Ahhhhhh, the gamesmanship of human relationships. It can be a funny thing sometimes to see how it develops and changes over the course of many months or years. From the initial meeting, where the game is a subtle dance of attraction and trying to get yourself a girlfriend. To the post-breakup mess of trying to show up the other person by how quickly you can move on or supposedly ‘upgrade’ to a better chick. In reality, this types of actions are really just shallow and petty.
I don’t subscribe to the notion that someone ‘wins’ at the end of a relationship (even if it’s a divorce and the courts award financial payments from one party to another). To me, it is just representative of a change in life, just like any other. No different from any other breakup or a change in friends as one grows more mature.
So, the question begs, how does one make an ex-girlfriend regret leaving you? The true answer is not to focus on it or even concern yourself with it. In this post, I want to explore a little bit as to what I mean exactly and how this can be implemented into a man’s life and core values.
Think About What You’re Actually ‘Winning’ or Trying to ‘Win’
OK, so you want to make your ex sorry that she ever left you. Cool. Why is that? Is there some award that your name comes up for when you accomplish this? No? Then why should you focus your time on such a feat?
Break down what is really going on here. Break things down to its base. You want to make her feel regret (bad emotions) because you currently have, said bad emotions, and by shifting those to her you will elevate yourself to a better emotional state.
So, instead of moving forward in your life without her or perhaps even thinking about how to possibly fix the relationship, you want to dedicate time towards trying to get the upper hand in some mental narrative you have going?
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For a moment, I would like for you to consider not focusing on how to make her feel bad about letting you go, rather, try to gain mental clarity and focus on letting your attachment to this idea of regret go.
People come and go out of our lives. Sometimes, it’s a simple change and other times it can be an ugly breakup when egos are seriously invested. Chasing after petty points and victories after a breakup are ultimately very hollow ‘wins’.
You’ve really only succeeded in possibly hurting someone you probably still care about on some level and have given a boost to your own ego instead of turning your attention inward and making your own life better and more vibrant.
The Pang of Regret
Alright, it’s hard for one person to truly regret having another person in their lives, if that person is always contacting them. A lot of guys follow up relationships, with a constant barrage of texts or trying to weasel their way back into their ex-girlfriend’s life.
How is a woman going to feel like she’s lost an important man in her life, when that guy is behaving like some kind of underling? Desperation isn’t attractive. Begging and pleading isn’t attractive. Nor is obsessing about one girl who you are no longer with.
As such, if a guy wants to make his ex feel some sort of regret for breaking things off, he can’t be in this constantly needy position. After all, why would someone miss another person, who they could have back any time they wanted? It makes no sense.
So, the No Contact Rule should be brought into effect in this scenario. Now, there are certain exceptions to going No Contact, such as having to talk to them because you have children or some other circumstance. However, it is a complete cut off of all non-essential communications.
People often want what they can’t have, and if a guy is always available, that just signals that she can have you whenever is convenient for her.
In order to make No Contact work, there does need to be a letting go of the idealized mental version of the woman, and the hurt/hatred that is being felt toward her. One is much more likely to call or text, if he can’t stop thinking about a woman, than if he accepts that things are probably over.
People Notice When You Build Yourself Up and Not Tear Others Down
The funny thing is that, girls will tend to notice the positive changes you make within your life and how you’ve changed as a person. So, if you’re focusing on self improvement rather than simply trying to make her feel regret, she might naturally come to regret breaking up with you simply because you’ve become such a great person with an awesome life.
I’ve seen this sort of thing in action first hand. Back when I couldn’t get girlfriends, dates, sex, etc. I would think that I was simply not attractive to women and I’d never be able to get very much if anything.
I was partly correct, I wasn’t attractive to women, at that time. However, I could develop myself into the man I wanted to be and thereby attract women into the world I created for myself.
This included reading books constantly, getting into better shape physically, learning to socialize, developing my personal philosophy, pursuing my passions, working on my ideal lifestyle, etc.
All of these things in totality, over the years, has yielded a much greater ability to attract women and make them want to be a part of my life. I wrote about all of this in my Kindle book: Game without Games. Plus, my Online Dating Guide for Men
Even girls who knew me back when I was without confidence or skill, took notice of the change and some even made themselves available to me. Like from having disdain toward me talking to them, to trying to sleep with me. It was utterly bizarre for my younger self to see such a difference.
The journey of life is ultimately about yourself, and coming to terms with your existence in a world, that can be flat out crazy and brutal.
It can however, also be beautiful, and gearing yourself up to pursue the beautiful in life has plenty of benefits. One of which being, that people are naturally attracted to confidence and guys who make their lives their own.
So, in a very real way, the key to make someone regret leaving you behind, is to not focus on making them feel regret.
The key is to focus on yourself and creating your ideal life. Let other people have their pettiness and emotional manipulations. You should rise above that, understand what they’re doing, and love them anyways.
The revenge notion or getting the better of someone post-breakup is quite frankly a waste of time. Don’t let yourself become controlled by these intense emotions but let yourself observe them arise and notice how they effect your thinking in a negative manner.
Also, if you truly want your ex-girlfriend to even want you back, do you think you’re going to honestly accomplish this by trying to make her feel negative emotions instead of pure attraction? As I’ve written here before:
Oftentimes, when you take the time to gain clarity you will see that even if she was a good fit for you, she wasn’t the right fit for you and that the thought of moving on is just scary to you. The future has yet to be determined and we tend to cling to the past when we haven’t figured out the next step we want to take is.
How to Become the Desirable Man
In order for anyone to want a guy (or want him back after a breakup), he has to be desirable. There’s no way around this fact, if someone or something isn’t appealing to our human sensibilities, we don’t feel the need to have it.
Conversely, if lots of people want someone or something around, it creates a multiplier effect of many more people wanting it.
For example, let’s say there were to identical men in a bar or night club. One man was surrounded by adoring women and having a blast with his male friends. The other identical man, was standing alone, and had some really nervous body language going on…which guy would be more attractive to an outsider viewing this situation?
The guy surrounded by people of course. Their looks are the same and everything else about them is identical, except their social status within the context of the bar, and the body language.
So, in order to be a desirable man to women, it has to be about more than just being physically attractive. Everything about you is taken into account and if you improve each variable enough, you suddenly find yourself having way more women after you. Including, ex-girlfriends.
It’s all sort of like creating a player in a video game such as, Madden or FIFA. If the character scores a 99 in speed, but has low rated skills, he’s not going to be very useful in the game. However, if that speedy character’s shooting and passing rating is boosted, he becomes a player that clubs would want to sign.
This is what it’s like for men, in the dating/social world. Yes, looks and money are a part of the equation, but they’re not everything. How you carry yourself, treat people, education, work, how funny you are, etc. all factor in.
As such, a girl might not want you if you’re an average looking guy, with no other attributes that are outstanding. However, she could very well want you, if you were slightly better looking, and developed a captivating personality. Plus, had become much more socially adept. Suddenly, that player rated a 60 overall, is now an 83 overall. He has much more value, in the sexual marketplace.
This is exactly as it happened for me. I focused on improving myself, letting my psychological ‘problems’ go, and just striving to be better. All of those changes added up and so did the number of women, who were into these updated versions of myself.
The most immediate changes that one can make are to the physical body and personal style (way you dress/groom). Dramatic positive change can trigger feelings of regret in an ex, when they see visibly how much you have changed since the breakup…”Is he doing better without me? Maybe I was wrong?”
The next level is the mental change, which can take longer, in order to root out the bad habits we pick up over the years. A guy who has himself in a solid place emotionally, works on his faults, and reaches a level of contentment in his life; is inherently attractive.
Then, you have the lifestyle change. This can involve: better work opportunities, more money, active social life, and just generally being in a better life situation than you were before.
INTRODUCING ATTRACT YOUR DEVELOPMENT’S FIRST EBOOK
GAME WITHOUT GAMES: TRANSCENDING PICKUP ARTISTRY AND PURSUING ATTRACTION THROUGH CONSCIOUS PERSONAL GROWTH
Exploring the world of dating and so-called Pick-up Artistry, through the lens of the mind. Game without Games, from attractyourdevelopment.com, eschews traditional pickup advice and gets down to the core concepts of self including: fear, truth, connection, and desire. Taken from the author’s own personal experience in approaching, attracting, and dating women from age eighteen through his twenties, this book strips away all of the tips and tactics of the PUA community. Instead, this book focuses on personal development and cultivating what the ancient Stoic philosophers referred to as the internal.
With a greater inner strength and by focusing on developing one’s life in totality, attraction occurs naturally by becoming a ‘desirable man’. Game then is about expressing of oneself and exploring who she is, instead of trying to remember lame pick-up lines or tricks and tactics to get laid. Things become natural and flow from the relaxed and confident state of the man. He has control of his mental faculties and thus can accept life and social interactions on his own terms. Not chasing women or putting up with disrespect or other nonsense.
If you want to learn how to talk to girls, in a step by step format…go elsewhere. However, if you want to explore the mental side of game and the letting go of pickup dogma, Game without Game might be the book for you.