Category Archives: Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

There are numerous variants of how exactly a relationship can end. Sometimes it’s proactive, sometimes it’s due to a single event, and sometimes it just gradually falls apart. One of the more regularly occurring ways a break up happens, is that the man dumps his girlfriend. Giving either no excuse or reasoning, and/or some lame reason, that doesn’t sound very believable.

When your now ex-boyfriend leaves you, it’s a bitter pill to swallow, and can indeed hurt like hell for a long time. Even with all of this emotional tumult, there can still be that thought that creeps into your mind about getting back together with him.

Then another question arises, “Can I even get him back, if he broke up with me?”

Well, yes, at least in some cases. However, there are even more questions that need to be answered before pursuing such a project. Such as, is it really what I want or is it even likely to succeed in my individual case?

In this post, I want to go a little bit deeper into this topic and what needs to be considered when trying to get back an ex-boyfriend who dumped you.

Getting One’s Mind Clear

In my eyes, the first step of trying to reconcile with someone after a break up is to truly decide that it is something worth pursuing.

Listen, it’s not always an easy process to get back together with an ex-boyfriend, and it can definitely take some time to pull off.

As such, one has to be sure that this is truly what they want in their lives, and not just act out of the pure raw emotion that stems from a break up.

There is a lot of pain and loneliness that comes along after a relationship ends. A lot of it has to do with the addictive qualities of love and companionship.

It hurts because one expects that person to be around, we’ve conditioned ourselves for it, and when it doesn’t happen…it doesn’t feel good.

The thing of it is, this feeling can still be found within you, even if you weren’t 100% compatible with someone. I’ve gotten dumped by girls before, been completely torn up about it for months, only to later on realize how truly lucky I was to get out of that relationship.

None of those ladies would’ve been the right fit for me on a long-term basis. BUT it still hurt really bad when it happened.

That’s one of the reasons that the No Contact Rule after a break up is so effective and important, it provides clarity.

With enough time apart, the emotions can subside, to the point where you can make a rational choice about what exactly it is you want in your life. Sometimes, you find out that he isn’t it and other times you can figure out that reconciliation is something that is worth attempting.

Take the time for yourself and truly analyze what it is that you want from your life. What direction would you like to take it? What kind of relationship, do you want at this point in time? Do you even want a relationship at all?

Things to Ponder About the Relationship

What were some of the causes that ended the relationship? How did things end up going from complete romance to utter failure? Since he initiated it, you might not know his exact reasoning, but you can surely think about some potential flaws or problems that the relationship had.

Did you cheat on him? In that scenario, for instance, it is obviously going to be more difficult to lure him back than if no infidelity took place. If you did cheat, ask yourself, why? Were you bored or dissatisfied with him? With your life? Or do you actually want to explore other options. Be honest with yourself and don’t judge your conclusions so harshly.

Was the end of the relationship caused by him cheating or the presence of another woman? In that case, the best course of action is to move on with your life, and not try to repair things with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be involved all that much in the confines of that previous relationship.

The amount of time that has passed since the end of the relationship is also a factor. If he broke up with you many months ago or even over a year ago, it’s probably time to let it go. Now, this doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to fix things eventually…just a lot less likely.

Then, there is the question of what type of relationship it was and how serious did it get? Of course the odds of reconciliation are going to be effected by the individual person who is being dealt with but also something like age can also be a factor.

For instance, someone reading this who is coming off of a high school or college break up, is generally going to be in a much different place than an older person, who may have been involved in marriage talk.

Go No Contact

The No Contact period can be an important step to take during this process. Not only does it give you the time to think properly about what you want and to heal. It also, creates a certain distance, to where you aren’t texting or begging the ex to come back.

You don’t want to get caught in a spot, where you cannot control yourself and, you just pester him about getting back together. It’s ultimately an unattractive quality, and the point is, to re-attract the ex.

This time apart also gives him the ability to be clear about what he wants moving forward, without any interference. Think about it. If one keeps talking to their ex-boyfriend, he never has time to miss you, but he does have plenty of time to be annoyed.

The No Contact Rule is usually in effect for 30-45 days. However, it can go as short as three weeks, to as long as two full months. This is usually sufficient enough to make progress towards finding out, whether or not, a relationship will be salvageable.

This period of time should be used to heal emotionally, improve yourself, your life, and to consider how to fix the issues that caused the relationship to fail. Again, one may discover that, it cannot be fixed. That’s fine, most relationships, are not meant to be in the long-term.

Re-Establish Communication

After at least, 3-4 weeks of No Contact. The opportunities to begin to talk to an ex again, will begin to arise. In some cases, the boyfriend, may reach out first. Yes, even when he was the one who initiated the break up.

On your end, you’ve had plenty of time to reconsider, whether or not, you actually want to try to get back together. Or if you’re better served, by moving on entirely from this broken relationship.

Of course, not all of the problems of the relationship are solved, at this point. But there has been enough time apart, to cool down, and think fairly clearly about the future prospects.

If you’re still in the mindset, that reconciliation is the goal. You can then, reach out to the ex-boyfriend, to feel out whether it is a possibility or not.

What’s the first move?

To re-establish contact with an ex, the best opening move has to include the right form of communication. Not just having the best message or line. Phone calls and face to face meetings can be really hard to pull off, especially if the other person doesn’t want to talk.

Luckily, text messaging exists nowadays. This is an advantage, because it takes so much pressure off of things, and is a pretty passive form of communication. Which means, it’s way less intrusive and annoying. We want to gently work our way back into a dialogue, with the ex, in order to move things forward.

Think about it:

• They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
• That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
• You can craft the right message to them.
• It’s a private and personal way of communication.

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:

Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, which explains some very basic things not to text your ex and provides a simple roadmap, of this program’s process. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.

Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:

“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.

“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !!  Thank you Michael !!!

The break up happened and after some amount of time an idea will start to creep into one’s mind saying, “Can we get back together with him?” The hamster wheel begins spinning furiously. It’s trying to figure out, if the chances of getting an ex-boyfriend back, are still good or if they are seemingly beyond any hope.

