Some relationships just sort of peter out. Others, are quite amicable, and both parties go their separate ways without much issue. Then…there are those that are long, drag em’ out affairs, where the former pair are simply furious with one another.
These bad break ups, can take quite a toll on one emotionally, but if you still wanted to get back with your ex-boyfriend, is there actually a chance of it happening? Or is it simply too late?
In this post, I want to explore a bit of the post-break up world, when the split is particularly nasty. Plus, what could be done to potentially win him back.
Is It Too Late?
So, there is never a 100% accurate way of determining whether or not a broken relationship can be salvaged.
When dealing with human beings, there is always the variables of how they feel and how they personally react when facing certain situations.
Some people, have a hard time moving on, while others are really efficient at cutting people out of their lives. In other words, once they’re done, they’re done for good.
The best that one can do is to try and determine the odds of getting back together based on the circumstances of the end of the relationship and general trends among people. As such, the more brutal or nasty that a break up was, often the worse the odds are for getting back together.
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That being said, it will depend on the other person’s mindset and what they want from their lives moving forward.
There are certain factors that are obvious when trying to determine if it is still salvageable, such as:
- Who initiated the break up? If you dumped him, the odds are better (generally speaking)
- Was cheating or some other serious betrayal involved? If so, it gets a lot more difficult to rebuild any level of trust.
- Is there still communication (even if it isn’t always pleasant)?
- Time since break up.
- What were the underlying causes of the split?
- What were the reasons for it being a particular bad breakup? What was said or done?
Those are just a sampling of things that could contribute to the overall odds that are coming into play here. Again, it’s never perfect to determine if things will be successful, but we can certainly gauge the potential.
Is it ever really too late? In a sense, no. BUT it doesn’t mean that the situation cannot be extremely dire in terms of the odds of a reconciliation.
Plus, super long periods of time (think over a year), tend to not be such a great help to reconciliation. People tend to be in a different spot in their lives and mind sets. That being said, it sometimes works out, because both partners tend to cool off and realize they’re better with each other.
Do You Really Want Him Back?
Now, I know the impulsive answer to the above question is, “Yes, of course I do!”.
However, the post break up time period can be really tricky to know exactly what we want. Emotions are running high, and there is a replay in our minds, of what went right and what went wrong with the relationship. This can play on an endless loop, after a split.
With all of these feelings and thoughts stirred up, it gets really murky as to what the correct path is sometimes. This is especially true when a relationship ends badly.
I mean, if both parties cordially agreed upon the break up, it can be easy to deal with the aftermath. BUT, when things get nasty, what comes next is often a confusing whirlwind.
What I’m saying is, don’t just go into this process asking yourself, if you can get him back. Also, consider the outcome of if you do get him back.
Would things be better beyond just the immediate relief of the negative emotions that come after a break up? What would actually change in this new version of the relationship versus the previous one that ended so poorly?
This is where to old saying, be careful what you wish for, is applicable. You might just get him back and then what? Where is it going? What do you actually want from a relationship? Can the relationship with him actually supply that?
If not, what are you expecting a renewed relationship to provide? Or are you just making decisions based on your current emotions and might choose a different path, once your mind has cleared a bit?
There can also be way too many underlying issues, for a relationship to be viable in the long-term. Things get said or done, which can breed resentment, even after both have agreed to ‘move past it’.
We can too often want to satisfy our feelings in the here and now. In doing so, we are essentially borrowing from the future. Pushing off further emotional pain or a bad relationship, just to not feel bad now.
Really take the time to figure this part out, if you haven’t already done so. This isn’t a rash decision to be made on a whim, you can take the time and choose what the best course of action to take in your life is.
Get Yourself Together
If the break up was recent (within 2 months or so), there probably should still be a period of time in which you just allow yourself to heal. Again, emotions are still going crazy at this point, and the physical and psychological effects associated with a break up are real and quite raw.
During this period where you will be away from one another, take the time to focus on yourself and figure out what direction you want to take your life in, if that’s something you need to take care of.
Even little things, like working out and socializing can have real immediate benefits to how this time period goes. Begin to explore new things or consider if you want to take your life in an entirely new direction.
There is always the possibility that the relationship is done for good. It sucks, but it does happen to just about everybody. Times change and people change. That doesn’t mean, however, that we should just give up on ourselves and lament that things will never ‘get better’. Hogwash.
If you’ve been begging or pleading, with the ex, and haven’t gotten a response; consider doing a 30 day No Contact period. Reevaluate things, come up with a plan, if you’re still wanting to pursue getting back together, and let the anger or resentment he has cool down some.
Here are some posts that deal with this:
What’s the first move?
Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.
Think about it:
- They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
- That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
- You can craft the right message to them.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.
One great thing about the program, is that it is emailed to you, so that you can get started right away. Try it and see if it works out for you, like it has for so many others.