Category Archives: Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Ah, the dreaded friend zone. This is a spot which is usually reserved for guys who a girl has no romantic interest in initially and not a guy whom she has already dated.

However, there are circumstances in which after a break up, your ex-girlfriend might tell you that she just wants to be friends with you now, and that she doesn’t want the two of you to hate each other.

In principle, being friends with your ex doesn’t seem like such a bad proposition. But, it can turn out that way, based on the feelings you still have and what her true meaning is exactly.

In my experience, the whole just being friends thing, doesn’t really mean that the two of you are going to be best buds and hang out all of the time.

So, in this post, I want to explore a little bit of what it means for you and your ex to be ‘just friends’ and if there is a clear methodology to get yourself out of said situation or if it is even desirable.

I Want Us to Be Just Friends

Alright, so, you and this girl have had a sit down or she has texted and informed you of your new found friendship. You may have agreed that the two of you should remain friends in the aftermath of the breakup. Even though, you probably didn’t really mean it.

From your end, you still want her back as a girlfriend and are only being amenable to friendship, so that you can stay somewhat close to her.

Let’s just be honest from the start here, you are still sexually attracted to this girl. Plus, probably have romantic feelings towards her.

As such, there’s no purely Platonic relationship here and while you still care about her, you’re not really her ‘friend’!

On the flip side, she is suggesting being friends in order to: Either, let you down gently and diminish your intentions, of you trying to get back together with her. Or she is planning on keeping you around, for other purposes.

Being stuck in the friend zone means that, you will be giving away your time and attention, in exchange for something you don’t actually want (the illusion of true friendship).

In that situation, her emotional needs and need to have someone to download all of her problems onto is met by you, her now ‘neutered’ ex-boyfriend. Meanwhile, she can go out and get her physical needs satisfied by other men…whom she still has sexual attraction to.

Listen to this clip below, for a great explanation of the ‘Time Ho’ phenomenon, and see if it doesn’t describe your current situation.

Listen, man, the break down of this problem is actually quite simple.

If you really just want to be friends, have other girls around, and no longer have any type of real attraction to this girl…then by all means, go be a friendly guy.

That’s cool, just don’t get what the relationship is now, confused with what it used to be.

If you actually just want to get back with her or you are undecided if that’s the best course of action to take, then, don’t try to fool yourself into thinking that the two of you are pals.

It’s an either or thing. You can be friends with an ex if that same spark is no longer there. Or, you can still desire her, and want to reconcile the relationship. Trying to play it both ways, isn’t tenable, in the long-term.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

Escape from Friend Zone Mountain

Removing yourself from the friend zone is a laborious process. The first thing that I would consider, is if being with this girl is truly what I want or am I just carrying leftover emotional baggage.

If it is the latter, then, I would suggest getting to work with moving on with your life and letting go of this failed relationship…there are literally billions of others out there for us to pursue.

Getting past it, is mostly a function of time mixed with the pursuit of personal growth, so that your life doesn’t stagnate and you don’t become consumed with the past and what was.

If you are hellbent on getting out of the friend zone and trying to get back together with this girl, however, just know that while it can be done, it is never a guarantee to work.

Ask yourself if you really want to spend time chasing something that may never be and even if it comes to fruition, it won’t be the same as it once was.

Luckily, this decision doesn’t have to be made on the spot, as the best path to follow whether moving on from or trying to get out of the friend zone with your ex-girlfriend is the same…at least initially.

Is it possible to get out of the friend zone with an ex? Yes, I’ve done it before but the funny thing is, I no longer wanted those girls around by the time they became interested in me once again.

It works out that way sometimes, where you’ve grown as a person to the point that a girl you once were really into, no longer holds the same meaning in your life.

That’s why taking time apart can be so damn important. Emotional distress and everything that comes with it, can push you towards one outcome.

Acting on emotions, you could end up in a situation, you may not actually want for yourself in the long-term. It’s sort of a temporary state, where you can’t really make good decisions.

No Contact? Hell yeah, No Contact!

In order to extricate yourself from the friend zone, you must not allow yourself to get sucked deeper into it.

That’s an impossible task if you are constantly answering her phone calls and listening to her complain about her day. You cannot allow yourself to get dragged further down into the abyss and becoming an utterly neutral man in her eyes (i.e. she doesn’t feel that sexual attraction) because that will only increase the severity of the problem.

I’ve already discussed the No Contact Rule in length, here. As such, I’m not going to delve into it in this article. However, I will say that you will need to go roughly a month of no contact, so that you can even begin to start crawling out of the friend zone.

But…but…won’t she forget about me? Only if you’re forgettable. Besides, you cannot think like that, you have to be willing to lose a girl completely.

Even if that fact hurts to think about, as men, we have to cultivate the ability to walk away from situations because our disinterest can sometimes be the only way of preserving our respect.

When that high level physical and emotional interest (on her end) no longer exists like it did at the start of the relationship, one has to choose the most attractive path available.

For most guys, this means either some level of indifference, or being the lapdog who begs for her back. The first one is way more attractive, than the chick repellent that is desperate behavior.

What to do During No Contact?

What I would suggest doing during this No Contact period is taking a hyper-interest in yourself and your life.

Yes, self-development is the main thing that I would focus on. I cannot spend my time solely thinking about her, and how much I can’t wait for this period of time to end, so that I can send her a text message again.

This type of obsession seems to be common, especially among men, as we usually have a tougher time dealing with breakups and the emotions that follow.

We also, will usually develop strong feelings for women, if they happen to be the only option that is around. In this case, our ex-girlfriend was our main squeeze and when we lose her henceforth, it becomes almost a compulsion to get her back.

While I think it is a terrible idea to jump into a serious relationship right after you just got out of one. I think that it is a great idea to starting dating casually again, in order to gain clarity. (If you suck at getting girls, I’ve written two Kindle books on this subject: Game without Games and Online Dating for Men ) Going out with other girls does multiple things…

First, it allows you to viscerally understand that your ex is not the only girl out there who may be a decent match for you. Thus, her hold on you is lessened. It also might make it clear for you, that you don’t actually need to pursue your ex-girlfriend, anymore.

Secondly, it diffuses your interest among many girls instead of concentrating it on the one you don’t have.

Think about it, if you have 20 girls who you can text with and probably get to meet you out somewhere, are you really going to be as attached to the one who currently has you stuck in the friend zone? Probably not.

Thirdly, your value on the sexual market is raised. If many women want you or hang around you for dates, you are a much more desirable man in the eyes of every other woman (including your ex).

People’s perception becomes their reality. For example, if two identical men are at a crowded bar and one of them is standing alone while the other is surrounded by people, which one has more value?

The man with lots of friends and women, even though he is identical to the man that is standing alone. It is mere perception of value that changes the level of attractiveness.

What that means for your ex-girlfriend, is that if she’s noticing that your are getting along fine without her, the idea that she made a mistake might start creeping into her head. After all, these other women seem to be enjoying my ex, maybe I had something really good and let it get away.

Whether she starts thinking that or not, the idea is to sort of reset the conception she has of you in her mind. Start dating other girls during this no contact period and keep it going after contact has been established.

