As time passes after a break up, a thought will gather in many people’s heads, it’s a question to whether or not it is still possible to get their ex-boyfriend back. It’s been a few months, is it too late to reconcile and begin anew?
Once a split happens the drift starts to begin and the person you were once dating, now has possibly moved in a different direction and has a new set of wants, needs, etc.
The problem lies in the fact, that one party has started the transition out of the old relationship, while the other is still wanting to re-kindle things. When exactly is it too late to get back with an ex-boyfriend? Is it ever?
When is it too Late?
On some level, it really ‘never’ is too late to get back together with an ex.
That being said, it’s usually limited to specific circumstances, once an extreme amount of time has occurred since the break up.
There are people who have broken up for years and then gotten back together, so, yes it’s possible. Is it a sound idea to do so? That depends.
The old relationship is done.
So, even if you get back together with a boyfriend, it’s a completely new thing (albeit familiar). Don’t make the mistake of thinking that things will be the same as they were before, they won’t.
People change and mature constantly. Things and people that interested you ten years ago, probably do not now. At least not to the same degree.
This kind of shift can also take place over the course of months, if someone is really determined to change fundamental things about their lives.
Just keep in mind before pursuing that any underlying issues of the old relationship would have to be resolved and that it’s not going to be the same relationship, just a new incarnation.
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These ‘long periods of time in between the two relationships’ relationships are possible but know that the longer the time, the more unlikely it becomes.
I would be really hard pressed to even consider getting back together with women that I dated years ago.
I just couldn’t picture it working out, now that my life and desires are so completely different. A period of months isn’t insurmountable, but years might be.
Why?
Get down to the nitty gritty of your motivations.
- Why exactly do you want to get back together with your ex-boyfriend?
- Is it really about him and how great he is or does it have more to do with your general unhappiness, loneliness, lack of direction in your life, or some other factor?
- What about the situation has changed that makes you feel that the relationship will work out this time around, when it just got done failing on the first try?
- What’s really different?
- Is it really anything or is this just chasing after the past and your fond memories of it?
It can be really tough to move on, especially when there isn’t a clear path in our lives as to where exactly we are supposed to move on to. It is a confusing time and our brain makes it worse by reminding us of a time when it felt as if things made much more sense.
Sometimes, despite all of the emotional evidence to the contrary, it is actually the best course of action for our lives to simply move on. It is the correct decision to let go of the past and not try to patch things up with our exes.
All of this wanting to get back together with your ex-boyfriend might be a masking of a general lack in your life as a whole or uncertainty about what it is you truly want.
As such, one can often chase after the wrong things in life, if you don’t get in touch with what you really want.
When Should You Consider Moving On?
The first point that I’d say, is that, after a deep search of yourself and consideration of what you want from it.
If after all of that, you have serious doubts about getting back together, then that is a very noticeable sign that it is time to move forward alone.
If all the signs are pointing to just being unhappy about where you are currently in your life, then things should become about you and not focused on trying to get back together with someone else.
You are the foundation, happiness in relationships can only stem from you being content with what is.
Also, if you’ve been trying to get back with an ex for a while, exhausted your strategies, and gotten nowhere…it might be time to hang it up for now.
That doesn’t mean that it is never possible to get back together with them, just not at this point in time. They may want to go a completely different route with their lives and that route may not include you.
Accept their decision, it’s their life, and their choice to make.
The third point is, if this trying to get back together with or chasing of your ex-boyfriend is hurting your life, it is probably time to let go.
You cannot sacrifice your well-being based on some vague notion of reconciliation with a person who might not want to reconcile.
Don’t allow your brain to concoct some narrative, where it’s some great tragedy that this person didn’t want you back or that it’s somehow romantic to chase after someone for years…it isn’t.
Our brains love stories. Elements of them can be true, but getting caught up in these narratives, can waste years of our lives for no positive result.
Things in life change and people flow in and out of our lives all of the time. That’s life, that’s how it works for everyone. At some point, you can no longer resist change, and have to just go with the flow.
It really is never ‘too late’ to get back with an ex, depending on the situation. There are a ton of variables that will effect your current situation and the likelihood of such a reconciliation taking place.
However, despite the odds, there are perfectly legitimate reasons for letting go and moving forward without them too. Take the time to truly figure out what it is that you want.