You may have found yourself in a sort of post-breakup no man’s land. There was a period of emotional turmoil and weakness and you begged for an ex-girlfriend to come back into the fold of a relationship. Judging by the fact that you’re searching online for answers, it must not have worked out in your favor.
That’s okay, I think all of us have been in this same situation before. One of the major issues with using this sort of gambit is that it does nothing to address what the problems of the relationship was, it just goes straight to ‘let’s get back together now!’.
Also, it puts one in a position of chasing, desperation, and lowering of value in the girl’s eyes. With that in mind, is it still a possibility of winning her back after begging and getting turned down?
Yes, there is still hope but that doesn’t always mean that this outcome is probably. Let us take a closer look at the act of begging an ex-girlfriend and how to proceed and recover after employing this tactic.
Understanding Things After Begging Her
A major dynamic of relationships is based on value perception. So, when you first start dating someone, they tend to think the world of you…you have a high level of perceived value in their eyes.
After the relationship ends, this value is lower than what’s necessary to make the relationship work. This can be due to various factors that were at the root cause of the break up such as lying, cheating, or any other host of issues.
If she was the one who decided to dump the relationship, this value perception has shifted even more toward her favor. If she was the only one who felt that the relationship needed to end and is no longer needed in her life, then she has the power of choice.
Meaning, she gets to negotiate from a position of strength or simply gets to move on.
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So, after the break up, the power dynamics and how she perceives you has changed.
With this being the case, when a guy goes begging to get his ex-girlfriend back and she has an already lowered perceived value of him, is pleading for her back going to help him succeed in actually getting her back?
Nope. She will either consciously or unconsciously have a lowered perception of value of the guy after he begs. The woman can prepare herself to move forward with her life and feel secure in knowing that she can get the man back whenever she wants. She gets to have her cake and eat it too.
Why is this a bad thing? Humans have a tendency to place a high value on things that are rare and not easily obtained, such as certain gems, that have no real practical value beyond decoration.
It isn’t a turn no for women to have a guy they already know well, who doesn’t have the mysterious excitement of something new, get down on his knees and beg. Some of them might get a bit of thrill from the sense of power that comes with being begged for but it certainly isn’t an attractive turn on.
Think of some other traits, such as being too available or needy. Having wild emotional/mood swings. Not being able to let go and move on with one’s life. Being obsessed and chasing something that used to exist.
Are any of these attractive qualities? No, so why would a girl want to come back to a guy who is displaying these sorts of qualities to her?
Desperation is fundamentally unattractive to both women and men. This is true whether approaching a new woman at a bar or with a girl you’ve dated for years, it always puts people off.
Does this Relationship Need to Be Recovered?
Not all breakups are created equal. Not all relationships need to be restarted after they’ve been broken. This is the next question that needs to be posited, should a reconciliation even be attempted?
The vast majority of relationships that we have in life, aren’t going to work out. They may be really close to ideal but still have something that just doesn’t quite fit.
The problem is, people tend to lose objectivity, and their decisions get clouded by strong emotions. They either try or actually do get back together with someone who isn’t quite ‘right’ for them, solely because they don’t like feeling lonely.
I take the same tact at the end of every relationship, I allow myself some time to feel bad, get myself together, and think about whether or not I need to try to get back together with the girl or not.
Also, each time I prepare myself to be ready for the relationship to end for good. Even if I’m attempting to get back together with an ex, I still make preparations, that things are really done completely with her.
As individuals, we must accurately assess the reality of the situation and be able to come to the conclusion that best fits our circumstances. Is it worth trying to fix this broken relationship? Are we currently just too emotional or feeling like we have no direction in life?
There still remains all of the issues that the broken relationship had, that don’t just go away because an agreement to get back together happens. Are these issues actually fixable?
Are there changes that you’re willing to make to accommodate the relationship? Is she willing to do the same? Deep down, is getting back together even actually what you truly desire?
Just because a relationship is good, doesn’t mean that it’ll ever be great or worth keeping around. If there is a lot of doubt and confusion about what to do after taking the time to think about it, the best bet may be to move on.
Honestly assessing things, is a great way to help discover, whether we just have attachments that we don’t want to get over or if it something worth saving.
Take time out, with as few emotions involved as possible, to ask yourself these questions and any others that are relevant. Doing so, may save you a ton of time in chasing, something that you don’t actually want.
Can She Be Gotten Back After Begging?
Sure it’s definitely possible in some cases to get a girl to come back to you, after she’s lost attraction post-begging. Now, is it probable?
That depends on a number of variables that is going to be unique to your own situation. Also, it could be a long-term process and with enough time spent apart, you may come to realize that you don’t even want to be back together with her.
You may still have feelings for her but find that it is best to not be with her for whatever reason(s).
The likelihood of her coming back is going to depend on how much damage was done in the post-breakup period or during the end of the relationship itself.
For instance, if you were cheating, then it’s going to be a hard sell to get her to want to come back. For some guys reading this, there are circumstances that are a pretty easy fix. For others, it’s a dim chance.
As always in relationships, it’s not always just about you. The woman has her own life, desires, worries, and plans for the future. These may or may not include you. So, even if you do everything correctly, she may decide that she want no part of it.
This is another reason why we work on accepting whatever outcome may come from the process. As, we cannot control all of the variables, outside of ourselves.
Raising Your Value
OK, so damage has been done to your level of attractiveness in her eyes, and how much of a ‘catch’ you appear to be. In order to reverse the trend, some changes are obviously going to need to be made.
These changes come in the form of how you interact with her (or don’t), your physical attractiveness, your lifestyle improvements, and your social/dating growth. I wrote about all of that in this post: How to Make Your Ex-Girlfriend Chase You
The specific improvements needed, will depend on the guy. For some of you, there are emotional issues to work through. Other guys, need to control their anger, or learn to trust other people.
For many guys, this can come in the form of getting better in terms of physical appearance, lifestyle, job or social status. A lot of relationships can end, because the woman feels like the guy hasn’t reached his potential in some way. Things started off promising and later became stagnant.
If a woman has no reason to find a man attractive, she is not going to pursue him, nor will she be excited about being pursued. It’ll be more of an annoyance, of someone she used to date trying to ‘fix’ things.
The self-improvement kick, should last well into the actual process of trying to get back together with the ex-girlfriend But, plenty of work should be done during a period of no contact.
Taking a month or two from trying to pursue her, after you’ve begged, is probably a good idea. Yes, begging can hurt chances in the short-term, but in the long term it matters much less than what you can offer the other person.
I mean, if you someone who getting back together with will greatly improve her life, would she not take the opportunity because you once begged? Of course not. The key is righting the ship and recovering as a better version of yourself.