A common issue in the post-breakup time period for men, is the question of whether or not it is too late to get a ex back in the fold of a relationship. After all, once several months or even year(s) have passed by, the paths of people’s lives have often diverged enough to in a sense make them completely different. They have different hopes, dreams, relationship needs, or feeling towards how things used to be in the past. This can be a problem when one person has moved on from a broken relationship and the other person is still hoping that things are salvageable. But when is it too late to get back together with an ex-girlfriend? Is it ever?
Is It Ever Too Late?
In one sense, no it isn’t ever ‘too late’ to get back with an ex, at least in some circumstances. There are examples of people divorcing and then getting back together years later…so it is possible. The question of whether it is probable or even desirable is another issue.
One must understand that once a relationship has finished, that iteration of the relationship is gone for good. Meaning that, any reconciliation that may spring from its ashes is essentially a new relationship or at least a new version.
Often times what will happen is that, people will get back together without really solving any of the underlying issues of the relationship, and try to make things exactly how they ‘used to be’. Sorry, time moves forward and people change, and it won’t be the ‘same’. It is possible that it might be better BUT it won’t be the same relationship.
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These second or third chance relationships are indeed possible. So in a temporal sense, the amount of time isn’t necessarily a hindrance on getting back together with an ex-girlfriend. However, time does serve to change people and so a long separation can make getting back together extremely unlikely.
For example, in my own personal life, I could not even fathom getting back together with girls I dated 5-10 years ago…it would be insane to me since my relationship needs have changed so much. It simply wouldn’t work, even if I was still physically attracted to them.
Ask Yourself Why?
Why do you really want to get back with an ex-girlfriend? Is it really about the relationship or an inability to let go of the past? What has changed? Why will it work out this time? What is happening or not happening in your life that makes you want to consider chasing after a broken relationship?
As men, sometimes we get hung up on going after things will really don’t want deep down, but we still make an attempt anyways. We don’t like to lose. We don’t like to see girls we’ve dated with other guys. Sometimes we don’t have a direction in our life and so we try to cling to things that were once familiar and felt good (relationships). However, even with all of our mental justifications, there are a lot of times where we just need to let go and accept the fact that things have changed. In fact, there are plenty of times where it isn’t even in our best interest to try and patch things up with an ex-girlfriend.
The longing to get back with her might just be a symptom of something else in your life that you either want or our not taking care of. As of now, it could be lingering in your subconscious, but with some digging you can figure out what exactly it is that you want for yourself.
When Should Giving Up on Reconciliation be Considered?
The first thing I’d say, is related to what I wrote above. When you’ve had an honest search within yourself and have begun to question whether this inability to move on is really about her and the relationship or if it’s just about your and some dissatisfaction with life.
If it’s seeming more and more to be about dissatisfaction with some aspect of your life, then the search should probably turn towards figuring out YOU and not trying to get back together with her.
Next, I would say if you’ve been trying different ways to re-spark things with your ex and she’s not really responding or doesn’t seem to have any interest…then it is probably a good time to begin to move forward. It doesn’t mean things cannot ever be salvaged, it just might not be possible at this time.
Don’t forget that she also has to do what’s best for her and sometimes that won’t include you. It hurts but that’s part of life, we cannot control other people and their wants and needs. Accept that to be the case and try to be happy for her, even if it feels like shit.
Another reason to consider giving up, is if this whole thing about getting back together is becoming and obsession that is hurting your life. Your life has to be about you. You cannot ruin it on account of the fact that you’re no longer dating someone. There are billions of women on this planet and thus statistically there are indeed others available for you.
Secondly, one cannot let the narrative of ‘loneliness’ or ‘happy memories of the past’ dictate how one lives. The past is gone and we cannot see the future. Let go of the hurt and explore positive things in life that you’d like to focus on instead. Don’t allow yourself to become some pathetic Jay Gatsby character, who still chases after some woman years later, and convinces himself that she’s the greatest thing ever.
The more and more we focus on the past, the less real it becomes. Eventually, we’ve convinced ourselves to how great it was, while ignoring all of the bad or undesirable things that came with it. We in effect, make up a story and an idealized one at that, in which our ex-girlfriend was a ‘perfect angel’…while an object analysis would prove the opposite.
To sum things up, no it’s not always too late, to get back with an ex. Though, it can indeed be. Different circumstances will come into play based on the individual relationship in question. However, there are definitely times when one is best served by throwing in the towel on trying to revive the relationship and just moving on with one’s life.