There are many way in which relationships can end and the underlying causes are all usually at least somewhat painful to endure. However, none may be quite as harsh as getting cheated on by your now ex-girlfriend.
Relationships are built on trust and the idea that this one person is granted special access and privilege in your life because they have proven themselves as someone to be held in high esteem.
Whether it’s through momentary weakness or a long-term decline in the satisfaction they derive in being monogamous, cheating is simply an option that some people see as a way to explore something different and get those needs they have met.
Unfortunately in the process of meeting those perceived needs, a person they are supposed to love and care for gets hurt badly by their actions.
Now, the question becomes once a relationship is over due to cheating, how can you get the ex-girlfriend who stepped out on you back?
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Seriously, WTF?
I’m going to have to have a little talk with you, as your random internet friend…dude, what the hell are you thinking?
The base question of this article, is how to get your ex-girlfriend back if she cheated on you. Perhaps seeing this in writing will help your circumstance sink in. No? Still nothing. OK, let’s break it down further.
The question itself implies that she cheated on you and doesn’t want to get back together. This isn’t some circumstance in which the cheater is begging for a second chance, rather, the guy who got cheated on is chasing after her.
That is the most ass-backwards logic I may have ever come across. On what basis would you want this girl back?
As I’ve written above, the core foundation of a relationship is about trust. She violated that trust to one of the highest degrees possible, therefore, the relationship is rendered ineffective and should be concluded permanently.
Now, if you had an open relationship in which either one of you could hook up with other people, fine. However, the rules of a monogamous relationship do not allow for this possibility.
What Do You Think She Offers?
If a woman cheats on you, that is symptomatic of a larger issue. Not only is it a larger issue within the confines of that relationship but it is also indicative as a flaw in her character.
She may justify it any way she wants within her head but if she was truly unhappy in the relationship (and if the metrics are her cheating and not wanting to be with you, it’s a safe bet), then she should have just left in the first place.
Also, even if you do get her back, what has changed? Is her deeper issue suddenly solved? Is she trustworthy in the future to potentially (or already) have access to your financial well-being, to raise your children, be trusted not to screw you over sometime down the road?
Understand this: there are always more women. There’s like 4 billion females on this planet…maybe, what, 1.5 billion adult females and you’re going to sit there and act like this cheater is particularly special? Come on, man.
Maybe it’s your current love life situation (or lack thereof) that is pushing you to want to get back together with her. Despite the loneliness, it is better to be single than to be in a crummy relationship by miles and if you don’t feel that’s the case, then you need to seriously start turning your attention to your own needs and psychic well-being.
Yes, you can get other girls and you can certainly get girls who will not cheat on you. I cannot in good conscience recommend that you even attempt to get back with your ex-girlfriend, as I don’t see a scenario in which this is a good idea. My advice is: move on!
Getting Past this Attachment
A big problem with the aftermath of a break up, is dealing with those addiction like feelings, toward the ex-girlfriend. The good news, is that, they can be gotten rid of but it takes time and effort.
Wanting someone back who cheated on you, and who, doesn’t currently want you back is a pretty big sign that some positive changes need to occur in one’s life.
Whenever, I’ve been faced with something or someone that I’ve become unreasonably attached to mentally/emotionally, I like to go through a deep inquiry. I get to the roots of why I am feeling this way and not just accepting that I ‘need’ this person or thing in my life.
- Why do I want her so much?
- What is lacking in the rest of my life, that I am so focused on this one person?
- Is she really the one girl for me or just the only one that I can currently see in front of me?
- Is it even about her or do i just simply not like the way losing her felt?
- Is it more about the feelings that the cheating caused or something that is actually special about her?
make dem changes
Really get into the causes and mental patterns of the issue. Sometimes, we mentally get stuck in feedback loops, where we expect someone or some feeling to be there.
When it no longer is, there is a void, and we can struggle to replace it. As such, we tend to try to get back the source of that feeling, even when it isn’t a good option for us.
After inquiry and identifying underlying issues, that are causing the negative feelings, I begin the process of letting them go. For me, I do this through meditation. It really helps to calm my mind and makes me aware of my thoughts, when they pop up.
The awareness of the thoughts are important. When the negative patterns arise, I immediately begin to question them, instead of just following them and getting right back into feeling bad about things.
It’s like reprogramming your mind. Each time the thoughts begin to rise, I cut them off, and question how valid they actually are. The more I interrupt the thought patterns, the less hold they can have, the less often they come up, and the emotional attachment lessen, until I let them go entirely.
Next, is the analysis of my life, and what I need to do to improve it. If I’m focused solely on someone who cheated on me and not on my life and well-being…I’m probably not in a good spot.
That’s fine. Identifying the negative feelings and their causes, is a great first step. However, we have to begin to slowly shift into a new direction, and off of the old course which no longer suits us.
Little changes add up. I don’t care how small the positive steps are at this stage, they are still useful. It’s like weight lifting, you slowly build up strength each session, until what used to be heavy is just easy to pick up.
- What are your personal goals?
- I mean for work, school, starting a business, health, and your dating life in the future?
- If some of these aren’t where they need to be, how do you get to that place?
- What are the easiest steps that you can take today and the next day, to move closer to these goals?
It can literally be as simple as reading for 15 minutes and then building upon that. Or doing a workout today, if you’re currently in bad shape, and then being consistent with it.
Getting cheated on, isn’t the end of the world. It’s just the end of that relationship and there are plenty more to be had, if you so desire. I had girlfriends in college who dumped me. It hurt like hell back then and felt like I wouldn’t recover.
Well, nowadays, I never think about any of them.
Our brain’s can get obsessive in the short term, we need to nudge them off of these addictions, and keep going on to something better. Time apart, can naturally help these things, but it won’t be as effective if you don’t take the time to grow as a person and leave that chapter of your life behind.