Other things that you can do in order to start raising your value is to change your physical appearance for the better, learn new skills, start new projects, find new social activities to engage in…really anything that alters the perception of who you are (and that you enjoy doing) will begin to dissolve her old perception of you and help to recast you in a new light.

Go hard. Really plan it out, as to how you’re going to improve your life, whether she’s around or not. It’s a winning move, because your life gets better, and a man with an awesome life is really attractive to women; even those who’ve dated you before.

What to Do Post-No Contact

Well, reestablish contact with her.

Remember though, that you cannot act like the same old guy by begging to have her come back to you and all the desperate attention seeking things of that nature.

Still have other girls lined up for dates. So, for instance, if you end up setting up a meeting with you ex on Wednesday, try having dates on Tuesday and Thursday (or other times during the week) so that your ex is just another girl in the rotation and not elevated above.

In my experience with getting out of the friend zone, I found that treating the failed relationship as completely done was the best course to follow.

Whatever emerged with my ex after the breakup was an entirely new edifice that we were constructing. This meant, I couldn’t give her the same type of priority treatment she had, when we were together.

I got back to her when I felt like it, I accepted offers to hang out at my convenience, I never broke my other plans just to go listen to her nonsense.

In essence, I reclaimed my sovereignty as a man, and the girl had to work her way back to the top of the depth chart if she wanted more of my time. Even then, the result was to keep it casual, and we never ‘got back together’ beyond hanging out and hooking up.

Relationships should only be carried out on your terms. If she continues to stick you in the friend zone when you have no interest in that, then you can completely sever ties with her.

Like I said, getting out of the friend zone doesn’t always work and there are going to be instances in which you cannot rekindle a romance. The good news is that, by the time you’ve figured out whether she might want you back, you may have already moved on to bigger and better things.

The modern communication abilities that we have thanks to technology have been absolutely great for guys in their dating lives. Texting and apps like Tinder have enabled us to avoid calling the old fashioned house phone and talk to as many available girls as we want.

However, it has also empowered those women, including our ex-girlfriends to ignore our text, Facebook, or other direct messages whenever it suits them.

Why would an ex ignore your texts and ultimately just not respond to them? Well, why one may be ignoring you specifically is a tough nut to crack without having the exact details and circumstances involved (and no I’m not Dr.Phil trying to solve all your woes).

BUT what I can do, is present some common reasons that your old girlfriend just isn’t going to talk to you.

My Ex Won’t Text Me Back…Some Possible Reasons Why

She’s Moved On

One thing you should know about women. When they’re done, they’re done (most of the time). Yes, you can have situations for a while where she isn’t exactly sure how to feel about you, she might still talk with you, or even sleep together.

At some point, though, that final frontier is crossed and she is ready to move on with her life. Now, this can mean that she wants to be alone without a partner for a while or that she is seeing other guys.

I know that it can hurt to thing about someone you were close with being with another, but it is a simple fact of life that we all must contend with from time to time.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

We do have to let go of people eventually and if there’s a good chance that she’s moved on, you should prepare to do the same. This means going about your life, making positive changes, working towards goals, and even dating other girls.

Now, things may change in the future and a reconciliation may eventually be possible but while we can hope for the best we must plan for the most likely outcome.

Moving on isn’t always a finality. I have had ex-girlfriends break up with me and want nothing to do with me, only to later feel the need to contact me again.

It’s a really weird phenomenon sometimes, like, you just need to let people go out and explore the world on their own…and the ideas they have in their heads, don’t work out as they thought. Then, they just start reaching out for anything familiar to them.

I had one girl that I dated, hit me up in successive years under the guise of both being ‘just friends’ and then also, trying to have a sexual relationship. I hadn’t spoken to her in years and had zero feelings toward her any longer. Crazy, but it happens a lot to people.

You’ve Become a Creep

When some people get desperate to get their ex back, they start texting the girl way too much, becoming almost stalker like, or even becoming violent/angry towards them. The violent aspect doesn’t apply to most guys, but many guys do text their ex-girlfriends a lot and come off as needy and weak.

If this applies to you, back off. Going no contact, might not get an ex-girlfriend to come back. However, it isn’t going to make things worse. The situation needs to cool off and both parties need their space to live their lives.

Being the creepy or stalker-ish ex-boyfriend is a huge turnoff to women and it isn’t going to make her respond to whatever texts may come her way.

I’ve never successfully gotten a girl to come back, trying to go the texting and explaining route. However, I have gotten girlfriends to become interested in me again, after I went No Contact and stopped making myself appear desperate to have her back in my life.

Obsessiveness and desperation are major turn offs for people. Yes, she knows you well after dating for so long. But, that relationship is now severed and it becomes quite easy to push her further away while desperately trying to grasp her attention back to you.

Guys really need to chill with this shit.

She’s Up on a Pedestal…and You Put Her There

This is a offshoot of the last point. Texting a girl a lot and becoming really emotional about her is quite repulsive to women. Don’t treat her as if she is some sort of perfect angel and that your life is over without her (it isn’t).

Why would she respond favorably towards a guy she knows she has some control over and can get him back any time she pleases? Where’s the challenge? Where’s the equality in the relationship?

Essentially, you make yourself less attractive as a man because you’ve ceded your masculinity and everything that she probably used to find attractive.

Don’t beg. Don’t be a lapdog. Use this time period as an opportunity to improve your life, regardless if she ever comes back or not. Chicks come and go BUT the one constant in your life is YOU.

Which guy would she be more likely to go back to?

The guy who texts and pretty much obsesses over her or the guy who is out doing positive things with his life and seeing other women? The answer is the latter.

The post-breakup period is a trying time emotionally, I get it, I’ve been there.

The problem is, when we’re hyped up in these insanely emotional states, we do dumb things that we believe will ‘solve our problems’ but really just destroy our chances of resolving anything.

One of the dumb things we do, is to go into begging and pleading mode. Or better yet, the complete idealization of her and the relationship, but if everything was so perfect…it wouldn’t have failed.

A man has to maintain his cool throughout this process, whether the outcome is what you want, or one that doesn’t work out in your favor. Again, time and the right plan, can often flip situations for the better. You just can’t mess things up in the meantime.

She’s Just Pissed Off at You

Sometimes, it isn’t a big thing where she’s moved on or she’s lost interest in you. It might just be a temporary situation, where she’s completely pissed off at you and needs more time to cool off before she’s ready to talk to you.

This one isn’t such a big deal usually, unless you did something really terrible like cheat on her…then yeah, you might be fucked. There can be lots of little reasons she might not want to respond to anything you say at the moment. This is just a storm you’ve got to ride out.

Emotional states change and the thought patterns that make someone be really mad, eventually pass, and they can think rationally once again. Time apart allows cooler heads to prevail and give someone clarity about what they want and don’t want in their lives.

That clarity might make a woman realize, that the relationship she just ended is the best option for her in life, and that the anger she felt wasn’t really anything major.

Just like you might currently be in a volatile emotional state, she probably is as well. There’s a huge flux in people’s moods following a breakup, so, what she might be mad about now perhaps won’t bother her next month.

Personally, I’d rather have a woman be mad at me, than not caring at all. At least, I know she feels something, and still has an attachment. Even if, it is currently a negative view toward me.

What Can You Do When She Won’t Reply to Your Messages?

Really, the best moves you can make are to:

1. Not send any more messages, see the no contact rule post

2. Prepare to move on, even if she comes back.

3. Try to re-contact again, at a later date.

The first aspect gives her space and allows you to stop coming off as really desperate and unattractive. While the second, makes it easier to move past the breakup if it is indeed a permanent thing and it very well might be.

Then, when things have settled down a bit, maybe a month or so from now. You can try to open up the lines of communication again. This is only if, you’ve really put thought into things and still want to try to get back together with her.

A lot of times, once you’ve had time apart and gotten your head clear, you find out that you don’t actually want to be with the ex. You figure out that most of what you were feeling was an almost addictive quality, because you were so used to being together, that a break up shocked your system.

Of course, your own situation will vary but as far as a general point of view that about does it. There are some many variables and reasons why she may not be responding but the only one who knows for sure is her.

What’s the first move?

Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex at some point. She’s not currently responding to your texts, but at some point, she very well could.  Of course, we still have to give things time, and let the situation settle down but texting can be an amazing weapon to give things another try.

Think about it:

• They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
• That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
• You can craft the right message to them.
• It’s a private and personal way of communication.

Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Michael Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back” program.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of television shows, to discuss his methods at repairing broken relationships.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breakup

There are a ton of variations of how and why relationships end. One of the most common ones, is a man’s girlfriend dumps him and doesn’t give a reason or maybe just not a very believable one. Having your woman leave you is a tough L to take, it’s just one of those losses that stings for a while no matter what you try to do to remedy the hurt.

However, even in the midst of that emotional pain, there is still that raw and gnawing feeling that you want her back in your life. The question is, can you get an ex-girlfriend back, if she is the one who initiated the end of the relationship?

Yes. Yes, you can. The thing is, there are also important questions such as, if that is even a good idea or if it is likely to succeed?

In this post, I want to dig a little bit further into this topic and try to illuminate somethings one should consider when trying to reconnect with an ex after getting dumped.

Things can get complicated emotionally, so, it is important to take time to really consider how everything has played out and what you want your future to look like.

Achieving Total Clarity

So, the first and probably most important step in trying to get back an ex-girlfriend is to decide that you actually want to. No, I’m not talking about some hokey, “Law of Attraction” type of stuff.

What I mean, is to get out from under the cloud of emotion and bruised ego, and truly know that trying to restart things with her is the best decision for your life.

Let’s be honest, most of the hurt that comes along with many breakups is manufactured by the repetitive conditioning of your interactions with one another.

You’ve grown accustomed to this girl being there and when she isn’t, you are no longer receiving the positive emotional feedback, and as such it feels like something is missing.

This type of feeling will arise, whether you truly love the girl or just really liked her a lot, which is confusing because it can feel exactly the same in the short-term.

However, in the long-term clarity will arise. The feedback cycle is broken, and you can realize, that perhaps you didn’t feel as strongly towards her as you might have thought.

I think that all guys go through this type of thing. We trip out over girls and then later come to realize what an awful mistake staying with them would have been.

There are plenty of girls who I dated in my college-age years, who I was absolutely devastated by when they broke up with me.

BUT when I fast-forwarded a few months, I knew that I had dodged a bullet with some of them (being with for longer, getting married, accidentally knocking them up). It’s kind of crazy how much the mind can shift, with a bit of time, and normalcy.

If you’re a younger guy, please understand that this is going to have more of an effect on you, precisely because you have less experience. Relationships are still rather new in your life and there is a huge difference between high school/college and the more serious stuff that comes with age.

It’s like the difference between amateur and professional sports, there’s just a different level of seriousness and competition.

Clarity is an extremely hard thing to achieve when that other person is still involved in your life on some level. I usually want to go no contact for 30-60 days, so that I can take a step back a analyze the situation without being constantly triggered emotionally.

Don’t worry the ex-girlfriend isn’t going to forget about you in that short of time, unless you were a totally forgettable man.

Sometimes, an ex will move on within a short time frame. Though, even that doesn’t always preclude them from reaching out to contact, or even pursue some sort of reconciliation.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

What Are Some Things to Consider?

What ended the relationship? Think beyond just what she told you and dig to the roots of the problems. Did you cheat? If so, that adds a whole lot more complexity to this situation.

Also, if you did cheat, why did you do it? Were you bored, no longer attracted, want other chicks besides her (like not just fantasy but actively flirting and trying to pick them up)?

Yes, these all have an impact as to whether you should even want to try to get back together again. You might be chasing something that you feel emotionally guilty about, however, at your very core you may know that the relationship was on the way out anyways.

Did she cheat? My policy on this is to move on. Fuck dealing with unfaithful people, if she wants to screw around that is her prerogative. But it is also mine to say that, it violates the confines of our relationship, and she needs to move on.

How much time has elapsed? If it has been close to a year or more and nothing has changed, you either need a new approach or to get on with your love life. If she’s already been seeing other guys for a while and has moved into a more serious relationship with one of them, that’s another solid sign that it may be time to accept that it’s over.

What type of relationship was it? How serious did it get? A girl who is in high school or college, is most likely not ready to settle down for a very long term relationship (marriage), and will likely want to experience many new relationships or types of guys after she gets out of something semi-serious (long-term boyfriend).

However, if things did get very serious and she is either older or more mature, then there is a better chance that you could still be the right man for the job.

The breakup could have been caused by simple bad habits or a lack of direction/maturity on your part and she might be in the stage of life where she demands a man that meets all of her needs/qualifications.

What Are Some of Your Flaws and How Do You Improve Them?

I am a huge believer in self-improvement. Not just in terms of getting attention from women but also in every other aspect of my life. In my own personal experience, I can tell you that perception of reality is not always the same as reality itself, and it is also more powerful.

What I mean is, how you are perceived will have a greater impact than who you actually are in many given situations. For instance, the same guy walks into a bar, in one instance he is alone and in another he is with a group of women.

In which instance is he more attractive to any given female in the bar? When he is with the group of women, even though he is fundamentally the same person. The only change is in the perception of him and his value as a man.

Let’s be real, your girlfriend isn’t going to leave you if she still perceives you as a high value man.

Yes, you may be everything she wants EXCEPT you have anger issues that pushes her away (in that case , you lack of emotional control has collapsed your value as a man).

Or maybe you haven’t shown signs that you are serious about long-term commitment. Or you aren’t very much fun to be around more. You’re too controlling. Etc, etc.

If you and the relationship that you had with your ex had too many flaws, then of course she is going to start looking around at other guys and thinking that she can do better.

It isn’t always the case that she will want you back even if you do make yourself a better man because sometimes it’s just simply a lack of compatibility on a deep level. However, if there was true long-term compatibility, there may be certain things that drove her away…fixable things!

For instance, maybe you weren’t spending enough time together. Perhaps, you were too engaged in work, hanging out with your boys, playing video games, watching sports, or whatever…if this was a main cause of the break up, then this should be a main area of trying to improve yourself.

Step away from your diversions, minimize them, try to work on patterns of addictive behaviors. Make a list of areas of your life you need to improve in…from health, to wealth, to sexual skill, to confidence, communication, or any other potential factor.

Seriously, if you work on yourself and then don’t get this girl back, at least you’ve improved your odds at landing more ladies and finding one that is also a right fit for you. Keep in mind that there are ultimately billions of them on this planet, so if you can make yourself available and more desirable you can, land plenty more.

Conversely, she could have also been the source of many of the relationship’s problems. There are cases in which one person creates lots of issues and then initiates a break up anyway.

If this is the case for your, break up, ask yourself if it is actually worth it? Is getting back together with this woman, something that is good for the long haul, or simply a way to patch up the short-term emotional turmoil?

Taking the Time to Change

In order to show significant change and actually make changes to one’s life, there does need to be some time apart. A lot of guys will still currently be in ‘chase mode’, when trying to get back with his ex.

What this means is, he is still calling or texting or desperately begging to get back together…and it’s simply not working.

You cannot press a woman to want to get back together with you. She will begin to resent it and find a guy unattractive, when he displays such groveling characteristics.

Also, constantly being in contact or trying to fix things, doesn’t allow her the ability to think about what she actually wants. There are plenty of cases in which, the girl breaks up with her guy, and realizes that the single life can suck.

She realizes that she’s not meeting any ‘better men’ and her ex starts to look really great in comparison. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and when things don’t work out, she might turn her attention back to you.

However, how can that happen, when he ex is constantly bothering her and displaying unattractive characteristics? Even if she finds out that being single isn’t great, it would still be more appealing than an ex, calling her constantly.

As such, utilizing the No Contact Rule, is a way to create enough space and work to better yourself for a potential reconciliation.

Taking a month or two apart, isn’t a bad thing. It allows both parties to fully consider what they want to do, experience life without the other person, and to improve themselves.

Getting clarity doesn’t just happen when you see the negatives of the relationship, it can also show you all of the positives, and why it should be fixed. When emotions calm down and reality sets in, people will tend to recognize that they actually had something great, and worth the work that it takes to make a relationship successful.

What’s the first move?

So, once a period of time apart has been taken, contact will need to be re-established if you still want to try and get back an ex.

However, by that time, you might have gained the clarity that you’d be better off moving on. That’s cool and can be the best decision for folks, in many cases. Not all relationships are worth trying to save, as they simply aren’t functional, at their core.

However, when one determines that it is worth at least attempting to salvage, there needs to be a strategy in place for making the effort. After a month or two of not talking and still being apart, getting back into contact, is of paramount concern.

One of the easiest and also most effective methods for doing so, is by use of text messaging. I mean, it is not only easy to do, but you can also take all of the time you need to craft a message and future response.

Plus, it takes the pressure off of the other person, who can respond whenever or if they feel like it. A call or face to face meeting can be brushed off, as too intrusive, but a text is both casual and weirdly intimate because folks have their phones nearly all of the time. It’s like a part of themselves.

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:

Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.

Thinking can be a great tool to have. Sometimes, it gets out of tight spots, gives us tremendous insights, and can even change the course of our lives for the better. Other times, this useful tool, begins to control our every waking hour. It replays past events like a movie on a constant loop and not even a good movie…one that can haunt us or just make us feel terrible about ourselves.

This can be especially true for us men after we break up with a woman. So many scenarios run through our minds about what could’ve been, what we could’ve done differently or how we can still, maybe, get our ex-girlfriend back.

It’s only natural for this to occur after a breakup, but at some point we need it to stop and be able to move on with our lives (even if we eventually get back together with our ex). The question then begs, how do you stop thinking about her once the relationship ends? What about if she’s sleeping with someone else? Or you’re in another relationship?

Well, boys, let us dig deeper and see if we can’t present some ways to solve this issue.

To The Roots of Thinking

The first thing to recognize is the powerful illusions that thoughts create. Even when we remember events fairly clearly, they are still only our subjective interpretations of what happened, and flawed ones at that.

As I said before, memories and thoughts are sort of like films, and films that are highly edited and colored by our emotions and the limited ability of our senses to pick up the data of our surrounding environment.

No matter how rational or certain you take your memories for, they are still always inherently flawed. When interacting with another person (your ex for example), your memory is even more limited. This is because you don’t quite know what she was thinking, feeling, or what she would remember about any given situation.

Add to the fact, that our brains can often conflate two separate events and turn them into one single memory…and you’ve got yourself one highly misleading narrative.

That’s the thing about it, it’s not just having the memories or thoughts pop into our heads, it’s also our interpretation and analysis.

What if this happened instead? What if I’d said this? Oh! Maybe I should call her and say that now…I’m sure she’ll take me back. The narrative story that we create about memories are often the most insidious part of them. We’re natural problem solvers and when we have a major change like a break up happen in our lives, we want to solve the emotional tumult. Thus, it repeats again and again.

The narrative isn’t just limited to trying to resolve problems the relationship faced. There is also the story we tell ourselves about just how damn great she was and how you’ll never meet someone like her again, etc., etc.

Is any of that really true? I’m sure she had some great things about her, however, was it all sunshine and happiness?

No issues? No behavioral problems? No selfishness? Being annoying? Are there not billions of females on the planet? No one is better looking? Nicer? A better partner? You aren’t capable of landing someone else?

Just what is really true about all of these thoughts and memories that are being stirred up?

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

Desperation Stinks

Another issue with thoughts is how often they can lead to actions which don’t serve our best interests. Your brain will concoct all sorts of solutions and fail-proof schemes in order to get your ex to come back, and these ideas can have the effect of pushing them further away.

There is nothing less attractive to a woman than a desperate man.

He has no self respect. He treats her as if she is somehow above him, like he is her personal servant. Now, normally men wouldn’t act like this of course, but when our thoughts and emotions are consumed with this idealized vision of our ex-girlfriends…we get into some silly situations.

If your thoughts translate into desperate, clingy, annoying, or hurtful behavior towards your ex-girlfriend, any attraction she may have had left will evaporate really quickly.

It becomes a situation in which to resist what is (the end of the relationship for the time being) is to further impair the odds of it ever being repaired. In essence, you have to be willing to move on completely with your life, whether or not she ever comes back.

Do not let these thoughts and emotions cloud your judgments and force you to make short-sighted moves. You aren’t going to ‘fix’ a broken relationship just like that.

In fact, if reconciliation did take place, it would effectively be a new relationship in order to solve all of the issues the old one had…so accept the fact that the old one is gone either way.

As such, there is no real advantage to begging or trying to go for a quick fix, without really changing anything.

How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex-Girlfriend

OK, so now that we have a brief overview of overthinking and how it can hinder things post-breakup, we can begin to move on to ways to reduce thinking about her.

All of these suggestions are things that I have done in the past to help me stop thinking about ex-girlfriends or even move on from tough life experiences. In fact, I incorporate some of the techniques into my daily life, to help my performance and mental clarity.

Changing reality, at this time (getting the ex to come back and have everything be great again), may not be possible. So, instead of changing reality, we change the way we perceive and think about it. Thus, lessening the strong attachments, we currently feel.

Letting Go

Letting go of thoughts, desires, or relationships can take place either in the here and now or in the long-term. The short-term effect is to interrupt the thought patterns, which sort of retrains the brain to not go down that same road again and again.

Letting go allows for a level of clarity to take hold and an elevation of one’s mood. When I let go in the moment, I no longer need to chase my thoughts, as I am content with what is.

This is the best short video of a technique to let go. I watched this almost everyday for a month or so before meditation sessions and found that it helped immensely. The actual breathing technique is like 5 minutes, so you can fast forward to the six minute mark of the video, if you don’t want the entire explanation:

The great thing about this breathing technique is that it can be done anywhere, once you’ve learned it. I’ve incorporated while at museums, bars, before dates, etc. It’s a fantastic way to start calming oneself down and helping to make the thought patterns more sporadic.

Interrupting thought patterns is a way to set up sort of a beach head and begin to unwind the lock that these persistent thoughts and memories can have on one’s mind.

The above technique is just a warm up for me, I like to do meditation on an almost daily basis, to really get in the habit of ‘no thought’ and disrupting thoughts that have become addictive to my brain.

Any easy way to begin, is to do the breathing technique demonstrated in the video above, and then follow that with a guided meditation video.

Guided meditation will talk you through the basics of meditation until you can progress enough with your ability to clear your mind and do a meditation on your own accord. Here is an excellent video to start with:

The following books may also aid you in being able to clear your head of excess thinking. Each one has helped me immensely along my journey of personal transformation.


Interrupting Routine

Part of being able to stop thinking about someone is to stop dwelling on the past itself. The meditation techniques and book recommendation above are probably enough to help cut off the thinking of an ex-girlfriend entirely.

However, I wanted to incorporate some other things that can help over time as well. Our routines in daily life can become stagnant and seem to bog us down, especially when there’s a major shift in one aspect (relationship).

Things can become stale, we feel like we’ve stopped growing or have any real goals to shoot for.

Since we have to accept the possibility that our ex might not ever get back together with us, we should then follow the post-breakup plan that I have put forth in the past.

It is a mixture of removing as much interaction with your ex-girlfriend as possible, self-development, and dating other women.

The No Contact aspect of this trifecta, helps with the overthinking, with the help of the old adage ‘out of sight, out of mind’.

The less you have to see or speak with her, the less her image will appear in your thoughts. Now, it is obviously a gradual process but I have found that once I’d started meditating and disrupting those thought patterns, it became much easier and less painful to let go of the women I’d been dating.

Self-improvement gives you something else to focus your energy on. If you don’t have jack shit going on in your life, then of course a break up is going to linger for a long while, your brain is sitting idle.

Physical, mental, emotional, social…all of them. Pick something to move towards, with your eyes forward, it becomes hard to focus on the past.

I like to start dating other women almost right away, nowadays. Granted I’ve gotten myself to a really good place psychologically and am able to deal with things in a much healthier and non-self destructive way, so maybe I can get away with moving forward faster than other guys can.

However, I’ve found that dating other girls helps to really get rid of the total focus on one person, who I’m no longer together with.

Right after a break up, I might even be a little less picky because even the bad dates have a positive impact on me. In the sense that they make me say, “Thank God I’m single and not together with her”.

Meanwhile, the good dates are a reminder that I still have value as a man and there are other attractive women out there.

In closing, to forget about an ex, I:

Cut off the constant stimulus of seeing/speaking to her

Interupt thought patterns with meditation and letting go techniques

Give myself other things to focus on with a massive self-development plan

OK, so, the break up happened and now your ex is practically shouting at you to move on with your life. “Just forget about me” she says or she is dating someone else and wants you to stop clamoring for how things used to be. What is a guy to do when he finds himself in such a situation?

Well, there is the old adage, hope for the best but prepare for the worst and that is always an attitude you should take into any post-breakup scenario. The caveat being that, what you currently think is best (getting her back) isn’t always the case, and one needs to explore the possibilities of his own life moving forward.

What’s Your Situation? Does She Mean It?

She’s already said to forget about her and move on with your life. As such, you should take that at face value, that the relationship has now concluded and will not be reconciled. Is that always the case?

No, sometimes, women will have a change of heart but at this point in a break up it is usually a low percentage shot of that happening.

Now the specific situation depends on a number of variables such as if she is with another guy or if you did something especially egregious such as cheating with another woman, which has generated a lot of hate towards you.

The more factors such as these that are in play, the lower the odds of getting back together are, it’s just the way it goes.

However, even if the breakup seemed to come out of the blue and you can’t pinpoint a specific fault on your own end, the relationship might be doomed anyways.

Women generally don’t make these types of decisions on a whim and usually have an exit plan well in advance of actual separation.

Also, you need to factor in the length of time it has been since she dumped you. For instance, if she tells you to move on almost immediately after a breakup, there is a greater chance that she is acting on pure emotion and the statement might not be a concrete truth (although, it might).

However, if it’s been many weeks, months, or even years…then you really do need to get on with your life.

In any scenario, I still tend to just take what she says at face value, and reconsider that if I’m get overt signals from her that she didn’t actually mean it.

The best course of action has always seemed to me, to always to prepare myself for the total end of a relationship, even when it doesn’t come to pass. If I have an opportunity at reconciliation later, and that’s what I still want, then I can pursue that. Plus, I’ll be in a better position in my life, to do so.

Here’s Your Sign to Leave Her Alone

If you are getting no signs of a possible reconciliation and she does things like ignore your texts, calls, tells you to leave her alone, etc…then you seriously need to back off.

Even if you want her back AND it is actually a possibility, pressing her at this particular juncture, is going to push her further away. Thus, she becomes more spiteful towards you.

She needs space to live her life, figure things out, and explore new things without you. The same is true for you. You need to work on getting over her and starting new things in your life.

The reason for this is that, after a breakup it is a tumultuous and emotional time, and decisions on getting back together in the midst of all that, usually aren’t good ones based on rational thought.

If you’ve evaluated your personal situation and the chances of getting back together are looking slim to none, then that means they usually are.

This is a very hard truth to face and some guys just refuse to ever comes to terms with this new change in their lives. It is not the end of the world, it is simply a new phase in your life.

There are like 4 billion females on the planet, so the odds are definitely in all of our favor, that we can literally find dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of better options than our ex-girlfriends depending on how much effort we are willing to put forth.

There was a time in your life before you knew her and dated her and there will be a time after…and YES, this time can be even better…I’ve been dumped multiple times and while it hurts, I always come back stronger.

Heck, I wrote a whole Kindle book about coming out of that turmoil, becoming stronger, better, and having many more women as a result:

Remember, girls can’t make you happy. They can enhance your life and create a feeling of dependence but they can never make you happy, only you can.

Constant arguments, anger, bad attitude, not wanting to see you, not wanting to communicate with you, is seeing other guys, indifference towards you or working things out with one another, making big changes in her life…the list goes on and on.

However, these are things that are tell-tale indicators that she doesn’t want to get back together, and if all of them are present in your situation…all signs point to the end of this relationship. Thus, we must work to move forward without her.

Do You Actually Want Her Back? Or, Taking Her Advice, and Moving On without Her.

Try to set your emotion and ego aside for a minute. What do you honestly miss about her? Get down to the roots of your attachment to this chick and ask yourself some questions.

What does she specifically provide that you could not get from any other girl? The pull of emotions is quite strong after a breakup and the clarity that comes with time passed and positive changes can have us feeling quite different about things.

For example, if you’re a guy who’s had several breakups in the past, do you still miss some girl you dated in high school? College?

These old girls rarely if ever cross my mind and I know that I’ll probably have at least a few more of these types of breakups at some point in my life. Am I going to let my life go to shit each time a woman has a change in heart? Hell no!

This is legitimate question which needs to be answered because if it’s not the right one, then you need to move on.

• Feeling lonely is not a good reason.
• Thinking that you will be forever alone or that you currently have no other female options is not a good reason.
• Her being ‘good enough’ instead of the right one. You don’t have to settle.
• You don’t have a clear path for your future, that’s okay but don’t cling to your past, just because it’s familiar and feels safe.
• You think that she will solve your personal issues or at least mask them.
• You don’t have a ready alternative available
• Your ego is making it hard to let go

If you find yourself in a place in which your ex specifically tells you to move on with your life, you should definitely heed her words, and you’ll probably be thankful later that you did.

Sometimes, a breakup is the surest way to avoid a train wreck later, go read some divorce horror stories online if you don’t believe me. Yes, it’s going to suck getting through the emotional turmoil and loneliness but that’s part of being human…but it gets better.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

So, after taking time by abiding by her wishes and leaving her be, assess the situation. What do you actually want?

Is she the right fit or merely a good one? Is there any real chance of getting back together? After all, both parties will have to buy into any new relationship. And it would be a new relationship, because the old one failed.

What would change? What would be better in any potentially new relationship? What are the problems that she brings to the relationship? What about yours?

What do you honestly want to be doing with your life in 5 years? Would she even fit into those plans? Or would things be okay for a while, before another break up took place?

Take time and honestly think about those questions.

In the mean time, during the period of No Contact, make serious efforts to work on your life, emotional, and physical well-being.  During these highly emotional times, one must be active in ensuring, that you get better, and not get dragged down into a dark place mentally.

At some point in time after a break up takes place, you may run into an ex or see pictures of her on social media, and she looks super into how her life currently is. You know, the one that no longer really involves you. The thought will then cross a man’s mind, “Is my ex-girlfriend really happy without me?”

It can be quite a blow to our ego/self-esteem, to realize that, there indeed may be a bright future for someone that we cared about; and no longer has anything to do with us.

In this post, I want to explore this phenomenon a bit, and how to deal with the realization that an ex-girlfriend may be happier afterward…and why it ultimately shouldn’t matter.

What is happiness?

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

So, before I directly delve into whether or not an ex-girlfriend is actually happier without you and/or with her new rebound boyfriend. I want to try to gain an understanding of happiness.

Despite its common usage, ‘happiness’, is actually kind of a nebulous term. It can really be difficult to pin down what it means and if someone is in that state.

What is happiness? Is it that warm positive emotion or is it some kind of internal sense of satisfaction? Is it something that is continuous or is it a fleeting moment of everything seeming to be ‘right’ in one’s life?

One thing that us human beings are really good at is making ourselves the center of attention in our own minds.

We say or think things like, “Why is everyone else happy BUT me!” The real question should be, “Are any of those people you’re thinking about really happy?” And if so, what does happiness mean to them?

There are plenty of folks who outwardly seem happy and have plenty of photos on Facebook and Instagram to prove it to you. Like a duck on water, everything is seemingly calm on the surface, while their legs are churning like crazy below just to keep afloat.

There are a ton of people just like that, outwardly it seems like everything is all good, but inwardly…they’re falling apart.

The question of whether or not an ex is ‘happier’ without you, really comes down to the definition of what one means by happiness. Is it the feeling? Is it some contentment? Or does she feel better off without you in her life?

Now, her ‘happiness’ may also be a massive front, that she is putting on. Maybe she wants to make you think that she is happy, just to make you feel bad about it.

Hell, a lot of people actually buy into their own lies. Meaning, they front so hard acting like they’re in a great place, but any sort of challenge to that facade…and the house of cards collapses.

Another scenario, may be that she is actually just content being alone right now. If she has a man, maybe he really does make her feel wonderful.

That’s not a knock against you, he’s just a better fit for her, at this time. Just as if you met some amazing girl, who overshadowed your ex. It really doesn’t diminish your time together, as that is already in the past, and done with.

My Ex-Girlfriend Seems Happier Is She?

Perhaps. That doesn’t make it a bad thing for you, though. The fact of the matter is, the vast majority of relationships will fail eventually.

It’s just a part of the game. Things can grow stale, people grow apart, or that particular relationship no longer provides the same benefits that it once did.

For instance, there are girls that I dated around the age of 21, who I liked a whole lot at that point in time. Our time together was great.

However, fast forward to the age of 30, and if we tried to date one another; it would be an utter disaster. We aren’t in the same place in our lives anymore, for it to be a good fit.

You can be perfectly content to be involved with someone else, and then a few months later, the situation no longer fits you.

In this sense, a person may indeed be happier without their ex in their lives, but it’s really just being in a different mindset and/or wanting to go in a new direction.

I mean, think about how many women you have liked/been attracted to, in your life. Was it always this one girl? What happened to the other one’s that you had a crush on or a full blown relationship with? When did they suddenly feel less special in your own mind?

Times change and people change and this may exactly be what happened with your ex. Now is she happier without you? She might not even know the answer to that question.

Besides, is it the fact that she feels happy, that is bothering you? Before the break up, you’d been happy that she is happy. So, is it the fact that you’re not the source of those feelings anymore? Or is it the image of seeing her, get along fine without you?

You can get along fine without her, too. You both win, in this scenario.

What does it matter?

Let’s just for sake of argument assume that your ex-girlfriend is indeed happier without you and possibly with someone else. What of it?

Again, the two of you may no longer (or never were) a great fit, even if you still think that you are. Hell, it might still theoretically be a good relationship, if it worked out.

However, a successful relationship cannot be had while one person isn’t completely into it (her), even if the other person is (possibly you).

Secondly, if she is happy shouldn’t you be glad that she’s doing well (if you care for her still)? At the very least, if you don’t care about her or she screwed you over, isn’t it best to be indifferent towards what she does now?

The danger in the post-breakup period is to get into this comparison competition of who is doing ‘better’ after the split. What nonsense. You do not need to compete with her, any new guy she’s dating, or anything of the sort.

The focus should be on you and what you want with your life, while letting go of the relationship that played such a large role. Yes, it can take time, but getting over a breakup cannot happen when you are in constant comparison and competition.

Unless a reconciliation is in the cards, the relationship is done, and the natural growing apart is going to take place.

Getting stuck in the past on how things used to be, is just going to lead to very unhappy results for you, regardless of whether or not she is actually happy. It’s ultimately irrelevant.

None of this is to say of course, that you shouldn’t take any lessons from the relationship ending.

If she is happier without you, was there any thing that you can actually change about yourself to improve in the future? Or were the issues not things you can change  about yourself (which just means that two people aren’t fully compatible).

In the end, it is never truly about her and her happiness or lack thereof…it is all about you and how you react to the situation.

It’s basically ego, “Why is she happy without me? Am I not good enough?” “What’s so great about her new boyfriend? I’m better than him.”

The only way to get past this sort of self-centered thinking is to let go of it all and realize that her life is not about you.

Let go of worrying about what she’s doing, and focus on, what’s best for your life. These kinds of thoughts will weigh you down, in the long run.

Secondly, outside of the lessons that you can learn for future reference from them, these thoughts aren’t helpful.

Her happiness should not effect how you feel. If she feels bad, you shouldn’t feel happy, and vice versa. Things are as they are currently. Accept this and begin the process of moving forward. What are your goals outside of women? What do you want to do? Her happiness doesn’t need to create misery, so, don’t let it anymore.

Ahhhhhh, the gamesmanship of human relationships. It can be a funny thing sometimes to see how it develops and changes over the course of many months or years. From the initial meeting, where the game is a subtle dance of attraction and trying to get yourself a girlfriend. To the post-breakup mess of trying to show up the other person by how quickly you can move on or supposedly ‘upgrade’ to a better chick. In reality, this types of actions are really just shallow and petty.

I don’t subscribe to the notion that someone ‘wins’ at the end of a relationship (even if it’s a divorce and the courts award financial payments from one party to another). To me, it is just representative of a change in life, just like any other. No different from any other breakup or a change in friends as one grows more mature.

So, the question begs, how does one make an ex-girlfriend regret leaving you? The true answer is not to focus on it or even concern yourself with it. In this post, I want to explore a little bit as to what I mean exactly and how this can be implemented into a man’s life and core values.

Think About What You’re Actually ‘Winning’ or Trying to ‘Win’

OK, so you want to make your ex sorry that she ever left you. Cool. Why is that? Is there some award that your name comes up for when you accomplish this? No? Then why should you focus your time on such a feat?

Break down what is really going on here. Break things down to its base. You want to make her feel regret (bad emotions) because you currently have, said bad emotions, and by shifting those to her you will elevate yourself to a better emotional state.

So, instead of moving forward in your life without her or perhaps even thinking about how to possibly fix the relationship, you want to dedicate time towards trying to get the upper hand in some mental narrative you have going?

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

For a moment, I would like for you to consider not focusing on how to make her feel bad about letting you go, rather, try to gain mental clarity and focus on letting your attachment to this idea of regret go.

People come and go out of our lives. Sometimes, it’s a simple change and other times it can be an ugly breakup when egos are seriously invested. Chasing after petty points and victories after a breakup are ultimately very hollow ‘wins’.

You’ve really only succeeded in possibly hurting someone you probably still care about on some level and have given a boost to your own ego instead of turning your attention inward and making your own life better and more vibrant.

The Pang of Regret

Alright, it’s hard for one person to truly regret having another person in their lives, if that person is always contacting them. A lot of guys follow up relationships, with a constant barrage of texts or trying to weasel their way back into their ex-girlfriend’s life.

How is a woman going to feel like she’s lost an important man in her life, when that guy is behaving like some kind of underling? Desperation isn’t attractive. Begging and pleading isn’t attractive. Nor is obsessing about one girl who you are no longer with.

As such, if a guy wants to make his ex feel some sort of regret for breaking things off, he can’t be in this constantly needy position. After all, why would someone miss another person, who they could have back any time they wanted? It makes no sense.

So, the No Contact Rule should be brought into effect in this scenario. Now, there are certain exceptions to going No Contact, such as having to talk to them because you have children or some other circumstance. However, it is a complete cut off of all non-essential communications.

People often want what they can’t have, and if a guy is always available, that just signals that she can have you whenever is convenient for her.

In order to make No Contact work, there does need to be a letting go of the idealized mental version of the woman, and the hurt/hatred that is being felt toward her. One is much more likely to call or text, if he can’t stop thinking about a woman, than if he accepts that things are probably over.

People Notice When You Build Yourself Up and Not Tear Others Down

The funny thing is that, girls will tend to notice the positive changes you make within your life and how you’ve changed as a person. So, if you’re focusing on self improvement rather than simply trying to make her feel regret, she might naturally come to regret breaking up with you simply because you’ve become such a great person with an awesome life.

I’ve seen this sort of thing in action first hand. Back when I couldn’t get girlfriends, dates, sex, etc. I would think that I was simply not attractive to women and I’d never be able to get very much if anything.

I was partly correct, I wasn’t attractive to women, at that time. However, I could develop myself into the man I wanted to be and thereby attract women into the world I created for myself.

This included reading books constantly, getting into better shape physically, learning to socialize, developing my personal philosophy, pursuing my passions, working on my ideal lifestyle, etc.

All of these things in totality, over the years, has yielded a much greater ability to attract women and make them want to be a part of my life. I wrote about all of this in my Kindle book: Game without Games. Plus, my Online Dating Guide for Men

Even girls who knew me back when I was without confidence or skill, took notice of the change and some even made themselves available to me. Like from having disdain toward me talking to them, to trying to sleep with me. It was utterly bizarre for my younger self to see such a difference.

The journey of life is ultimately about yourself, and coming to terms with your existence in a world, that can be flat out crazy and brutal.

It can however, also be beautiful, and gearing yourself up to pursue the beautiful in life has plenty of benefits. One of which being, that people are naturally attracted to confidence and guys who make their lives their own.

So, in a very real way, the key to make someone regret leaving you behind, is to not focus on making them feel regret.

The key is to focus on yourself and creating your ideal life. Let other people have their pettiness and emotional manipulations. You should rise above that, understand what they’re doing, and love them anyways.

The revenge notion or getting the better of someone post-breakup is quite frankly a waste of time. Don’t let yourself become controlled by these intense emotions but let yourself observe them arise and notice how they effect your thinking in a negative manner.

Also, if you truly want your ex-girlfriend to even want you back, do you think you’re going to honestly accomplish this by trying to make her feel negative emotions instead of pure attraction? As I’ve written here before:

Oftentimes, when you take the time to gain clarity you will see that even if she was a good fit for you, she wasn’t the right fit for you and that the thought of moving on is just scary to you. The future has yet to be determined and we tend to cling to the past when we haven’t figured out the next step we want to take is.

How to Become the Desirable Man

In order for anyone to want a guy (or want him back after a breakup), he has to be desirable. There’s no way around this fact, if someone or something isn’t appealing to our human sensibilities, we don’t feel the need to have it.

Conversely, if lots of people want someone or something around, it creates a multiplier effect of many more people wanting it.

For example, let’s say there were to identical men in a bar or night club. One man was surrounded by adoring women and having a blast with his male friends. The other identical man, was standing alone, and had some really nervous body language going on…which guy would be more attractive to an outsider viewing this situation?

The guy surrounded by people of course. Their looks are the same and everything else about them is identical, except their social status within the context of the bar, and the body language.

