A very major and often times visceral concern, that many women have before and wile initiating a period of No Contact with their ex-boyfriend; is that, he will somehow forget that she exists and simply move on with his life.
The wheels in our brains start turning rapidly, after a breakup and we try and figure out every conceivable angle, in order to try and fix the broken relationship.
Perhaps, begging will bring him back into the fold. Why are we not talking to him, if we want him to come back to us?
Part of the recovery period and ultimately attempting, to get back together with someone; is about letting go of the idea that you can control the situation.
Or that, you can control another person’s actions, simply by taking the correct action yourself.
Sometimes, doing nothing for a period of time and learning to accept the possibility that it is over for good is the best course of action to take.
This isn’t to say that one cannot get back an ex-boyfriend, just that the notion that you always need to be doing something or talking to him, can lead to pushing him further away.
The Old Order is Finished
Once a breakup has occurred, the old relationship is over. Anything that arises out of the ashes of the former arrangement is essentially a new thing.
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The ties that had bound together the first incarnation of the relationship had become so strained that the entire thing collapsed.
Now, maybe it’s only a few key issues that need to be rebuilt and changed in order to have a good and functional relationship BUT fundamentally the relationship cannot be the same moving forward.
Even within the confines of a relationship, peoples needs and desires will begin to shift over time. What he once wanted, he may no longer want. The attraction that was once very strong may have evaporated.
One of the key steps to getting your ex back and having a functional relationship thereafter, is the ability to accept the real possibility that the relationship is indeed over for good. It can be a very positive and growth oriented experience, being alone for the first time in a long time.
A main reason to follow the No Contact Rule post-breakup is that it allows both parties to have a time separate from one another. This is where healing takes place and clarity about what you actually want with your life (with or without the ex) can come to light.
When emotions are running high, right after a break up, it always feels like you want him to come back. However, with some time spent apart, you may realize that those were simply false emotions.
We tend to idealize the past, and forget about the negatives a relationship brought, once the relationship has finished. As our feelings our so powerful at this stage, we don’t think about what was so fundamentally broken about the relationship, just that we want it back.
What’s interesting, is that many times when we give ourselves a period to recover from the harsh emotions, it becomes clear we don’t want the ex to come back. We learn to be more comfortable by ourselves and recognize, that it wasn’t as great of a fit, as we had idealized.
Will He Forget Me After No Contact?
Perhaps. He won’t forget that you exist. However, he may have decided that he wants to take his life into a new direction.
Again, that’s his prerogative and why one needs to let go of the idea of being able to control people, no matter how close they once were to you.
It all depends on the unique variables of your relationship, what you want, and what he wants.
If after a period of No Contact, you still want to reconcile with him, then give it an honest try. If it fails, accept it and move on…we can’t always have everything we want.
With time, you’ll have new experiences and desires and it will heal. On the flip side, if you come to the conclusion that you don’t wish to get back together, then be sure not to rush into another relationship solely for comfort.
Rather, figure out what you want to do with your life and what it exactly is that you want from relationships moving forward.
The odds of getting back together with someone are varied based on your own situation. Sometimes, it seems doubtful that things can be worked out but with the right method and forms of communication, the couple is reconciled and free to start anew.
I’ve had it both ways, where some exes, simply stop talking to me and moved on with their lives. Others, would pop up out of the blue, years after we had broken up. I guess trying to entice me, to get back together with them…I passed on each of them.
What are Some Things that Can Impact Being Forgotten?
There are certain behaviors, which break the spell, so to speak. Meaning, an ex may not have been trying to forget, but they got pushed that way.
For instance, that endless begging, and desperate behavior. These things can really be a turn off and have people questioning why they ever dated someone in the first place.
This also extends to name calling, general meanness, or pettiness after the break up. At some point, no one wants to deal with that type of thing, and just makes the decision to move on completely.
It’s weird how people let their emotions, take them in this negative direction with an ex. Then later, they want to get back together with them. Putting themselves in a terrible position, to try from.
What’s the first move?
Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.
Think about it:
- They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
- That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
- You can craft the right message to them.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.