Daily Archives: September 3, 2023

There are many way in which relationships can end and the underlying causes are all usually at least somewhat painful to endure. However, none may be quite as harsh as getting cheated on by your now ex-girlfriend.

Relationships are built on trust and the idea that this one person is granted special access and privilege in your life because they have proven themselves as someone to be held in high esteem.

Whether it’s through momentary weakness or a long-term decline in the satisfaction they derive in being monogamous, cheating is simply an option that some people see as a way to explore something different and get those needs they have met.

Unfortunately in the process of meeting those perceived needs, a person they are supposed to love and care for gets hurt badly by their actions.

Now, the question becomes once a relationship is over due to cheating, how can you get the ex-girlfriend who stepped out on you back?

Seriously, WTF?

I’m going to have to have a little talk with you, as your random internet friend…dude, what the hell are you thinking?

The base question of this article, is how to get your ex-girlfriend back if she cheated on you. Perhaps seeing this in writing will help your circumstance sink in. No? Still nothing. OK, let’s break it down further.

The question itself implies that she cheated on you and doesn’t want to get back together. This isn’t some circumstance in which the cheater is begging for a second chance, rather, the guy who got cheated on is chasing after her.

That is the most ass-backwards logic I may have ever come across. On what basis would you want this girl back?

As I’ve written above, the core foundation of a relationship is about trust. She violated that trust to one of the highest degrees possible, therefore, the relationship is rendered ineffective and should be concluded permanently.

Now, if you had an open relationship in which either one of you could hook up with other people, fine. However, the rules of a monogamous relationship do not allow for this possibility.

What Do You Think She Offers?

If a woman cheats on you, that is symptomatic of a larger issue. Not only is it a larger issue within the confines of that relationship but it is also indicative as a flaw in her character.

She may justify it any way she wants within her head but if she was truly unhappy in the relationship (and if the metrics are her cheating and not wanting to be with you, it’s a safe bet), then she should have just left in the first place.

Also, even if you do get her back, what has changed? Is her deeper issue suddenly solved? Is she trustworthy in the future to potentially (or already) have access to your financial well-being, to raise your children, be trusted not to screw you over sometime down the road?

Understand this: there are always more women. There’s like 4 billion females on this planet…maybe, what, 1.5 billion adult females and you’re going to sit there and act like this cheater is particularly special? Come on, man.

Maybe it’s your current love life situation (or lack thereof) that is pushing you to want to get back together with her. Despite the loneliness, it is better to be single than to be in a crummy relationship by miles and if you don’t feel that’s the case, then you need to seriously start turning your attention to your own needs and psychic well-being.

Yes, you can get other girls and you can certainly get girls who will not cheat on you. I cannot in good conscience recommend that you even attempt to get back with your ex-girlfriend, as I don’t see a scenario in which this is a good idea. My advice is: move on!

Getting Past this Attachment

A big problem with the aftermath of a break up, is dealing with those addiction like feelings, toward the ex-girlfriend. The good news, is that, they can be gotten rid of but it takes time and effort.

Wanting someone back who cheated on you, and who, doesn’t currently want you back is a pretty big sign that some positive changes need to occur in one’s life.

Whenever, I’ve been faced with something or someone that I’ve become unreasonably attached to mentally/emotionally, I like to go through a deep inquiry. I get to the roots of why I am feeling this way and not just accepting that I ‘need’ this person or thing in my life.

• Why do I want her so much?
• What is lacking in the rest of my life, that I am so focused on this one person?
• Is she really the one girl for me or just the only one that I can currently see in front of me?
• Is it even about her or do i just simply not like the way losing her felt?
• Is it more about the feelings that the cheating caused or something that is actually special about her?

Really get into the causes and mental patterns of the issue. Sometimes, we mentally get stuck in feedback loops, where we expect someone or some feeling to be there.

When it no longer is, there is a void, and we can struggle to replace it. As such, we tend to try to get back the source of that feeling, even when it isn’t a good option for us.

After inquiry and identifying underlying issues, that are causing the negative feelings, I begin the process of letting them go. For me, I do this through meditation. It really helps to calm my mind and makes me aware of my thoughts, when they pop up.

The awareness of the thoughts are important. When the negative patterns arise, I immediately begin to question them, instead of just following them and getting right back into feeling bad about things.

It’s like reprogramming your mind. Each time the thoughts begin to rise, I cut them off, and question how valid they actually are. The more I interrupt the thought patterns, the less hold they can have, the less often they come up, and the emotional attachment lessen, until I let them go entirely.

Next, is the analysis of my life, and what I need to do to improve it. If I’m focused solely on someone who cheated on me and not on my life and well-being…I’m probably not in a good spot.

That’s fine. Identifying the negative feelings and their causes, is a great first step. However, we have to begin to slowly shift into a new direction, and off of the old course which no longer suits us.

Little changes add up. I don’t care how small the positive steps are at this stage, they are still useful. It’s like weight lifting, you slowly build up strength each session, until what used to be heavy is just easy to pick up.

• What are your personal goals?
• I mean for work, school, starting a business, health, and your dating life in the future?
• If some of these aren’t where they need to be, how do you get to that place?
• What are the easiest steps that you can take today and the next day, to move closer to these goals?

It can literally be as simple as reading for 15 minutes and then building upon that. Or doing a workout today, if you’re currently in bad shape, and then being consistent with it.

Getting cheated on, isn’t the end of the world. It’s just the end of that relationship and there are plenty more to be had, if you so desire. I had girlfriends in college who dumped me. It hurt like hell back then and felt like I wouldn’t recover.

Well, nowadays, I never think about any of them.

Our brain’s can get obsessive in the short term, we need to nudge them off of these addictions, and keep going on to something better. Time apart, can naturally help these things, but it won’t be as effective if you don’t take the time to grow as a person and leave that chapter of your life behind.

If you still want to get back together with an ex-girlfriend after a break up, one will inevitably end up surveying the landscape, and trying to calculate the odds. What is the chance that she will want to restart our broken relationship?

While never an exact science, we are dealing with the whims of human beings after all, there are signs and obstacles which serve as indicators as to whether or not a reconciliation might happen.

Again, even if the odds seem to point out that there is a decent chance of getting back together happening, there is no guarantee that it will actually take place in reality.

So, while there are an insane number of variables that are unique to each person’s situation, I thought’d I’d cover some aspects that may help or hinder the chance of getting an ex-girlfriend to come back into the fold.

Her Relationship Goals

The first aspect of this that I want to cover, is seeing things from her perspective. Now, she might not have any clue what she wants in terms of relationships after a breakup.

However, there is also a good chance that she has a very good idea, and whether or not you fit into those plans can obviously impact the odds of reconciliation.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

She may be ready for a serious relationship, but felt that perhaps, you weren’t the one she wanted to settle down with for the long-term.

Conversely, maybe your relationship was too serious for her, and she felt stuck within it. Thus, she moves on and begins casually dating other guys.

I would say that in most cases if she wants a longer-term deal and felt like you weren’t mature enough or whatever other reason; then, there is a better chance of getting back together than in the latter example.

After all, one can grow and mature as a person. But it’s hard to convince someone who no longer wants something serious that they should get back into the confines of exclusivity.

Again, there are no hard and fast laws on this sort of thing and it’s strictly up to her own internal thoughts and feelings. However, I will say anecdotally, that age seems to be a factor in making these sorts of decisions.

I have gone out with a lot of women in the past few years, without being tied down in anything serious, and have noticed patterns of behavior based on women’s age range.

Women I’ve dated below the age of 25 were into much more casual relationships or strictly hookups.

Meanwhile, 25-30 tended to be much more all in for a long-term and often potential marriage situation.

Then, the mid-30s women, usually had just gotten out of long-term relationships or marriages, and were all about fun within the confines of a casual relationship.

Many women start to feel the pressure of getting married and starting a family in their late 20s. As such, they might throw overboard their current boyfriend if they feel like, he isn’t up to the job of starting a family with her.

The type of romantic or non-romantic situation that she currently wants can have a huge impact on the chances of getting back together with her.

Thus, the reconciliation plan may be scuttled before it even has an opportunity to get started.

This can play a major role in the decision or effectively none at all. It is a good idea to think about what the scenario was, in your own case, and what sort of things your ex had been saying about the relationship prior.

Who Initiated?

