It isn’t enough for you to want somebody back after a breakup, they have to want to come back. Getting someone to want to do something, especially an ex-girlfriend, is no small order. She currently might not like you, might not be talking to you, or frankly thinks that you are now boring or a waste of her time. Before we delve into some tactics that can perhaps change her mind about you, I just want to again reiterate that some relationships are really over, no matter what one tries to do in order to save or restart them. It’s just one of those things we have to deal with in life that isn’t pleasant to accept.
Stop with the Contact for a Time, If You’re Still Talking
In a lot of these situations, the girl is doing the favor for us, by not texting/calling/talking, which creates that distinct separation from one another.
The problem is, that guys don’t take the hint, and try to convince his way back into her good graces. The beg, plead, manipulate, and even insult their ex-girlfriends in some desperate attempt to win her back.
We think that we are helping matter by providing our case, but that’s not what is actually going on. I remember when I was young, trying to get ex-girlfriends back this way, and it never worked. Not once.
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You’re trying to negotiate from a position of weakness. There’s nothing really to offer her, at this time, that would appeal to her. She’s had that relationship and it didn’t fulfill some need(s).
What is interesting, is that with one girlfriend in particular who dumped me, was when I stopped trying and flipped things around…she started wanting me.
So, she broke up with me. I panicked trying to get her back. Then, I began ignoring her. She would still occasionally try to come over for sex, because she felt lonely, and I turned her down each time. This drove her nuts. I started seeing other women and improving my life. This made her question her decision to dump me and she began making suggestions that we hang out and fix things. By that time, I was over her, and moved on.
Now, this isn’t how it always plays out, and there are different variations in which the guy will have to reach out for first contact. However, I’ve never had reconciliation become an option, by coming from a position of weakness (begging and texting all of the time).
Cutting off communication can be absolutely crucial, as it promotes absence (which makes the heart grow fonder), and allows for healing and mental clarity to begin.
Of course, there are certain situations in which communication is still necessary, like if you have kids with this woman. However, in those situations, keep things cordial but all about the necessary communication. For example, what time the kids need to be picked up, and not about ‘us and our relationship’.
I See No Changes
When a relationship ends, the one thing that seems like a bad idea to me is staying exactly the same. Not only does not improving yourself make it more difficult to move on from the breakup, it also makes it harder to get your ex’s attention back.
Think about it, why would she start paying attention to you again, if you are exactly the same when she left or like in many cases, getting worse?
Now, making positive changes in your life is not only about getting your ex-girlfriend back, it is also about making your life what you want it to be and to be able to attract other potential women in the future.
The broken relationship is a known quantity. She knows what to expect and the reasons why it ultimately failed. If there is nothing that has changed, propping things up as being a ‘new’ start, isn’t going to stop the relationship from collapsing once again.
Essentially, one has to create a better life and self, that stimulates the desire to want to buy back in. It’s not always a quick process, but it can be super effective. Once some time apart has passed, serious changes are made, then we can re-establish contact with an ex and build a new relationship.
These changes can take many forms, but I first want to focus on a few basic ones, that are easiest to implement.
The physical component of a relationship is a huge factor in making attraction work. This is an easy place to start because physical appearance is the first thing that we notice about people.
The amount of muscle, fat, hair, style of clothes, and more…all have a huge effect on how someone gets treated. Don’t believe me? Take a look at how people react to a homeless man versus a handsome and well-groomed man in a suit. It’s like night and day.
Women are just as attracted to physical traits, as men are. People who claim otherwise are generally full of it. I’ve known countless women to say something to the effect of, ‘being a sucker for’ or ‘drooling’ when they see a man with well-developed abs.
If you are a guy who is currently overweight, taking the necessary steps to get into great shape can indeed grab attention from you ex as well as other girls.
When I started lifting weights and shredding fat, the amount of new attention that I received from women was ridiculous. It’s kind of jarring at first, when there’s just a surge in women, who flirt with you when you go out. Not because there’s anything inherently different about you, other than body composition.
Also, because it gives you another thing to focus your attention on, I have found that it can help alleviate some of the loneliness that is felt after a girl leaves.
It doesn’t just have to be about getting into shape (if you already are really fit), you can also change a million other things about your physical appearance (and you may not have to at all, you handsome bastard :D) but doing so is the most obvious and can honestly have a profound impact for some guys.
Another aspect of improvement in the post-breakup period should consist of mental and emotional growth as a person. This type of change isn’t quite as apparent as the physical, however, it can many times address the underlying problems that your girlfriend had with you.
Were you prone to anger? Jealous? Emotionally distant? Didn’t give her enough romantic attention?
Obviously, there were reasons for the failure of the relationship, and your time apart from her is the perfect time to consider your part in its demise. In long-term relationships, people can easily grow apart from one another and if it continues unchecked, then a breakup is very likely to happen.
If she dumped you, then you must consider the why behind that decision, even if it isn’t comfortable for you to do so. Try to take your emotions out of it, and think rationally, about why she no longer wanted to be with you.
Many times, it isn’t as a complex of a problem as it might seem at first. For instance, if she wanted to start seeing other guys (or is already), she may have grown tired about your lack of attention towards her or fulfilling her emotional needs or yes, even failing to meet her sexual desires.
These issues can manifest themselves in numerous ways but they all usually boil down to something basic that you failed to deliver in the relationship.
It always helps to pay attention to what women don’t say directly, paying attention to her body language and what she hints at while you’re together, will often provide huge warning signs that something is amiss in the relationship.
When these sorts of emotions start to pop up in her mind, it is going to be an issue for the two of you being together at some point, if the problems aren’t remedied.
She may just want a clean break from you, or she may go on to another man ,who will provide what she is lacking in her life.
Either way, when she initiates a break up, it boils down to something that you did or something that you didn’t do, most of the time.
Identifying what you can fix or improve on is the first step towards trying to reconcile at a later time. If you did something to violate her trust (like cheating), then it is going to be a much more difficult road to haul than perhaps something like not giving her enough attention or not appreciating her enough.
You need to figure out what these problems were during the period of no contact, after the breakup…this allows you to get multiple things at once done: get yourself together, give her space, make changes, let her imagination wonder about how you’re handling things, doesn’t allow you to come off as desperate and needy by over-texting, begging, and calling her constantly, etc.
There’ no guarantee that you can get back a girl 100% of the time. There’s too many variables that are outside of our control, which can complicate things, and cause the relationship to be over for good.
As such, it is important to take the time after a relationship to improve yourself and life, but not just in hopes to get back the girl. It is a move that should be implemented no matter what the ultimate outcome is, so that, we can move ahead with ease and enjoyment.
Whether or not, we are dating a certain woman, doesn’t mean that our lives have to stop progressing. When a serious relationship ends, it always feels like the end of the world, but it really is just a shake up of our perceived normalcy. We grew accustomed to that routine, so shaking that addiction to it can be tough.
Beyond just improving my looks and getting myself in a good mental space, I would always strive to improve my social life and recommit to my overall life goals and passions. Whether or not she wanted to be apart of my life, there are certain things that don’t involve her, and are solely for me.
The thing is, making these changes also serves to make me more attractive, which is why certain girls came back around to fix things. So what does this entail?
For me, when I became emotionally ready, I would start doing new social activities, try to make new friends, and even dating other women.
Dating other women wasn’t always something that I pursued, but when I knew my ex was seeing other guys (or suspected it), then I would definitely put myself back on the market. When my exes saw me with other women or found out somehow that I was dating, it would almost inevitably spark some jealousy or interest in what I was doing.
If other women wanted me, it was like a sort of signal, that the ex had missed something about me. It depends on the situation, but seeing women casually, can definitely help with clarity about what you want with your life moving forward.
I will usually just fire up the old online dating apps and get some quick dates under my belt, to help me see that there are indeed other options out there. I know, that not every guy is good at this sort of thing, so I wrote two Kindle ebooks on attracting women: Game without Games: Attraction Through Personal Growth and Online Dating Guide for Men.
While doing that, I decide what path I’m going to chart for myself and my future. Do I need to shake up my current situation? Do I need to buckle down on one of my business opportunities or create new website ideas? What can I do to improve the enjoyment that I get from my life, without her?
After a period of no contact….about 30-60 days or so…you should have figured out what the issues were and have an idea as to how you can improve yourself and fix your end of the relationship. Of course, there is still no guarantee that if you change, she will come running back to you. She may, in fact, want to move on with her life and you need to ultimately respect those wishes and get on with your own as well.
If they do not contact you first, after a month or more apart from each other with no contact and you working on yourself, then it may be time to consider opening a dialogue with them. When you get to this point, however, you must be absolutely certain that you do indeed want them back and are accepting of the fact that there is no guarantee that they will get back together with you.
You need to have better reasons to get back together with someone, other than simply, missing them or being hurt without them. That’s just missing an addiction and not the foundation of a healthy relationship. Do the pros of being together with this person really outweigh the cons enough to invest that kind of time and energy into trying to make it work? There are plenty of people out there who are good fits for each other but those who are truly great fits are few and far between. Be honest with yourself about what you want and who this person truly is.
Obviously, in order to attempt to re-start a relationship, contact has to be reestablished with your ex. With all of the technology we have at our disposal today, perhaps, text messaging is the most logical choice to reach out to an ex once again.
Think about it:
- They don’t have to agree to meet you face to face right away.
- That message can sit on their phone until they are ready to respond. More time equals a greater chance.
- You can craft the right message to them.
- It’s a private and personal way of communication.
Here is relationship expert Michael Fiore. explaining texts as a form of communication for relationships:
Hopefully, you took the opportunity to download the two free reports towards the top of the post, that help to lay out some of the dos and don’ts of texting your ex. Both of which were written by Mr. Fiore as an introduction to his “Text Your Ex Back”.
Text Your Ex Back is a full mp3 audio and ebook program which has helped thousands of people reignite things with their exes by following Michael Fiore’s advice. He has been on a number of shows including Rachel Ray’s to discuss his methods for romance.
If you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, please click the image below to watch a free video and try “Text Your Ex Back” with a full 60 day money back guarantee: