Category Archives: Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Get Her Back if She Hates You?

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Sometimes, after the demise of a relationship, things aren’t too bad between the former lovers and there is more clarity about reconciliation or simply moving on because emotions aren’t quite as intense and rationality is more prevalent. However, there are other breakup situations in which one partner still wants his ex back while the other seems to have an intense dislike or yes, even hatred towards that person. Now, this ‘hate’ may be real and one that lasts or it may be a short-term reaction to something that you did or towards the end of the partnership. What can a guy do if his ex-girlfriend really dislikes him?

 

Give Her Time To Cool Off

In the middle of circumstances, emotions are running red hot and things are said, that might not be meant in the long-term. Our present lives are almost always paramount to things that happened years ago.

I bet we can all think back in our lives to things that really upset us in that time period. Though, now we are either indifferent towards them or simply laugh that we once cared that much.

This type of thing happens quite a lot in relationships, or when they end, because we kind of become addicted to that other person. Addicted to their presence, love, attention, etc.

These emotions can of course be intensified when the person we are upset at continuously shows up. Or interferes with our lives, instead of just letting us have time to reflect and cool off.

Time to cool, might be a while

Your now, ex-girlfriend or wife, is probably pretty pissed at you…to the point you had to search out an article on how to deal with her hatred. So, to start with you are already at a great disadvantage in terms of an attempt to win her back.

In order to try to get out of such a predicament, one must assess the likelihood of turning her feelings back. She needs to feel something positive towards you and the first step is letting her have time.

Going no-contact is a popular method for dealing with breakups, and for good reason, it lets emotions settle down among both parties. Even though your impulse is to try to talk, reason with her, beg, apologize, and the like…it is actually the wrong course of action to take.

First of all, the two of you need to think about your own lives, and the very real possibility that the relationship is indeed over for good. Secondly, the constant calling and texting, will make you seem desperate and even if you are, it makes you even more unattractive or annoying in her eyes.

Let her have space and let yourself have some too. You need time apart from one another, as it lets things calm down and become more rational. This time can be a very lonely and trying experience and the urge to contact her must be resisted for at least a month or two.

During this time period, you should work on all aspects of your life and figure out if you should move on from her and start dating other girls (if need be). If you are honest with yourself, in most situations, the best move will be to learn to let her go and chart a new path for your romantic life.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

Think About What You Did to Piss Her Off So Much

Okay, so this lady may or may not actually hate you. Either way, what did you do to get her in this state?

If you cheated on her, then this only adds another layer of complexity, and  further lowers your chance of getting her back. Many people are not forgiving of a transgression such as that, and even if they do take you back, the dynamic of trust in the relationship is shattered. The couple will then, need to work extensively to move past it, as an obstacle.

Whatever it is that you have done to anger her, think about what it is, why you did it, if it’s a behavior that you seem to repeat often, and why you haven’t changed this behavior.

Is this something that you can improve upon or even change completely? If you were caught with another girl, are you really ready to give up other women in your life for good?

If not, you may not be ready for a long-term committed relationship…which is fine. At least be honest with yourself, that you would really rather hookup with a bunch of women, versus being exclusive with her. Don’t simply fall into an emotional space and demand to get her back, because your ego is hurt that she’s gone.

What are these things that you need to fix in order for her to take you seriously in the future? Figure it out and come up with a plan on how you are going to remedy these issues.

It gets lonely sometimes

Figure Out If She Really Does Hate You

After a time apart from one another, she may have softened enough to be willing to talk to you and interact further. On the other hand, she may want nothing to do with you and is moving on with her life.

If that’s the case, it is a really good idea to respect her wishes and simply let her do what she wants. You cannot force someone to like you, and trying to keep up a pursuit of reconciliation, just becomes pathetic at some point. People tend to just get stuck in the past, instead of charting, a better future.

However, after a period of no contact, it may still be uncertain to you whether she will be receptive or not to accepting you back into her life. Here is a post about signs that your ex may want you back.  At this stage, you may have come to the conclusion that you do indeed want to try and restart a dialogue with her.

The dialogue can usually be started through text message, just to feel out how she perceives you at this point in time. She may not respond or give short and terse answers. A reply is better than no answer at all. From there, it is a progression of getting her to talk to you more often, hashing things out, and agreeing to meeting up with you.

 

What’s the first move?

If the goal is to get back together with an ex, then obviously contact with them, must be had in order to move forward. Luckily, thanks to the power of technology, the barriers to entry are much lower. We no longer have to call and pray for an answer or try to randomly arrange a meeting with a go between.

Now, cell phones have given us the ability to send text messages. Why is this a good thing? You have all the time to craft the right message. They have all the time to respond. Maybe they don’t want to right away, but maybe they will later. It requires little effort and there’s no face to face meeting, right off the bat. Sounds pretty ideal.

 

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships. How he uses it in his program:

Hopefully, you downloaded the free reports from earlier in the post, explaining what not to text an ex when trying to get back with them. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as a basic introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. It is easily downloadable and available almost instantly, no waiting for shipping.

Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:

“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.

“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! :D Thank you Michael !!!

“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul

If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee:

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Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Should You Try to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back from Her New Boyfriend?

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There seems to be a definite abundance of cases in which guys still want their ex-girlfriends back…even when she is now with another guy. I mean, she has a new boyfriend, has seemingly move on with this relationship, and you still want her back? Hmmm, that’s a hard one to pull off and one in all honesty, may not be worth the price of admission, so to speak. The name of this website is exbackormoveon.com and the real question that people need to seriously ask themselves is built into the title, should you try to get your ex back or should you just simply move on with your life?

 

Let’s Consider the Moving On First

Honestly, the best answer for your future and well-being, is probably the one you don’t want to hear in the moment. The fact of the matter is, if your ex-girl is now in a relationship with another guy, you should be making preparations to move on with your own dating life. Whether or not, you ever do get back together, you should mentally prepare yourself to push forward with your own life independent from her.

Forgetting about someone is definitely tough and the loneliness is downright awful at times. However, it is simply in the nature of things that new relationships occur, mature, and indeed ultimately perish. There is no good reason that you should be wasting your  years hoping for someone that might be gone for good…not to say that it can’t happen again with them. Only that, now isn’t that time, and that you should be building a quality life for yourself regardless if they come back to you or not.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

What Not To Do and What To Do whether Moving On or Not

What is certain about such a situation is that chasing after the girl, obsessing, and making bold declarations of love is not the path to take. It only serves to make a man look desperate (which is inherently unattractive) and will most likely repel them further away from you.

Taking the opposite tact and focusing on improving your own life and allowing new girls to flow into it is the best course of action to take? Why? Well, not only will it help you cope and move on without her, it will also raise your perceived value. So, on the off chance in the future your ex-girlfriend wants you back she will see that you can indeed survive and thrive without her.

Stagnation and obsession are not attractive qualities. In order to get any woman, even one who already knows you, she has to believe that you’re her best option for getting what she wants. If that’s a successful relationship, she’s probably not going to want to run back to a failed one, when absolutely nothing has changed and feelings have soured toward one another.

Also, you cannot give a damn about the other guy. Her new boyfriend IS her boyfriend now, not you, so talking shit about him or sweating their relationship isn’t going to make her be a big fan of yours. He is her preferred choice, at the moment, and if you try to force her hand (to break up with him), she’s going to stay with him (and probably be that much more committed).

A lot of this is outside of your control, as you’re dealing with two external variables (your ex and the new man), but what you have control over is you. You can control what smart things you do and what things you shouldn’t do to further mess up any potential chance at reconciliation.

Understand, that it can often take a long time for an ex-girl to even want to come back to you and at that point, it might be you who wants nothing to do with them. I’ve had exes contact me 4-5 years after the fact. As if, time had stood still for me, and that I would even be interested in rehashing such an old relationship.

Sure, her current relationship with another guy could be one that isn’t very serious and if it doesn’t work out she could come back and start sniffing around to rekindle your relationship…but you can’t bank on that, so it makes sense to prep for the more likely scenario.

How to Handle the Thoughts of Her Sleeping with a New Guy?

This is where a lot of men mess up, I think. They can handle not being desperate or texting her all of the time or whatever, in normal circumstances. However, once the thoughts of her having sex with the new boyfriend start creeping in his mind, that’s when everything comes off of the rails and he’s back to acting desperate.

I’ve written a whole post, How to Handle an Ex-Girlfriend Sleeping with Other Men, so I won’t rehash everything here. Suffice to say, the road to acceptance, if a huge part of being able to have any sort of future with this girl. Even if she comes back, you cannot have these thoughts derailing you, when trying to start a new relationship together.

More importantly now, these type of negative thought patterns can stir up anger and other emotions, that aren’t going to be a help to what you want to accomplish. You have to be able to keep your cool, through this process, and accept whatever outcome results.

 

Taking Time Away

In this situation, there is already an established time apart from one another, that was put in place by her. She has a new boyfriend and therefore cannot be talking to her ex, constantly. From the other side of things, you need to follow that lead, and do a period of No Contact with her. It’s pretty easy to enforce, just stop badgering her.

But won’t she forget about me? Won’t that push her to the other guy more? Again, we can only control our variables, and not what she is doing. If we try to interfere with her decisions, she’ll likely just get pushed further from wanting anything to do with you. There is also no guarantee that she’ll feel closer to that guy in a month or two. He might actually suck. Though, maybe he’s an awesome match for her.

That’s another thing outside of our control, but there are plenty of times, when people get into relationships with people who turn out to be less than expected. A quick period of being super into them, and then experiencing what they’re actually like, which can create disillusionment.

She might dump him or he might dump her. We don’t have any clear insight into their intentions, so biding time, is the best strategy.

Anyhow, the time apart is important. It’ll give you clarity about your future, the intense emotions calm down, and you can make yourself a better man. All of which is a prerequisite for starting a second relationship, with an ex-girlfriend, because the original one is done for good no matter what.

With more information becoming available to us over time, we can then make much better decisions about how to proceed. We are coming at it from the point of view of what is more attractive to a woman: Her annoying ex-boyfriend who calls or texts constantly and is super jealous OR her ex-boyfriend who isn’t bothering her, seems cool with her decision, and is improving his own life?

 

What to Do During No Contact

What would any potential attractive situation for her getting back together with you entail? What were the downsides to the relationship? Did you have anger issues? Lack of commitment? What was it?

One needs to be honest with themselves, about what they need to improve upon, or else you’re going to get the same results…again and again.

Begin to work on your own faults, during this time apart. Not only that, but improve upon aspects of your life that YOU want to focus on, regardless of her.

This can include:

  • improving yourself physically. It’s the basic way of sparking attraction, after all.
  • Working on any emotional problems, negativity, listening skills, empathy, etc. I had some anger issues when I was younger, like real quick to get pissed off, and that was one of the first things that I changed about myself when self-improving. People I hadn’t seen in a while, would always comment how mellow and happier, I seemed. These changes can be a huge part of how people perceive you. Including, those who’ve known you for a long time.
  • Financial and/or career. Money and the path you’re taking in life, can have a big impact on your relationships. Not only that, but also for you as an individual. Take the time to assess what you want and if you’re even on the right path.

 

Establishing Contact

So, after 30-60 days or no contact, the picture will become clearer and it may be time to try and re-establish a connection with the ex-girlfriend. If she was just in a rebound relationship, it very well may have already run its course, and she might be looking to jump ship. Heck, it might have ended already after 1-2 months.

Probably the easiest way to begin to establish contact once again, is through text messaging. After all, it is non-intrusive, and doesn’t require very much to get her to respond. The easiest way to get her to talk, is usually the best way, set the bar really low.

Where does one begin? Well, there are all sorts of variable that can come into play. Knowing where to start is a process of learning. Fortunately, relationship expert Michael Fiore, has a program for getting back in touch with and winning over an ex, called: Text Your Ex Back.

This has been used by thousands of people to re-kindle their broken relationships. Hopefully, you had a chance to download the free guy, linked towards the top of the page about what not to text to an ex-girlfriend. Michael’s program will show you, what you SHOULD text them, and is risk free to try for 60 days. Click the picture below, to watch a video on the process.

 

Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

How to Forget About Your Ex: Getting Over it and Moving On

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There comes a time, after we have been dumped, cheated on, or gotten out of a toxic relationship, when we just want to move forward with or lives and no longer think of our ex boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s natural and admirable to want to push forward, without someone we were so close to for so long. However, often, just getting them out of our minds and forgetting the exist for long enough to focus on other areas of ourselves can be an absolute grind. Though, we know inherently that there must be a way out of the fog, but how do we ultimately forget about an ex completely?

 

What are These Feelings?

Many of the feelings that come with the ending of a long-term relationship are negative, in part, because there is a fear of one’s old way of life collapsing and that things will never be the same again. It seems like a really scary thing, that life will no longer carry on as it has before, and that uncertainty will rule the day.

The thing about it is, life is always changing. and people will come in and out of your life. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just the way the life of a human being is.

If your an older reader of this website, I’m sure you can remember dating someone who felt very significant to you in high school or college. When the two of you broke up, it almost certainly seemed like a really big deal, to your young self. Nowadays, you probably don’t ever think about them, and if you do it surely isn’t as emotional as it once was for you. It becomes sort of a faded memory or a pang of nostalgia.

Younger readers, probably don’t have the same experience in dealing with break ups of relationships. This experience and flood of emotion is a new thing for you. I know how tough it can be the first time something like this happens in your life. However, billions of other people throughout time have successfully gotten through it, so you can indeed get through it also.

Just understand that these powerful emotions can make you more impulsive, than you usually would be. As such, we must take care, not to let ourselves make any really poor decisions during the healing process.

What Can One Do?

As I have moved my way through life and experience my own heartbreak, I have come to learn how to get over my feelings for my ex-girlfriends and keep pushing myself forward. It isn’t always an easy or even a pleasant process to have to get through, but I always feel that at the end, it is a rewarding one.

After all, nothing worth having, isn’t a difficult thing to attain. The highs of love wouldn’t be as high. if they weren’t accompanied by, the lowest of lows after a relationship has ended. Each time, I have grown as a person, and gathered plenty of wisdom about what I want or who I don’t want around me.

I have found out over the years that a lot of the addictive qualities of my past relationships were spurred on my a sort of co-dependency with that girl. Meaning, I was always searching for that next ‘high’ and expecting her to validate my feelings and self-worth, just as I had done for her.

I have found out the hard way that if I am not happy with myself first, that, I can never be happy because of her. She CANNOT make me happy. A relationship is there to simply enhance my life experience and perhaps to grow along with one another. Searching for happiness through, relationship after relationship, is ultimately a pointless endeavor.

