There are a ton of variations of how and why relationships end. One of the most common ones, is a man’s girlfriend dumps him and doesn’t give a reason or maybe just not a very believable one. Having your woman leave you is a tough L to take, it’s just one of those losses that stings for a while no matter what you try to do to remedy the hurt. However, even in the midst of that emotional pain, there is still that raw and gnawing feeling that you want her back in your life. The question is can you get an ex-girlfriend back if she is the one who initiated the end of the relationship? Yes. Yes, you can. The thing is, there are also important questions such as if that is even a good idea or if it is likely to succeed. In this post, I want to dig a little bit further into this topic and try to illuminate somethings one should consider when trying to reconnect with an ex after getting dumped.
Achieving Total Clarity
So, the first and probably most important step in trying to get back an ex-girlfriend is to decide that you actually want to. No, I’m not talking about some hokey law of attraction type of stuff. What I mean, is to get out from under the cloud of emotion and bruised ego, and truly know that trying to restart things with her is the best decision for your life.
Let’s be honest, most of the hurt that comes along with many breakups is manufactured by the repetitive conditioning of your interactions with one another. You’ve grown accustomed to this girl being there and when she isn’t, you are no longer receiving the positive emotional feedback, and as such it feels like something is missing. This type of feeling will arise whether you truly love the girl or just really liked her a lot, which is confusing because it can feel exactly the same in the short-term. However, in the long-term clarity will arise, the feedback cycle is broken, and you can realize that perhaps you didn’t feel as strongly towards her as you might have thought.
I think that all guys go through this type of thing. We trip out over girls and then later come to realize what an awful mistake staying with them would have been. There are plenty of girls who I dated in my college-age years, who I was absolutely devastated by when they broke up with me BUT when I fast-forwarded a few months, I knew that I had dodged a bullet with some of them (being with for longer, getting married, accidentally knocking them up).
If you’re a younger guy, please understand that this is going to have more of an effect on you, precisely because you have less experience. Relationships are still rather new in your life and there is a huge difference between high school/college and the more serious stuff that comes with age. It’s like the difference between amateur and professional sports, there’s just a different level of seriousness and competition.
Clarity is an extremely hard thing to achieve when that other person is still involved in your life on some level. I usually want to go no contact for 30-60 days, so that I can take a step back a analyze the situation without being constantly triggered emotionally. Don’t worry the ex-girlfriend isn’t going to forget about you in that short of time, unless you were a totally forgettable man.
Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.
What Are Some Things to Consider?
What ended the relationship? Think beyond just what she told you and dig to the roots of the problems. Did you cheat? If so, that adds a whole lot more complexity to this situation. Also, if you did cheat, why did you do it? Were you bored, no longer attracted, want other chicks besides her (like not just fantasy but actively flirting and trying to pick them up)? Yes, these all have an impact as to whether you should even want to try to get back together again. You might be chasing something that you feel emotionally guilty about, however, at your very core you may know that the relationship was on the way out anyways.
Did she cheat? My policy on this is to move on. Fuck dealing with unfaithful people, if she wants to screw around that is her prerogative. But it is also mine to say that it violates the confines of our relationship and she needs to move on.
How much time has elapsed? If it has been close to a year or more and nothing has changed, you either need a new approach or to get on with your love life. If she’s already been seeing other guys for a while and has moved into a more serious relationship with one of them, that’s another solid sign that it may be time to accept that it’s over.
What type of relationship was it? How serious did it get? A girl who is in high school or college, is most likely not ready to settle down for a very long term relationship (marriage), and will likely want to experience many new relationships or types of guys after she gets out of something semi-serious (long-term boyfriend). However, if things did get very serious and she is either older or more mature, then there is a better chance that you could still be the right man for the job. The breakup could have been caused by simple bad habits or a lack of direction/maturity on your part and she might be in the stage of life where she demands a man that meets all of her needs/qualifications.
What Are Some of Your Flaws and How Do You Improve Them?
I am a huge believer in self-improvement. Not just in terms of getting attention from women but also in every other aspect of my life. In my own personal experience, I can tell you that perception of reality is not always the same as reality itself, and it is also more powerful. What I mean is, how you are perceived will have a greater impact than who you actually are in many given situations. For instance, the same guy walks into a bar, in one instance he is alone and in another he is with a group of women. In which instance is he more attractive to any given female in the bar? When he is with the group of women, even though he is fundamentally the same person. The only change is in the perception of him and his value as a man.
Let’s be real, your girlfriend isn’t going to leave you if she still perceives you as a high value man. Yes, you may be everything she wants EXCEPT you have anger issues that pushes her away (in that case , you lack of emotional control has collapsed your value as a man). Or maybe you haven’t shown signs that you are serious about long-term commitment. Or you aren’t very much fun to be around more. You’re too controlling. Etc, etc.
If you and the relationship that you had with your ex had too many flaws, then of course she is going to start looking around at other guys and thinking that she can do better. It isn’t always the case that she will want you back even if you do make yourself a better man because sometimes it’s just simply a lack of compatibility on a deep level. However, if there was true long-term compatibility, there may be certain things that drove her away…fixable things!
For instance, maybe you weren’t spending enough time together. Perhaps, you were too engaged in work, hanging out with your boys, playing video games, watching sports, or whatever…if this was a main cause of the break up, then this should be a main area of trying to improve yourself. Step away from your diversions, minimize them, try to work on patterns of addictive behaviors. Make a list of areas of your life you need to improve in…from health, to wealth, to sexual skill, to confidence, communication, or any other potential factor.
Seriously, if you work on yourself and then don’t get this girl back, at least you’ve improved your odds at landing more ladies and finding one that is also a right fit for you. Keep in mind that there are ultimately billions of them on this planet, so if you can make yourself available and more desirable you can, land plenty more.
What’s the first move?
Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.
Think about it:
- They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
- That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
- You can craft the right message to them.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.
Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:
“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.
“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! Thank you Michael !!!
“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul
If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee:
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