So, in order to be a desirable man to women, it has to be about more than just being physically attractive. Everything about you is taken into account and if you improve each variable enough, you suddenly find yourself having way more women after you. Including, ex-girlfriends.

It’s all sort of like creating a player in a video game such as, Madden or FIFA. If the character scores a 99 in speed, but has low rated skills, he’s not going to be very useful in the game. However, if that speedy character’s shooting and passing rating is boosted, he becomes a player that clubs would want to sign.

This is what it’s like for men, in the dating/social world. Yes, looks and money are a part of the equation, but they’re not everything. How you carry yourself, treat people, education, work, how funny you are, etc. all factor in.

As such, a girl might not want you if you’re an average looking guy, with no other attributes that are outstanding. However, she could very well want you, if you were slightly better looking, and developed a captivating personality. Plus, had become much more socially adept. Suddenly, that player rated a 60 overall, is now an 83 overall. He has much more value, in the sexual marketplace.

This is exactly as it happened for me. I focused on improving myself, letting my psychological ‘problems’ go, and just striving to be better. All of those changes added up and so did the number of women, who were into these updated versions of myself.

The most immediate changes that one can make are to the physical body and personal style (way you dress/groom). Dramatic positive change can trigger feelings of regret in an ex, when they see visibly how much you have changed since the breakup…”Is he doing better without me? Maybe I was wrong?”

The next level is the mental change, which can take longer, in order to root out the bad habits we pick up over the years. A guy who has himself in a solid place emotionally, works on his faults, and reaches a level of contentment in his life; is inherently attractive.

Then, you have the lifestyle change. This can involve: better work opportunities, more money, active social life, and just generally being in a better life situation than you were before.

INTRODUCING ATTRACT YOUR DEVELOPMENT’S FIRST EBOOK

GAME WITHOUT GAMES: TRANSCENDING PICKUP ARTISTRY AND PURSUING ATTRACTION THROUGH CONSCIOUS PERSONAL GROWTH 

$3.99 on Amazon.com  (For Kindle) download the Kindle App for Free

 

Exploring the world of dating and so-called Pick-up Artistry, through the lens of the mind. Game without Games, from attractyourdevelopment.com, eschews traditional pickup advice and gets down to the core concepts of self including: fear, truth, connection, and desire. Taken from the author’s own personal experience in approaching, attracting, and dating women from age eighteen through his twenties, this book strips away all of the tips and tactics of the PUA community. Instead, this book focuses on personal development and cultivating what the ancient Stoic philosophers referred to as the internal.

With a greater inner strength and by focusing on developing one’s life in totality, attraction occurs naturally by becoming a ‘desirable man’. Game then is about expressing of oneself and exploring who she is, instead of trying to remember lame pick-up lines or tricks and tactics to get laid. Things become natural and flow from the relaxed and confident state of the man. He has control of his mental faculties and thus can accept life and social interactions on his own terms. Not chasing women or putting up with disrespect or other nonsense.

If you want to learn how to talk to girls, in a step by step format…go elsewhere. However, if you want to explore the mental side of game and the letting go of pickup dogma, Game without Game might be the book for you.

After a break up, there is almost always a flood of new emotions to deal with in the aftermath. As guys, most of us are not used to having such intense feelings in our day to day lives. So, we are not always equipped to handle them. The pain and the sadness are just a few of those emotional indicators of loss, but later on in the process another one can emerge, and that is jealousy.

Jealousy may be, the most unattractive, or one of the most unattractive qualities that a person can have. It’s awful, it clouds judgment, and makes a person behave irrationally. On the flip side, causing someone else to feel jealous towards you and your life is often a guilty pleasure and ego boost. When a relationship ends, former lovers can become bitter rivals and plenty of guys (and girls) want to know how they can succeed at making their ex jealous.

 

Why do you want to make your ex-girlfriend jealous?

Listen, I know that the stakes seem high after things end with your girlfriend and it can seem really enticing to one-up her and get with a hotter girl and rub it in her face.

However, what’s the point? Ultimately, what do you achieve by pursuing this course, other than being petty? Don’t try to justify it by saying that she started it by trying to make you jealous, either.

If her actions are dictating yours, then she effectively owns you. She should not be able to get under your skin whenever she pleases. You should be able to accept change in your love life, without resorting to a pointless back and forth.

I know, I know, there is some weird satisfaction that we all can get when we feel we have gotten the better of someone. This can especially be true, when we feel like we were betrayed. Seriously, though, why expend the energy? Just to make some girl that you either used to or still love, feel bad? Does she live rent free in your head? If you’re truly over her, you wouldn’t care at all.

Think about it. You’ve probably dated other women, right? If you’re in your late 20s or 30s at least, you probably had a girl in high school or college. Do you give a damn about that relationship nowadays? Or is it just another memory, that rarely comes up in your life?

You wouldn’t go out of your way to make those old girlfriends jealous, so why bother with this one? Because it is a fresh wound? Because she is sleeping with other guys? Let it heal and move on with your life, or, if you want to reconcile the relationship…why are you trying to hurt her?

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

There are no winners and losers

I think that one of the largest causes of people attempting to create jealousy with their ex, is this idiotic notion of ‘winning’ the break up. As if, one of the former partners getting a new lover(s) is an ‘upgrade’ over their ex.

Jesus, did you not once care deeply for one another?  Why not choose to remember that time, instead of focusing on how it went wrong. Yes, it may have gotten ugly…but that’s life. Things change, relationships change, and time moves forwards as it always has.

Get out of the mindset that you must score some victory over your ex-girlfriend by getting with a bunch of new girls (and making sure she knows all about it) and just accept that this aspect of your life is no longer the same. I mean, get with all of those girls if you want, but don’t do it out of spite. (Heck, I wrote a book on the subject of getting more women, if you’re so inclined: Game Without Games)

Regardless, of what she does, as a man you need to keep control of your mental faculties and never let her attempts for attention make you act as she wants. If she wants you to be jealous, you are only serving to feed her ego when you comply and get all worked up about whatever she is doing.

• How to Move On
• Stop Being Needy

 

What You Should Be Doing

While trying to one-up your ex and making her become green with envy is a waste of time, bettering yourself for all future prospects, is actually a great idea. Improving your health, appearance, emotional control, addictions, dating life, and financial standing will go a long way to helping you have a smooth transition out of the old relationship and into the future.

After all, it is hard to wallow in the past, when you have a ton of new experiences and opportunities to take advantage of.

Also, creating these new circumstances for yourself is inherently attractive. This is of course important for getting an influx of new girls in your life, but also, it helps if the possibility arises for you and the ex to get back together (if that’s what you want). If that is what you want then it is especially important not to be petty after a break up because it will only serve to stir up further emotions and make it even more difficult to reconcile with one another.

After a break up, prepare yourself to go forward in life with or without your ex-girlfriend. Your life is about you and not her. Make it the best you can and if she wants to be apart of it, then you can consider it, but if not…then it is time to move on. Why care about trying to make a woman jealous, that you’re no longer together? A whole lot of women are emotional or jealous of others for no reason. It’s not really an accomplishment, to push one into that state of mind.