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How to Attract Your Ex-Girlfriend Again

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Okay, so this post is a bit different in some ways from the usual of trying to restart a broken relationship with your ex-girlfriend. In some cases, the relationship may have ended due to fighting, cheating, or something else and the girl is still attracted to and in love with the guy. Those situations aren’t necessarily easy to fix but they do have different circumstances to deal with. On the flip side of the coin, there are relationships that end because the ex-girlfriend is no longer attracted to the guy she was dating, and these types of situations can be tricky to deal with and even a longer term process to win her back. So, lets explore attraction and reigniting that flame.

Take a Step Back and Analyze the Field

I have found myself in this situation on several occasions, post-breakup, where I had an intense desire to get my ex-girlfriend back and indeed make her wildly attracted to me again.

You must understand that this desire is more about you than it is about her. Meaning, in the emotional turmoil after a breakup, we will tend to want our exes back under any circumstance because we think it’ll make the pain and loneliness go away.

It isn’t that she is the most incredible person on the planet (sorry, it’s quite doubtful she is), it is just that emotions are running so hot, that we get hung up on this one person in an unhealthy way.

Listen, following The No Contact Rule, is often about just giving yourself some time to cool off. To have your rational side make a comeback appearance after the time spent wallowing, crying, pleading, begging, and every other emotionally induced behavior on the books.

Take a step back and analyze whether you truly want her back or if it is simply that your ego has been bruised and getting her back will help quell the storm that has been raging inside of your mind.

Oftentimes, when you take the time to gain clarity you will see that even if she was a good fit for you, she wasn’t the right fit for you and that the thought of moving on is just scary to you. The future has yet to be determined, and we tend to cling to the past, when we haven’t figured out the next step we want to take is.

Getting one’s ex-girlfriend back isn’t always an easy process either. You have to determine if it is something that you really want to undertake or are you just chasing a shadow.

Would she even be open to a reunion? Has she moved on? Does she hate you? If your ex-girlfriend isn’t even attracted to you anymore, then it is a safe assumption that it’s going to be a tough road to haul.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

What is her current dating situation? If she is seeing other guys or especially, if she is with one man exclusively, these are pretty high barriers. Not impossible to overcome, but things that need to be considered, when trying to re-spark a broken relationship.

I write this section not to discourage you or get you down about the odds, but just so you’re aware that there are many difficulties. You might be surprised, as to how many folks get delusional, about how simply they can get another person to come back. Yes, it can be done, but it takes work, and is not guaranteed.

Let’s Get Real About the Situation

So, there is the somewhat unspoken fact that people actually do indeed date people they aren’t that physically attracted to.

This is especially true for women who can be greatly attracted by personality, status, intelligence, wealth, etc., while this stuff has less of an effect on men. We tend to want to date the hottest girl available to us in the short-term and her other qualities can hook us in for the longer term.

Why do I bring this up? If a girl who wasn’t all that attracted to you physically in the first place, falls out of love with you for whatever reason, you can be up shit’s creek trying to win her back.

She actually may not find you sexy anymore, and as a man, you need to accept that fact and remind yourself that it’s okay. Just because one girl isn’t attracted to you anymore doesn’t mean all girls will feel the same. It might be time for you to forget about it and move on.

Other guys reading this may be in an entirely different circumstance, where the girl is still physically attracted to you, she just hates the rest of you.

In either case, what is required is an overhaul of her perception of you.

Boiled down to its base, what is attraction? A positive perception of another person.

For instance, imagine a guy who goes to a nightclub on two separate nights. On the first night, he goes alone and stands by himself. On the second night, he goes to the club with friends and is surrounded by women chatting and flirting with him. Which one is more attractive to the other women in the bar?

The guy who is socializing of course. He is displaying more attractive traits on the second night, even though, he is the same exact person! The only thing that changed was the women in the club’s perception of him.

Perception is involved in every aspect of attraction. (Side note: I wrote an entire Kindle ebook about shifting perceptions for attraction: Game without Games). 

