A break up happens and you’re not satisfied with this result. You want him. You want him back, just like how it used to be. So, you chase.
The more you chase the further he pushes away, it seems. As such, you draw the conclusion, that if you stop chasing your ex-boyfriend he will then come back.
Interesting theory, but will it work if you give him space? What are the potential outcomes for such time apart? Chasing is almost never the right answer, especially when its already proven to be ineffective, but will he want to get back together if you let up?
Is Chasing Driving Him Away?
Possibly. To what extent depends, though, one could argue that it certainly isn’t helping matters at all.
On the one hand, he may not want to get back together regardless of being chased or not. Sometimes, things are just done. You’ve had enough of someone in your life and you’re ready to go your own way, without the past relationship continuing.
On the other hand, it might be the chasing itself, that is giving him doubts.
Therefore, the best course of action to take is one of inaction, at least in terms of bothering an ex-boyfriend. The broken relationship needs time to cool off and that’s near impossible to do when one party, keeps running after the attention of the other.
People often think that doing nothing is somehow a bad move, because we always feel the need to try and ‘fix’ a situation.
What’s important to understand is that breakups usually aren’t as simple of a fix as just badgering the other person non-stop until you’re magically back together. NO!
Despite what our brains constantly tell us, there is usually a process to forgiveness or a evaluation as to whether we continue dating someone or not.
Instead, there is often a time apart, when the former couple can gain clarity about what they each want for their lives as individuals and then move forward with or without each other.
This time apart is usually enforced by the application of the No Contact Rule which allows the emotional turmoil of the breakup to settle down a lot before any potential reconciliation takes place.
Also, chasing in itself, simply isn’t attractive. It can come off as really desperate, even if one is desperate, it’s not an attractive quality to the man in this scenario.
If chasing isn’t working, then, one needs to give the guy some space. That’s clearly his wish to not be pestered about getting back together, at every moment. This doesn’t mean that he will forget you, it’s just a respite from being in constant contact.
Why Does He Want Time and Space Apart?
Well, put the shoe on the other foot for a second. Imagine some guy that you’d broken up with, were trying to talk, text, and see you at every possible moment.
Maybe, you’d be willing to try and work things out, but he won’t give you the time you need to figure out what’s the best path for you to take.
Wouldn’t you get annoyed at some point? Even if you still had strong feelings and the inclination to reconcile with him, the act would wear thin, eventually.
That’s the same situation that the ex-boyfriend is currently facing. Not only does he have his whole work, school, or whatever other life to worry about. Now, he also has an ex-girlfriend vying for his limited attention.
There’s no way he can gain clarity about what he wants in terms of potentially fixing the broken relationship, if he has his old girlfriend, trying to be around all of the time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all.
The most volatile emotions take time to burn off. He needs to discover what his life is like again. What is it like to not have a relationship that you’re responsible for maintaining?
At some point, a man will either realize he doesn’t like being alone without the relationship. Or, it will become obvious that he should move in a new direction.
Say the Chasing Stops, Will He Want to Get Back Together?
There’s no guarantee, but the odds will certainly be better than, continuing to try and force him back into the relationship.
As I always say on this site, there is never a 100% chance that a relationship can be salvaged, all you can do it play the best odds.
So, what’s more likely, him coming back after you let him have time apart OR continuing to chase him…which has already been failing?
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That was rhetorical, but the answer is the first option mentioned above.
Chasing someone isn’t going to wear them out and make them submit. It’s going to trigger frustration and make them want to have nothing to do with the person, who won’t let them be.
So, the best course to take is one in which, he is given space for a time. To where he feels like he’s not being constantly pressured and can make a clear decision about whether or not he wants to get back together.