

What is her current dating situation? If she is seeing other guys or especially, if she is with one man exclusively, these are pretty high barriers. Not impossible to overcome, but things that need to be considered, when trying to re-spark a broken relationship.

I write this section not to discourage you or get you down about the odds, but just so you’re aware that there are many difficulties. You might be surprised, as to how many folks get delusional, about how simply they can get another person to come back. Yes, it can be done, but it takes work, and is not guaranteed.

Let’s Get Real About the Situation

So, there is the somewhat unspoken fact that people actually do indeed date people they aren’t that physically attracted to.

This is especially true for women who can be greatly attracted by personality, status, intelligence, wealth, etc., while this stuff has less of an effect on men. We tend to want to date the hottest girl available to us in the short-term and her other qualities can hook us in for the longer term.

Why do I bring this up? If a girl who wasn’t all that attracted to you physically in the first place, falls out of love with you for whatever reason, you can be up shit’s creek trying to win her back.

She actually may not find you sexy anymore, and as a man, you need to accept that fact and remind yourself that it’s okay. Just because one girl isn’t attracted to you anymore doesn’t mean all girls will feel the same. It might be time for you to forget about it and move on.

Other guys reading this may be in an entirely different circumstance, where the girl is still physically attracted to you, she just hates the rest of you.

In either case, what is required is an overhaul of her perception of you.

Boiled down to its base, what is attraction? A positive perception of another person.

For instance, imagine a guy who goes to a nightclub on two separate nights. On the first night, he goes alone and stands by himself. On the second night, he goes to the club with friends and is surrounded by women chatting and flirting with him. Which one is more attractive to the other women in the bar?

The guy who is socializing of course. He is displaying more attractive traits on the second night, even though, he is the same exact person! The only thing that changed was the women in the club’s perception of him.

Perception is involved in every aspect of attraction. (Side note: I wrote an entire Kindle ebook about shifting perceptions for attraction: Game without Games). 

If you’re a guy who has ever undergone a significant physical transformation, you probably noticed extra female attention when you got yourself into really good physical shape.

Why? Your perceived value was higher. This is what makes it so difficult to get back an ex when they are no longer attracted to you, as you now have to alter how they think of you, convince them to come back, and make the changes necessary to keep the relationship going long-term….that’s a tall order for anyone.

However, depending on the variables involved in one’s own situation, the shift needed to re-attract the ex; may not be all that much. If her feelings toward you are still particularly strong (she still wants you, but there are certain things about you or the relationship causing her to be hesitant), then the shift in perception may involve only one or two things.

For other guys, it’s like trying to rebuild a house that’s burnt to the ground, everything needs to be replaced.

Oh! What to do?!

There are too many variables at play to address every guy’s specific circumstances, and what to focus on, to try to re-attract his ex.

The first step that I would focus on, is going no contact in order to let things cool off, on both person’s end. If she contacts you, be cordial and pleasant, but don’t be whiny and emotional about ‘our relationship’.

Let me just say, that begging and pestering a girl with texts is not attractive. Nobody likes a pushover and women want to date a man, not a lapdog.

The emotional pleading is more likely to make her less attracted to you, as she will now be more apt to compare you with other men. Those men will probably act confident, not needy, and highly attractive to her eyes. If you take the opposite tact, good luck buddy…

We all tend to compare the person(s) we’re currently dating with those we have in the past. It’s natural. This is especially true, when the break up was recent. So, if your ex is dating or sleeping with other guys, that comparison will happen.

Don’t give her mind any more reasons, to reinforce negative thoughts about you. Things need to begin to shift to at least neutral and right on up to highly positive.

Then during No Contact, figure out what it is that she isn’t attracted to anymore, and work on altering those perceptions. You might already know for sure, you might have a hunch, or be able to deduce some things.

That’s good, actually put in the effort to learn what you can improve upon, and then do it. We all have areas that we need to grown in, so, don’t take it as some offense to ‘who you are’ Who you are changes constantly, you just don’t notice, which is why 12 year old you is different from 25 year old you.

These changes could range from physical appearance, to being a jerk, to being selfish, to social standing, lack of passion, lack of drive in life or any other of the many possibilities.

You are now on the outside looking in. Since you already have a history with her, you are not starting on the same level as a guy, who she has never met before. They get fertile soil from which to impress upon her who they are, while you’re dealing with scorched earth.

There is something or many things about you currently, that is not meeting her needs as a woman. These needs could be sexual, emotional, social, or even based in trust or lack thereof. Consider her needs and where you are not up to par.

Now, this won’t necessarily get her back but it is a part in the attempt to do so. Figure out where things in your former relationship were failing and that will give you the best shot at a reconciliation.

Obviously, the failed relationship isn’t all your fault. It takes two, to make it work, and she has plenty of faults I’m sure. However, her faults are outside of your control, while you can improve upon yourself. Whether the improvements work for fixing this relationship or not, you get to carry them forward, into future dealings with women…which makes attraction much easier.

What’s the first move?

Once a period of No Contact has been established and worked through, it can then be time to open up a channel of communication with an ex-girlfriend.

To become re-attracted, she is going to need to see both you and the changes, first hand. Now, how we get to that point is easier said than done. After all, contact after a break up is tricky, and it can be tough to get things back on track.

Luckily, technology actually can help, in this regard. Texting is a medium that doesn’t really require the other person to have to do much and can be tailored to send them the right message.

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:

I linked to a two free reports about what not to text an ex, up near the top of the post. Hopefully, you took the time to grab your copies of them. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.

Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:

“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.

“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! Thank you Michael !!!