If you’re a guy who has ever undergone a significant physical transformation, you probably noticed extra female attention when you got yourself into really good physical shape.

Why? Your perceived value was higher. This is what makes it so difficult to get back an ex when they are no longer attracted to you, as you now have to alter how they think of you, convince them to come back, and make the changes necessary to keep the relationship going long-term….that’s a tall order for anyone.

However, depending on the variables involved in one’s own situation, the shift needed to re-attract the ex; may not be all that much. If her feelings toward you are still particularly strong (she still wants you, but there are certain things about you or the relationship causing her to be hesitant), then the shift in perception may involve only one or two things.

For other guys, it’s like trying to rebuild a house that’s burnt to the ground, everything needs to be replaced.

Oh! What to do?!

Women lust for him…

There are too many variables at play to address every guy’s specific circumstances, and what to focus on, to try to re-attract his ex.

The first step that I would focus on, is going no contact in order to let things cool off, on both person’s end. If she contacts you, be cordial and pleasant, but don’t be whiny and emotional about ‘our relationship’.

Let me just say, that begging and pestering a girl with texts is not attractive. Nobody likes a pushover and women want to date a man, not a lapdog.

The emotional pleading is more likely to make her less attracted to you, as she will now be more apt to compare you with other men. Those men will probably act confident, not needy, and highly attractive to her eyes. If you take the opposite tact, good luck buddy…

We all tend to compare the person(s) we’re currently dating with those we have in the past. It’s natural. This is especially true, when the break up was recent. So, if your ex is dating or sleeping with other guys, that comparison will happen.

Don’t give her mind any more reasons, to reinforce negative thoughts about you. Things need to begin to shift to at least neutral and right on up to highly positive.

Then during No Contact, figure out what it is that she isn’t attracted to anymore, and work on altering those perceptions. You might already know for sure, you might have a hunch, or be able to deduce some things.

That’s good, actually put in the effort to learn what you can improve upon, and then do it. We all have areas that we need to grown in, so, don’t take it as some offense to ‘who you are’ Who you are changes constantly, you just don’t notice, which is why 12 year old you is different from 25 year old you.

These changes could range from physical appearance, to being a jerk, to being selfish, to social standing, lack of passion, lack of drive in life or any other of the many possibilities.

You are now on the outside looking in. Since you already have a history with her, you are not starting on the same level as a guy, who she has never met before. They get fertile soil from which to impress upon her who they are, while you’re dealing with scorched earth.

There is something or many things about you currently, that is not meeting her needs as a woman. These needs could be sexual, emotional, social, or even based in trust or lack thereof. Consider her needs and where you are not up to par.

Now, this won’t necessarily get her back but it is a part in the attempt to do so. Figure out where things in your former relationship were failing and that will give you the best shot at a reconciliation.

Obviously, the failed relationship isn’t all your fault. It takes two, to make it work, and she has plenty of faults I’m sure. However, her faults are outside of your control, while you can improve upon yourself. Whether the improvements work for fixing this relationship or not, you get to carry them forward, into future dealings with women…which makes attraction much easier.

What’s the first move?

Once a period of No Contact has been established and worked through, it can then be time to open up a channel of communication with an ex-girlfriend.

To become re-attracted, she is going to need to see both you and the changes, first hand. Now, how we get to that point is easier said than done. After all, contact after a break up is tricky, and it can be tough to get things back on track.

Luckily, technology actually can help, in this regard. Texting is a medium that doesn’t really require the other person to have to do much and can be tailored to send them the right message.

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:

I linked to a two free reports about what not to text an ex, up near the top of the post. Hopefully, you took the time to grab your copies of them. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.

Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:

“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.

“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! :D Thank you Michael !!!

“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul

If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee:

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How to Get Over Your Ex-Girlfriend Sleeping with Someone Else

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A very common issue which guys must face after a relationship ends, is the thought of their ex-girlfriend having sex with someone else (either in imagination or reality). The fact that you spent so much time with this girl and grew to have such a deep connection makes it feel really terrible when she is sharing that type of intimacy with another guy. Seeing your ex in this type of relationship so soon can have devastating effects on your psychological state and emotions. How does one accept this as it is and move on?

 

Jealousy and Ego

 

It is interesting as to when we become emotional and/or jealous about a girl having sex. A lot of times when we meet a new girl and begin a relationship with her, she isn’t a virgin (maybe she was in your case) BUT we don’t have the same type of emotional negativity towards the fact that she was with other guys before you. If you do feel that way about guys in the past, then you have a deep seeded attachment to your ego and the self-image you have built for yourself. However, for most guys it really isn’t a big deal because we figure, “She’s with me now.”

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

Once she moves on from you and starts to sleep with other guys, why does it bother you more? Her having sex, in no way diminishes you as a man nor does it diminish your past relationship. That relationship has already occurred in the past and run its course.

Really, why should it bother you? You do not have to feel threatened by another man or jealous of him. This type of competition or comparison is the breeding ground of envy, which will only serve to drag you down further. Making you more angry, sad, depressed, etc.

One major factor is the sense of ownership that people get when they are in a relationship. It’s this idea of ‘she’s mine’, which is ultimately an illusion. No girl is ever ‘yours’, she is her own person and while a strong bond and attachment can form, it doesn’t mean that this is going to stay the same forever. After all, there was a time in the past where you probably didn’t know her, she was with another guy, you were seeing other women…there is no difference now, things back then changed, and then things changed again. Acknowledge this fact and begin to let it go.

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Reduce It to Its Base



One way to cope with and begin to transcend the jealousy and other emotions that you feel when you think about your ex-girlfriend having sex with another man is to break down the act to it’s core. Think about this reductionist exercise in very clinical terms. What is actually happening? A man sticks his penis inside a vagina, where is skin comes into contact with her. Friction occurs from thrusting in and out until finally there is an intense spasming and some goo shoots out. That’s it. That’s what we get so upset about, when there’s actually no use crying over spilled goo.

Once reduced to it’s more clinical and technical base, do the same thing with your feelings. What actual harm is this causing me? Does this erase the fact that I’ve already had a sexual relationship with this woman? Does him having sex with her negate my masculinity? Does this preclude me from ever having another woman? Will I even give a damn about her having sex with someone else in 10 years? 5 Years? Hell, 5 months?

This short-lived upset is born out of your attachment towards the narrative in your head. You keep telling yourself, again and again, about your masculinity and your failed relationship. Thoughts and memories betray us, as they constantly loop inside our mind, and more and more images get added to them. This makes these scenes and memories more vivid and emotional for us, which creates greater attachment, especially when we begin to interpret them and buy into this story that we’ve created.
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Why Getting Used to This Helps in the Future

 

Think about the ways women can actually hurt or manipulate you. Either by using sex or emotion. If she wants to entice you to do something, she may use sex as a reward. If she wants to punish you, she withdraws sex. If she wants to really hurt you, she may give sex to another man (known as cheating) in order to make you jealous and feel pain. It’s the same way with emotional manipulation, and guys fall for it, almost every single time.

What if you became centered emotionally and took full control of your sexuality and sexual desire? What if you got to the point where it didn’t bother you if you thought about another guy having sex with a girl you were once with? Without any ego attachment to the act of sex, how would your ex honestly hurt you emotionally? Not just your ex but women you date in the future.

It’s very possible to get to a state where you don’t care about such frivolous things, and let go of any girl, who goes away with another guy or tries to break the confines of your relationship. Many guys in polyamorous relationships, let their girlfriend or wife, have sex with other guys and it doesn’t bother them. Some are full of shit, but others, genuinely don’t care. I’m not saying that you have to pursue that type of relationship, or that it’s even a good idea, but they do have some useful concepts on jealousy and sex.

