The post-break up period can be quite a minefield of confusion to traverse. Both sides, once close, now have their own interests in mind and emotions are running extremely high. It’s almost inevitable, it seems, that one party will cut off communication with the other.
This can be pretty confusing or quite a let down. Especially when. you still want to reconcile with an ex-boyfriend but he doesn’t seem to want to communicate with you on any level. At least, at the moment.
Why won’t he talk all of the sudden? Why is he completely ignoring my calls, texts, etc? Well, as with anything else in life, there seems to be a multitude of answers possible.
However, I want to point out some potential causes and solutions for dealing with such a total drop off in communication.
Why is He Ignoring Me?
Alrighty then, let’s get down to some reasons why an ex-boyfriend may be ignoring you, during the post-breakup period.
Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.
He’s Moved On
Don’t freak out. This isn’t always the case. However, there are times when one side in a break up will get it in their mind, that the best course of action to take is to move on entirely.
I’ve personally done this before with one girl that I was dating. Despite the fact that it was still painful, I rejected her advances to see me, after she had dumped me.
My reasoning for this was that she was only trying to use me for sex and comfort. This was after she had broken up with me, and that I didn’t feel like being used.
Why should I allow you to have whatever you want, when you basically told me, that I was no longer good enough to be with you?
I rejected and then ignored her solely on principle. I wasn’t really ready to move forward with anyone else. But I forced myself to be alone, and resisted getting drawn back in, with promises of easy sex and soothing of the post-break up pain.
Now, a man can also ‘move on’, by dating new women. This doesn’t always have to be serious, sometimes, he is just dating to help himself cope with the new situation but then other times he is genuinely trying to move forward with his life. He wants to head in a new direction.
‘Moving on’ can be sort of a misnomer, as it is often more like distracting oneself from the powerful emotions that are stirred up at the end of a relationship.
It can go either way, but it is one distinct possibility of why an ex-boyfriend would begin to ignore.
It’s often times, less about moving on, and just exploring what life is like without having a girlfriend around. We get so used to one another’s company, that existence can feel pretty darn different, from what we’re used to now. As such, to cope with this change, we might start seeing other women.
This usually happens when relationships end. One side will message, call, or try to meet in person the other side wayyyy tooo much. Pestering, generally isn’t a great strategy.
It’s not that he is either currently for or against the possibility of getting back together. It’s just the constant bombardment of communication is grating his nerves.
There’s just something inherently unattractive about a person who makes themselves much too available and almost completely subservient. It completely destroys the allure of someone.
Getting five texts in a row from a girl, without me responding, is at best an annoyance and at worst a little bit frightening.
It’s counter intuitive, when caught up in the emotional turmoil that is happening after a break up; but the more you chase and text and beg, the more people tend to move further away from you.
I’ve seen it first hand from both sides. Me, writing long messages to an ex, totally sure in my mind that it’d work and she’d come back. When in reality, it just made me stink of desperation, which is especially unattractive to women.
On the flip side, I’ve had women do it to me, and it really does make me lose interest very fast.
Cut out the heavy communication, if you’re currently doing so. I know there is a tendency to want to try and fix everything ASAP but understand that you can’t really and it’s actually counterproductive. T
his is why the period of No Contact, can be so damn effective. It prevents us from making dumb mistakes that hurt our chances at reconciliation. Secondly, it gives us an opportunity to move past the most addictive and compulsive behaviors.
It’s A Part of His Strategy
The No Contact Rule has become more popular recently and so an ex-boyfriend may have cut off communication as a strategy. No Contact can be used either to help get over someone or conversely to help try to get someone back.
I’m not saying that this is the most likely scenario, it’s almost certainly not, BUT it is a possible motive for why he is ignoring.
No Contact provides people with space and allows for clarity to take hold in one’s life without interference from the person that they just broke up with.
There’s a chance that his feelings are still quite strong, with that, he will want to do a bout of no contact in order to lessen the strength of those feelings.
Oh, and there is still the chance, he is using this strategy to help lure you back. Don’t count on this being the case, BUT, it is still possible somewhat.
He’s Really Upset
Another distinct possibility of why an ex could be ignoring someone is that he’s simply pissed off. Lying, cheating, or some other reason that made this particular break up extra difficult to deal with could be spurring on a strong desire not to have any communication within the near future.
If something really bad happened to cause the break up, then it is to be expected that a guy would be hurt and simply be in no mood to talk or even acknowledge his ex-girlfriend.
Especially, in the cheating scenario, that would be a complete non-starter for me. I know many other guys, who wouldn’t allow anything to be fixed, with someone who did that to them.
Not all is lost, though, a guy being upset may eventually pass. He could then be open to communication but just needs time and space to cool off and gather his bearings.
Then again, he may be so angry and hurt that he shuts down completely and wants nothing to do with the old relationship ever.
Anger can be short-lived or last for a longer time, but people generally get over it. They will ultimately forgive. Now, this makes no guarantee about getting back together or whatever else. But, it’s not usually more than a passing phase.
What To Do?
The exact motives are hard to ascertain as there are so many possibilities as to why a guy may stop communicating after a break up. The remedy for such a situation? Fall back and then attempt to reengage later.
What does this mean? It means going into No Contact on your end. Don’t try to force him to talk when he doesn’t want to, which will only serve to push him further away.
With space and time, comes clarity about what each individual wants.
Take the time period of No Contact to figure out exactly what you want for your life. You may come to find that with time alone and when the heavy emotions come under control that you actually don’t want your ex-boyfriend back.
You may want to go in a completely different direction in your life whether that be: career wise, education, romantically, or even where in the world you live.
Time apart is about healing and getting yourself in a better place to make sound decisions about your future with or without him. In fact, one should always prepare for the more likely scenario that the relationship is finished…because it is.
Any reconciliation that comes to pass, is essentially a new relationship that needs to be fundamentally different from the one that failed. All the former fights and problems need to be solved.
No Contact is usually a period of 30-60 days. At that point in time, the situation becomes clearer and what one wants for themselves is pretty obvious.
What’s the first move?
Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.
Think about it:
- They don’t have to meet in person, right away.
- The message doesn’t have to be responded to on the same day or even week. They can decide to respond, at a later date.
- You can craft the right message to them.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people figure out a path forward with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.
Obviously, success cannot be guaranteed by anyone, but you do have 60 days to buy and try out, Mr. Fiore’s methods. If not, it can be returned, for your money back.