Human relationships can be tricky. This is especially the case when several of your relationship start to overlap with one another, in a seemingly negative way. One such instance, could be when an ex-girlfriend starts suddenly dating one of your close friends or even acquaintances. Then you are not only dealing with her moving on from you but also potentially seeing your best friend. This type of situation is actually somewhat common and it can sting quite a bit and feel like a complete betrayal by those who were once very close to you. How does a man handle an ex-girlfriend starting over in such a way?
Deal with the Emotions First
The first thing to do, is to be able to get your emotions in check if they are currently out of control. This doesn’t mean that you can’t feel bad but you cannot let them dictate your actions either. Yes, it hurts but turning everything into a victim narrative isn’t going to help anything really. Face the facts, that she is not only seeing someone else, but she is also seeing someone who you are friends with…
Notice what type of emotions rise up when you think about it. Now, get to the roots of these feelings by asking some probing questions such as…
Why does this bother me?
Does this bother me more than if it were some random guy?
Is my ultimate happiness dependent on these two people? Don’t I dictate my happiness?
Am I doomed to loneliness now?
Aren’t there 4 billion other females on this planet, can’t I get another great one?
Am I less of a man because of this? No, how did this diminish me?
Could I be grateful for the time that I’ve spent with both people?
Can I forgive them both and eventually be happy for them?
Keep asking questions that take apart the negative narrative you currently have in your head about this situation. With time and a fresh perspective, the pain will lessen and you can not only move on but indeed feel some sort of happiness or at least ambivalence to her now dating your best friend.
It is understandable to feel betrayed when an unspoken ‘rule’ was violated by one of your friends and that your old girlfriend is now into him more than you. The status quo has been shaken up and change such as this can be confusing, scary, or just something that pisses you off. Take the time to get your emotional house in order and emerge from this stronger and have more mental clarity.
Decide What Your Relationship Towards Them Will Be
Now, I would take some time away from either one of them, at least as much as possible. If they cut you off already, then so much the better. Don’t be afraid to go completely no contact with the both of them, in order to get your head straight and cope with this change.
With enough time, you need to decide if you will continue to be friends with them or to no longer have any contact with them ever again. Neither one is a bad option if that is what you want, just don’t carry baggage about it and be bitter. If you’re going to still be close with them, then be so. If not, let them go and live your separate lives. Holding a grudge is only going to serve to continually drag up old emotions and things cannot move forward amicably at that point.
Get Your Own Life Back on Track
She’s moved on. Now, you must do the same completely. You cannot have one foot in the door hoping that she will come back or worrying about their new relationship…you must carry on in a new direction.
- new business opportunities
- personal development
- meeting new friends
- new career path
Whatever it is you feel like you should start doing, take advantage of your new found freedom. After all, being single ain’t so bad. Actually, it can be a lot of fun and a great growth opportunity, now that you’re no longer stuck in the rut of a long term relationship. Perspective dictates one’s response to a situation…
“I can’t believe she is seeing someone else” becomes “Thank you, sweetie. I’ve been wanting to sleep with other girls for the longest time and now I can”
Don’t give up on things, don’t obsess over this. Allow yourself to feel negatively about it for a time and then let these feelings go. You have a whole life to life outside of the confines of previous relationships and things don’t stop moving forward just because things aren’t the same as they were in the past (hint: they never stay the same).