Another common factor in potential reconciliation is the question of who ended the relationship. If it was her, then, the odds are significantly lower. If it was you, then, she might not have expected the relationship to end nor did she particularly want it to.

If it was a mutual decision, then, it’s kind of murky and could go either way with about equal odds. Again, it will all depend on the unique variables of your relationship.

When women break up with you, they usually have an exit strategy planned in advance, and might even have back up guys lined up for when the relationship ends.

If she broke up with you, the chances aren’t nearly as good, but it’s not impossible either.

If you broke up with her, it can be much easier usually to get things started once again. Assuming, that things didn’t turn super ugly during the aftermath of things ending between you. In some cases, all bets are off, because all bridges have been burned.

Factors involved in the Break Up

There are certain issues that may be too much to overcome. For instance, if you cheated on her. She’s probably not going to want to get back together after that. And if she cheated, then, dude…why would you want her back? Move on!

Other major issues could be too much fighting, disagreements about the direction of the relationship, etc.

If you guys couldn’t get along very often, then, things are going to require a major overhaul before a new relationship can even begin.

Take stock of what happened and what the problems of the relationship were. Were there major red flags? If so, how would they be remedied? Can they even be?

It’s pretty amazing, how many people, overlook these basic aspects. They become so consumed with trying to ‘win’ someone back, that they fail to recognize, massive underlying problems of the relationship.

The relationship was ‘broken’ for a reason or many reasons. If it wasn’t, it’d still be continuing on, as a prosperous partnership. Take an honest look at these issues and assess, if they are even worth fixing, to salvage this thing.

Current Communication Levels

Are the two of you speaking? Has she blocked your number or on Facebook? Are you constantly hitting her up and she’s ignoring you?

If she’s more receptive to speaking to you, then your odds are higher that there is still some interest in fixing things, on her part.

Now, if the two of you have a child or some other circumstance that requires you to have to talk to one another, then that doesn’t really count.

The more the lines of communication have been severed, the deeper the hole you have to climb your way out of. A period of no contact may be necessary, to help create some space, and help prevent you from making dumb mistakes before trying to move forward with fixing the broken relationship.

Also, sometimes sex happens after break ups between you and your ex. Usually, this is a positive sign, and that her emotions towards you are still strong.

However, if it was a one time thing, she may have just been feeling lonely that night and may not want any part of getting back together.

Yes, it can be quite difficult at times, to gauge whether or not a sign is revealing. As it can also be a one off event, without much significance.

Time and Relationship Status

The longer it has been since the break up, the more difficult it can become to get back together. If it’s something like a year or more, then the odds aren’t so hot.

In fact, one would have to undergo some serious self-improvement and changes to even re-spark any interest from an ex. It can be done, it’s just not a highly likely proposition, and it would take a good deal of time.

People change over time and the things that were right for them at one point in their lives, no longer are. I always recommend and practice doing so in my own life, that I prepare myself to move forward as if the break up is permanent, even if I do end up getting back together with someone.

Emotionally, it just seems to be the right move. I experience other girls and set a new path for my life, regardless whether or not I can or even want to get her back.

What is her current relationship status? What is yours? If you’re both seeing other people, then, things have run their course.

A new relationship between the two of you would have to be started from scratch, at some point in the future.

If she is with someone else and it seems pretty serious, she’s probably not going to leave that to get back together.

Putting it All Together

The beauty of relationships is how individualized they are. It’s also the reason why, there is no guarantee of getting an ex back, or that’d it even work out in the long run.

On the other hand, there is also a lot of overlap within human relationships, and patterns do begin to emerge which can give you some picture as to what the chances are an ex-girlfriend can be brought back into the fold.

Take the time, to figure out your own situation, and what the pros and cons are. Also, take the time to think deeply as to what you actually want for your life and even if you truly want her back.

Sometimes, we just get so emotionally clouded that it seems like we want an ex-girlfriend back…but we are in fact, just feeling lonely or without a clear path forward.

Down the line, we will move on but in the thick of things it can be really confusing.

What’s the first move?

Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. Text messaging can be an ideal place to start, because it is so non-intrusive, and not necessarily an overt attempt at trying to win someone back.

Think about it:

• They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
• That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
• You can craft the right message to them.
• It’s a private and personal way of communication.

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:

Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.