Going No Contact with Them

Another thing that I always like to do for some period of time following a relationship is applying the No Contact Rule. I do this, to simply give myself some breathing room, without their influence over my emotions. The more I am away from them after a break up, the faster I can return to my rational state of mind. No Contact forces me to be on my own and learn how to function in my life without my ex-girlfriend. I wrote about this process in detail, here.

Time is a very important factor after a break up. A break up is a loss, emotionally. It definitely takes the wind out of your sails for quite a while. What I always allow myself to do after a break up is to essentially grieve its loss for some time.

I allow myself to feel these emotions and not try to cover them up or ignore any pain that I feel. I pull myself together in order to get through the work day, or whatever else, I might have going on. Though, when I get home I can be by myself, and truly let myself feel the loss.

I usually set aside a set amount of time during the evening, if I need it that day. This process doesn’t go on forever, but, it is important to get emotions out in a healthy way. I strictly adhere to a time limit for each day, though. So, I might give myself an hour to feel bad, meditate, and let go of those emotions for the day. I don’t allow myself to continue to wallow and reinforce the bad feelings.

Transitioning to the Positive

How I transition out of those negative feelings, is by slowly adding more and more positive activities into my life. Exercising, reading, meditation, or whatever else that lets me have positive emotions, I will use to replace me moping around the house or crying about the break up. This reinforces good behavioral patterns, and allows me to feel positive feelings, so that I am not just stuck in some dark place for an extended period of time.

It is important to note that, these positive activities can be extremely small things, which add up in the cumulative. So, listening to upbeat music might be one way. Initially, I just want to alter my mood towards the positive, as much as I can. It’s a small step, but our brains sort of need to relearn to be in a normal state during this time.

I also use this time post-breakup, to alter my feeling towards my now ex-girlfriend. I stop myself from idealizing the relationship and only focusing on what I thought were the good times between us.

I adopt a realism, that our relationship had enough problems that it needed to end when it did. Even if we were to re-kindle things, it would have to grow into a different relationship or fail again. I will eventually remind myself that, there are indeed other girls worth pursuing, and eventually start dating again in due time.

On the other side of the coin, even if I dislike her strongly for how things ended, I don’t give into the hatred. I want to accept things as they are and let go of her as an influence, not build her to be some kind of adversary in my own mind.

I know that I have to accept the fact that the way I may feel is not the way she might feel. Meaning, if I still want a relationship with her, I must accept the fact that she might simply just want to move on with her life without me. She may still love me but not want to be with me.

I must accept that things have indeed changed, to the extent that, the same relationship together is no longer possible. Significant changes would have to be made, for us to even think about being together in the future.

The best way to move on from an ex after a relationship is to focus on yourself and your life. Growth is an important aspect of moving on because you can’t get past your emotions if you’re constantly revisiting the past. Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions, find ways to experience positive emotions, find new ways to grow and experience life, and accept that things are no longer the same and your paths may not cross again. Here are some other helpful posts:

Stop Being Needy Post-Break Up

How to Cope with Loneliness

Ex Back or Move on Homepage

Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

How to Make Your Ex-Girlfriend Regret Cheating On You

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There are plenty of relationships out there that have been doomed by cheating. When one finds out that his girlfriend cheated on him with someone else, this creates a world of hurt and strong emotions. Naturally, after a period of time, the man wants to know that his now ex-girlfriend will regret that decision and feel bad about losing what she once had. So, what’s the best way to make an ex-girlfriend feel pangs of regret? Should you even bother?

 

 

What’s the Goal?

Okay, you’ve been cheated on, and now you have the notion in your head that you need to make your ex-girlfriend regret doing so. May I raise the question as to why you want to make this happen?

I mean, I get it, it can feel good to show someone up or have an ‘I told you so’ moment…but what is it actually going to accomplish for you?

Cheating in relationships happens a lot. Trust me. From both my personal experience and from running this website, cheating is not a rare occurrence and you’re definitely not alone in your feelings towards it.

However, why do you honestly want to direct your life’s energy towards getting some real or perceived feelings of revenge or superiority against someone? She showed you her true colors by cheating, which got you out of a relationship that was going to break bad eventually. Now you have the freedom to pursue what you really want.

I know, I know, telling a guy who has been cheated on not to want to make his ex feel massive regret about it, probably isn’t going to work. BUT I will say that, the way to make her regret cheating is actually the same thing you should be doing after a break up and throughout your life anyway.

 

Success is the Best Revenge

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There is this really strange psychological dynamic between the two parties after a break up occurs. It is a notion that someone has to ‘win’ the break up. Meaning, one person has to do better in terms of their lives and/or the person they decide to date next. A lot of women refer to this as ‘upgrading’ to another man, who they perceives as being of higher value than their ex-boyfriend.

I cannot even fully describe how much I hate this concept and yet how much I have to encounter it. In my view, the broken relationship is like a time capsule of the period of time in which it lasted. Yes, they may be a horrible fit for you now, but they were once great (in at lest some aspects). Would I want to now date girls that I dated in college? Hell no, but they were a good fit for me back then. People change and I don’t have the need to hold a grudge against them for it, even when it ended poorly.

Back to the stirring up of regret in an ex. Now, because people have the need to ‘win’ the break up, the best way to make the regret or get revenge or whatever is to improve your life and future prospects beyond what they thought you were capable of.

Understand that people will always form judgments about you and who they think you are and have the potential to become. When one doesn’t conform to those expectations, it is a blow to the other person’s ego, because they were wrong. If they could be wrong about that, then there is a good chance that they were wrong about cheating or destroying the relationship with you. It’s kind of like selling a stock, right before it triples in value, and then having to deal with the fact you missed out on all of the upside.

So, in order to stir up feelings of regret in her, you should focus on your life and goals. Go out and fucking crush it. Get your career and business going into high gear. Get in better shape. Get more dating options. Work on your self-esteem and feel great everyday.

People are naturally comparative. Most likely, she’ll pretty much be doing the same things a year from now, and her life will seem stagnant when looking toward yours. Don’t think she’ll notice, if your life is amazing without her? Of course she will.

Now, with this being said, I still think you should let go of the idea of wanting to make her regret cheating. Accept it and move forward. Focus your energy on you and not trying to make her feel something. Simply as a byproduct of doing the things you want to improve in your life, she’ll notice and feel regret anyway and you won’t have to carry around all the negativity.

 

A Quick Note

It is indeed possible that she already feels massive regret and guilt about cheating. Even when it appears she doesn’t, that might just be a front, and deep down she knows that it was wrong. People make mistakes and while you don’t have to forgive them, there’s no need to waste your time and try to make an ex-girlfriend express regret either. Try to close that chapter of your life and don’t let her come back, even if she wants to fix things. The short-term of getting cheated on sucks but you don’t need to let it dictate your long-term future or self-worth.

 

Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Feel Confident After Being Dumped by Girlfriend

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Getting dumped by a woman is a complete shock to one’s psychological and emotional systems. Not only does it bring one down and create a sense of longing for ‘better’ times, it can also raise doubts internally, about a man’s self-worth or how confident he should feel in his dating life going forward. Obviously, there are differing levels of impact on confidence. For some guys, it’s just a mere setback, while others experience complete destruction. A guy can also experience different hits to his confidence based on what girl in particular broke up with him and how long the relationship lasted. So, while we all know how it feels to have our confidence devastated post-breakup, how does a man begin to have confidence again? Does one need to start from scratch and build it back up or is there another way?

 

The Fundamentals

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The absolutely fundamental problem that most men have with their confidence is that it is almost entirely based on external factors.

What this means is that, when things are going well in life or when you had success or gotten a woman, you feel great. Really, you should feel great, as there are certainly pleasant experiences in life.

The problem comes into play when we tend to tie in these positive emotions into who we are (or more precisely, who we perceive ourselves to be). So, if we have social or business success, we feel good and then identify that positive boost to our self-esteem with being successful. Obviously, this creates a cycle of needing positive events or external validation to continue to have this level of confidence. Plus, whenever we get a negative experience (like being dumped), it immediately crushes us.

So, our lives then become this roller coaster of self-image. We ascend during the perceived good times and then come down with the full force of gravity during the perceived bad times.

If you get stuck in this paradigm, the only way out of it (and create confidence), is by chasing positive experiences. But as we’ve all experienced, it’s not a very stable way of going about things, and the lows can be extraordinary tough to get through.

 

Coming Off of a Crash

It’s getting closer to 10 years now, since I had my last major crash in confidence. In fact, it was the worst one I ever experienced, and forced me to have to change the way I dealt with confidence, self-image, etc.

There was no other way around it. I was highly depressed, could barely function in life, and began thinking of ending it all. I wrote about this experience in my book, Game without Games, and detailed how things fell apart for me.

I had grown up without very high self-esteem, which also meant few social and romantic opportunities, which fed into the low self-esteem. Later, I learned game (how to pick up women), and started to experience a lot of success. For a while, I felt amazing, my confidence got this huge boost based almost entirely on getting positive external validation from women.

Naturally, this wasn’t sustainable confidence. It was in fact, a complete fraud, there was no actual confidence. I learned this the hard way during the crash, when I had gotten dumped by two consecutive women, was broke, had no real future, and was almost flunking out of college.

For months, I sunk lower and lower, until I completely bottomed out during winter break that year. It was during these dark times, that I began to understand the problems with the popular notions of what confidence is.

Reading Stoic philosophy books, eventually allowed me to pull out of the negativity spiral and sort of reset my brain. The depression/sadness really wasn’t there anymore but for over a year, I felt very little emotion, and essentially rebuilt every aspect of my life. This metamorphosis shaped how I now approach confidence and has allowed me to let go of all of that old emotional baggage.

 

The False Internal Confidence

So, chasing external validation in order to gain confidence is a constant up and down experience. In fact, this is what gets us to this low point after a break up. This then leads to the other common aspect of trying to boost one’s confidence: having a high opinion of oneself in your own mind.

Now, while having a positive view of yourself is obviously a better option than having a low opinion, it is still flawed and can become quite out of touch with reality. I’m fairly sure that each of us has encountered someone, who has utterly convinced themselves of their own ‘greatness’.

They’ve amped up their own self-worth in their mind to unreal heights and then export that to the external world…which gets labeled as confidence, arrogance, egotism, etc. This method leads to a delusional sort of interaction with the world, in which any negative feedback or criticism is dismissed or ignored.

To me, basing your confidence on external sources is like constructing your confidence into a class mirror. It is easily shattered and difficult to pick up the pieces. Going the internal delusion route is like building a brick wall of confidence. Sure, it’s harder to penetrate, but it can still be busted through if the feedback you’re experiencing is bad enough.

 

Moving to Acceptance and True Confidence

I think that many people misconstrue self-confidence or social confidence with that of a skill based activity. We say that you must ‘build’ self-confidence, as if it is something that needs to be constructed, instead of being inherent in who we are.

For instance, if someone were to hand me a bow and arrow and told me to hit a target, I would not be confident in the outcome of that event. I might get lucky and pull off a positive result but I don’t have the requisite skills to have a high level of confidence. However, this use of the word confidence is not the same, as the one we are discussing here. As such, the prescription for improving confidence should not be entirely the same.

Technique training and practice would solve my archery practice, but not help me be at ease with my internal self. This is true at least past a certain point, as their may be some learning and practice required to truly internalize and make a shift on how self-confidence is viewed.

For me, I boiled down my lack of self-confidence to a non-acceptance of what is. Meaning, I was always chasing or trying to live up to a narrative of what me and my life needed to be instead of just allowing it to be. So, if I didn’t have a girlfriend, I felt like a loser or like I wasn’t ‘enough’.

I realized more and more how approaching my life in this way was having absolutely terrible results. Why in the hell did I need to become something in order to feel normal? Why was it that when I reached a certain level of social or financial success, I could still feel inadequate? Why should I keep believing this narrative in my mind about what I need to do to feel confidence, if it keeps leading me astray? What if I were to stop following these old ideas and just accept the fact that I am enough as is and don’t need to keep chasing some vague ideal self?

Learning to accept each moment of my life as it came about was a huge and life altering shift in perspective. I no longer needed anything to feel confident because I just trusted that I was already enough. Sure, I could make my life more enjoyable and pleasurable by having a girlfriend or getting a lot of dates or making money or whatever…but they were no longer requirements that I had to fulfill in order to be content with my self.

It’s a freeing experience because once you accept that you’re enough, you become free to explore the world around you without reservation. Criticism and rejection don’t make you feel low or terrible about life because there isn’t an attachment to some narrative in your head about what you’re ‘supposed’ to be.

You simply exist and can determine whether criticism is legit or if it is simply someone projecting their problems on to you or trying to hurt your feelings. You no longer internalize these supposed negative experiences, as there isn’t a self-image or narrative that you need to protect.

And, no, it doesn’t make you lazy or stop striving in life. On the contrary, I’ve gotten better results in every area of my life since the shift, because I can be completely honest with myself. I don’t have to deny reality in order to spare my feelings. If things aren’t going well with women or in social interactions, I can make adjustments to how I approach things, and not fly into a depressive episode because “nobody likes me”. It’s more of an “Oh, I should probably speak slower and more clearly in future conversations” or “Try to listen more and be more empathetic with others”.

It’s an amazing way to live because you start to get good at the things you do at a much faster rate.

 

The Post-Breakup

It gets lonely sometimes

It gets lonely sometimes

The unique part of the time period after getting dumped, is having to deal with the strong emotions. These are going to be there no matter what, since our brain likes to develop an addiction like attachment to our girlfriends, and so we experience these intense withdrawals.

While the physical sensations will still be there, we don’t have to follow the negative thought patterns that seem to accompany the intense emotions. I always like to disrupt the negative thought as it arises and then question its validity. Why am I thinking this way? What purpose it is serving? Is it only reinforcing this low confidence narrative?

Things can become much easier to deal with once you can recognize thoughts as simply thoughts and not take them as some sort of gospel truth. Our mind can lead us down rabbit holes and have us endlessly repeat the past, even when it serves no actual learning purpose…it’s like a TV show playing on a loop, at some point it’s been enough and time to move on.

Here are some posts about the post-breakup period:

 

Where to Start?

In order to let go and accept things as they are, one has to be able to constantly recognize and let go of the thought patterns which help cause poor confidence. Daily meditation is the best way that I have found to pull myself out of the internal narrative and view things from a more objective point of view.

The daily shift in my mindset is what allowed me to really make the change in perspective permanent and then no longer need the constant validation to derive some confidence. There are plenty of guided meditations on YouTube and other platforms that can get you started. It can take some time to fully take hold and shift one’s perspective, but it can be totally worth it in the long-term.

Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

How to Get Over an Ex-Girlfriend You Have to See Everyday

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The time after a break up is obviously pretty tough. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be online searching topics about it, and instead be watching some random YouTube clips. It can be doubly hard to deal with, when you have to see an ex-girlfriend on a regular basis. Sometimes, we dated someone that we work with, go to school with, or have a lot of common social connections and avoidance becomes super difficult. Fear not, I am going to reveal the main tool that I use to not only deal with having to see someone each day, but even getting to the point where it causes zero bother. Oh and it helps in the rest of your social life, as well.

 

 

The Object vs. The Concept

Why is it painful or aggravating to have to see an ex-girlfriend all of the time after a break up?

Is it due to her actual physical presence being around you? Nope.

It has nothing at all to do with her. Rather, it has everything to do with how you view her in your mind.

Think about it. If you suffered some sort of amnesia or short-term memory loss, an ex-girlfriend could sit right next to you, and it would have none of the same effect that it currently does. It once again, has nothing to do with her, and is all in how your mind is perceiving and making judgments of her and the past relationship.

This is a huge breakthrough to come upon because you no longer have to ‘get away’ from an ex, in order to feel good about your day to day life. You can see them at work or school or socially and be completely indifferent about it.

What you actually must do is to learn to let go off the conceptions that you have of her and the attachment to the now defunct relationship. Once this is achieved, you get some serious mental freedom, and zero fucks given if she is around or not.

 

Letting Go of the Concept

A lot of other people will suggest that you distract yourself or turn your attention towards someone else. To me, that doesn’t really help at all. You then, just allow attachments to grow for another girl or you just bury feelings in work or some other distraction.

I have found that the only true way to let go is through meditation techniques. Also, you can supplement this with readings in Stoic philosophy, if you really choose to do so.

People inexperienced with mindfulness meditation and breathing techniques can often not see how such a practice would benefit them. It doesn’t have to involve any religious aspect or mysticism. Meditation can be used to clear one’s mind, let go of negative emotions, and stop the stream of thoughts that can make a guy feel trapped that he has to see his ex-girlfriend.

Not only that, meditation can begin to effect every other part of your life in a positive way. For me, it allowed me to fully let go of my anger issues, depressed feelings, and always having to compare myself to other people.

Socially, it allowed me to stop feeling so self-conscious and helped tremendously when approaching/picking up women. When you meditate on a regular basis, you reach such clear and vibrant states of mind, it becomes very difficult to become flustered by life. If you can play it cool around women, their attraction towards you will often go through the roof.

You stop having the same level of attachment to things or thoughts. You no longer feel as if you need to chase or follow your thoughts down a rabbit hole. In terms of having to see an ex-girlfriend, this means a reduction of: worrying about what she thinks of you, reminiscing about old times, feeling desperate longing to get back together, etc.

Again, I know a lot of people who have preconceptions about meditation or don’t get why it is helpful…but it can be an absolute game-changer. It can take time to properly learn how to focus one’s mind, so stick with it, and the benefits will come.

 

Get Started

Since I can’t really teach you directly, how to meditate. I am instead going to post a number of videos that I’ve used and continue to refer back to. Using guided mediations can be useful at first, like training wheels, until you become comfortable doing everything on your own.

The great thing about mediation techniques is that they can be done at any time, eventually. You have to first learn how to do it, but as your practice deepens, you can bring yourself into the present moment even in a loud/crowded room. I do brief meditations to focus myself all the time, even when in a bar, and I have to go approach some woman that I’m interested in.

I literally cannot stress enough to you, how much making mediation a regular practice, made my social anxieties drop away. This has been my greatest freedom.

I am going to start off with the first two videos. They are short and I use them back to back, when I can’t seem to focus myself. Both techniques start about midway through each video, so, the actual meditation/breathing techniques should last 12-15 minutes combined.

Start off doing these twice a day, if possible. Either once in the morning or at night. Or right before you have to see the ex or go out and socialize. If not, just find time when you can do it, and be consistent.

 

I cant embed the second video, but here is the YouTube link: Kim Eng Guided Breathing Meditation

 

Both of the first two videos are short and allow a letting go to take place by focusing on the breath.  Once comfortable and seeing progress with those two videos, you can move on to a longer meditation session (or just do one of these later in the day, if you have time).

 

 

There you have it. These should get one started on the path and allow for a significant reduction in the obsessive thoughts, if not an outright freedom from the mental anguish of seeing an ex-girlfriend on a daily basis. If you can change or alleviate the thoughts about a person, their presence around you will have very little negative effect. I’ve used this for many years now, with amazing personal success…so hopefully it helps others too.

Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Should I Take Back My Ex-Girlfriend After She Dumped Me?

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There are plenty of end of the relationship scenarios in which, the lady who broke up with the guy, has time to think on what they’ve done and decides that dumping that man was a bad choice. This can happen for a multitude of reasons. In some cases, they acted on pure emotion in the moment of the break up, and later panicked when the logical part of their brain came back online. Other women, go out into the dating world, and have a rough time finding a man who will commit to them or guys that are even decent people. For whatever the cause, the man who got broken up with in the first place, now has to decide whether they even want this woman back in a relationship. Is it even a good idea to take you ex-girlfriend back after she dumped you? The answer is of course, going to depend wholly only your unique circumstances but let us look toward some things to consider.

 

Why Did the Break Up Happen in the First Place?

The first consideration and issue to identify is, why did your ex break up with you in the first place? What were her stated reasons and also can you identify any other reasons that she never mentioned BUT you have a feeling was a problem?

Take a good look at the reasoning behind the break up.  Were they frivolous? Or were they made in haste? If a girl would break up with you over almost nonsensical issues, is she actually a good long-term fit or does she have a big immature streak? What kind of actual commitment are you going to get from someone who is so flippant with their reasons for leaving?

Another potential issue is whether or not she broke up with you to date another guy or to play the field. If she left to go explore a dating life outside of the one she had with you, how serious can she possibly be? She didn’t like being tied down before and now she’s ready to jump into a committed relationship again? Hmmm…that would make me think for a while.

I’m not saying that a girl coming back, doesn’t truly want to be together with you. However, you also have an obligation to yourself to do your due diligence and question, why now? If the situation was so bad in the past, that she had to leave, what would make it suddenly better? Did she have some kind of revelation or did she learn how tough the dating world can be and ended up feeling lonely?

You cannot just be under the assumption that she is ready to really be together with you. She might be emotionally all over the place, confused about what she truly wants, and sees you as a situation that is familiar to her.

 

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

 

Is Anything Actually Different this Time Around?

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Now, that you have narrowed in on the reasons that the breakup took place and potentially why she wants back in, ask yourself…what has actually changed? How is the failed relationship going to succeed on the second go round? Since there were a set of problems that doomed the relationship, there must be answers to solve those issues. If not, things will eventually collapse again, usually after a ‘honeymoon’ period where things are all good.

Were most of the problems of the relationship caused by you or by her? Are the negatives that you brought to the table, things that you are willing or able to fix? What about her, what will she do to make things work better this time?

Change is a very difficult thing for most people to truly do. They can make surface level changes easily but digging deep down and actually altering their fundamental being or lifestyle habits is hard.