When looking into this sort of thing, understand that there is no exact way to truly measure the odds of successfully fixing a broken relationship. There are too many variables at play in each person’s unique circumstance. However, there are certain signs which point more strongly to one direction versus the other.

With that in mind, I thought that I’d go over some of the considerations that should be looked at, which can give an indication of how good one’s odds of getting an ex-boyfriend back are. Again, nothing is a 100% certainty but there are repetitive themes within human relationships, that can improve or ruin these chances.

Who Started It?

Which person in the relationship, ended the relationship? If you did and are now beginning to regret the decision, your odds will be better in most cases.

It is easier to get someone back after you break up with them, as they often weren’t expecting it, and probably didn’t want the relationship to be over. Now, that’s not always the case, especially if there was something about the break up that particularly devastated them.

If he was the one who initiated the break up, it’s a much tougher hill to climb because his motives for doing so will come into play. Maybe he wasn’t ready to be serious or wants to go in another direction with his life.

Those sorts of things can completely throw off reconciliation plans and can be tough to navigate. Though, I believe that women usually have an exit strategy in place when they break up (in terms of having other guys available to them) than do men when the dump somebody.

If it was a mutual decision, then, it’s kind of muddy and could go either way with about equal odds. Again, it will all depend on the unique variables of your relationship.

While this can be a big piece of the puzzle, it isn’t the end all, be all. Lots of break ups can happen on an impulse. So, he might have dumped you, and then later realized he made a mistake.

Plus, people can just change their minds, once they’ve experience what life and that dating world is like post-breakup. Then, it becomes clear what they’ve given up.

How Long was the Relationship?

Time spent within a relationship can have a huge effect, as to whether or not someone is willing to move on.

Dating for a few months, it’s a lot easier to cut ties with someone.

Dating for years? That’s a tough one to get past. Even when you’re mad, at the other person, it’s still a situation nobody wants to leave frivolously.

So, the longer the relationship lasted, usually the better odds that someone has at a reconciliation. Those emotional bonds are too strong.

However, there still are the cases in which, the ex-boyfriend is just so completely tired of dealing with the woman and relationship. Everyone has a breaking point, or at least where they no longer see a future, with their current partner.

What Did He Want?

One common cause of break ups is differing relationship goals. A person may not currently be on the same page as their partner in terms of what they want from their dating life.

He may want to play the field, while you may want to be in a committed relationship, that has a path forward into the future.

There are also times when there is great confusion as to what he wants. He may like aspects of the relationship but may be feeling drawn elsewhere. Ultimately, if the man doesn’t feel that his ex-girlfriend fits into his plans, it is much more difficult to convince him otherwise.

There is also the reverse situation, where he wanted to be committed, and you were the one full of uncertainty. In this scenario, it is much easier to get back together, as you’d just have to be willing to get serious about things.

However, I would still say that you’d really make sure that is what you actually want and not just string him along, while still wanting to live the life of a single woman. Don’t force a major change into your life, just because you currently feel bad.

His own internal inclinations, as to what he wants from his life currently and from his dating life in particular, will go a long way to determining the odds of reconciliation.

This one can be a bit hard to figure out at times, as some guys won’t always express what they want, or even know exactly themselves.

What Were The Underlying Causes?

Some relationships merely need minor fixes in order to function well again. Others, are completely broken on a very fundamental level. Trust may be non-existent, fighting may be all too often, and the sight of the other person may be too much for one party to handle.

The causes of the break up can have a huge impact on the odds. For instance, if you were caught cheating or severely abusing his trust, then it is going to be remarkably hard to regain his trust to the level that it needs to be within a relationship.

In most of those cases, the best decision is probably to move on, work out your personal issues, and give a go at a relationship with someone else down the line.

If it was something such as fighting or arguing all of the time. Ask yourself, how is this issue going to be solved if a new relationship is formed with one another? Things won’t just magically be better the second time around, the old relationship’s problems need to be addressed.

Relationship Status

Are you seeing any one else now? Is he? How serious are either of your dating lives? Now, if the break up was really recent, this might not be an issue. However, if the break up occurred months ago, than it almost certainly is a factor.

The longer the time apart and the more the other person has started dating or being involved in exclusive types of relationships…the longer the odds will be that he will get back together. People tend to grow apart with time and the conditions that once made the relationship work out well are no longer there.

Did You Burn Bridges?

While it is common for people to be angry at one another, after a break up. There are things that some folks do, that goes way above and beyond, just being a bit mean.

If you did or said anything particularly egregious towards him, since you’ve broken up, that can also be a big negative.

Communications

What is the current level of communication? Are you guys still talking a lot or is it completely shut off? Has he blocked you on social media?

If he is still speaking with you, that obviously means that things aren’t so terrible between the two of you, as to make it an extraordinary effort to get back together. The more receptive he is, the better the odds.

Now, there are cases such as having children together, that requires him to talk to you…that level of communication doesn’t entirely count in this aspect. Also, sometimes he still wants to remain friendly but has no interest in fixing the relationship.

If he is texting or talking to you a lot, especially when there doesn’t seem to be a real necessity for him to do so, the better the odds that things can be salvaged.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

There are plenty of other signs that will be unique to your relationship and the variables that are set within it. Keep in mind that while generally, the number of positive signs you identify for reconciliation will improve the odds of getting back together, there is still no guarantee that he can be one back.

He is still an individual with his own desires, thoughts, and feelings…which means that he can take his life in whatever direction he chooses, with or without the former relationship intact.

There are of course a myriad of emotional standpoints one can find themselves starting from after someone breaks up with you. Some, go for the ‘I have to get my ex back at all costs‘ strategy. While others, seem to like to go with the ‘I’m going to make my ex-boyfriend regret letting me go’.

In either case, the best route to take may not be the one that immediately pops into your head while the emotions of the relationship are still fresh. With a clear head, one can recognize these types of ‘revenge’ actions as purely petty and egotistical.

After all, what do you really end up ‘winning’ when trying to get back at someone for having the audacity to leave you? The real answer when you set all of the BS aside, is nothing of importance.

In this post, I want to explore what I mean and how to move past this notion of wanting to make this guy regret losing you from his life.

Why Do You Want Him to Feel Regret?

Ok, so you’ve allowed yourself to get to the point of researching of how to plot emotional revenge on someone, which means you’ve probably been thinking about this for at least some time.

Ask yourself, what is at the core of these types of feelings?

Because let’s be very clear about something, you are dealing in the world of feelings, and not of rational thought. Feelings can be a good guidepost for exploring what we want and what we don’t want in our lives.

However, feelings can also lead us astray and down paths which are ultimately pointless or self-destructive.

Feelings are just feelings. Feelings are not you. The fundamental mistake is identifying yourself based on feelings.

You are not anger, nor sadness, nor envy, nor any other temporary state of emotion.  Precisely because thoughts and feelings are temporary and always changing, they can never be who we truly are.

Are you the anger you felt once when you were six years old? Of course not. They can certainly hijack our lives but we don’t have to give them the power or follow them to whatever random place our thoughts and feelings wish to take us.

Instead, we can observe them, get to the source of where the are coming from, and then let them go. Releasing this attachment, which only serves as a weight which will drag us down.

Releasing the Negative

Let’s take a close look at this current emotional situation. Your current state is obviously aligned towards the negative. This has to be the case, if you are seeking revenge on someone, for no longer wishing to be in a voluntary relationship with you.

After all, where was the guarantee that this relationship was going to work out forever for the both of you?

So, you currently reside on a lower tier of emotion (negative) and you wish to use someone else’s pain, discomfort, and/or longing which you will manufacture, in order to catapult yourself to a higher tier (positive or at least the illusion of feeling better).

Instead of focusing on moving forward alone or attempting to reconcile things with him, you are planning on devoting your energy, to satisfying the narrative about your past relationship you have got going on in your mind?

Stop listening to the constant mental loop of thoughts and feelings that are telling you to get back at him and make him feel shitty about the break up.

This story you have running through your mind is poisonous to an enjoyable life. It is only strengthening your dependence, on people or things which are external to you, and which you cannot control.

If you do get the reaction that you desire, the ‘positive’ feelings will only be temporary. Plus, if you don’t succeed in making him react, in the manner you want, you will be dragged deeper into negativity.

For a moment, I would like for you to consider not focusing on how to make him feel bad about letting you go. Rather, try to gain mental clarity and focus on letting your attachment to this idea of  creating regret go.

People come and go out of our lives. Sometimes, it’s a simple change and other times it can be an ugly breakup when egos are seriously invested. Chasing after petty points and victories post-breakup are ultimately very hollow ‘wins’.

You’ve really only succeeded in possibly hurting someone you probably still care about on some level. You have given a boost to your own ego, instead of turning your attention inward, and making your own life better and more vibrant.

If he really is a terrible person and he is now no longer a part of your life, why would you want to change that? Leave things as they are and move forward.

His negativity, meanness, or bad actions don’t need to be matched by you. The relationship is over. Take any important lessons from it and follow your life’s path.

Turn Your Focus on Betterment and Watch Others Perk Up Around You

The funny thing is that, people will tend to notice the positive changes you make within your life, and how you’ve changed as a person.

So, if you’re focusing on self improvement rather than simply trying to make your ex feel regret, he might naturally come to regret breaking up with you…simply because you’ve become such a great person with an awesome life.

I’ve seen this sort of thing in action first hand, with women, in my case. Back when I couldn’t get girlfriends, dates, sex, etc. I would think that I was simply not attractive to women and I’d never be able to interest them very much.

I was partly correct, I wasn’t attractive to women at that time. However, I could develop myself into the man I wanted to be and thereby attract women into the world I had created for myself.

This included reading books constantly, getting into better shape physically, learning to socialize, developing my personal philosophy, pursuing my passions, working on my ideal lifestyle, etc.

All of these things in totality, over the years has yielded a much greater ability to attract women and make them want to be a part of my life…just by being who I was and not having to ‘chase’ them.

Even women who turned me down, when I was without confidence or skill, took notice of the change and some even made themselves available to me.

The journey of life is ultimately about yourself and coming to terms with your existence in a world that can be flat out crazy and emotionally draining. It can however, also be beautiful, and gearing yourself up to pursue the beautiful in life has plenty of benefits.

One of which being, that people are naturally attracted to confidence and others who make their lives their own.

So, in a very real way, the key to make someone regret leaving you behind, is to not focus on making them feel regret. The key is to focus on yourself and creating your ideal life.

Let other people have their pettiness and emotional manipulations. You should rise above that, understand what they’re doing, and love them anyways. The revenge notion or getting the better of someone post-breakup is quite frankly a waste of time.

Don’t let yourself become controlled by these intense emotions but let yourself observe them arise and notice how they effect your thinking in a negative manner. Once you’ve done this, the grip these negative feelings have over you begin to weaken and you see them for how silly they truly are.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

A break up has taken place, one party was either dumped or did the dumping, and now the former relationship is in complete disrepair. That’s fine, assuming both parties want to move on and go their own ways. But what happens when you want your ex-boyfriend back and he doesn’t feel the same way? How does one approach this situation? Can you make him want to come back into the fold?

Is That What You Want?

The absolute foundation of any pursuit of an ex has to begin with the questions of: Is this really what you want? Is it actually worth pursuing?

The loneliness and the harsh realities of life after a breakup, can often have people’s emotions reeling, and having them want to do anything in order to get back together with their ex and ‘fix’ what ails them.

It’s not always an easy process to get back together with an ex-boyfriend, and it can definitely take some time to pull off. As such, one has to be sure that this is truly what they want in their lives, and not just act out of the pure raw emotion that stems from a break up.

There can be an addictive aspect to relationships. One expects their former partner to be around because they have been for a long time and once they no longer around, it feels really bad. It’s an emptiness, a longing.

The thing of it is, this feeling can still be found within you, even if you weren’t 100% compatible with someone. I’ve gotten dumped by girls before, been completely torn up about it for months, only to later on realize how truly lucky I was to get out of that relationship.

None of those ladies would’ve been the right fit for me on a long-term basis. BUT it still hurt really bad when it happened.

That’s one of the reasons that the No Contact Rule after a break up is so effective and important, it provides clarity.

With enough time apart, the emotions can subside, to the point where you can make a rational choice about what exactly it is you want in your life. Sometimes, you find out that he isn’t it and other times you can figure out that reconciliation is something that is worth attempting.

Why Doesn’t He Want To Get Back Together?

Another factor to consider is why in particular doesn’t he want to be in a relationship. Was it something specific that took place that ended the relationship? Or is he just burned out or no longer ‘into’ you?

It can be a good idea to roughly consider what the odds are that the break up can be mended. Look for some of the more common signs that a relationship can be fixed or that a guy would consider coming back. If none are apparently present, than the odds of getting back together are substantially lower (not always impossible but lower).

What are some other indicators that lower the likelihood of fixing the broken relationship?

• Cheating- especially if you were the one straying
• Is he dating other girls? Is there one in particular?
• There are other huge compatibility problems that stem from the relationship
• He has shown no real interest in doing anything aside from moving on with his life.

There is no ‘one size fits all’ remedy for determining if a relationship is 100% salvageable. Sometimes, the odds seem long and the ex comes back.

Other times, it looks like a good shot, but they’re just ready to move forward alone. Take a look at your own situation and determine whether or not it’s likely and if you actually want to pursue attempting to heal the broken relationship.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

Is it Even True?

Now, you should take someone at face value, if they verbally state that they ‘Don’t want you back’.

However, we also know from our lives, that people don’t always mean or stick to what they say.

Things can feel like they’re true, in the moment. But when emotions calm down, time elapses, and there is more reflection taking place…they see that they didn’t actually mean it.

If everyone actually stuck to what they meant about not wanting their partner back, there’d be a whole bunch fewer relationships, out there today.

There’s the heat of the moment. There’s reconsideration. People will say lots of things, that may or may not turn out to be accurate, in the longer run.

So, even if a guy says he doesn’t want his ex-girlfriend back, he could very well change his mind later on. Again, I’m not saying that this is the case, but it is well within the realm of possibility.

To Be Chased, One Has to Stop Chasing

One common mistake after a breakup that sooooo many people do, is being constantly trying to contact, be available, and begging their ex.

Guess what? If that worked, then literally everyone would be back with their exes. Yet, here we are with people still continually falling into the same trap.

The first step to turning things around is to go No Contact for a period of time, as mentioned above. This usually lasts for about 30 days. The purpose of following the No Contact rule is to allow the emotions to subside BUT also to get yourself to stop trying to hit an ex up all of the time.

It’s hard to make someone think that you’re desirable again, when they know that they can have you back at the drop of the dime. A certain level of scarcity makes things appear more valuable to the human mind and familiarity can have to opposite effect.

Won’t someone forget about you if you don’t remind them that you exist?

NO! I’ve gone no contact with exes and had them contact me weeks or months later…and these were girls who dumped me!

Why? Many times, life after a breakup doesn’t go so well, and down the line the realization that they may have lost something important in their lives, sets in. They can often think that the grass is greener but learn quickly this single life, ain’t always what you think it might be.

What’s he Coming Back To?

If a breakup took place, that means that the old relationship had problems. It can also mean in this scenario, that he’s no longer feeling you like he once was.

So, even if begging him today actually worked, what has changed? Meaning, how long until the reconciled relationship fell apart again? What’s different both in terms of the relationship itself and you as a person?

How are the problems going to be addressed?

What are some things that you need to work on?

Self-improvement can be a huge step in this process. Not only in case he does eventually want to come back but also for your life, if you decided that it’s time to move on.

This doesn’t mean that you have to change everything about yourself in order to appeal to him.

However, becoming an overall more well-rounded, stable, and attractive person can do wonders for how you are perceived by him (and other potential suitors).

I remember when I first got into really good shape and how more women took notice of me.  When that happened, other girls that weren’t interested also took notice (as well as an ex). I didn’t want that particular ex back, so, it went nowhere…but the spark was reignited.

Now, this of course was all a very superficial change, but it got attention. Sometimes, that’s all it takes, but I always like to improve every aspect in my life post-breakup.

What type of relationship does he even want? What are some of the changes that you could make about yourself or the way you interact with him, that’d be useful for the relationship?

Do you even want to make those changes? If not, it may be a good idea to move on.

Get down to the root issues of the relationship. What were the negative things that you contributed towards its demise? Are those things that can be changed? Even if you make the positive changes, would he fix his issues, as well?

What’s the first move?

When trying to get back with an ex, the line of communication, must be opened up at some point. Trying to call or meet in person, can be met with rejection, or annoyance on the ex-boyfriend’s part. However, texting does offer an alternative possibility.

Think about it:

• They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
• That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
• You can craft the right message to them.
• It’s a private and personal way of communication.

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:

Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.

Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:

“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breakup

All righty, there are certain times after a break up happens that an ex-boyfriend will tell you point blank, “You should move on from me”. For whatever reason, he is either tired of dealing with the relationship as a whole or is seeing another woman or some other factor.

Nonetheless, as the woman, you may still have feelings for him and want him back even after being told to get going with your own life without him. This of course, hurts like hell, but what is a girl supposed to do in this situation?

Well, for my money, the best course of action is to prepare for the most likely outcome but to not necessarily give up on the outcome that you’d like the most.

However, this has to come with the understanding that getting back together (no matter how much you want it to happen) is not always the best outcome in specific circumstances.

Get Specific About Your Broken Relationship

When he told you to move on, did he really mean it? I mean, really who knows what he was specifically thinking as an individual, but as a baseline rule…take his words as the truth.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that he cannot change his mind (or that you can’t change yours about reconciling the relationship), but that as of now the relationship has officially ended and any new one that will form out of its ashes, isn’t likely to occur.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

The odds of getting back together are of course wholly dependent on the variables of your own unique situation.

