There are times after a break up, when one still feels as though, they want their ex-boyfriend back. They want him to realize how special the relationship was. They no longer want to be alone. However, it also feels as if there is little hope of getting back together and doing so is not only a daunting task, it seems utterly impossible to pull off.
What can one do in such a situation? The hopelessness of not being able to get an ex back is a powerful emotion but is it actually real? Are the odds really that bad?
In this post, I want to write a bit about how to approach these seemingly impossible situations and explore how one can try to go about reconciling with an old boyfriend. Understand going into it, that nothing is ever guaranteed, so prepare for a more likely outcome.
Why do you want him back?
The first question I would ask about anyone’s given situation, is why exactly, do you still want him back? Especially when, it seems like such a long shot.
It’s certainly understandable on an emotional level, as to why one would still crave for their ex-boyfriend, to come back into their lives. After all, love can be like a drug addiction that is tough to shake, and the aftermath can make life not feel quite the same.
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However, long-term longing for reconciliation can also be a sign; that one has not moved forward or is in a stagnant position in their lives.
The longing for an ex can mask general dissatisfaction with how things are going in life and give us something to work towards, even when it isn’t the best choice for us.
Instead of accepting the change in our lives and learning what we actually want from our life, we chase what we used to have. This can be true, even when getting back together with our old love would be a disaster.
We still feel as though we want it, even though, we logically understand that it would go poorly.
Think deeply about why you actually want to get back together and what it would mean in reality. If the relationship ended, it was broken in some way, and perhaps really major ways.
In the past, I’ve had some breakups in which I desperately wanted my ex-girlfriend back. Like, a visceral feeling of hurt which I felt, that only she could solve by coming back into the fold.
However, it was ultimately an illusion. I was really unhappy with myself and the way things were panning out.
My ex-girlfriends’ leaving was just a wake up call to problems that I didn’t want to face or even recognize existed, sort of like having a band-aid ripped off. I could no longer hide from life in the safe confines of my relationships, and as such, had to come to terms alone.
This is one of the reasons that I recommend a period of healing and no contact. It helps with gaining mental clarity about what you actually want deep down and not simply what you think will make you feel better in the moment.
It isn’t always a good idea to restart a relationship and we cannot fully make that judgment until we are far enough away from the wreckage of the break up.
Often times, one can arrive at the truth that they really don’t want to get back together with their ex-boyfriend.
That, they were romanticizing the relationship and ignoring all of the bad parts that came with it. That, their boyfriend really wasn’t all that great of a match to begin with.
Dig deep and discover what you truly want before even attempting to reconcile things with him. You have the time, to think things through, and make a solid decision about which way to go with this.
Why is the situation hopeless?
So, why exactly does this break up seem impossible to fix? What happened in the relationship that was so bad that it cannot be redeemed?
One should work on determining roughly what the odds are that he will actually consider fixing the relationship. Look for some of the obvious signs that he could come back, under the right circumstances. If none exist, then it would point to the unlikely event of getting back together.
What are some other indicators that lower the likelihood of fixing the broken relationship?
- Cheating- especially if you were the culprit
- Is he dating other girls? Especially if it seems serious with one in particular
- There are other huge problems that stem from the relationship
- He has shown no real interest in doing anything but moving on
Now, there are times when the situation seems hopeless but can be remedied. Then, there are other times when it actually seems like the odds are in your favor but things still don’t work out.
We are dealing with complex variables specific to you particular relationship and his current feelings and desires, which may no longer align with being together.
Take an inventory of pros and cons to help determine if the situation really is impossible or if there does appear to be some light at the end of the tunnel.
Accept the most likely outcome
OK. Once one has determined that they do indeed still want their ex back and have come to terms with the probabilities…there needs to be an acceptance of the most likely outcome.
Meaning, one should begin to live their lives (preparing mentally and plotting a way forward) as if he is never getting back together with them.
Yep, there is no guarantee that a relationship can be fixed. Because of this, learning to accept that the relationship is over, is a solid first step to take.
Regardless if it works or not, one would still be prepared and not simply left out in the cold with no clue as to what to do next.
This doesn’t mean that one has to give up pursuing reconciliation. It simply means, that there is no delusion about the fact that the odds might not be so great.
This means true acceptance and ultimately letting go if things aren’t turning around or heading in the way you wanted.
It also means that, if you realize at any point that getting back with your ex-boyfriend isn’t the right move, you stop the pursuit even when it leaves you single for a period of time.
What’s the first move?
When trying to rekindle a broken relationship, contact must be re-established at some point, so things can be built again. In the past, it was more difficult to get a hold of someone and actually get them to pay attention. Now with technology, a simple text message can go a long way to breaking down the barriers in communication.
Think about it:
- They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
- That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
- You can craft the right message to them.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication.
- It’s way less intrusive, so, less chance of an outright rejection or ignore.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Towards the top of the page, there was a link to get two free PDFs, on an overall strategy and things one should not text their ex. Pretty useful to have, when trying to get back together. Both of these are a sample look at Michael Fiore’s program, “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.
Here is what some of Text Your Ex Back’s users had to say about their success with the program:
“Not only did this program change my relationship with what i feel is the most incredible and unique girl i have met so far in my life, but you actually helped me change my life for the better. Ever thought this could be a life changing event for someone? Not to mention how inexpensive and how user friendly the program is, no amount of money or words could express how truly grateful i am for what you have done for me as a man. And for that i would just like to say…Thank You!”- Matthew R.
“My ex was almost begging me to take him back” I love your program ! It’s so much worth it !! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost begging me to take him back !!! Just as you said it !! Thank you Michael !!!
If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee: