The No Contact Rule is a tried and true stand by for dealing with the post-breakup world one finds themselves in, once a relationship collapses. A common question that arises when this strategy is brought up is, does it actually work? Can one get their ex-girlfriend to come back by avoiding any kind of verbal or social engagement with her? After all, what is so damn special about No Contact, and why should one not talk to the woman that he wants to get back together with?
Does No Contact Work?
When asking whether something works or not, I think that it’s important to define what that actually means. If you are asking for a fool-proof, 100% success rate way of getting an ex-girlfriend back fast…sorry, it doesn’t exist.
Each relationship is a separate problem unto itself. Each individual will have different desires and needs in their lives, thus, a blanket strategy isn’t going to have a 100% success rate to attract them back.
Is that really the issue, however? How few things in life actually have a 100% success rate?
The actual question should be, does the No Contact Rule work better than the alternatives? In my experience, it does indeed.
What do most guys do when they want to get their exes back? Is there any real coherent strategy? One day, you might not want her back, and then the next day she is all that you think about. The emotional turmoil following a break up is so intense, that the plan to get her back is all over the place. Sometimes you’re strong and cool, sometimes you come off as desperate and needy.
What the No Contact Rule does on one level, is to keep up a consistent front for a period of time, so that one doesn’t blow his opportunity to reconcile the relationship. That 3 AM text or phone call can come off mighty desperate and only serves to hurt the chances of ever getting things to work out.
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It’s kind of like basketball. You’re never going to hit 100% of the shots that you take, you’re going to miss eventually. What the No Contact Rule does is to get you a higher percentage shot, instead of some off balance, one-legged turnaround jumper while you have a broken wrist and are 50 feet away from the basket…which is what you are essentially taking while in that poor emotional state following the breakup.
Does No Contact work? It can. Sometimes it doesn’t. However, it usually gives one the best odds of making the correct moves towards getting an ex back.
Of course, there are cases where no matter what you do, she ain’t getting back together with you. You can try but at some point, it is time to move on with your life.
Why No Contact?
No Contact is essential because it gives both parties space and time to heal away from one another. In an emotional moment or highly charged emotional period of time, poor decisions can be made that someone who was sober and levelheaded wouldn’t make.
It of course would ‘feel’ good to get back together with someone immediately after they aren’t in your life any longer. There is a void and a depth of emotion that feels like it needs to be quelled after such an event. That doesn’t mean that it is the best long-term decision.
The breakup happened for a reason or multitude of reasons. These issues need to be worked out for a new relationship to work but sometimes these issues cannot be worked out. Getting back together when the differences cannot be mended is a recipe for a failure over the long-term.
She needs space to figure out exactly what she wants in her life and as a man you need to do the same. With time and an appropriate perspective on things, you might find out that you want to take a completely different course with your life, and one that doesn’t involve your ex-girlfriend. However, without time apart from one another, you might never realize this fact and try to barrel forward with a reconciliation of a broken relationship.
Time is an ally in this process because it allows the brain to heal. Make no mistake, love is like a drug, and a break up can feel like an addict losing their drug of choice. How can one make a rational choice about how to move forward, if constant contact is maintained? The view of the right path to take will only emerge with the clarity imposed by time passed.
What to Do During No Contact
Obviously, try to avoid talking to her as much as possible. However, I have always felt and made this a point to do in my own life, that this period of No Contact and indeed the post-breakup period itself should be about personal growth. Take the time to focus on yourself and improving your life with or without her.
Read, workout, pursue interests, explore new opportunities…whatever. Don’t make rash decisions and upend your life on a whim BUT figure out ways that you can make yourself feel better that are positive, not self-destructive, and don’t rely on your ex-girlfriend as a positive stimulus.
Here are some posts that cover this further:
What Comes After No Contact?
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Michael Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”. He also recommends a period of no contact with an ex and also shows how to both work through the time apart and how to decide what to do next. If you want further help working out things or really do want to make things work with an ex, this is something you’ll want to check out.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.
Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:
“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.
“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! Thank you Michael !!!
“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul
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