A break up has taken place, one party was either dumped or did the dumping, and now the former relationship is in complete disrepair. That’s fine, assuming both parties want to move on and go their own ways. But what happens when you want your ex-boyfriend back and he doesn’t feel the same way? How does one approach this situation? Can you make him want to come back into the fold?
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Is That What You Want?
The absolute foundation of any pursuit of an ex has to begin with the questions of: Is this really what you want? Is it actually worth pursuing?
The loneliness and the harsh realities of life after a breakup, can often have people’s emotions reeling, and having them want to do anything in order to get back together with their ex and ‘fix’ what ails them.
It’s not always an easy process to get back together with an ex-boyfriend, and it can definitely take some time to pull off. As such, one has to be sure that this is truly what they want in their lives, and not just act out of the pure raw emotion that stems from a break up.
There can be an addictive aspect to relationships. One expects their former partner to be around because they have been for a long time and once they no longer around, it feels really bad. It’s an emptiness, a longing.
The thing of it is, this feeling can still be found within you, even if you weren’t 100% compatible with someone. I’ve gotten dumped by girls before, been completely torn up about it for months, only to later on realize how truly lucky I was to get out of that relationship.
None of those ladies would’ve been the right fit for me on a long-term basis. BUT it still hurt really bad when it happened.
That’s one of the reasons that the No Contact Rule after a break up is so effective and important, it provides clarity.
With enough time apart, the emotions can subside, to the point where you can make a rational choice about what exactly it is you want in your life. Sometimes, you find out that he isn’t it and other times you can figure out that reconciliation is something that is worth attempting.
Why Doesn’t He Want To Get Back Together?
Another factor to consider is why in particular doesn’t he want to be in a relationship. Was it something specific that took place that ended the relationship? Or is he just burned out or no longer ‘into’ you?
It can be a good idea to roughly consider what the odds are that the break up can be mended. Look for some of the more common signs that a relationship can be fixed or that a guy would consider coming back. If none are apparently present, than the odds of getting back together are substantially lower (not always impossible but lower).
What are some other indicators that lower the likelihood of fixing the broken relationship?
- Cheating- especially if you were the one straying
- Is he dating other girls? Is there one in particular?
- There are other huge compatibility problems that stem from the relationship
- He has shown no real interest in doing anything aside from moving on with his life.
There is no ‘one size fits all’ remedy for determining if a relationship is 100% salvageable. Sometimes, the odds seem long and the ex comes back.
Other times, it looks like a good shot, but they’re just ready to move forward alone. Take a look at your own situation and determine whether or not it’s likely and if you actually want to pursue attempting to heal the broken relationship.
Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.
Is it Even True?
Now, you should take someone at face value, if they verbally state that they ‘Don’t want you back’.
However, we also know from our lives, that people don’t always mean or stick to what they say.
Things can feel like they’re true, in the moment. But when emotions calm down, time elapses, and there is more reflection taking place…they see that they didn’t actually mean it.
If everyone actually stuck to what they meant about not wanting their partner back, there’d be a whole bunch fewer relationships, out there today.
There’s the heat of the moment. There’s reconsideration. People will say lots of things, that may or may not turn out to be accurate, in the longer run.
So, even if a guy says he doesn’t want his ex-girlfriend back, he could very well change his mind later on. Again, I’m not saying that this is the case, but it is well within the realm of possibility.
To Be Chased, One Has to Stop Chasing
One common mistake after a breakup that sooooo many people do, is being constantly trying to contact, be available, and begging their ex.
Guess what? If that worked, then literally everyone would be back with their exes. Yet, here we are with people still continually falling into the same trap.
The first step to turning things around is to go No Contact for a period of time, as mentioned above. This usually lasts for about 30 days. The purpose of following the No Contact rule is to allow the emotions to subside BUT also to get yourself to stop trying to hit an ex up all of the time.
It’s hard to make someone think that you’re desirable again, when they know that they can have you back at the drop of the dime. A certain level of scarcity makes things appear more valuable to the human mind and familiarity can have to opposite effect.
Won’t someone forget about you if you don’t remind them that you exist?
NO! I’ve gone no contact with exes and had them contact me weeks or months later…and these were girls who dumped me!
Why? Many times, life after a breakup doesn’t go so well, and down the line the realization that they may have lost something important in their lives, sets in. They can often think that the grass is greener but learn quickly this single life, ain’t always what you think it might be.
What’s he Coming Back To?
If a breakup took place, that means that the old relationship had problems. It can also mean in this scenario, that he’s no longer feeling you like he once was.
So, even if begging him today actually worked, what has changed? Meaning, how long until the reconciled relationship fell apart again? What’s different both in terms of the relationship itself and you as a person?
How are the problems going to be addressed?
What are some things that you need to work on?
Self-improvement can be a huge step in this process. Not only in case he does eventually want to come back but also for your life, if you decided that it’s time to move on.
This doesn’t mean that you have to change everything about yourself in order to appeal to him.
However, becoming an overall more well-rounded, stable, and attractive person can do wonders for how you are perceived by him (and other potential suitors).
I remember when I first got into really good shape and how more women took notice of me. When that happened, other girls that weren’t interested also took notice (as well as an ex). I didn’t want that particular ex back, so, it went nowhere…but the spark was reignited.
Now, this of course was all a very superficial change, but it got attention. Sometimes, that’s all it takes, but I always like to improve every aspect in my life post-breakup.
What type of relationship does he even want? What are some of the changes that you could make about yourself or the way you interact with him, that’d be useful for the relationship?
Do you even want to make those changes? If not, it may be a good idea to move on.
Get down to the root issues of the relationship. What were the negative things that you contributed towards its demise? Are those things that can be changed? Even if you make the positive changes, would he fix his issues, as well?
What’s the first move?
When trying to get back with an ex, the line of communication, must be opened up at some point. Trying to call or meet in person, can be met with rejection, or annoyance on the ex-boyfriend’s part. However, texting does offer an alternative possibility.
Think about it:
- They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
- That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
- You can craft the right message to them.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.
Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:
“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.
“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul
If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee: