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How to Attract Your Ex-Girlfriend Again

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Okay, so this post is a bit different in some ways from the usual of trying to restart a broken relationship with your ex-girlfriend. In some cases, the relationship may have ended due to fighting, cheating, or something else and the girl is still attracted to and in love with the guy. Those situations aren’t necessarily easy to fix but they do have different circumstances to deal with. On the flip side of the coin, there are relationships that end because the ex-girlfriend is no longer attracted to the guy she was dating, and these types of situations can be tricky to deal with and even a longer term process to win her back. So, lets explore attraction and reigniting that flame.

Take a Step Back and Analyze the Field

I have found myself in this situation on several occasions, post-breakup, where I had an intense desire to get my ex-girlfriend back and indeed make her wildly attracted to me again.

You must understand that this desire is more about you than it is about her. Meaning, in the emotional turmoil after a breakup, we will tend to want our exes back under any circumstance because we think it’ll make the pain and loneliness go away.

It isn’t that she is the most incredible person on the planet (sorry, it’s quite doubtful she is), it is just that emotions are running so hot, that we get hung up on this one person in an unhealthy way.

Listen, following The No Contact Rule, is often about just giving yourself some time to cool off. To have your rational side make a comeback appearance after the time spent wallowing, crying, pleading, begging, and every other emotionally induced behavior on the books.

Take a step back and analyze whether you truly want her back or if it is simply that your ego has been bruised and getting her back will help quell the storm that has been raging inside of your mind.

Oftentimes, when you take the time to gain clarity you will see that even if she was a good fit for you, she wasn’t the right fit for you and that the thought of moving on is just scary to you. The future has yet to be determined, and we tend to cling to the past, when we haven’t figured out the next step we want to take is.

Getting one’s ex-girlfriend back isn’t always an easy process either. You have to determine if it is something that you really want to undertake or are you just chasing a shadow.

Would she even be open to a reunion? Has she moved on? Does she hate you? If your ex-girlfriend isn’t even attracted to you anymore, then it is a safe assumption that it’s going to be a tough road to haul.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

What is her current dating situation? If she is seeing other guys or especially, if she is with one man exclusively, these are pretty high barriers. Not impossible to overcome, but things that need to be considered, when trying to re-spark a broken relationship.

I write this section not to discourage you or get you down about the odds, but just so you’re aware that there are many difficulties. You might be surprised, as to how many folks get delusional, about how simply they can get another person to come back. Yes, it can be done, but it takes work, and is not guaranteed.

Let’s Get Real About the Situation

So, there is the somewhat unspoken fact that people actually do indeed date people they aren’t that physically attracted to.

This is especially true for women who can be greatly attracted by personality, status, intelligence, wealth, etc., while this stuff has less of an effect on men. We tend to want to date the hottest girl available to us in the short-term and her other qualities can hook us in for the longer term.

Why do I bring this up? If a girl who wasn’t all that attracted to you physically in the first place, falls out of love with you for whatever reason, you can be up shit’s creek trying to win her back.

She actually may not find you sexy anymore, and as a man, you need to accept that fact and remind yourself that it’s okay. Just because one girl isn’t attracted to you anymore doesn’t mean all girls will feel the same. It might be time for you to forget about it and move on.

Other guys reading this may be in an entirely different circumstance, where the girl is still physically attracted to you, she just hates the rest of you.

In either case, what is required is an overhaul of her perception of you.

Boiled down to its base, what is attraction? A positive perception of another person.

For instance, imagine a guy who goes to a nightclub on two separate nights. On the first night, he goes alone and stands by himself. On the second night, he goes to the club with friends and is surrounded by women chatting and flirting with him. Which one is more attractive to the other women in the bar?

The guy who is socializing of course. He is displaying more attractive traits on the second night, even though, he is the same exact person! The only thing that changed was the women in the club’s perception of him.

Perception is involved in every aspect of attraction. (Side note: I wrote an entire Kindle ebook about shifting perceptions for attraction: Game without Games). 

If you’re a guy who has ever undergone a significant physical transformation, you probably noticed extra female attention when you got yourself into really good physical shape.

Why? Your perceived value was higher. This is what makes it so difficult to get back an ex when they are no longer attracted to you, as you now have to alter how they think of you, convince them to come back, and make the changes necessary to keep the relationship going long-term….that’s a tall order for anyone.

However, depending on the variables involved in one’s own situation, the shift needed to re-attract the ex; may not be all that much. If her feelings toward you are still particularly strong (she still wants you, but there are certain things about you or the relationship causing her to be hesitant), then the shift in perception may involve only one or two things.

For other guys, it’s like trying to rebuild a house that’s burnt to the ground, everything needs to be replaced.

Oh! What to do?!

Women lust for him…

There are too many variables at play to address every guy’s specific circumstances, and what to focus on, to try to re-attract his ex.

The first step that I would focus on, is going no contact in order to let things cool off, on both person’s end. If she contacts you, be cordial and pleasant, but don’t be whiny and emotional about ‘our relationship’.

Let me just say, that begging and pestering a girl with texts is not attractive. Nobody likes a pushover and women want to date a man, not a lapdog.

The emotional pleading is more likely to make her less attracted to you, as she will now be more apt to compare you with other men. Those men will probably act confident, not needy, and highly attractive to her eyes. If you take the opposite tact, good luck buddy…

We all tend to compare the person(s) we’re currently dating with those we have in the past. It’s natural. This is especially true, when the break up was recent. So, if your ex is dating or sleeping with other guys, that comparison will happen.

Don’t give her mind any more reasons, to reinforce negative thoughts about you. Things need to begin to shift to at least neutral and right on up to highly positive.

Then during No Contact, figure out what it is that she isn’t attracted to anymore, and work on altering those perceptions. You might already know for sure, you might have a hunch, or be able to deduce some things.

That’s good, actually put in the effort to learn what you can improve upon, and then do it. We all have areas that we need to grown in, so, don’t take it as some offense to ‘who you are’ Who you are changes constantly, you just don’t notice, which is why 12 year old you is different from 25 year old you.

These changes could range from physical appearance, to being a jerk, to being selfish, to social standing, lack of passion, lack of drive in life or any other of the many possibilities.

You are now on the outside looking in. Since you already have a history with her, you are not starting on the same level as a guy, who she has never met before. They get fertile soil from which to impress upon her who they are, while you’re dealing with scorched earth.

There is something or many things about you currently, that is not meeting her needs as a woman. These needs could be sexual, emotional, social, or even based in trust or lack thereof. Consider her needs and where you are not up to par.

Now, this won’t necessarily get her back but it is a part in the attempt to do so. Figure out where things in your former relationship were failing and that will give you the best shot at a reconciliation.

Obviously, the failed relationship isn’t all your fault. It takes two, to make it work, and she has plenty of faults I’m sure. However, her faults are outside of your control, while you can improve upon yourself. Whether the improvements work for fixing this relationship or not, you get to carry them forward, into future dealings with women…which makes attraction much easier.

What’s the first move?

Once a period of No Contact has been established and worked through, it can then be time to open up a channel of communication with an ex-girlfriend.

To become re-attracted, she is going to need to see both you and the changes, first hand. Now, how we get to that point is easier said than done. After all, contact after a break up is tricky, and it can be tough to get things back on track.

Luckily, technology actually can help, in this regard. Texting is a medium that doesn’t really require the other person to have to do much and can be tailored to send them the right message.

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:

I linked to a two free reports about what not to text an ex, up near the top of the post. Hopefully, you took the time to grab your copies of them. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.

Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:

“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.

“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! :D Thank you Michael !!!

“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul

If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee:

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Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back when He has a New Girlfriend

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As a straight male, I’ve never actually had to get my ex-boyfriend back from another girl (full disclosure :p). However, as a man I feel that I can offer a different perspective on the end of your relationship and whether or not you can start anew with him, even if he has a new girlfriend. Now, just to be upfront about things, for many women reading this: your relationship is most likely over for good and you should move on with your life. I know that sucks to hear in the middle of  emotional turmoil but it’s not the end of the world, it’s simply a change that needs to be dealt with. Now, let us get started and delve a little bit further into this topic.

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The First Thing I Ask You to Consider

The first and most paramount step that I recommend that anyone take before pursuing getting back together with their ex is to truly analyze things and figure out if that is truly what you want. You might be thinking, Of course that’s what I want, that’s how I ended up on this website! 

Believe me, I completely understand the raw emotion and hurt that comes along with a breakup or seeing your significant other with someone else. It feels terrible and it isn’t a very pleasant experience, however, it is one which we almost all will have to face in life. As such, it is important to learn how to get through it and learn to grow from this change.

Emotion obviously clouds good judgment. Most people won’t react to everyday problems with nearly the same intensity as that of a break up and this is entirely based on the amount of emotions and attachment that is involved.

This is why a long period of no contact is so important after a relationship ends because it allows both parties to have space apart and avoid the strong emotional triggers. Plus, with time emotional attachments tend to weaken.

With that being said, while you’re in an emotional state of mind, you will of course feel like you want your ex-boyfriend back even if a rational assessment of the situation would reveal that it is best just to forget about him.

After all, the relationship ended for a reason (probably multiple reasons), which means that it fundamentally had some problems. What were those problems? Would getting back together solve them? Can they be solved? The relationship would be different than it had been before, will there be lingering resentments, is the spark gone, would this even work long-term?

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

See…these are the types of things that need to be thought through before even considering getting back into a relationship with that person. Take off the rose colored glasses and look at the relationship as it was and not as an idealized version of itself. Look at your flaws as well as his flaws and take your time, with as few emotions interfering as possible…take your time, as this step is very important.

This is an assessment into your life and what you want going forward. Not just about who you date, but what you want to do in your career, or even how you want to spend the next immediate few months.

Is he actually worth it? Does he fit actually fit into your vision for the future or is it habit and loneliness, that has you chasing him? People often figure out after some time apart from their exes, that they’ve grown as a person, and no longer need that same relationship.

It’s happened to me, multiple times. For months, I’d feel like I wanted to get one of my ex-girlfriends back. Then, with time, I would realize that they weren’t a good fit for me and my future. Maybe they were great for the old version of me, but with where I wanted to go and who I was becoming, they no longer meshed.

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A Quick Insight into the Mindset of Men (In general, specific circumstances may vary)

Despite some insinuations to the contrary, men and women are different. That is, our thoughts and natural desires in terms of the male and female interaction (mating, dating, whatever you want to call it), are not the same nor is our approach. It’s sometimes said that men are not capable of love…this is not true at all, in fact, we can fall ‘in love’ very quickly with a woman who piques our interest. This is often a detriment for many guys who:

  • Fall in love with a girl first and then she loses interest
  • Guys who are inexperienced or don’t have options, in terms of women to choose from

This becomes a problem in our dating life, because we meet women who are only a pretty good fit for us. Then, we don’t have any other girls around to offset those emotions, that this ‘pretty good match’ stirs up in us.

We can end up ‘catching feelings’ and find ourselves in a bad relationship. All of this, stems from our lack of experience with relationship dynamics, and our abilities to handle complex emotions….it’s not our skill set.


A man’s attraction skill set (the one he’s supposed to develop) is all based on the short-term. We, for the most part, don’t go out looking for relationships but end up finding ourselves in one later and wondering what happened?

This skill set we’ve had to develop in our life, consists of how we walk, talk, act, dress, look, speak to you, what we do for a living, our values, social standing, etc. All of these are variables which go into attracting women to us and getting them to want to have sex with us. I can hear the accusatory voices rising:

See, all men want is sex?

Well, to paraphrase the great comedian Patrice O’Neal…sex is all I want, if that’s all you’ve got!

Our skill set, is how we build our lives in totality. Everything that we are and can demonstrate, are short-term tools to attract many women to us. It’s completely short-term and gets us lots of options to choose from when done well.

Women, in the short-term, don’t need to have this skill set in order to attract guys. The fact that you look attractive, attracts us…we don’t particularly care too much about all the other qualities about you at first. It’s just that one superficial aspect (again this is a generalization, obviously specific circumstances may vary).

What this means though, is that women’s true attractive skill set, becomes a factor later in the relationship. For a woman to keep us in a long-term relationship, she has to be better than our other options.

A man usually wants to get with (at least on biological/sexual level), pretty much any attractive girl that crosses his path….it really is like that for us and has been for most of our lives. Our inclination is to have multiple women around.

However, the right woman with that long-term attractive skill set can make us stay around and stay faithful, if she’s that good. Note: some guys, again, simply have no options…it takes nothing for a girl to keep them around because they’re desperate, which only serves to make them even more unattractive to women. So a girl being better than his options, means nothing if he has no options.

Yes, but what does this all mean?

I wanted to bring all of this up because I need to explain a bit of what our mindset is after we are broken up from our girlfriends. Again, this is dependent on the man’s skill set (his ability to attract women).

Guys who can attract women easily, will go out and do so post-breakup, while guys who cannot are usually the one’s who sit around and pine over their ex for many months or years. Let us focus on the guys who can attract women and what happens post-breakup.

After guys get out of a relationship, it is just as bad as it is for women. In fact, I think that it can be worse for us initially because it usually catches us unprepared.

For some period of time after that, we are sad about things and tend to miss our ex a lot, as the post-breakup period can be like coming off of an addiction. We get so used to having someone around, who is so very close to us. Someone who we’ve spent a lot of time with, that a void develops in our existence after a relationship ends.

How long that period goes on depends on the guy, the length of the relationship, the intensity, etc. However, when that time period of feeling bad has passed, we begin the process of moving on.

For us, a part of moving on generally means getting more girls in our lives. Sometimes, we go on a spree, and have 5+ girls on call whenever we want to see them to ‘help’ to forget about our ex.

After months, this circle of girls can be reduced down to one girl. This one girl is most likely the ‘new girlfriend’ that your ex is currently seeing. Now, the key thing to recognize is that, this relationship may or may not mean anything. Sometimes, it just helps to have some kind of relationship to help you get through the loneliness, even if it doesn’t end up being serious.

In other cases, he might end up with a woman, that he already knew prior to the breakup. In this case, she was his best option available, and he went with it. This can often be a rebound relationship, as if we can get a woman easily to help distract from the post-breakup emotions, we will. It may be serious, but I’d say, it is more unlikely to be all that serious.

How Can You Tell if It’s Serious?

The main indicators of a serious relationship for a guy are the length of time involved and whether or not he is showing interest in other girls (including you). When we get involved with a girl there is usually a process of us having to cut out the other girls we were seeing or talking to in order to make our new girl not feel slighted. Check out this post for signs to look out for if your ex is still interested.

If it has also been several months that he and his new girlfriend have been together, then, odds are it is probably pretty serious. Which means for you, that reconciliation most likely isn’t going to happen (in the immediate term), and you need to begin the process of letting them go (even if there’s still a chance, prepare for the most likely outcome).

Another sign to look for is, how long after the break up, did he get involved with this new woman? There are other variables to consider, but generally, if he gets into another relationship within a month or so…it’s probably not that serious. It can be, but it is most likely just a rebound relationship.

A guy being in a rebound relationship, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Once the immediate excitement of being with someone new wears off, comparisons set in, and we see how she stacks up versus other women we dated. If she is a step back in his mind from what you provided, that rebound relationship, will in all likelihood be on the way out.

What To Do Post-Breakup

I would follow the same steps post-breakup whether I wanted to pursue my ex or not. Regardless, of outcome I would go no contact with them for at least a month before even attempting to do anything.

In the rest of my life, I would work on improving myself in a multitude of ways: appearance, health, get new hobbies, financially, meet new people, learn new things, work on my emotional health, fix my flaws that contributed to the end of the relationship, and whatever else I needed to work on.

Remember, he has to see you as better than his options, in order to want to be with you. Unless you had a complete falling out with one another, you probably still have a ton of currency with him and a place in his heart…working on improving you, increases your odds (but still guarantees nothing).

The reason for this is to fall back and regroup emotionally. It is also to give your ex-boyfriend space with his new girlfriend and not see you as being desperate by constantly calling him or texting him.

Don’t ever take shots or be jealous towards his new girlfriend, as that is a huge turnoff for guys and will make him resent you and will NOT make him want to take you back.

I know it can be difficult to control the urge to speak to him or to compare yourself to the new girl, but you have to keep things calm and those wild emotions in check. These sorts of outbursts and attacks DO NOT HELP AT ALL. They harm your odds by making you appear petty, desperate, and unattractive. All bad things, when you want to catch a man’s attention, in a positive way.

Yes, the first step to take is to ‘forget’ about him and his new chick for the time being and focus completely on yourself and your well-being. You don’t have to forget about him in actuality just don’t contact him, don’t accept his calls or respond to his texts, if you see him in person be brief and cordial and don’t beg for him to come back.

This period of time needs to be about you and healing yourself so that you can decide rationally what you want for your future. At the end of it, you might very well realize that he isn’t in your future plans and you can feel good about your decision to move on from that relationship.

Once that period of no contact is over you can make the decision to want to try and get him back….

What’s the first move?

Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.

Think about it:

  • They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
  • That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
  • You can craft the right message to them.
  • It’s a private and personal way of communication.

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:

Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.

Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:

“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.

“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! :D Thank you Michael !!!

“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul

If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee:

300x250_txb_02