Don’t chase what went well in the past because any new situation is basically a new relationship, as the old one could not be maintained for the long haul. Can you actually see the changes that need to take place happening? This should factor into whether or not to take an ex-girlfriend back.

 

What Do You Want in Your Life?

The post-breakup situation causes life to shift, often in dramatic ways. After going through the whole time period of being alone, what is it that you want from life now? Does she even fit in your plans any more? Do you honestly want to go down the path of reconciliation or are you just dealing with the pull that strong emotions can have after a relationship ends?

There is a tendency to begin thinking about all of the good times spent with one another. However, the negatives cannot be glossed over or overlooked because they will arise once again in any new version of the relationship. Don’t get stuck in the mindset of believing that everything was rosy, when there were fundamental problems with the situation, between you and your ex-girlfriend.

If there is still a great deal of uncertainty, try not to rush back into things with her. You can still consider it but don’t let strong emotions overpower your judgment. This can especially be the case if you’re in transition with the other areas of your life such as career, where you’re living, education, or even just wanting to start fresh on your own. Rushing back into a dysfunctional relationship can alter your other life plans and then that reconciliation will eventually fail too…which can waste both of yours time and effort.

Really take the time to properly consider everything about the relationship, her, and what you want for your life. With time, a clearer understanding will come to light. If after a thorough investigation into whether or not to get back together, you’re still unsure, then the best answer is probably a firm no. You cannot be unsure about this, because the problems will simply come up again in the future.

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Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

How to Make Your Ex-Girlfriend Chase You

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Alright, so, you’ve been through the ringer of the post-breakup period and now want to make your ex-girlfriend to want you back again. Not only do you want her back, you want her to do the ‘chasing’ in the process. Well, that’s a fine wish, but how do you go about getting her to miss you enough to want to come after you and rekindle things? In this post, I’m going to break down some considerations before embarking on such a quest and spell out exactly what it takes to make a girl chase a man.

 

Is This What You Really Want?

Before we get started in the hows and whys of getting a girl to pursue you, I want to write a bit of a caution about making this a goal. If we are focusing on trying to alter the behavior of one girl, we aren’t particularly focused on ourselves and what is directly within our control. There is no guarantee that you can ever get a girl back and most of the time, it frankly isn’t worth bothering. Secondly, it kind of puts our ego’s in control, where we are trying to prove how awesome we are to ourselves, that we can get a woman to chase after us. I mean, it’s a different experience from the norm but isn’t necessarily a worthwhile pursuit or use of our time.

Thirdly, part of this process involves getting other women attracted to us. As such, our interest will naturally be diffused, and by the end of it you probably won’t even want your ex-girlfriend around. It can take us men awhile to fall in love, but once we do, we are locked in on this one girl. Especially, if she becomes your only real option as a female companion. However, when we have multiple chicks around, we don’t really get the ‘you’re my one and only’ feelings and tend to just sit back and accumulate more women.

OK, that is my brief pitch against bothering to attempt this. Now, let’s get into it.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

 

Why Would She Chase You?

The current status quo of the relationship has made her the object of desire and not you. In order to get a girl to chase, you must be the prize, you must be the desirable man. We allow this to happen by our obsession on the physical appearance and our sexual thirstiness…we tend to have no control over our sexual desire as men. When you lose control of your desire, the power of the relationship is shifted to her, as sex is her weapon of control.

Think about it:

  • She’s had you already
  • You still want her
  • Other guys want her
  • Few girls (maybe) want you

What exactly are you offering in this situation, that she cannot easily obtain whenever she wants?

This state of affairs is considered normal because that’s most of the relationships that we see around us. It’s almost a spectacle to us men, when we see a guy who has a bunch of women around him, and gives zero fucks about losing them. I wrote a whole book on this subject, of my own personal shift and how to cultivate becoming the desirable man, after many years of going through the same type of thing with girls. Getting girls attention, dating them, and then ultimately losing them because I didn’t have the requisite skill/lifestyle to keep them coming back for more and more.

Understand that, she already liked you, but after dating you she’s now tired of your whole vibe. You currently aren’t in a position to be chased because there isn’t anything inherently appealing about such a proposition for her. She has been deemed the desirable one in the current arrangement by your actions, this includes: texting her too much, trying too hard to get back with her, acting jealous, making her the most important thing in your life (still…after a breakup), and all the other desperate guy seeking behavior.

If you want the situation to be flipped, you cannot continue the same pattern of behavior, this is the first step in getting a girl to chase.

Perception of Value

Human interaction is based solely on our perceptions. In terms of the interactions between male and female, her response towards you, is based on how she perceives you in any given moment. Things are always different from moment to moment, it is just that our perception of time and the changes that occur down to a microscopic level are limited. This causes us to view ourselves as static beings most of the time. We get narratives in our heads from our own thoughts or external influences which tell us that we are shy, nerdy, not good enough, etc. None of these are static conditions of life but our thought patterns make them seem to be. The more we identify with these conditioned thoughts, the more they become our perceived reality.

A man’s perceived value at any given time is malleable to some extent, with the greater amount of time, having the most profound effects on it. This is why, you can get rejected by a hot girl in high school, and a few years later have her thinking you are extremely hot…due to whatever positive alterations you made to effect external perceptions about you. It could be the way you walk, talk, look, or whatever. Value, is a very fluid thing for men. We can boost our perceived value because it is based more on a totality of who we are as a man versus women who are greatly confined by their physical attractiveness.

This perception of value is why some guys have multiple women at all times while others are forever alone.

As an example, let’s imagine that there are two guys, Guy #1 and Guy #2. Four women have both of these men as their dating options…let’s see what these guys are all about.

Guy #1: Good looking, successful, educated, carries himself with confidence, social, socially connected, has many options to date.

Guy #2: Not great looking, out of shape, lives with his mom, has zero social skills, and dates his left hand (and occasionally switches to righty)

Each woman gets to choose one of the two men independently of the decisions made by the other women. Which guy will they all choose (outside of one having a fetish for scrubs)? Obviously, Guy #1, as his perceived value is much higher. Not only that, these women will prefer to share that first guy over Guy #2, because of this value gap.

Some kind of acceptance is made by the women, who intuitively know that Guy #1 has other women around, BUT since they have no interaction with the other women they are willing to date him also. It’s sort of an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ phenomenon, where since the girls don’t directly know about one another, they will gladly share him. Now, this arrangement might not be tenable for the long run, but even when the women leave Guy #1, Guy #2 will still be home alone.

That’s the level that many guys can find themselves at…chicks would rather be the side piece for an ‘attractive man’ versus being the steady girlfriend/wife of the guy with seemingly few redeeming qualities.

Now, in order to get an ex-girlfriend to be interested in you enough to chase, your perceived value needs to be raised in her eyes. This usually requires that your value be raised in the eyes of lots of other women too. Raising your value, so to speak, can be a long-term process for lots of guys…which is why it’s mostly a good idea to just move on from your ex. However, some guys, already have the social skills to make things happen and in that case it makes sense to back off from communication with your ex-girlfriend and go full on into creating a bad ass lifestyle, that would perhaps make her reconsider.

Let’s explore some ways to alter the perception the external world has of you (your ex-girlfriend in particular) and how this flips the script to make you seem really desirable.

Downgrade Her Credit Rating with You

I’m taking a financial concept and applying it here. As your girlfriend, she was AAA rated…meaning, she had complete access to you and your life whenever she wanted, on very good terms. That is the benefit of being your girlfriend. Now, that the two of you are no longer together, her credit rating gets docked significantly. She gets treated like every other girl and the full access is over with.

What this means in practical terms is that you pay very little attention to her and you aren’t in communication with her, unless she reaches out to you first. Even then, keep it as bare bones as possible. Don’t be mean or bring up old relationship baggage but be cordial and non-needy.

The reason why this is such a crucial element to getting a girl to chase you, is that, both trying to bombard her with texts and being always available is chasing behavior. You cannot be chased if you are the one chasing.

If the relationship is over, you no longer have the responsibility to treat her as your girlfriend. She doesn’t get the special treatment because the verbal agreement of ‘being together’ is now null and void. She has to get in line for your time, just like anyone else would.

 

Bring in the New Recruits

There is this weird concept of ‘winning’ a breakup that is going around and women especially seem to really buy into this notion. It’s basically the idea that one side is doing better than the other in the aftermath of a doomed relationship, making it into some kind of competition, instead of just remembering the good times together and moving forward. You shouldn’t give a flying fuck about ‘winning’ a break up but you should recognize that women will always compare who comes after them and tend to notice when their ex-boyfriends have a ton of options.

So, this is one of the reasons I’m hesitant to suggest that guys attempt to make their ex’s start to chase them. Many guys simply don’t have the necessary skills at this point in their development to bring in new women quickly when they have a break up. It kind of makes it hard to get someone to really want you, if nobody else seems all that interested. It’s supply and demand in action. Always know that there is no guarantee a girl will come back to you. However, you should still take your new found freedom, as an opportunity to improve your life in every facet.

The absolutely quickest way to meet lots of women in a short amount of time is through an app like Tinder. You can also leverage the new Tinder Social feature to hang out with groups of people and seriously ramp up the amount of contacts, friends, and ladies you have available. If you’re decent at utilizing this app, you can turn it into two dates per week easily. The two best dates, that I have found, are either inviting the girl along when you’re already going out with your friends to a bar (even better if she brings friends too) or having a designated bar close to where you live in which you go meet her for drinks. The first option is great because it builds comfort and she gets to see you interacting with others. The second is great because it takes less of your time, you already know what to order to save money, and since you’re close by your house it is easy to get her to come over afterwards.

Now, I’m not going to get into a step by step breakdown of how to pick up girls or how to have a successful date, as it is beyond the scope of this post. However, in order to have any girl chase you, there must be other girls who want to chase you as well. Having lots of women around acts as sort of a multiplier effect, which brings even more women, and things just grow from there. Exes always notice who it is you’re dating after them and if you suddenly have lots of girls buzzing around, the idea that she may have made a mistake could take hold (again, this is why I don’t like trying to make an ex chase, it’s way too involvement to waste on one girl).

 

Get Social

Beyond just having more girls around, building an active social life is also important. Most girls don’t want to be with a complete loner and having lots of options socially at the very least creates the illusion of having a lot going for you. You can join groups, play sports, and do whatever else it takes to meet and hang out with new people. Think about it, if your ex girlfriend suddenly saw a bunch of social photos or commitments of you on her Facebook timeline, would she realize that perhaps you aren’t wallowing and spending your time thinking about her? If others want to spend so much time with you, doesn’t that make you inherently more attractive?

 

Get Physical

The easiest change to make in one’s life is a change to the body. Getting in shape is like improving your resume with women, it may not always get you the job, but it will usually get you an interview opportunity. Some guys may not need this aspect, however, if you could drop 20-30 in the next 4-6 months and get into fantastic shape, it can make an immense difference to how all girls respond towards you (including an ex). This was a huge part of my own life, putting on muscle and dropping fat, got me soooo many more girls than I had before. Add that, to good social skills and a cool life, and you’ve got an attractive recipe.

 

Get Your Life Together

OK, beyond just getting girls, friends, and getting into shape…get your life together! Your ex-girl probably had long-term plans for you at one point in time, right? Meaning, she possibly could have seen herself marrying you or something along those lines. Why would any woman, go for a guy who doesn’t have much going on for himself? This includes education, career opportunities, starting your own business, or just following through on all the dreams/promises that you made to yourself or her. Even if she never comes back, do yourself the favor off getting things on track to where YOU want to go with your life.

 

Putting this All Together

A girl will only chase you if you and your life situation are appealing to her. An ex will only chase you, if she is returning to something that is different and much better than when she left. It has to be a better deal than the previous relationship, that was obviously broken. What this means for a man is that your entire life situation must be improved upon to the degree that it’s obvious to any woman that she is entering a good situation for herself. She won’t chase you if everything is the same…that relationship is a known quantity to her and it wouldn’t make sense to just go back to it. However, this can take a long while to transform one’s life on such a scale and by the time it happens you may not even want her back.

 

What’s the first move?

Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.

Think about it:

  • They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
  • That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
  • You can craft the right message to them.
  • It’s a private and personal way of communication.

Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:

Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.

Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.

Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:

“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.

“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! :D Thank you Michael !!!

“Hi Mike. Good program. The 30 days of no contact was crucial – helped work through myself, thoughts and feelings and work on my physical side – mind body and spirit. The “I like myself” exercise is extremely insightful as it reminds ourselves of who we are. My ex and I are giving at another go – small steps but all great journeys start with small steps. Talk was the game opener – being in our 50’s we did more talking face to face than texting but adapted some of the principles in this program. Thanks for helping me find myself first so I could have the opportunity to find my ex.”- Paul

If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee:

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Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

My Ex-Girlfriend Blocked Me on Facebook

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So, you’re ex-girlfriend has blocked you on Facebook, eh? That sounds so odd, to someone like me, who was on Facebook way back when it was only available for students at certain universities and it was still some weird thing which you added ‘friends’ to and had a ‘wall’ for posting messages. So, I guess nowadays being blocked on a social media platform is a big deal, especially when that person happens to be your old girlfriend. OK then, I suppose we will have to approach this issue on several fronts and get down to the nitty gritty of you particular situation. I’m going to try to generalize this post to fit the array of social media apps, sites, and whatnot…so this will apply to whether or not you’ve been blocked on AOL Instant Messenger (that’s still around, right?) or Snapchat (I have no idea what this is) or Instagram (yay half naked models!) or the experience known as Facebook. Let’s get started.

 

Determine if this is a Big Deal

I generally like to take a different approach to breakups, in that, I generally believe them to be useful and that it really isn’t a great idea for most people to get back together. Why is this? Losing a relationship puts people in a intensely emotional head space, which can allow them to make bad decisions in the face of overwhelming evidence that it is a bad decision (like getting back together with your ex-girl).

As such, I must first ask, is it a big deal that she blocked you on Facebook? Why does this upset you? Is this the first sign that you should start moving forward with life? Yes, it does hurt to lose a relationship and especially when they cut off communication avenues but this is often for the best in our lives. It’s hard to see how things will eventually be better when you are currently in the thick of things, however, accepting and surrendering to change in our lives is a part of being human.

Perhaps, her blocking the lines of communication with you will be a greater catalyst for you to change the course of your life, then if you still had the capability to reach out to her on a daily basis…which only serves to keep the mental feedback loop going. You send her a message, she responds, you get pleasant feelings that reinforce your current mental addiction to the remains of this relationship.

Also, there remains the fact that social media is pretty stupid and unimportant in a variety of ways. It often causes more problems in relationships including jealousy and snooping around in other folks business, then it does bring them together. Don’t allow yourself to wrap up your identity in what occurs in social media, as it is ultimately a phantom reality.

 

Why Did She Block You?

Women can block you for a multitude of specific reasons, however, it basically boils down to a short term and long term. She may block you in the short term because she is upset with you about something, hurt about the end of the relationship, or she just wants time away from you. From the long term perspective, she wants to live her life and move forward without your influence interfering.

I always think that the best course of action is to plan for the long-term (meaning, the relationship is permanently over) possibility. Taking the steps to move forward with your life, is always the best idea because it allows for growth and change to occur, which ultimately benefit you. You are always the most important aspect of your life, women will come and go, but you are the one constant. So, learn to be happy with yourself.

 

How Did She Block You?

Did she only block you on Facebook, Instagram, or WhatsApp? Or was it an across the board, every line of communication has been severed? The former can bode well for the possibility of getting back together later, while the latter points to the relationship being completely over for the foreseeable future.

Well, if she hasn’t cut you off across the board, her blocking you on Facebook isn’t a big deal. Like, you could still communicate with her if need be, but this is probably a good time to lay off the communication. You should give her space and give yourself time to further heal the emotional pain, without her being in your life. Time can often reveal the correct course of action to take for your particular situation, you just have to be willing to allow time to pass without doing anything to try and ‘fix’ the broken relationship.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

 

If she has blocked you across the board. There really isn’t anything that can be done in the immediate term. This is a situation which you must wait out and see if there is any change of heart from her side. If you did something like cheat on her, then she’s probably really hurt and may never want to speak to you again. She might forgive eventually but she’ll need plenty of time apart. She also might just want to experience her life without you and just wants to get on with creating a new life for herself. This is something you should also be doing.

How do you handle getting blocked on Facebook? The answer is to do nothing. Yes, everyone is looking for advice on the best action to take in whatever situation they are in BUT sometimes doing absolutely nothing but waiting it out is the only option available. Doing nothing in regards to trying to make communication between the two of you happen. This doesn’t mean that one sits around twiddling his thumbs, it just means to leave her alone for right now, and see if the intense emotions die down a bit. It’s really all you can do in a situation where you cannot communicate with her at all.

So, do this:

  • Treat the relationship as if it is completely over
  • Deal with emotional baggage and loneliness
  • Find new hobbies, opportunities, friends, dates, etc. to help spark positive change in your life
  • If the lines of communication do open up eventually, reevaluate if you still even want to try to fix this relationship.

 

Listen, the waiting game can absolutely suck, especially if you let emotions dictate your life and don’t deal with them or let these feelings heal. The brain will tell us to try this or that to try and ‘fix’ the relationship, even when it cannot be fixed, or there is no clear path to take. Letting the situation be as it is, absolutely does work as it is supposed to.

She may move on with her life or she may change her mind in a few months and want to work things out. That is not up to you to decide nor is it something that you can even control. Accept that you cannot control her actions or what she feels. You can however, control your own actions and how you approach your life moving forward. I’ve had girls I’ve dated, break up with me, and then reach out to me months later for us to: talk, hang out, get back together, etc. It’s funny though, once that had occurred, I had no interest in them any longer because I wasn’t the same person as I had been. Don’t get stuck in the BS and keep growing as a person, regardless of who might like you or want to be in a relationship with you at the moment.

All in all, getting blocked on social media is just another aspect of dating one must apparently deal with in this modern technological world. There’s nothing inherently different about being cut off on Facebook, even if you could still send her a message, there is no guarantee that she would respond or have a positive response towards you if she did write back. This is one of the opportunities in life in which you must learn to let go and not try to control the outcome because you can’t. You can wait it out, improve you life, and maybe the two of you can work things out at a later date.

 

 

Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

My Ex-Girlfriend is Now Dating my Friend

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Human relationships can be tricky. This is especially the case when several of your relationship start to overlap with one another, in a seemingly negative way. One such instance, could be when an ex-girlfriend starts suddenly dating one of your close friends or even acquaintances. Then you are not only dealing with her moving on from you but also potentially seeing your best friend. This type of situation is actually somewhat common and it can sting quite a bit and feel like a complete betrayal by those who were once very close to you. How does a man handle an ex-girlfriend starting over in such a way?

 

Deal with the Emotions First

The first thing to do, is to be able to get your emotions in check if they are currently out of control. This doesn’t mean that you can’t feel bad but you cannot let them dictate your actions either. Yes, it hurts but turning everything into a victim narrative isn’t going to help anything really. Face the facts, that she is not only seeing someone else, but she is also seeing someone who you are friends with…

Notice what type of emotions rise up when you think about it. Now, get to the roots of these feelings by asking some probing questions such as…

Why does this bother me?

Does this bother me more than if it were some random guy?

Is my ultimate happiness dependent on these two people? Don’t I dictate my happiness?

Am I doomed to loneliness now?

Aren’t there 4 billion other females on this planet, can’t I get another great one?

Am I less of a man because of this? No, how did this diminish me?

Could I be grateful for the time that I’ve spent with both people?

Can I forgive them both and eventually be happy for them?

Keep asking questions that take apart the negative narrative you currently have in your head about this situation. With time and a fresh perspective, the pain will lessen and you can not only move on but indeed feel some sort of happiness or at least ambivalence to her now dating your best friend.

It is understandable to feel betrayed when an unspoken ‘rule’ was violated by one of your friends and that your old girlfriend is now into him more than you. The status quo has been shaken up and change such as this can be confusing, scary, or just something that pisses you off. Take the time to get your emotional house in order and emerge from this stronger and have more mental clarity.

Need more help? Click here to receive two free reports: “3 Toxic Texts You Should NEVER Send Your EX” and a mapped plan of the “Text Your Ex Back” process.

 

Decide What Your Relationship Towards Them Will Be

Now, I would take some time away from either one of them, at least as much as possible. If they cut you off already, then so much the better. Don’t be afraid to go completely no contact with the both of them, in order to get your head straight and cope with this change.

With enough time, you need to decide if you will continue to be friends with them or to no longer have any contact with them ever again. Neither one is a bad option if that is what you want, just don’t carry baggage about it and be bitter. If you’re going to still be close with them, then be so. If not, let them go and live your separate lives. Holding a grudge is only going to serve to continually drag up old emotions and things cannot move forward amicably at that point.

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Get Your Own Life Back on Track

She’s moved on. Now, you must do the same completely. You cannot have one foot in the door hoping that she will come back or worrying about their new relationship…you must carry on in a new direction.

This means:

  • dating
  • new business opportunities
  • personal development
  • traveling
  • meeting new friends
  • new career path

Whatever it is you feel like you should start doing, take advantage of your new found freedom. After all, being single ain’t so bad. Actually, it can be a lot of fun and a great growth opportunity, now that you’re no longer stuck in the rut of a long term relationship. Perspective dictates one’s response to a situation…

“I can’t believe she is seeing someone else” becomes “Thank you, sweetie. I’ve been wanting to sleep with other girls for the longest time and now I can”

Don’t give up on things, don’t obsess over this. Allow yourself to feel negatively about it for a time and then let these feelings go. You have a whole life to life outside of the confines of previous relationships and things don’t stop moving forward just because things aren’t the same as they were in the past (hint: they never stay the same).