The friend zone usually comes about before there is any relationship to be had. One party has feelings for the other person but that person, doesn’t have any romantic or sexual interest towards the first.
Sometimes, after a break up happens a guy may put his ex-girlfriend in the friend zone or state that he ‘just wants to be friends’ now.
How such a situation actually turns out, depends on your feelings towards the current state of things between you. Also if, one’s ex-boyfriend actually wants to be friends with you, or is trying to spare your feelings.
In this post, I want to get into what it means when an ex wants to be friends and if there is a clear path to get out of the friend zone and back into a romantic place.
We Should Just Be Friends
So, you and this guy have had a chat or phone conversation in which he told you all about how you two are just ‘friends’ now. Awesome, what’s that mean exactly?
Now, in such a scenario, there is a good chance that you accepted these terms…even if in your mind you really didn’t want or mean it.
On your side, you still want him back as a boyfriend and are only open to a friendship, because that seems like the only route to your end goal. Let’s be clear and honest about the situation, you are still attracted to and have romantic feelings towards this guy.
There isn’t a pure and unspoiled friendship vibe going on here. You can still care about him, but the friendship aspect of this relationship, is only a part of the puzzle.
From his side, he is bringing up being friends so that he can either let you down without hurting your feelings too bad.
Perhaps, he wants to keep you around in case he changes his mind. Or, he even wants to set up another type of arrangement with you.
Being stuck in the friend zone means that you will be giving away your time and attention in exchange for something you don’t actually want (the illusion of true friendship).
However, in the case that you do wish to move on, date other guys, and genuinely try to have a friendship with an ex…by all means, go for it.
But, any residual attraction or emotional baggage is going to make this a difficult proposition. You cannot really ever be ‘just friends’ with this level of emotional/sexual attachment, as it just creates conflict.
People will often try to place both sides and just end up in an even worse space. They pretend to be friends with the ex, but still want to make moves on them.
They may also, try to really have a friendship, when the ex really didn’t mean what they said, about being ‘just friends’.
Folks need to pick a lane. Yes, long-term, communication can continue between exes. However, trying to hang out with someone that you have feelings with still, just ends up with a lot of heartache and hopes being dashed.
Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.
Getting Out of the Friend Zone
Is it possible to get out of the friend zone and get back together with an ex? Yes, it is. Is it easy or usually a short process? Nope.
Before trying to recover from the friend zone, one should consider, if being together with this guy is something that is actually wanted. Many times we feel like we want to get back together, when in reality, it’s just left over emotions clouding our judgment.
When we reflect on our thoughts and feelings, we can come to the conclusion, that we are really just trying to fill in the emptiness that we feel. We don’t actually want to restart the relationship, we’re just dealing with really powerful emotions.
In this case, I would suggest that moving on and focusing on oneself is the best path to choose. With time and a strong focus on personal growth, one can indeed get past the turmoil of a break up.
If you are hellbent on getting out of the friend zone and trying to get back together with this guy, however, just know that while it can be done, it is never a guarantee to work.
Ask yourself if you really want to spend time chasing something that may never be and even if it comes to fruition, it won’t be the same as it once was.
Luckily, this decision doesn’t have to be made on the spot, as the best path to follow whether moving on from or trying to get out of the friend zone with your ex-boyfriend is the same…at least initially.
If getting out of the friend zone is the plan, why would somebody want to get dragged deeper into it? How can one get out of the friend zone, if they have to constantly be involved in ‘friendly’, non-romantic activities with the other person?
Being just friends, sets up certain behavioral barriers, that makes it difficult to cross and truly turn things to being ‘romantic’ again.
I’ve already discussed the No Contact Rule in length, here. As such, I’m not going to delve into it in this article. However, I will say that you will need to go roughly a month of no contact, so that you can even begin to start crawling out of the friend zone.
No, he won’t forget about you, unless you truly are forgettable. Besides, the relationship has already ended, so it’s already been lost.
Any new relationship, is just that, new. Meaning, it basically starts from scratch, and the situation has to be rebuilt on the ashes of the old relationship.
If he contacts you, just be cordial, and friendly. But don’t make yourself always available. Actually have other things to do and focus on, besides an ex-boyfriend, who may not want anything to do with you moving forward.
What to Do During No Contact?
This time period should be about a hyper focus on one’s self and not the other person. This is a time period to decompress from the break up and really figure out what you want from your life moving forward. Time away helps to get one’s mind away from the other person and bring more clarity.
Anything that can be done to better yourself or your life circumstances should be the focus here. That can include: working on physical health, mental health, job related opportunities, and even dating. Now, getting involved in a serious relationship probably isn’t a great idea, given the situation but seeing what’s out there might be beneficial.
What’s the next move?
Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.
Think about it:
- They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
- That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
- You can craft the right message to them.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.
Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:
“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.
“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! Thank you Michael !!!
“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul
If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee: