The break up happened and after some amount of time an idea will start to creep into one’s mind saying, “Can we get back together with him?” The hamster wheel begins spinning furiously, trying to figure out if the chances of getting an ex-boyfriend back are still good or if they are seemingly beyond any hope. When looking into this sort of thing, understand that there is no exact way to truly measure the odds of successfully fixing a broken relationship. There are too many variables at play in each person’s unique circumstance. However, there are certain signs which point more strongly to one direction versus the other. With that in mind, I thought that I’d go over some of the considerations that should be looked at, which can give an indication of how good one’s odds of getting an ex-boyfriend back are. Again, nothing is a 100% certainty but there are repetitive themes within human relationships that can improve or ruin these chances.
Who Started It?
Which person in the relationship, ended the relationship? If you did and are now beginning to regret the decision, your odds will be better in most cases. It is easier to get someone back after you break up with them, as they often weren’t expecting it, and probably didn’t want the relationship to be over. Now, that’s not always the case, especially if there was something about the break up that particularly devastated them.
If he was the one who initiated the break up, it’s a much tougher hill to climb because his motives for doing so will come into play. Maybe he wasn’t ready to be serious or wants to go in another direction with his life. Those sorts of things can completely throw off reconciliation plans and can be tough to navigate. Though, I believe that women usually have an exit strategy in place when they break up (in terms of having other guys available to them) than do men when the dump somebody.
If it was a mutual decision, then, it’s kind of muddy and could go either way with about equal odds. Again, it will all depend on the unique variables of your relationship.
What Did He Want?
One common cause of break ups is differing relationship goals. A person may not currently be on the same page as their partner in terms of what they want from their dating life. He may want to play the field, while you may want to be in a committed relationship, that has a path forward into the future.
There are also times when there is great confusion as to what he wants. He may like aspects of the relationship but may be feeling drawn elsewhere. Ultimately, if the man doesn’t feel that his ex-girlfriend fits into his plans, it is much more difficult to convince him otherwise.
There is also the reverse situation, where he wanted to be committed, and you were the one full of uncertainty. In this scenario, it is much easier to get back together, as you’d just have to be willing to get serious about things. However, I would still say that you’d really make sure that is what you actually want and not just string him along, while still wanting to live the life of a single woman.
His own internal inclinations as to what he wants from his life currently and from his dating life in particular, will go a long way to determining the odds of reconciliation.
What Were The Underlying Causes?
Some relationships merely need minor fixes in order to function well again. Others, are completely broken on a very fundamental level. Trust may be non-existent, fighting may be all too often, and the sight of the other person may be too much for one party to handle.
The causes of the break up can have a huge impact on the odds. For instance, if you were caught cheating or severely abusing his trust, then it is going to be remarkably hard to regain his trust to the level that it needs to be within a relationship. In most of those cases, the best decision is probably to move on, work out your personal issues, and give a go at a relationship with someone else down the line.
If it was something such as fighting or arguing all of the time. Ask yourself, how is this issue going to be solved if a new relationship is formed with one another? Things won’t just magically be better the second time around, the old relationship’s problems need to be addressed.
Are you seeing any one else now? Is he? How serious are either of your dating lives? Now, if the break up was really recent, this might not be an issue. However, if the break up occurred months ago, than it almost certainly is a factor.
The longer the time apart and the more the other person has started dating or being involved in exclusive types of relationships…the longer the odds will be that he will get back together. People tend to grow apart with time and the conditions that once made the relationship work out well are no longer there.
If he is still speaking with you, that obviously means that things aren’t so terrible between the two of you, as to make it an extraordinary effort to get back together. The more receptive he is, the better the odds. Now, there are cases such as having children together, that requires him to talk to you…that level of communication doesn’t entirely count in this aspect. Also, sometimes he still wants to remain friendly but has no interest in fixing the relationship.
If he is texting or talking to you a lot, especially when there doesn’t seem to be a real necessity for him to do so, the better the odds that things can be salvaged.
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There are plenty of other signs that will be unique to your relationship and the variables that are set within it. Keep in mind that while generally, the number of positive signs you identify for reconciliation will improve the odds of getting back together, there is still no guarantee that he can be one back. He is still an individual with his own desires, thoughts, and feelings…which means that he can take his life in whatever direction he chooses, with or without the former relationship intact.