Naturally, there are some universal factors that lowers the odds of fixing things for everyone, like if you cheated on him or he is seeing other women or he is moving away or whatever else.

If multiple issues are involved as a part of the breakup then their effect is compounded and the odds of getting back together are much lower.

If he told you to move on, then the most likely scenario, is that he dumped you. Of course, some reading this may be in the opposite situation but I’ll assume the former is what happened.

If the break up was unexpected on your end and you don’t exactly know the reasons why he broke up with you, then this might be a sign that he wants to move forward in his life without the baggage of the former relationship.

Again, the situation isn’t necessarily bleak, just that it isn’t always an easy fix.

When did he tell you to move on with your life? The length of time after a break up happened can also be a factor in how much weight can be put into a statement.

If it was really soon after, within a few weeks, then there is still a chance that he was being emotional and may not have been 100% sold on that as a path forward. If it has been months and then he said to move forward, you should take that as gospel, and prepare to move on without him.

If it is the latter, why can you not move on after many months, or even over a year? What is the lack in your life, which is preventing you from finding new experiences or relationships? Sometimes, things have simply run their course, and we need to face up and change with the times.

Also, it is important to recognize the context in which he told you to forget about getting back together. Was it after a bout of you begging?

Be honest, were you bothering him with too many text or calls? Was it damn near harassment? Or was it said in some other context?

Read the Tea Leaves

If he is constantly ignoring your texts or calls or other overtures of trying to communicate with him about getting back together…then you should respect his wishes and back off from pursuing for the time being.

Especially, if he is verbally telling you to leave him alone and that you need to move on. Continuing to chase is just going to make an ex-boyfriend’s opinion of you sour even more than it already has.

He needs his space to live his life and you need yours to heal emotionally and figure out what the right course will be for your future.

Plus, that sort of constant bombardment of messaging and pleading, is going to do nothing but push him further away. At least, if he has space, he might eventually change his mind. But how can he do that with a constant reminder, of reasons why he broke up with you?

If after taking stock of your own situation, it seems highly unlikely that a reconciliation is going to take place, there needs to be an acceptance of the facts.

I know that it is difficult to do and that emotions can be running high but reality always needs to be faced. Can a new relationship be formed at some point?

Sure, it’s just that it probably won’t happen in the near term. As such, one should begin to move forward with their lives as if it isn’t going to happen, and welcome the new opportunities that life presents.

Yes, it isn’t easy to deal with all of the time, but it is a necessary part of life. Experiencing the lows, makes the highs of love and relationships that much better.

Plus, often after a break up once perspective on the past is achieved, it becomes clear that it really wasn’t the best situation for you to be in.

Ultimately, the responsibility for being ‘happy’ or ‘content’ with one’s life falls on the individual. You cannot outsource your happiness and self-worth to someone else and expect things to last.

If you rely on someone else to make you ‘feel happy’, it will always end in disappointment. As soon as they change their mind, your happy feelings go down the drain.

Remember, that whether it is this guy or any other guy in the future, he is supposed to enhance your life NOT make it. That inner strength and contentment is the first goal to achieve. Only from that can you begin to have truly healthy and satisfying relationships.

Otherwise, you just end up with really co-dependent messes. So, in the process of moving on, focus on yourself. Not only how to make the external life better, but especially how to find a stable inner peace, instead of an up and down emotional roller coaster.

Would You Want Him Back?

OK, aside from all of the emotional turmoil and feelings of loneliness, that are happening right now…would you honestly want to get back together?

Was the relationship really going that well or have so few problems that it was worth salvaging? A relationship cannot be one-sided and succeed, so even if you wanted him back and he was questioning it or indifferent, it would be doomed to fail once again.

The most recent break up is usually the worst but have you had other ones in the past? Honestly, how much time do you spend thinking about guys you may have dated, when you were younger?

Because the wounds are fresh from the recent break up, it tends to make it seem like you really do want him back when in fact, your emotions are masking what would be the best move for you.

So, honestly, would you actually want him back? If he isn’t the right one for the type of relationship that you want in your life, then the answer should be a clear no.

You don’t have to settle or grasp at straws because you have a fear of being alone. Take the time to go No Contact and figure out exactly what you want for your life.

But also accept that you have no control on the other person’s actions and what they want for themselves. Sometimes, things just don’t align and the only course of action is moving on.

Simply feeling lonely, isn’t a valid reason for trying to be in a relationship.

Or not knowing what is coming next in your life. So, you instead try to cling to the past. Face it and figure things out, the more time you have under your belt doing this, the clearer things become.

A relationship is also not a way to try to hide some personal problem, that you don’t want to face.

Any of these reasons, and an assortment of others, are not good reasons for trying to be in an already broken relationship. There needs to be some point in time, in which you come to terms with the responsibility of having to carve your own path, with or without them.

If you dig deep and find that you are trying to get back together with him, for any of the wrong reasons, it’s best to just heed his advice and move on.

There are occasions in which a break up happens and one party is quickly onto someone else while the person they were formerly dating is blindsided and still stuck in a confused state. How did this happen? How can my ex-boyfriend move on so quickly to another woman? Well, there are multiple variations of what your ex can be involved in of course…the rebound relationship (short or long-term), hook-ups with random girls, or something that more resembles a fling with one lady in particular.

Naturally, regardless of the type of relationship that he is engaged in, it can still feel awful seeing someone you were up until recently so close with, off with someone else.  How could your ex-boyfriend get together with someone so fast? How is he moving past the breakup with such rapidity, while you may still be hurting? What does it mean?

Understanding Timing

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

There is a common strategy for men to get over their ex-girlfriend and it involves seeing other women. Now, this could be multiple short-term hookups in order to help forget the void in their lives, left by the end of the relationship. On the other hand, a man can also at times make a lateral move right into another long-term relationship.

In the first case, it usually isn’t serious nor is it something they will probably be pursuing for very long. Sure, having multiple women may be fun for a while, but it can get old really fast. It’s much less about anything those women actually offer and more about helping to heal the void felt. Essentially, trying to move on from commitment by indulging in a complete lack of it.

In this latter case, there is a high chance that he already knew and had already explored making this move into being with this other girl. She might have been someone he had met and liked while the relationship was still in tact, but kept around in case things went south.

In some cases, it might have been a woman he met around the time that he was considering a break up, and she just made the transition that much easier for him to deal with.

So while it seems like a quick move after a breakup, it might have been building for months, and so when the break does happen…it’s easy to slide right over to the other person. I do think that this scenario is more common with women, as they can attract men much easier, than the reverse; but it still does happen.

Sometimes, this type of relationship is serious, and sometimes the other woman acts sort of like an aid to help stave off feelings of loneliness. There is almost always a great void left behind in the aftermath of a breakup and different people will find different ways to try to cope with that.

It may be in the arms of someone else or going out and trying to hookup with a bunch of women to take the focus off of the one that was just lost. It can often have much less to do with you, than them just trying to get their head straightened out.

Consider Moving On

In the immediate aftermath of a breakup and seeing an ex move on to someone else, the shock and emotional pain, can have us solely focusing on him.

However, it is during this period of time, when we need to shift the attention solely to ourselves, and our well-being.

Begin to think about what you would honestly want to change about this situation. If you could snap your fingers and have him back, would you even want to?

I mean, would it actually be something desirable or just a temporary fix for the emotional tumult you currently feel? Obviously, the relationship had problems, what would be fixed? How serious would things be long-term, if he moved on with someone else, this quickly?

While break ups hurt, they aren’t necessarily a bad thing at all. They can help us move forward from one stage of our lives to another. One person can be a great fit at one time, but a few years later, and it just no longer works. We grow apart, people end up wanting different things from life, etc.

These transitions aren’t pleasant, but once we work on letting go of the past and gain clarity about what we do want, we can realize a blessing in disguise.

I’ve had this very scenario happen to me once when I was younger. A girl that I was seeing, almost immediately got together with another guy, and it turned out to be a serious long-term relationship.

Now, at the time, this made me feel miserable. However, once the months had started to pass, I gained more clarity about things. Once the years, had passed, it no longer effected me. Heck, I was glad that it happened, because the relationship had a bunch of issues, which I had ignored.

Had we stayed together, it would’ve been a disaster, at some point. I would have been even more unhappy and be in a completely different space in my life. Probably, a worse one. For these sorts of reasons, we have to make sure to take care of ourselves in the short-term during this emotional storm, until it passes and we know things worked out.

Is It Serious?

Perhaps but then again, the rebound relationship might not be serious at all. It could just be a temporary ‘fix’ to help cope with a major change in one’s life.

If he is seeing multiple women, then of course he isn’t serious about any one girl. However, he might be ‘serious’ about making that his new lifestyle, having multiple women around at any given time. Most of the time, it will be a short-lived phase, but some guys go all in on this type of thing.

In that case, he might want to explore that route for a while and not even be open to anything serious with any other girl. He is in no rush to be in a committed relationship and so will resist any overtures towards that.

If he is involved with one girl, it can be serious. It depends on many factors, such as how long that they have been together and how long your relationship with him was.

However, being together with one girl only isn’t necessarily an indicator of seriousness either. He might not have any other options to date or he might not like being with multiple women at once. Again, it varies from person to person but taking a wait and see approach can help you to figure out what the deal is exactly.

On your end, the key is to not let this ‘moving on’ by the other person, take hold of your life. Learn to cope, grow, and deal with the breakup in a healthy manner. Don’t get dragged down or become despondent just because he is seeing other people. Here is an article to help with that: How to Move on From an Ex 

There are some break up situations in which things are cordial and even somewhat friendly between former lovers. There is no hostility and indeed some sort of reverence toward one another that could be very useful if the exes want to get back together. On the other hand, there are other broken relationships in which they really are ‘broken’, in that, one party has an intensely negative attitude towards their former partner. It can manifest into actual hatred or something closely resembling it.

This type of animosity may be short lived anger towards an action on your part or a deep and intense hatred of you as a person. What can one do to save a relationship if their ex-boyfriend seems to hate them?

Time Apart

Situations which are intensely emotional tend to cool off in the long-term. The issue is getting to that long-term mellowing out without completely pushing that person away.

We all have things in our past that at one time really upset us and now when we look back it isn’t a big deal at all. This can be especially true in a breakup scenario because of the addictive quality of love.

I can remember being sad or angry at an ex-girlfriend to the point that it was all thought about for weeks. Fast forward to the present time and I don’t even think about these girls anymore.

It’s a strange thing but time does work wonders if you let it. The key is to not let it drag on too long, to the point which your ex moves on completely. However, bothering them during a period in which they need to work out these intense feelings can also backfire on your aims to get them back.

So, your ex-boyfriend is utterly pissed at you and now you have searched to find out how to deal with this new found hate. On the scale of likelihood of getting one’s ex back, having one hate you is on the lower end of probability. That is, if he actually hates you.

Before you can even attempt to get out of such a bind, you must give him space and time. Meanwhile, you assess your chances of actually turning these feelings positive, or if you even want to.

One’s natural tendency is to keep trying to reach out to, reason with, beg, say you’re sorry to your ex-boyfriend. Thinking that, if you just keep it up, he’ll realize his anger is wrong and come back.

While it is an intuitive thing to do, it isn’t the correct thing to do in most circumstances and can actually push someone away further.

Taking a period of no contact can be beneficial for the both of you, as it allows you to have time to really sort things out and to let emotions settle down a bit. Constantly contacting your ex makes you seem unattractive, desperate, and kind of annoying to your ex…not qualities someone wants in a partner.

No Contact can be a very hard time to get through and trying to resist the urge to talk to them when your are feeling lonely can be brutal. I would usually give it at least a month where we can each be alone and figure out what we want to do with our lives.

During this no contact period, it is important that you work on yourself and any issues you may have caused in the relationship. Think deeply and analyze if you truly want to get him back or if emotions are currently pushing you that way. In time, you may find that the best course to take is to simply move on and start dating other men.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

Yes, I know, it seems like in the heat of the moment that there is no other options beside reconciliation. Though, that’s not really the case.

