There are times when a break up happens, that one party almost immediately begins chasing the other, in order to get back together with them. In this case, the boyfriend, asks his ex-girlfriend to stop and give him space. He wants time apart from having to deal with the broken relationship. Why? What will happen if he is given this time apart? Will he come running back? Will he find someone else? Will giving him space make him miss me? These are all very common questions and worries when dealing with a break up. But should he get the space he desires or is that a mistake?
Is Space What is Needed?
Potentially. It is very difficult to get someone to change their mind about something, when they’re feeling crowded or pressured, by an outside force. This can be especially true, when that person is someone who you’ve recently broken up with.
Time apart from one another allows the emotions of both sides to calm down quite a bit and allows for more clarity about how they each want to proceed with their own lives. This is why something like the No Contact Rule can be so darn effective, as it let’s people decompress from the relationship, and think about what could possibly come next.
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Many people have a fear of giving an ex their space and time apart because they think that they will forget all about them. That isn’t necessarily true and time apart can actually have the opposite effect on a person. Many times, this time away from one another can trigger feelings and emotions to make they guy miss his ex-girlfriend.
Bottom line: if he asked for space, give it to him. Don’t let your own emotions or ideas about what is best for him, try to supersede his current wishes. At some point, he’ll be ready to communicate once again, or move on from the relationship if that’s what he wants.
Why Does He Need Me to Leave Him Alone?
In all likelihood, he has plenty of other things happening in his life beyond just a breakup. Work, school, family, etc. So, having his ex-girlfriend consistently or constantly vying for his attention can be draining. Especially, when the break up is still a fresh wound.
As a man, I want to be left alone a good chunk of the time, even when I’m in a good relationship with a woman. Never mind when I’m trying to figure out what course of action I should take with my life, after a breakup has occurred.
Think about it: how can someone ever miss someone else, if that person is always around or texting them about the past?
There is nothing more irritating to us, then having our girlfriend or ex bothering us when we’ve asked them, to let us be. Like, super super irritating.
Let him have his space.
But Will He Come Back?
He’s more likely to, than if his wishes are not being respected. Obviously, when dealing with human beings, there’s no 100% guarantee that their definitely going to try to get back with their ex. I mean, there are so many variables about him, his personality, and what he wants for his life that only he knows about.
However, one has to play the odds when trying to get an ex-boyfriend to come back. In this scenario, is him being left alone for the time being, going to increase those odds? Almost certainly yes.
Desperation isn’t an attractive quality and continually chasing a guy is only going to serve to push him further away. Meaning, he will be less attracted to a woman who chasing him hard instead of giving him space.
What Do I Do During this Period of Time?
He needs his space to figure things out. You should do the same.
When time is spent apart from one another, emotions settle down a bit, and one can think about things clearly. Including, if you actually want him back or is it just the powerful emotions that have been stirred up post-breakup?
I know it seems like a silly question to ask at this point, but there are plenty of people who come to realize that a particular relationship wasn’t the best for them and there lives. This realization could only take place during a period of no contact.
What should you do after a breakup? Focus on you and what you want for yourself.
Take time to grieve the relationship and how it ended but don’t obsess over it. I always have given myself a set time during the day where I could just feel bad about a break up. BUT I made sure to limit it to just that time.
I would offset that ‘bad feelings time’, with as much positivity as I could experience throughout the day. I would listen to motivational speeches, meditate, read books, exercise, watch comedies, laugh with friends…anything that made me feel better and not wallow in my emotions.
This should be a time of self-improvement and self-realization. Figure out how to address your weaknesses. What about the relationship could’ve been improved? How could you have been a better girlfriend? Anything? Even if this relationship is indeed over for good, use this as a learning experience.
Here are some useful posts about the post-break up time:
How Long Should He Be Given Space?
Give it a week or two before testing the waters. If he communicates first, good. If you text him and he still doesn’t seem ready. Wash and repeat the process of giving him a few weeks and then communicating with him.
At a certain point in time, both parties should have a clear idea about whether or not they might consider getting back with one another.
What’s the first move?
Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.
Naturally, we must give the other person space. But when we have allowed the situation to breathe for a bit, we’ll want to reach out and see what he’s wanting to do.
Texting fulfills this need, think about it:
- They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
- That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
- You can craft the right message to them.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance
If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee: