There are plenty of relationships out there that have been doomed by cheating. When one finds out that his girlfriend cheated on him with someone else, this creates a world of hurt and strong emotions. Naturally, after a period of time, the man wants to know that his now ex-girlfriend will regret that decision and feel bad about losing what she once had. So, what’s the best way to make an ex-girlfriend feel pangs of regret? Should you even bother?
What’s the Goal?
Okay, you’ve been cheated on, and now you have the notion in your head that you need to make your ex-girlfriend regret doing so. May I raise the question as to why you want to make this happen?
I mean, I get it, it can feel good to show someone up or have an ‘I told you so’ moment…but what is it actually going to accomplish for you?
Cheating in relationships happens a lot. Trust me. From both my personal experience and from running this website, cheating is not a rare occurrence and you’re definitely not alone in your feelings towards it.
However, why do you honestly want to direct your life’s energy towards getting some real or perceived feelings of revenge or superiority against someone? She showed you her true colors by cheating, which got you out of a relationship that was going to break bad eventually. Now you have the freedom to pursue what you really want.
I know, I know, telling a guy who has been cheated on not to want to make his ex feel massive regret about it, probably isn’t going to work. BUT I will say that, the way to make her regret cheating is actually the same thing you should be doing after a break up and throughout your life anyway.
Success is the Best Revenge
There is this really strange psychological dynamic between the two parties after a break up occurs. It is a notion that someone has to ‘win’ the break up. Meaning, one person has to do better in terms of their lives and/or the person they decide to date next. A lot of women refer to this as ‘upgrading’ to another man, who they perceives as being of higher value than their ex-boyfriend.
I cannot even fully describe how much I hate this concept and yet how much I have to encounter it. In my view, the broken relationship is like a time capsule of the period of time in which it lasted. Yes, they may be a horrible fit for you now, but they were once great (in at lest some aspects). Would I want to now date girls that I dated in college? Hell no, but they were a good fit for me back then. People change and I don’t have the need to hold a grudge against them for it, even when it ended poorly.
Back to the stirring up of regret in an ex. Now, because people have the need to ‘win’ the break up, the best way to make the regret or get revenge or whatever is to improve your life and future prospects beyond what they thought you were capable of.
Understand that people will always form judgments about you and who they think you are and have the potential to become. When one doesn’t conform to those expectations, it is a blow to the other person’s ego, because they were wrong. If they could be wrong about that, then there is a good chance that they were wrong about cheating or destroying the relationship with you. It’s kind of like selling a stock, right before it triples in value, and then having to deal with the fact you missed out on all of the upside.
So, in order to stir up feelings of regret in her, you should focus on your life and goals. Go out and fucking crush it. Get your career and business going into high gear. Get in better shape. Get more dating options. Work on your self-esteem and feel great everyday.
People are naturally comparative. Most likely, she’ll pretty much be doing the same things a year from now, and her life will seem stagnant when looking toward yours. Don’t think she’ll notice, if your life is amazing without her? Of course she will.
Now, with this being said, I still think you should let go of the idea of wanting to make her regret cheating. Accept it and move forward. Focus your energy on you and not trying to make her feel something. Simply as a byproduct of doing the things you want to improve in your life, she’ll notice and feel regret anyway and you won’t have to carry around all the negativity.
A Quick Note
It is indeed possible that she already feels massive regret and guilt about cheating. Even when it appears she doesn’t, that might just be a front, and deep down she knows that it was wrong. People make mistakes and while you don’t have to forgive them, there’s no need to waste your time and try to make an ex-girlfriend express regret either. Try to close that chapter of your life and don’t let her come back, even if she wants to fix things. The short-term of getting cheated on sucks but you don’t need to let it dictate your long-term future or self-worth.