The more positivity you bring into your mind, and the more time apart, your outlook can change dramatically. Suddenly, you may come to realize that you want something completely different for yourself.

In fact, you might actually not any relationship, at the moment and decide to take your life in another direction.

It is important that we work on ourselves, after breakups, as it not only really helps the healing process; but also, it can give us greater clarity that perhaps we haven’t been living the life we really wanted to. Maybe, our relationship that ended badly, needed to end when it did.

Conversely, you may come to realize that you do indeed want to try and get the ex-boyfriend back. However, one still needs to accept the fact, that it might be gone for good. Always prepare for multiple outcomes, whether you end up back together, or single, or with another man eventually.

What Did You Do To Make Him Hate You?

Your ex may actually hate you or it may just be a passing phase. In any case, what were the causes to set him against you in such a way. Did you cheat on him? This complicates things further and makes getting him back a very low value proposition.

In that type of situation, not only can it be difficult to get him to talk to you, and get him interested in reconciling the relationship. But also, having to go back and create a new relationship, based on trust and forgiveness.

It’s a longer term rehabilitation project, that has to discard older aspects of the failed relationship, and create newer stronger ties.

If you have angered him this much, think about what the issue is and why you did it. Was it a one time thing? Was this a constant or repeated behavior of yours? What have you done to change for the better? Can you even change this for him?

If cheating was the case, are you prepared to not see any other men for good? Is that honestly what you want, exclusivity with your ex?

It’s fine, if you actually just want to go out and see a bunch of different men, just be honest with yourself about it. Don’t try to drag your ex back into that situation, just because you currently have intense feelings, about the breakup.

If you cannot control those lustful impulses around other guys now, will you be able to in the future? If being monogamous, is what you want, you will need to be able to deal with these feelings when they arise. Otherwise, you’ll repeat the same mistakes again.

There are obviously things that you need to work on for him to consider taking you back in the future. What are these issues you need to correct? Figure out what they are and then come up with a plan to change them.

Literally, think about what all of your potential issues are. What did he really dislike about your role in the relationship? Be extremely honest, but don’t beat yourself up. What are your faults (we all have them) and what can you do to begin to move in a new direction?

Does He Actually Hate You, Can He Love You Again?

Sometimes, with enough time apart from each other, he may have calmed down and be willing to have an open dialogue with you.

Other times, he may not ever want to come back no matter what, this is a possibility you need to accept and be willing to move forward from. You cannot force someone into wanting to be with you and there are times when it is best to simply cut your losses.

After taking a period of no contact to evaluate things, you may still be unsure if your ex-boyfriend is open to taking you back or not.

You also, may have decided that you actually do want to try to work things out as well. Here are some indicators of interest that your ex may be open to at least discussing reconciliation.

The opening of a potential reconciliation can usually be done through text message. It is a way to send out feelers to see how he may think of you at this time.

Getting any reply is better than getting none at all but understand they may be short one word responses that don’t lead where you want them to. It is a steady progression of getting them to open up.

What’s the first move?

So, once we go through a period of no contact, we may want to re-open the lines of communication. That is, if we actually still want to reconcile this broken relationship.

Like I said, plenty of times, people recognize that they were simple being too emotional. They didn’t actually want the relationship back, rather, they wanted to pain of the break up to subside.

Anyway, if we do want to try to mend things, we need to establish contact and feel things out. The best way to do this is through the use of text messages.

Texts are great, as they don’t need to be in the mood to respond, right when they get the message. They can come back later on, when their curiosity is piqued, and see what it is you want from them exactly.

It’s a much higher rate of response, than say, calling them out of the blue or trying to ‘accidentally’ run into them.

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:

Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.

Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:

“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.

Sometimes when relationships end, the person who ended the partnership, has a change of heart and later decides that this move away from their ex was a mistake. Perhaps, the breakup was a hasty or emotionally charged decision that they confirmed was a mistake once they had cleared their heads and began to think logically. Other times, they find out how rough the single life can sometimes be and want to return to the safety of something familiar. Either way, the person who got dumped has a decision to make as to whether or not they want to accept their ex back into their lives on that level. Should you take your ex-boyfriend back after he broke up with you? Well, that depends on you, your situation, and what you want for your future.

Get to the Root Cause of Why He Wants You Again

The first thing that you should assess, even before whether or not you want to take him back, is why did he break up with you in the first place? Sometimes, his reasoning for leaving you will reveal more than what you want from a relationship because it can often indicate if he is truly serious or not.

Think about it. If he broke up with you because he wanted to go out with a bunch of different girls, have things changed in his mind to make him want to be monogamous with you now? If he was nervous about commitment on a deeper level, has he suddenly become Mr. Ready to Marry during your time apart?

He might very well truly want to be with you but he could also just be lonely or having trouble meeting other women and so came crawling back. What are his reasons for wanting to be with you again, if things were so bad that he dumped you in the first place?

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

 

You cannot just automatically assume that he is in it for the long haul and really does want a relationship with you again, even if he says he does. He could be just as confused about things as you are and just be grasping for some level of stability.

Yes, there is the possibility that he truly realizes that he made a mistake by letting you go. There is the ‘grass is always greener’ scenario in life. Perhaps he feared commitment before, but recognized that the dating scene wasn’t all that great, and so needs to get back together.

Another point, is that he might have gotten caught up in the emotional turmoil of the break up. He dumped you for some reason, perhaps was upset about something involving the two of you, and then cooled down later after the damage was done. Now, pride kicks in, and it takes him a while to gather the courage to ask to get back together. He was impulsive and broke up with you for a frivolous reason.

What Has Changed?

There are always reasons for breakups. Sometimes they’re major and other times they are quite minor and silly to think about. However, no matter what the problem was, if there is not a solution, then you are simply getting back into a broken relationship. If that’s the case, it’s best to just forget about him and move on.

Think about what you’re relationship’s problems were. Was it equally split between the two of you or was he the main culprit for the issues that popped up? If cheating was involved (especially on his part) then a vast majority of the time it is a very bad idea to get back together.

People always pronounce that they are going to change and they may even show strides towards making that a reality…BUT…the truth of the matter is that change is extremely difficult for people to make. Change isn’t just a superficial paint job to cover up the mistakes and problems of the past, rather, it is something which needs to occur on a fundamental level in order to truly be effective.

With that in mind, question what about your relationship has changed and what will change for the better if you do decide to take him back. Things don’t go back to being the same just because you want them to.

In fact, it’s almost as if you are creating a new relationship from scratch, since the old one was obviously broken in some way or multiple ways. Be level-headed and logical to avoid falling into the trap of chasing what you had in the past together and if you cannot see a viable future, then it is time to accept the breakup once and for all.

If you decide to start talking to him again, about the possibility of reconciling the relationship, and you’re getting the vibe that his motives aren’t what he says they are…it’s a valid reason to end it and move on with your life. Changes need to materialize at some point and it’ll be a waste of your time, to simply get stuck in the same rut again, that caused the original split.

 

What Do You Want?

Ultimately, you must decide what you want for your life and what type of relationship you want to be in. Nostalgia and those intense feelings you may still have for him are not enough to make a relationship work. Nor do they mean that getting back with him is the best decision for you and your life.

It’s really tough to let someone you love go but when it comes to dysfunctional relationships, it truly is the best choice to make.

If you don’t have a clear picture of what you want to do with your life, or that he should definitely be the guy you want to be with for the long haul; it is a good idea to not take him back. This is not a decision to be taken lightly or to make impulsively, as getting back into a bad relationship or one that has run its course, will lead to bad results and waste large potions of you time.

Think long and hard about this, don’t be in an emotional state, weigh the pros and cons, and eventually a clear picture will emerge. If one doesn’t then you probably shouldn’t get back together.

Where do you see things in five years? Both in your life and career, but also for the type of relationship that you want. Can he actually fit into this scenario? If you want marriage and kids and he doesn’t, is it going to be worth fixing this boyfriend/girlfriend scenario? Shouldn’t you instead spend your time getting your life the way you want it, so that when you meet the right guy, everything is set?

It can be tough because of these emotional attachments that we have to people. In the short-term, it hurts like hell to let them go, because they can supply strong positive feelings when they’re around. The problem is, in the long-term, it can derail what you want from life if they aren’t the right person. The right person when you’re 20, might be completely wrong for you at 27 years old. The idea is to mature and grow together, if he isn’t capable, then what’s the point?

After a break up it isn’t uncommon for people to still have feelings for their exes. Now, these feelings can become intensified by the thoughts of their ex-boyfriends or girlfriends being romantically and/or sexually involved with someone else (sometimes this is all in their imagination and their ex is still single!). Once you have spent so much time with one person and have had an extremely close and intimate relationship with them, it can feel absolutely awful to see them developing that connection with another woman. For some folks, this scenario can absolutely become an unbearable reality from which that have a difficult time letting go and moving on from. How can one accept their ex-boyfriend sleeping with someone new and move forward with their life?

 

 

 

Jealousy and Ego

Sexual jealousy and emotional turmoil is pretty interesting when we think about an ex. Like, when the two of you met, your ex-boyfriend probably wasn’t a virgin (maybe he was) but we tend not to have the same negative obsessiveness about the people that he had sex with before you. It really doesn’t cross our radars as much because he is, after all with you now. The people in the past, prior to your relationship, really aren’t that big of a deal.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

When the breakup takes place and he starts to sleep with other women, why does it suddenly bother you more? Him having sex with someone new doesn’t diminish you as a woman. It doesn’t negate the previous relationship that you had with him, as it’s already taken place in the past and played out fully. In reality, what is there to be bothered about? Much of this problem occurs when comparison between yourself and the new women come about. Once you start to think of yourself in competition with someone else, how are you ever going to let go of these intense emotions?

There is also this extreme sense of ownership that one tends to get with an ex-boyfriend. This faulty notion of him, ‘being mine’, which is completely false. People are not possessions. They are independent beings, who may choose to become involved in a mutually beneficial relationship, with another person. There was a time after all, before the two of you had ever met, and he was seeing other women. Would you care about it then? No. Why? He was just some random guy and not something that was ‘yours’…you didn’t have the illusion of possession.

Get to the Core

One way to deal with and get past the emotional jealousy that one can feel when thinking about an ex-boyfriend sleeping with another woman is to reduce it to its base. Utilize the reductionist mode of thinking to break these thoughts down into clinical terms. What is actually occurring? A man sticks his penis inside a vagina, where is skin comes into contact with her. Friction occurs from thrusting in and out until finally there is an intense spasming and some goo shoots out. That’s it. That’s what we get so many bad feelings about.

Is it really all that upsetting that he is doing that with someone else?

Once you have taken the thought of the act itself down to the base, begin to do the same with the emotions. How is this sexual act by two people (who aren’t you) harming me? Does him having sex, reduce your value as a woman? Does this negate your previous relationship? Does your ex-boyfriend having a new lover somehow stop you from finding another romance for yourself? Will you even care about this in six months? A year? Ten years?

The pain and anguish in the short-term occurs because of the attachment we’ve grown towards that person plus the narrative in our minds about them and the previous relationship. All these thoughts and memories play back on a constant loop and stir up emotions that we’ve have attached to them. This has a snowball effect, the more we think about it and attach emotions to them, the stronger these memories and feelings become. We completely buy into whatever story our minds have created about a situation whether it has any actual basis in reality or not.

What this Boils Down to

The key is not to just grit it out or cope with these feelings. The key is to become aware of them as they bubble up and not let them take control of yourself. Recognize the anger or other feeling when it arises. Observe it. Are you that anger? Do you have to let it ‘become’ who you are? Can you observe this feeling, recognize where it is coming from, feel it, and then let it go? Don’t become a victim in your own mind, even if it’s justified, as it will only serve to create another story in your head which will loop continuously and drag you down with it. It is easier to get angry or depressed about these things but letting them go is a much more effective way to deal with them.