What if you decide to have sex on your own terms and not go chasing it like some rabid dog? Her seductive charms begin to have no effect on you and you can make clear and rational decision about what you want from your sexual life.

She can probably get sex whenever she wants, but can she get a solid loving relationship whenever? Nope. It’s funny because that can often be the last laugh that men get in these break up scenarios. She goes out and has sex with different guys. Her ex-boyfriend is devastated. She thinks she’s won, but ultimately none of those guys care about her. The ex-boyfriend moves on into a better relationship. She is all alone, stuck with guys who only want her for sex.

 

She Slept with Another Guy and Now Wants Me Back…Wat Do?

Alright, let’s say the scenario is that, she slept with another guy after the break up but now wants to get back together with you. How does one handle that situation?

For me, it would depend highly on the specific circumstances. Admittedly, I would lean heavily towards moving on from that relationship, and firing up the old online dating apps (my book on that subject) to meet new women for myself.

However, I would consider the circumstances, as to whether it was just some random guy or a guy she knew. Do I know how much time elapsed from break up to her having sex with someone else? If it was essentially right after we split and she knew the guy (if I could ascertain that info), then I would say, “No thanks” to her reconciliation offer.

To my mind, he was a back up guy, that she could try to grab onto if things went south with our relationship. It would also be possible that she cheated on me before with him and just made things a bit more official this time around. Either way, I don’t like it, and would move on from her.

If it had been a few months and she had sex with a guy she’d met in the interim period, I’d probably be more forgiving of that. However, it’s still a heavy lean no for me.

You have to analyze your own situation and what you can handle. Let go of all the negative thought patterns, clear your mind, but really figure out how much this might bother you in the future or what impact it might have on a potential reconciliation.

 

What this Boils Down to

The key is not to just grit it out or cope with these feelings. The key is to become aware of them as they bubble up and not let them take control of yourself. Recognize the anger or other feeling when it arises. Observe it. Are you that anger? Do you have to let it ‘become’ who you are? Can you observe this feeling, recognize where it is coming from, feel it, and then let it go?

Don’t become a victim in your own mind, even if it’s justified, as it will only serve to create another story in your head which will loop continuously and drag you down with it. It is easier to get angry or depressed about these things but letting them go is a much more effective way to deal with them.

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GAME WITHOUT GAMES: TRANSCENDING PICKUP ARTISTRY AND PURSUING ATTRACTION THROUGH CONSCIOUS PERSONAL GROWTH 

$3.99 on Amazon.com  (For Kindle) download the Kindle App for Free

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Exploring the world of dating and so-called Pick-up Artistry, through the lens of the mind. Game without Games, from attractyourdevelopment.com, eschews traditional pickup advice and gets down to the core concepts of self including: fear, truth, connection, and desire. Taken from the author’s own personal experience in approaching, attracting, and dating women from age eighteen through his twenties, this book strips away all of the tips and tactics of the PUA community. Instead, this book focuses on personal development and cultivating what the ancient Stoic philosophers referred to as the internal.

With a greater inner strength and by focusing on developing one’s life in totality, attraction occurs naturally by becoming a ‘desirable man’. Game then is about expressing of oneself and exploring who she is, instead of trying to remember lame pick-up lines or tricks and tactics to get laid. Things become natural and flow from the relaxed and confident state of the man. He has control of his mental faculties and thus can accept life and social interactions on his own terms. Not chasing women or putting up with disrespect or other nonsense.

If you want to learn how to talk to girls, in a step by step format…go elsewhere. However, if you want to explore the mental side of game and the letting go of pickup dogma, Game without Game might be the book for you.

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Stop Being Needy Post-Breakup

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Here is an interesting and helpful video presentation for guys to deal with their neediness before dating.  After a break up, it can seem like you just cannot get your confidence back or deal with loneliness. In order to successfully move on or even just learn to live without your ex before deciding whether or not to get back together with them, it is important to learn how to date other women.