All righty, there are certain times after a break up happens that an ex-boyfriend will tell you point blank, “You should move on from me”. For whatever reason, he is either tired of dealing with the relationship as a whole or is seeing another woman or some other factor.
Nonetheless, as the woman, you may still have feelings for him and want him back even after being told to get going with your own life without him. This of course, hurts like hell, but what is a girl supposed to do in this situation?
Well, for my money, the best course of action is to prepare for the most likely outcome but to not necessarily give up on the outcome that you’d like the most.
However, this has to come with the understanding that getting back together (no matter how much you want it to happen) is not always the best outcome in specific circumstances.
Get Specific About Your Broken Relationship
When he told you to move on, did he really mean it? I mean, really who knows what he was specifically thinking as an individual, but as a baseline rule…take his words as the truth.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that he cannot change his mind (or that you can’t change yours about reconciling the relationship), but that as of now the relationship has officially ended and any new one that will form out of its ashes, isn’t likely to occur.
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The odds of getting back together are of course wholly dependent on the variables of your own unique situation.
Naturally, there are some universal factors that lowers the odds of fixing things for everyone, like if you cheated on him or he is seeing other women or he is moving away or whatever else.
If multiple issues are involved as a part of the breakup then their effect is compounded and the odds of getting back together are much lower.
If he told you to move on, then the most likely scenario, is that he dumped you. Of course, some reading this may be in the opposite situation but I’ll assume the former is what happened.
If the break up was unexpected on your end and you don’t exactly know the reasons why he broke up with you, then this might be a sign that he wants to move forward in his life without the baggage of the former relationship.
Again, the situation isn’t necessarily bleak, just that it isn’t always an easy fix.
When did he tell you to move on with your life? The length of time after a break up happened can also be a factor in how much weight can be put into a statement.
If it was really soon after, within a few weeks, then there is still a chance that he was being emotional and may not have been 100% sold on that as a path forward. If it has been months and then he said to move forward, you should take that as gospel, and prepare to move on without him.
If it is the latter, why can you not move on after many months, or even over a year? What is the lack in your life, which is preventing you from finding new experiences or relationships? Sometimes, things have simply run their course, and we need to face up and change with the times.
Also, it is important to recognize the context in which he told you to forget about getting back together. Was it after a bout of you begging?
Be honest, were you bothering him with too many text or calls? Was it damn near harassment? Or was it said in some other context?
Read the Tea Leaves
If he is constantly ignoring your texts or calls or other overtures of trying to communicate with him about getting back together…then you should respect his wishes and back off from pursuing for the time being.
Especially, if he is verbally telling you to leave him alone and that you need to move on. Continuing to chase is just going to make an ex-boyfriend’s opinion of you sour even more than it already has.
He needs his space to live his life and you need yours to heal emotionally and figure out what the right course will be for your future.
Plus, that sort of constant bombardment of messaging and pleading, is going to do nothing but push him further away. At least, if he has space, he might eventually change his mind. But how can he do that with a constant reminder, of reasons why he broke up with you?
If after taking stock of your own situation, it seems highly unlikely that a reconciliation is going to take place, there needs to be an acceptance of the facts.
I know that it is difficult to do and that emotions can be running high but reality always needs to be faced. Can a new relationship be formed at some point?
Sure, it’s just that it probably won’t happen in the near term. As such, one should begin to move forward with their lives as if it isn’t going to happen, and welcome the new opportunities that life presents.
Yes, it isn’t easy to deal with all of the time, but it is a necessary part of life. Experiencing the lows, makes the highs of love and relationships that much better.
Plus, often after a break up once perspective on the past is achieved, it becomes clear that it really wasn’t the best situation for you to be in.
Ultimately, the responsibility for being ‘happy’ or ‘content’ with one’s life falls on the individual. You cannot outsource your happiness and self-worth to someone else and expect things to last.
If you rely on someone else to make you ‘feel happy’, it will always end in disappointment. As soon as they change their mind, your happy feelings go down the drain.
Remember, that whether it is this guy or any other guy in the future, he is supposed to enhance your life NOT make it. That inner strength and contentment is the first goal to achieve. Only from that can you begin to have truly healthy and satisfying relationships.
Otherwise, you just end up with really co-dependent messes. So, in the process of moving on, focus on yourself. Not only how to make the external life better, but especially how to find a stable inner peace, instead of an up and down emotional roller coaster.
Would You Want Him Back?
OK, aside from all of the emotional turmoil and feelings of loneliness, that are happening right now…would you honestly want to get back together?
Was the relationship really going that well or have so few problems that it was worth salvaging? A relationship cannot be one-sided and succeed, so even if you wanted him back and he was questioning it or indifferent, it would be doomed to fail once again.
The most recent break up is usually the worst but have you had other ones in the past? Honestly, how much time do you spend thinking about guys you may have dated, when you were younger?
Because the wounds are fresh from the recent break up, it tends to make it seem like you really do want him back when in fact, your emotions are masking what would be the best move for you.
So, honestly, would you actually want him back? If he isn’t the right one for the type of relationship that you want in your life, then the answer should be a clear no.
You don’t have to settle or grasp at straws because you have a fear of being alone. Take the time to go No Contact and figure out exactly what you want for your life.
But also accept that you have no control on the other person’s actions and what they want for themselves. Sometimes, things just don’t align and the only course of action is moving on.
Simply feeling lonely, isn’t a valid reason for trying to be in a relationship.
Or not knowing what is coming next in your life. So, you instead try to cling to the past. Face it and figure things out, the more time you have under your belt doing this, the clearer things become.
A relationship is also not a way to try to hide some personal problem, that you don’t want to face.
Any of these reasons, and an assortment of others, are not good reasons for trying to be in an already broken relationship. There needs to be some point in time, in which you come to terms with the responsibility of having to carve your own path, with or without them.
If you dig deep and find that you are trying to get back together with him, for any of the wrong reasons, it’s best to just heed his advice and move on.