There are of course a myriad of emotional standpoints one can find themselves starting from after someone breaks up with you. Some, go for the ‘I have to get my ex back at all costs‘ strategy. While others, seem to like to go with the ‘I’m going to make my ex-boyfriend regret letting me go’. In either case, the best route to take may not be the one that immediately pops into your head while the emotions of the relationship are still fresh. With a clear head, one can recognize these types of ‘revenge’ actions as purely petty and egotistical. After all, what do you really end up ‘winning’ when trying to get back at someone for having the audacity to leave you? The real answer when you set all of the BS aside, is nothing of importance. In this post, I want to explore what I mean and how to move past this notion of wanting to make this guy regret losing you from his life.
Why Do You Want Him to Feel Regret?
Ok, so you’ve allowed yourself to get to the point of researching of how to plot emotional revenge on someone, which means you’ve probably been thinking about this for at least some time. Ask yourself, what is at the core of these types of feelings? Because let’s be very clear about something, you are dealing in the world of feelings, and not of rational thought. Feelings can be a good guidepost for exploring what we want and what we don’t want in our lives. However, feelings can also lead us astray and down paths which are ultimately pointless or self-destructive.
Feelings are just feelings. Feelings are not you. The fundamental mistake is identifying yourself based on feelings. You are not anger, nor sadness, nor envy, nor any other temporary state of emotion. Precisely because thoughts and feelings are temporary and always changing, they can never be who we truly are. Are you the anger you felt once when you were six years old? Of course not. They can certainly hijack our lives but we don’t have to give them the power or follow them to whatever random place our thoughts and feelings wish to take us. Instead, we can observe them, get to the source of where the are coming from, and then let them go. Releasing this attachment, which only serves as a weight which will drag us down.
Let’s take a close look at this current emotional situation. Your current state is obviously aligned towards the negative if you are seeking revenge on someone for no longer wishing to be in a voluntary relationship with you. After all, where was the guarantee that this relationship was going to work out forever for the both of you? So, you currently reside on a lower tier of emotion (negative) and you wish to use someone else’s pain, discomfort, and/or longing which you will manufacture, in order to catapult yourself to a higher tier (positive or at least the illusion of feeling better). Instead of focusing on moving forward alone or attempting to reconcile things with him, you are planning on devoting your energy, to satisfying the narrative about your past relationship you have got going on in your mind?
Stop listening to the constant mental loop of thoughts and feelings that are telling you to get back at him and make him feel shitty about the break up. This story you have running through your mind is poisonous and only strengthening your dependence on people or things which are external to you and which you cannot control. If you do get the reaction that you desire, the ‘positive’ feelings will only be temporary and if you don’t succeed in making him react, you will be dragged deeper into negativity.
For a moment, I would like for you to consider not focusing on how to make him feel bad about letting you go, rather, try to gain mental clarity and focus on letting your attachment to this idea of creating regret go. People come and go out of our lives. Sometimes, it’s a simple change and other times it can be an ugly breakup when egos are seriously invested. Chasing after petty points and victories post-breakup are ultimately very hollow ‘wins’. You’ve really only succeeded in possibly hurting someone you probably still care about on some level, and have given a boost to your own ego, instead of turning your attention inward and making your own life better and more vibrant.
If he really is a terrible person and he is now no longer a part of your life, why would you want to change that? Leave things as they are and move forward.
Turn Your Focus on Betterment and Watch Others Perk Up Around You
The funny thing is that, people will tend to notice the positive changes you make within your life, and how you’ve changed as a person. So, if you’re focusing on self improvement rather than simply trying to make your ex feel regret, he might naturally come to regret breaking up with you…simply because you’ve become such a great person with an awesome life.
I’ve seen this sort of thing in action first hand, with women, in my case. Back when I couldn’t get girlfriends, dates, sex, etc. I would think that I was simply not attractive to women and I’d never be able to interest them very much. I was partly correct, I wasn’t attractive to women at that time. However, I could develop myself into the man I wanted to be and thereby attract women into the world I had created for myself. This included reading books constantly, getting into better shape physically, learning to socialize, developing my personal philosophy, pursuing my passions, working on my ideal lifestyle, etc. All of these things in totality, over the years has yielded a much greater ability to attract women and make them want to be a part of my life…just by being who I was and not having to ‘chase’ them. Even women who turned me down, when I was without confidence or skill, took notice of the change and some even made themselves available to me.
The journey of life is ultimately about yourself and coming to terms with your existence in a world that can be flat out crazy and emotionally draining. It can however, also be beautiful, and gearing yourself up to pursue the beautiful in life has plenty of benefits. One of which being, that people are naturally attracted to confidence and others who make their lives their own.
So, in a very real way, the key to make someone regret leaving you behind, is to not focus on making them feel regret. The key is to focus on yourself and creating your ideal life. Let other people have their pettiness and emotional manipulations. You should rise above that, understand what they’re doing, and love them anyways. The revenge notion or getting the better of someone post-breakup is quite frankly a waste of time. Don’t let yourself become controlled by these intense emotions but let yourself observe them arise and notice how they effect your thinking in a negative manner. Once you’ve done this, the grip these negative feelings have over you begin to weaken and you see them for how silly they truly are.